Dominion of Blades

Book I

Matt Dinniman

Dandy House
Seattle

E - Edition

DOMINION OF BLADES © 2017 by Matt Dinniman

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law. Also, no hippos or polecats were harmed in the production of this book. The author may or may not have abused himself in various ways.

For permissions, please contact dinniman@gmail.com

Print Edition ISBN-13: 978-1544614212

Cover art © 2017 by COLLAGEORAMA, LLC

Book design & typesetting:

CollageOrama

www.collageorama.com

“You really shouldn't be here. This isn't safe for you.”

- GLaDOS

Table of Contents
Part One

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Part Two

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Part Three

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Epilogue

Part One

If you’re reading this, you’re fucked.

You’re fucked, you see, because I’m writing this longhand in a tavern called The Piglet’s Delight in the city of Harmony in the country of Aberdeen in a world that does not exist. This manuscript is never leaving this imaginary world, so if you are reading these words, that means you’re stuck here, too. Let me be the first to congratulate you. Welcome to Hell.

When I’m done writing out these memories of the past few weeks, I will carry these pages to the scriptorium guild, and I will pay them to make as many copies of this document as possible. They will take these copies to the bookbinders, and the bookbinders will take them to the messengers, and the messengers will get on their boats and take them to every pub they can find in this world. And when that pub owner looks at you and says, “I ain’t seen you before. I think you ought to read this,” he, she, or it will hand you a copy, and by the time you are done, you will know just how fucked you are.

Don’t come trying to find me before you finish. In fact, you’ll want to stay as far away from Harmony as possible. Trust me. We’ll get to that. Keep reading. You’ll see.

I imagine you have all sorts of questions, especially if you just got here. I know, it’s overwhelming. You might not have any memories. Don’t worry, they will come back in just a few days. Don’t move from where you are, sit down, and read this book. I need to give you the information in order, as I learned it.

But if you must move or travel before you finish, know these two things:

One. Do not trust anybody.

Two. This is not a game.

Chapter 1

I will start with my second birth.

Master Gold winked out of existence.

He’d been standing over Gretchen and me, lecturing us on the virtues of hard work. The tall man, with his sloped forehead and furry arms that seemed just a little too long, gave the appearance of an imbecile. But Master Gold was no fool. A blowhard, yes. But stupid? Hardly. The man was a master jeweler. Despite his hands being abnormally large, you could see an almost elegant slimness to his fingers and a deftness in the way he moved. Travelers came from across the sea to purchase his wares. At least that’s what they said, though I’d never seen anyone visit him. The man did nothing but pick oranges and complain about how things weren’t the way they used to be.

“When I was your age,” he’d been saying, his voice brittle, “a pair of young folks such as yourselves wouldn’t waste the day fishing. We’d be up at first light to tend the fields. The afternoon would be spent at the quarry. Night was for practicing your trade. That’s how a small village survives, you know. People have to learn to do more than one thing. Fishing was…” He paused mid-sentence. He staggered for a beat and looked upon us as if he’d forgotten who we were. “Fishing was...” His spotted, mostly-bald head shimmered in the afternoon brightness. His remaining wisps of gray hair waved in the breeze. He opened his mouth, as if to continue, looking at us wild-eyed like a trout on a line. Gretchen and I exchanged a look.

“Fishing was for old women?” I said. He gave the same speech every day.

Master Gold cocked his head to the side, dog-like, and then his entire body, robe and all, stuttered in and out of existence. He disappeared and reappeared. The basket he’d been holding landed upright on the dirt with a thump. It had slipped through his hands and arms that brief moment he blinked. I gasped and took a step back, my right foot landing in the cold water. And then, without a sound, he blinked again and did not come back. He was gone.

“What the hell?” Gretchen said.

I dropped my pole and ran up to where he’d been standing above us on the river bank. His basket remained, filled with the oranges he gathered every day. Of the old man, there was no sign.

“You saw that, right?” I asked, bewildered. “I’m not going crazy, am I? Did he die?”

“I don’t know,” Gretchen said, coming up beside me. “Jonah, did you see him flicker?”

I nodded. If he died, what had caused it? I’d seen people die plenty of times. I’d seen Master Gold killed a dozen or more. Usually one of the wolves from the north forest devoured him on his way home, or a hackbut blast to the face took him during the Sunday-night gnome raid. But when one died, the body remained where it fell for a half day before it turned into a skeleton. The skeleton remained until you picked it up. You were supposed to bury it yourself once you returned, but most of us just dumped the bones in the woods. Gretchen had a collection of her own skulls in her cabin. She had eight of them. It was weird and bordered on sadistic, but at the same time, I’d always admired my friend for that little quirk. It made her different in a world where everyone was the same.

I’d never seen anybody just blink and disappear before.

“I don’t think he’s dead,” Gretchen said. “This has to be something new. Maybe he got hit with a spell or something. Remember the traveling dark wizards? They could probably do something like this.”

I regarded Gretchen. My tall friend stood on the bank, hands on her hips. Her black hair was pulled in a neat ponytail, and she intently studied the ground where Master Gold had just stood.

Do you remember the traveling dark wizards? The question entered my mind, and it unlocked something. Gretchen and I were talking, like two normal people would. Gretchen just stood there, unaware she’d broken open something in my consciousness. I did remember the wizards. Flashes of memory came to me. The wizards—six of them—walked into town one night while we were all asleep. They were attempting to convert the church into a temple for their deity. They had killed everybody in the village and burned it to the ground, all except the stone clock tower, the tumbler’s guild, and the church, which had changed color from blue to black. We’d spent almost two weeks rebuilding. When the priest regenerated, he’d been replaced. Gone were his flowing robes and red, rosy cheeks. He’d become a gaunt, brooding man in a severe black suit with red-tipped tails that sparked when they touched the ground. The church remained black to this day.

The portly man who had been the priest, Father Ajax, reappeared, but he now worked as the town’s chemist. No explanation for it. The previous chemist emerged as his wife, and they now worked the shop together.

Nobody had said anything. What was the new priest’s name? I couldn’t remember. I shuddered thinking about him. Why hadn’t that bothered me until now?

Why hadn’t I said anything? Why hadn’t anybody said anything?

How long ago had that been? I shook my head. Clouds obscured the memory.

“Gretchen,” I said. “How long ago was that?”

“Was what?” she asked.

“The dark wizards. When they attacked?”

My friend looked at me a long time. “That had to be forty or fifty years ago,” she said finally. She looked sick. “Jonah, my head doesn’t feel right. It couldn’t have been that long ago. How long have we been fishing?”

I’d been thinking the same thing. Gretchen and I had been fishing every day, for how long? We didn’t fish on Mondays, as we usually spent the day rebuilding the town because of the Sunday night attacks. We talked every day. But we always said almost the same thing. This exchange we were having now, even though I’d known the woman—gods, how long had I known her?—seemed like the first time we had ever spoken to each other, truly spoken.

I reached down and picked up an orange from the basket. Every day the same thing happened. I woke up in my cabin, I got dressed in my day clothes, I grabbed my two fishing poles—the regular and my fly pole—I slung my fly bag over my shoulder, and I walked across the village square to Gretchen’s cabin. Sometimes it rained, sometimes it snowed, but I always did the same thing. I knocked on her door, and she mumbled a reply. I would wait outside, and the baker and his daughter, Lidia, would walk by, on their way to opening up shop. Gretchen would come out carrying her pole, her fishing spear, and her bucket, stomping her right foot to get her boot on. She’d turn and watch Lidia disappear into the bakery, and she’d whistle. On Fridays, the dwarf constable would rush by while I waited, and he’d ask if I’d seen any gnomes. I’d shake my head.

We’d walk the two kilometers to the Chiperu River, mostly in silence. We’d sit down in the same place every day, and we’d cast our lines with our regular poles. We would never catch anything in the morning. Throughout the day, people would travel up and down the road above the river bank. Sometimes, wolves emerged from the forest, usually on the other side of the river, and they growled at us before slinking back into the woods. I remembered I’d seen bears several times, too. I enjoyed seeing the bears. I knew they could rip a person to shreds, but they had a majesty about them that I loved.

Once I’d seen a goat-like creature with a human torso but a goat head, almost like a centaur, but much smaller. Another time a pod of giants strolled by in the distance, their bald heads peaking above the tree line.

Later in the afternoon, Master Gold would amble by carrying his basket of oranges. It didn’t matter if it was spring, summer, winter, or fall. He’d have fresh oranges, plucked from the orchard. He’d see us, scoff, and lecture us on the virtues of hard work. We’d roll our eyes, and Gretchen would tell him to go harangue someone else. The man would drop an orange in each of our empty buckets and wander off. I’d pick up the orange, eat it, and toss the skin in the water. Gretchen would do the same. Gretchen would move downstream to fish with her spear, and I would switch to my fly pole. Soon after, we’d each catch three trout. Our buckets half full, we’d walk back to town to the open-air market, arriving just before it closed. We’d each sell our fish for three jacks each to Ursula, the fishmonger. The older, rotund woman always hemmed and hawed at each of our fish, inspecting them carefully as if we were set on cheating her. She’d weigh each of the fish, all of them between two and three kilograms. She’d mutter something about this being the last time she would pay us that much, and we’d be on our way. If it were a Saturday, she’d talk of the rumors the gnomes were possibly massing for an attack.

After this, we’d head straight for The Belly-Rubbed Pug, Icardi’s lone pub, where we’d sit with several of the other villagers, drinking. We’d stay until exactly midnight, having no coins left, and we’d leave. Gretchen would always stumble, and I would help my friend to her cabin. I’d let myself in, lay her on her bed, and remove her boots. I’d admire the skulls on her mantle, and then I’d go home.

On Sunday nights—really Monday mornings—the gnomes always began their attack just as we were leaving the pub. We’d rush to the town square and hide in one of the empty merchant booths until the last gnomes were beaten back. The gnomes were always intent on getting toward the center of town, to the church perhaps, where rumors persisted a great stash of jacks were hidden away. The militia always held them at bay. Gretchen and I were both members of the militia, but our short swords hung uselessly in our cabins, collecting dust.

Gretchen would drunkenly want to join the fight, and she’d scream obscenities—the only time she ever swore was when she was drunk—at the invaders. She’d stumble towards them from our hiding spot, and I usually pulled her back. Usually, but not always.

The gnomes fought with curved swords and large, cumbersome hackbuts—just ancient rifles, I now realized. Mortars, really. It took three of them to operate one. Why hadn’t I thought of that before?

Rifles? I shook my head. It didn’t make sense. I felt as if I was waking from a dream, but I hadn’t quite woken up yet.

“We’ve been bewitched,” I said. “It’s the only thing that makes sense. I can barely remember anything. Gretchen, I’m thirty years old. I know this, but we do the same thing every day. I’ve always been thirty, I’ve been thirty for such a long time. It’s like… like we’re robots.”

Robots. The word slapped me across the face. That word doesn’t belong here. A bomb burst in my mind. I couldn’t remember growing up, I couldn’t remember going to school, or having parents or any family. I couldn’t remember moving to Icardi, or obtaining my cabin, or having any purpose in life other than catching enough fish to get those nine coins every day. Robots.

Yet, I knew I wasn’t a robot or any sort of artificial intelligence. I couldn’t remember childhood, but my sense told me I had one. I couldn’t remember my mother or father, yet I remembered a scent. Lilacs. Pine needles. A pie cooking. The cleaning supplies after the floor was mopped. The snow. Gods, I remembered the snow and how it just smelled wrong, and me knowing they were right all along. That it was time.

Time for what, though? Right about what?

Taste. I remembered what the sensation of taste was. Gooey, dripping hot pepperoni pizza. Sour lemonade on a blistering day. I could see, hear, feel, but I couldn’t smell or taste.

The orange was still clutched in my hand. I ripped it open, shoving it into my mouth. The juices dribbled down my chin, and I could almost feel the acidic tartness in my mouth, almost, just almost, but I didn’t know if it was real, or memory. Either way, I had no true sense of taste, and until that moment, I hadn’t realized it was gone. It had been gone, and it had been gone for a very, very long time. I had forgotten what taste was. I had never liked oranges, but I wanted nothing more at that moment than to fully taste it.

Gretchen did the same thing to her orange, as if she was also awakening to all this. Our eyes met, and in hers, I could see abject fear.

My brain ached, and panic rose in my chest.

“Robots,” Gretchen repeated, juice running down her chin also. “I know that word.”

“This isn’t right,” I said. “The dark wizards, all those years ago. They did this.”

“No,” Gretchen said, shaking her head. “This place…the wizards are a part of this place, this world. They didn’t do this because they’re already here. This is… We’re not in a real place, Jonah. We’re not robots, we’re not AI’s. We are physical, humans. But I think…I think something went wrong.”

“Christ,” I said, the word coming unbidden.

The more I thought about it, the less this world made sense. My name was Jonah. Or was it? That was my name here, and it felt like my name. But at the same time, part of me felt… I don’t know, sad I guess, that it wasn’t my real name. Jonah was my character’s name. It was not the name I was born with. I was a person. I had a vague memory of lying down, of putting something on my head, something over my mouth, of a cold, gel-like substance filling the chamber. I was nervous, but not scared. I was excited. A pretty woman stood over me, wearing a black uniform. Her skin was the most wonderful shade of brown. Her light eyes gleamed with intelligence. Though she was a slight woman, she reminded me of a bear. There was a fierceness about her.

I had kissed this woman before. I knew this to be true.

The woman looked back and forth to see if anyone was watching, then blew me a surreptitious kiss. “See you in a bit,” she said.

A millennia ago. The memory was so distant, so fractured, it was less than a dream.

How did I end up here? I looked down at my hands as if looking at them for the first time. My cabin didn’t have a bathroom. I didn’t go to the bathroom. I did have genitalia, thank goodness, but it had no purpose. I only ate a single orange a day and drank nine cups of ale. I couldn’t taste or smell.

“I don’t know who I am,” I said to Gretchen. I didn’t know what to do. I looked back at the river, and I watched as my regular fishing pole was dragged away into the water, being pulled in by the current. The long, wooden pole bobbed in the water before disappearing.

“Okay,” she said. “Let’s think about this. Do you remember anything? I remember school. I remember my calculator. We used old-school handhelds before they gave us the implants. And a slide rule. I can’t access my implants now. I don’t… I don’t remember who I am either. I know I worked with numbers. Computers. Satellites. I am an engineer. I think.” She clutched her hands to her head. “Ahh, this is so weird.”

I told her about lying down in the pod. I tried to remember anything about calculators, but I couldn’t. Whatever it was I did, it wasn’t the same as her.

“Okay, okay, I got it,” she said. “We are playing a game. This is a fantasy world. Gnomes aren’t real. Wizards aren’t real. Magic isn’t real. And in real life, dead is dead. We somehow got stuck in a loop, and whatever happened to Master Gold broke the routine, and it broke us out of the loop.”

A game? I didn’t feel I was the type of person who would play a game like this. Yet, I knew and understood everything she was saying, even if I didn’t think she was correct. AI’s and calculators and robots and pepperoni pizza didn’t exist in this world. But I knew what they were, even if I didn’t know who I was. I knew they were real things. The gnome’s hackbuts were nothing more than crude firearms, but here they were the height of technology. At the pub, my fellow villagers would spend the evening speaking of gnome technology with great fear.

“But, it’s been years,” I said. “Decades, maybe more. It doesn’t make sense! It’s like we’re in Hell. Are we stuck here? Jesus, we can’t even die. We die, we just wake up again in our bed a couple days later.”

“I don’t know how long it has been,” Gretchen said. “Maybe they’re trying to break us out of it. They removed the Master Gold character as we were talking to him. It was like a stick in the spokes, derailing the pattern. Unless…” she trailed off.

“Unless what?”

“Unless this happens all the time, and tomorrow we’re going to wake up and not remember any of this.”

I shivered. I had an image in my mind, of an ancient Greek myth. A man pushing a massive rock up a hill only to watch it roll back down when it got near the top. He had to do it over and over for all of eternity. If Gretchen’s theory was correct, we truly were in Hell.

“I don’t think so,” I said, trying to convince myself as much as Gretchen. I pointed at the shore where both of our poles were now missing, pulled into the quick Chiperu River. “Our poles are gone.” I knew some objects regenerated if they were lost or destroyed. Our poles weren’t broken, though. They were somewhere in the water. We’d have to wade in and go look for them if we wanted to fish again. “That means we’ll wake up tomorrow without a pole. We have good short-term memory. We’d remember why they were gone. I think.”

“Maybe,” Gretchen said. She picked up Master Gold’s basket, slung her fishing spear over her back, and headed toward the village. “Let’s get back to town.”

I slung my own bag, grabbed the two empty fish buckets and my fly pole, and rushed to follow, trying to decide whether or not that terrible feeling in my gut was déjà vu.

Chapter 2

Were we the only ones? Was everyone stuck in a loop? I wasn’t sure if I couldn’t remember or if I just didn’t know much about games, but if this was a game, wasn’t it filled with computer-controlled characters? I struggled to remember the term. NPCs. That was it. Non-player characters. The village of Icardi was populated with a couple hundred people, mostly humans but with a spattering of dwarves and half-ogres. I wondered if they were all real, or were they all NPCs? And while I’d never left the immediate area around my village, I knew Icardi was a tiny village in a remote area, and we were in the country of Dace. If we followed the river south, we’d come to the similarly-sized village of Rendall after a half day. Another half day after that was the larger trade city of Constance where the Chiperu River fed into a much larger one. There had to be hundreds, if not thousands of villages out there, each with varying populations. Were Gretchen and I the only people here? That didn’t make sense. None of it made sense.

“We have to find out if there are others,” I said.

Gretchen nodded as we trudged north. In the distance, a wolf howled. “I’ve been thinking about that. I have an idea.”

As we approached the outskirts of Icardi, I looked upon my home village with new eyes. The day was clear, and the ramshackle buildings appeared all at once as we crested the hill. The village seemed to have no purpose this far north in the wilderness. It was like a last chance before the world truly ended. As far as I knew, there was nothing beyond it up the mountains. A simple, wooden sign read “ICARDI” as we entered. Several symbols were carved underneath the village name. I’d never noticed them before nor did I know what they meant.

The village was a set of three nested squares with the village square and market in the center. The whole community was settled in the shadow of the Govora mountains to the north. The thick forest that spread north, and up the mountain range was where the gnomes lived, and nobody ever ventured there. A small, useless picket fence surrounded the town.

Hamish, the sour day-shift town guard stood watch over the main thoroughfare into town. He was only there Wednesdays through Sundays, as he was inevitably killed every Sunday right where he stood. He would regenerate just in time to make his shift Wednesday morning. Paul, the night guard, would usually—but not always—also be killed. The gnome attack always came just as he was walking to change shifts.

Past the perpetually-bored and angry Hamish were a ring of cabins. Mine was on the opposite side of the square, and Gretchen’s sat right near the gate. The next row down were mostly businesses, including The Belly-Rubbed Pug. The third ring consisted of the largest buildings in town, and they towered over the others: The Dace bank, the constable’s residence and clock tower, the black temple, the stables, and the tumbler’s guild. The church was by far the largest building in town, followed by the guild hall. The needle-like clock tower was the tallest, towering over everything else.

Several wooden booths dotted the center town square, and every morning the merchants would appear, pulling carts of their wares, set up, and wait. At precisely six o’clock in the afternoon, the merchants emptied their booths and headed home.

“You’re earlier than you usually are,” Hamish said as we approached. The tall man wore a helmet that was much too big for him, and it slid forward to cover his eyes when he talked. He pushed it back only for it to shift again. I imagined that was why he was always killed by the gnomes. He couldn’t see with that thing on.

“Something happened to Master Gold,” Gretchen said, showing Hamish the basket.

“What do you mean something happened?” Hamish peered suspiciously into the basket, as if the answer would be hidden within. The motion caused his helmet to tumble off his head. He caught it in his hands.

“We think he was a robot,” Gretchen said. “An AI NPC that crashed and canceled out of the game. It woke us up from our loop.”

Hamish looked up, putting the helmet back on his head. “What did you say?”

“We’re not robots,” Gretchen said. “We’re stuck in a game.”

Hamish took a step back, and I thought for sure Gretchen’s words had done something to him. Sympathy welled up in me, knowing what the man was going through. But then his eyes narrowed, and he pointed his spear at Gretchen.

“That’s gnome talk,” he said. “The constable warned me of increased gnome activity, told me to keep an eye out.”

“How is that gnome talk?” I said. I stepped forward, and Hamish pointed the gleaming steel tip at me, and then back at Gretchen. “If you haven’t noticed, my pal Gretchen here isn’t a gnome.”

Hamish didn’t respond. After almost a full thirty seconds, he put his spear back into the ready position.

“I don’t think he’s a real person,” Gretchen said. “He’s either a straight-up NPC or he’s far too deep. Come on, let’s sell these oranges and get a couple coins.”

We left Hamish standing there and ventured deeper into the village, walking down the street to the market. The streets were busy in the late afternoon. The light was starting to wane, and the distant hum of crickets rose.

“What if we can’t find anybody else?” I said. “And even if we do, what then? We’re stuck here.”

“I’m sure we can save enough coins to travel to one of the larger cities,” Gretchen said.

“I mean we’re stuck here, in this simulation.”

“It’s a game. It’s almost familiar to me, but I can’t place it,” she said, rubbing her wrist with her free hand. “I think I might have played this before.”

Frustrated, I kicked a stone off the tiled path. It bounced with a thud against the wall of the butcher’s shop. “Game, simulation, what difference does it make? It’s not real. We need to get out of here and back to the real world. How do we do that?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “I can’t even figure out how to pull up a menu. I keep getting flashes of memory. I think once we can remember better, we’ll know what to do.”

We approached the market. It was a sad place, consisting of eight stalls. Travelers were rare, so the customers were usually the fellow villagers. Right now only a handful of people milled about the sparse stalls. I recognized Wanda the barkeep from the Belly-Rubbed Pug and Jane, the old tinker woman whose house sat in the northeast corner of town. Wanda wrangled her child, a five-year-old, pigtailed girl who was currently wailing, apparently because she wanted something from the fruit stand. I remembered the little girl’s name was Poppy. If I recalled correctly, she was actually Wanda’s niece.

We didn’t have any fish to sell today, and Ursula the fishmonger eyed us suspiciously as we walked past to Rex, the fruit vendor. Rex was a burly man with a long beard dappled in gray. He had a twin brother, Benjamin, who was the town’s only blacksmith. I could only tell them apart because Rex wore an eyepatch. The man had oddly-shaped ears, like he wasn’t 100% human. He wasn’t tall and green-tinged like the half-ogres, but maybe he was a quarter. I’d never spoken to Rex before, though I saw him and his brother practically every night at the Belly-Rubbed Pug. The two men sat at a table, arm wrestling all night long.

Right now Rex watched Wanda and Poppy with dismay as Wanda tried to pry an apple out of the little girl’s tiny hands. The kid had a white-knuckle grip on the fruit and was pulling the giant, red apple inexorably toward her open, gap-toothed mouth.

Wanda cried, “Please, Poppy, no! I don’t have enough for the apple.”

“Howdy, Rex,” Gretchen said in a mock Texan accent to the stall keeper. The big man looked away from the melee and down at us over a pile of impossibly-stacked pears and crossed his hefty arms.

“I see you,” Rex said, “but I see you’re carrying something that doesn’t belong to you.” He motioned at the basket in Gretchen’s hand. “I don’t do business with someone who steals from others.”

“Crap,” Gretchen said, dropping Master Gold’s basket on the ground. A fat orange bounced out. Poppy stopped screaming long enough to eye the orange. “He’s an NPC for sure. I hope my reputation isn’t damaged with all the merchants.”

Triumphant, Wanda yanked the apple free from the child’s grip. She placed the badly-bruised apple back on the cart as Rex huffed. He started to say something to her, but I interrupted.

“We didn’t steal it,” I said to Rex. “Something happened to Master Gold. He’s, uh, missing. We’re trying to find him and reunite him with his lost basket of oranges.”

“Well that’s a different story,” Rex said, raising an eyebrow. “Master Gold is missing? Why didn’t you say so! We need to organize a search party!”

New Quest! Where’s Gold? Find the missing Master Gold. Reward…

The words were simultaneously spoken in my mind and appeared floating in the air before my eyes. I gasped in surprise. I reached up with my fly pole, and the pole pierced the floating, bold letters as if they weren’t really there. The voice was female and older, speaking with confidence and formality. A computer voice.

Reward.

Reward.

“Gretchen,” I said. “Do you see that?”

“Something is wrong,” Gretchen said.

Beside me on the ground, Poppy, who had grabbed and half-peeled the dropped orange, looked up at me, her eyes wide with surprise, like I had just sprouted a mushroom out of my forehead.

New symbols appeared in my vision, and they weren’t spoken.

��������������

Rows and rows of the symbols appeared, blocking my vision. My body went numb.

“What is going…?”

My world went blank.

Chapter 3

Black. Then blue. Then words floating before me.

Error. We apologize for the inconvenience, but a fatal error has occurred. Your session is restarting. You have not been charged with a death. Please find 100 jacks in your account for the inconvenience.

Remember: Give yourself a break. It is not recommended that you play Dominion of Blades or other immersive games for more than four hours at a time. V.A.R.D.D. (Virtual and Augmented Reality Dissociative Disorder) helpline: Speak with a real-world* expert at the Order of the Golden Sister sanatorium in Harmony or choose 333 from the help menu. Know the signs. You are not alone.

*When available. AI counselors also available.

Loading.

Loading..

Loading…

An image of a blue, spinning helmet with a small dragon perched atop it appeared. My stomach lurched, and a wave of nausea swept over me.

And then I was in my bed. I stared at the ceiling of my cabin.

It was as if I had died. It didn’t happen often, but occasionally something would get me, usually a wolf. Once I’d been pierced with a stray defender’s arrow during a gnome raid. Once I was struck by lightning during a storm. The memories were like nightmares that had been described to me or something I had read in a book, not something I remember truly happening to me.

But this time it was different. My senses were alive. I could feel the scratchy wool of my old blanket, the chill to the air of my drafty cabin. My stomach rumbled with hunger. A distant wood fire burned. Between my legs, I sensed the presence of my genitals, and they felt unnatural and in the way. My mouth was dry, and it felt like I had swallowed a rat. My tongue felt unnaturally large in my mouth.

I smacked my lips. I could taste. I could smell.

Welcome, Jonah.

I bolted upright in bed, my muscles aching. The words were spoken in my mind and appeared floating before me. I moved my head, but I couldn’t get away from the words. It was the same voice as before.

A woman stood in my small cabin, and I let out a yelp in surprise. She was an older, grandmotherly-type woman in a long, white robe. Her long, silver hair was impossibly straight. She wore a circlet on her head with the biggest emerald I’d ever seen. Her entire body glowed slightly, giving her an ethereal appearance. She had a simple gold ring on each of her fingers.

Floating above her head was the word “Sonia.”

I am Sonia. I will be your guide. I see you are using a pre-rolled character. That means you’re ready to go. You are Jonah, a level 1 human hunter. Before you get started, I will teach you a few of the basics.

Entering Tutorial Mode. Subtitles set to Verbose.

I stood, unsteady on my feet. My entire body felt different, more real. My muscles protested, and I had a pounding headache. “What is happening?” I asked.

As you can see, my name appears above my head. You will only see this with two types of characters: guides such as myself, and those who are in your party. If you want to know anybody else’s name, you’re going to have to ask, just like in real life.

She held out her hand to me.

Now, I want you to touch my hand.

“What is happening?” I asked again.

Please, touch my hand.

Whatever had happened in the market had caused some sort of reset to the… Christ, this was a game, and it appeared I was starting over again. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or not.

Please, touch my hand. It’s okay Jonah, I won’t hurt you.

I reached out and tentatively touched the woman’s hand. It felt like an old woman’s soft, almost plastic-like hand. I could feel her reedy bones underneath the skin. She gave me a slight squeeze.

Excellent. As you can see, everything you touch in this world will feel like a real-life object. Since you are using a full immersion rig, you have a full range of sensation. You can see, feel, touch, smell, and taste. But don’t worry, you can’t truly be hurt. The sensation settings in the menu can be adjusted from one to five in the game menu. Let’s try opening up a menu now.

If you look at your left wrist, you will find your menu bracelet. This device has many functions, but for now, simply take the index finger of your right hand and press it against the menu bracelet.

I looked at my wrist in surprise to see the wide bracelet circling my wrist. I didn’t have it before. The simple bracelet held an etching of the dragon helmet logo from the loading screen but had no other markings. I reached forward and touched it.

With an audible click, a line of text appeared floating before me. There were over a dozen menu items: General, System, Network, Attire, Purse, Pack, Map, Attributes, Skills, Weapons, Spells, Memberships and Guilds, Quests, News, Achievements, Help, and Log Off. At the bottom of the screen a large, red button glowed. It read Emergency Eject.

Please click General with your right index finger.

The General tab pulsed. I ignored it. My finger went straight toLog Off.

Are you sure you wish to log off? Yes/No.

“Yes,” I said, simultaneously clicking theyes button.

Error. You are not authorized to perform this action at this time.

Damn. I tried again, getting the same message.

Please click General.

I clickedEmergency Eject.

Nothing happened. I didn’t even receive an error message.

Please click General.

“Damnit,” I said. Maybe I had to complete the tutorial before it would let me log out. I clickedGeneral, and several dozen submenus replaced the screen.

Please click Sensation.

Near the bottom, theSensation menu glowed. I clicked it.

A slider bar appeared before me.

For your safety, the sensation selector has a maximum sense efficiency of 5, which is equivalent to 20% sensation. As you can see, it is currently set on 2, which is the recommend setting for new players. Adjust this at your own risk.

The slider bar was set all the way to the right, on 25.

“Um, Sonia?” I said. “My bar isn’t what you say it is.”

She ignored me.

You can also control the menu with your voice and mind, but it takes some practice to get this to work. Visit a mind guild, found in most larger cities for a free lesson on controlling the menu. In the meantime, you can adjust the setting with your finger. For now, I am going to adjust this down to one because in my next lesson, I am going to attack you. I don’t want you to get hurt!

I watched the bar slide all the way down to one. But then it jumped back up to 25.

Oh shit. I tried adjusting the setting down myself. The slider moved with my finger, the number going down. I moved it all the way down to one and let go.

Error. You are not authorized to perform this action at this time.

It jumped back to 25.

“Sonia, exit tutorial,” I said.

The menu closed by itself, and Sonia stood before me, smiling.

Did that work? Relief flooded me.

“Sonia, I can’t adjust the sensation setting. What should I…?”

Sonia raised her hands, putting them together as if she was praying. A crackling, red ball of fire formed between her palms. The fire flared up like a miniature sun and shot out at me with a whoosh, hitting me square in the chest. Before I even realized what happened, the back of my head smashed into the far wall of my cabin. My clothes smoldered, and my chest felt as if I’d been hit by a sledgehammer. The pain was incredible. I tried to cry out, but I couldn’t breathe. A crackling, wheezing noise filled the room, and I realized it was coming from me.

My entire visualization turned red, and the word “Danger” blinked in the top left of my vision.

In the game, such a blow would surely kill you. And if your sensation setting was anything higher than 3, that would be really painful! The red danger indicator you see is telling you that your health is dangerously low. Unlike other games, your health is not measured with specific numbers, but on a sliding scale. Your health regenerates slowly over time, but you can speed up that process with spells or potions or by visiting a healer. In the meantime, I’m going to cast a heal charm on you. Potions can be found throughout the world, or you can create them yourself using chemistry or similar skills. Spells can be learned at your class’s guild hall.

My body glowed for a moment, and my breathing returned to normal as the pain ebbed. My stomach felt full, as if I’d just eaten. Still, my heart continued to race as I pulled myself to my feet. She had blown me clear across the room. My simple tunic now sported a large scorch mark across the chest.

“Something is not right,” I said. “I can’t log off, and I can’t adjust sensation.”

But again, she ignored me.

For the next hour, I stumbled along as I learned the basics of existing in this world. In order to move on, I had to complete each task she set forth, most of which involved moving around the menu.

She provided me with a dented and nicked short sword that wasn’t as high quality as the one hanging on my wall (which I couldn’t grab during the training. I tried to pick it up, and my hands passed through it like it wasn’t there.) She taught me the basics of jabbing, slashing, and parrying with the weapon. After a short practice session, she had me open the weapons menu, and I was surprised to see over sixty pages within, with hundreds of weapons listed in multiple categories.

Weapon abilities, like skills and attributes, are listed here. There are over 2,500 base weapon types you may become practiced in. Each weapon listed has a proficiency rating from zero to 99. Your predisposition for certain weapons, based on your skills, class, and race, may give you a slight advantage or a penalty in certain weapon types and classes. If your rating is zero, that means you are unfamiliar with that weapon type, and it is dangerous for you to use it in combat. A rating of one to five is beginner level. Six to ten is intermediate. Eleven to 24 is expert. Each level above that is considered a mastery level and is very difficult to achieve. It takes years of practice to become a master, so make sure you choose your weapon carefully. In the meantime, you will see your short sword ability has moved from zero to one. The higher your ranking, the more damage you will deal. At level 25, you will obtain additional special skills for each mastery level.

I scrolled through, and sure enough, my short sword proficiency had moved up to one. As I browsed, I noticed a handful of weapons had numbers other than zero. I made a mental note to go back and look later.

A rat the size of a golden retriever materialized on my bed, hissing and snapping at me. I yelped in panic and turned to flee, but I found I couldn’t back away.

It’s time to test what I’ve shown you so far. Strike it with your sword. Do it before it bites you!

Shit! I swung my sword awkwardly, smacking the top of the rat’s head with the flat end. It hissed and snapped forward with its jaws, taking a bite out of my left forearm. Pain exploded.

Ouch, that looked like it hurt!

“Jesus, mother!” I said, stars exploding in my vision. “You think?” I swung my sword again. This time the blade entered the rat’s skull. It sank and lodged into the monster’s brain pan. My arm jolted with the effort, and I had to hold back the urge to vomit. The rat squealed and fell over, dead. Blood and brains oozed out of its head, and the dead creature shit all over my bed. A terrible, please-kill-me-now stench rose in the room.

Good job! Now you know how to fight.

As you may have noticed, that fight wasn’t very bloody. You may adjust the level of blood and gore in the General menu.

“Wrong again, Sonia,” I said, looking at my poor, befouled bed. I dropped the sword to cradle my left arm. Red blood stained my tunic, and my arm throbbed. If the rat corpse was anything like the other creatures in this world, the body would remain for about half a day, decaying and oozing liquid until it was nothing but a skeleton.

After that, we moved to the skills menu, which was almost twice as big as the weapons menu. It was filled with everything from wood carving to mountain climbing to animal husbandry.

Anything you do in this world, from brisk walking to negotiating with merchants is recorded and measured here in the skills menu. As a hunter, you receive bonuses in certain skills, such as tracking, fishing, and fire building. Your attributes, skills, and weapons abilities can in some cases have an impact on other skills as well. For example, a higher dexterity will give a bonus to the longbow skill. A higher charisma will give a bonus to mercantile skills.

These skills only increase with practice. You can attempt to learn them on your own, or you may visit an associated guild, and you can train at an accelerated rate. Please note, some guilds may be very difficult to find, but there is indeed a guild hall for every single skill on this menu.

Again, there were several items in the skills menu that had levels above zero. Before I had to close it out, my eyes caught the fishing menu, and I saw with surprise that my fishing was level 86, and my fly-fishing was level 65. Both had stars around the numbers, which caught my eye. I guessed that meant the years of fishing as a de-facto NPC carried over. I wondered what other skills I had an advantage in.

We explored the attribute menu, which included things such as my health, strength, charisma, dexterity, magic ability, constitution—whatever that was—and luck. My levels were ten across the board, with the exception of dexterity, which was 12 and magic ability, to my dismay, was only five. There were other gauges on the page including experience (mine was zero), and I had 25 mystic points, which were for casting spells.

Everything you do gives or takes away experience. Once you gain enough experience, you will gain a level. Upon level gain, your ability to take damage increases and you obtain a training token, which you can exchange at a skill, weapon, or armor guild to help train. Or you can exchange ten tokens for a boost to your base attributes at a guild hall for your class.

If you die, you will lose all of your non-equipped inventory, half your jacks, and half of your experience points towards the next level. The inventory will remain with your body, and you have one hour to track down your corpse and get your equipment back. After that, it becomes fair game for anybody in the world.

Upon death, you regenerate at the last place you slept or the closest associated temple, whichever is closer, so choose your gods and where you sleep very carefully!

This was a complicated world, but I was getting the hang of it. At this point, I knew for certain I’d never played anything like this before. Sonia droned on for what seemed like hours, teaching me all sorts of things about the world. I learned how to use my bigger-on-the-inside backpack to store multiple weapons, and I discovered my footlocker could now hold an infinite amount of things. My plain fishing rod was gone, presumably still floating in the Chiperu somewhere, but my flying fishing pole and bag of fly lures had been returned to my cabin. My fly pole was in its fabric sheath, magically tucked away and tied. I slipped them both easily in my pack.

My arm felt better, and I pulled my sleeve back to reveal that the rat bite was almost all healed. My shirt remained stained and scorched. I was going to have to replace it.

Sonia taught me was how to use the map. I could call up a mini-map of my immediate area that floated in the upper right of my vision. A black dot indicated my current position, and if I was undertaking a quest, purple waypoints sometimes appeared on the map showing me the way. Sonia was represented by a golden dot on the simple, square diagram of my cabin.

After a short tutorial on casting spells, in which Sonia informed me I’d never be able to do thanks to my Hunter class, she left me alone with some advice that sounded strangely familiar:

It’s dangerous to go alone. Please take this to help in your journey.

You’ve received five training tokens. Training tokens may be redeemed at any guild in exchange for training.

With a puff of smoke and a whiff of sulfur, she was gone, leaving me alone in the room.

Please see the Help menu for additional support. Good luck out there, and welcome to Dominion of Blades!

Tutorial ended. Subtitles set to Succinct.

Entering Jonah’s Cabin.

Chapter 4

Achievement unlocked! Gain Intermediate level on a skill.

Achievement unlocked! Gain Intermediate level with a weapon.

Achievement unlocked! Gain Expert level on a skill.

Achievement unlocked! Gain Expert level with a weapon.

Achievement unlocked! Gain Mastery level on a skill!

Achievement unlocked! Gain Mastery level with a weapon!

Alone.

After the messages faded, a vast sense of fear crashed over me. I still didn’t know what was going on or who I was, but for the last hour, I’d at least been distracted. Now I felt exposed, like a child left alone in the forest. I pulled up the menu and once again attempted to log out.

Error. You are not authorized to perform this action at this time.

I went to the sensation menu and tried to adjust. It still wouldn’t let me. I hit emergency eject. Nothing.

Okay, okay, think about this. You are trapped in a game. You can’t log out, and you can’t adjust certain settings, most notably the pain threshold. You’ve been in a fugue state for an indeterminate amount of time, but it feels like it’s been an eternity. You’ve woken up, but you don’t know if that was on purpose or not. You have no memory other than a few scraps of your life before this place.

I stepped outside, shading my eyes from the bright light of a cool Icardi afternoon.

Entering Icardi.

The constant messages were disconcerting. People walked about and everything looked the same as it always did, only it was much more vivid. I took in a deep breath of fresh mountain air, and I couldn’t recall ever feeling this alive, this aware. I’d been in a dream state for so long. Even though this was a digital, imaginary world, the details were flawless. The cobblestones on the street were pocked and pitted, no two exactly the same. A cool breeze wisped through my hair, like gentle hands on my head. My underarm itched, and I reached to scratch it. A fat bug buzzed by. High, high above, a V-formation of birds flocked north. And while I couldn’t remember my life outside of this simulation, I knew the physical details on all of these people were perfect. A gruff man—Owen the woodcutter—brushed by, and the heavy scent of the forest hung on him. He had a round, about-to-pop boil on his temple.

People gave me furtive glances, like they didn’t know me. Looking at the mini-map in my upper right vision, several dozen little white and pink dots moved around, which showed my immediate area. It appeared each white dot represented a person and the pink ones were animals. Two pink dots sat in the stable, representing the two donkeys that lived there, and a horde of pink swarmed the chicken coop on the edge of town. I saw Lidia, the baker’s daughter, and I smiled at her. She returned my gaze with a scowl, hurrying back toward her family bakery.

I was a stranger to them, like I had never existed in this place until now. It was a familiar feeling, I realized. Would Gretchen still remember? Jesus, that was a terrifying thought. The thought of truly being alone was unbearable. I hurried toward her cabin.

I arrived just as she was backing out her open door, short sword in hand. I’d dropped mine next to the rat corpse on my ruined bed. On my mini-map, her dot was blue.

“Wait,” she called into her open cabin. Her shoulders slumped a moment later, and she lowered her sword. I smelled the puff of sulfur, and I knew she’d just finished her tutorial. I wondered if her tutor was also Sonia or someone else. She turned, seeing me.

“Jonah?” she said, her dark face brightening to an uncertain smile.

“Oh thank god,” I said, coming up to her. “I was afraid—”

“You’d be the only one? Yeah, me too.” She grinned. “I guess I was right about this being a game.”

I clapped her on the shoulder as she slid the sword into a scabbard on her belt. I noticed she also had a massive scorch mark on the center of her chest. “Do you remember anything else? I still don’t have anything in my head. I tried logging out, but it won’t let me,” I asked.

She nodded. “Me too. I’m remembering bits and pieces. We’re in Dominion of Blades. I used to play it. Everyone did. Unless you lived under a rock, you probably played also. It’s an immersive game. Well, it was. I remember my character. I was a level 43 Harbinger. Noodle437X. That was her name. It’s funny, I remember more about the game than I remember my real life.”

“Was a game?” I asked.

“It doesn’t sound familiar to you?”

“No,” I said. “I don’t think I was much of a gamer.”

“Yeah, that’s what’s so weird. This game was outlawed. It’s been outlawed for years, I think. The details are so scrambled in my mind. DoB, that’s what everyone called it, started off years and years ago. It was a mobile game, one of the first augmented reality games for handheld phones. You’d have orcs and goblins pop up in your living room, and you could build walls around your own house. When the VR headset games started to become popular, it was ported over to that. And then, ten years later when the full immersion rigs became widespread, DoB was the biggest game in the world. I remember checking the player stats, and it would be over one hundred million players online at any given moment.”

“Wow,” I said.

“Yeah. It’s all VR now, not AR, but the entire world, all the geography is based on earth. It’s a huge world, an exact geographic, to-scale model of earth. The buildings are gone. But the mountains, rivers, and canyons are all the same. The map used to be able to show you exactly where you were, but I can’t zoom out. Fast travel seems to be locked out, too.”

I shook my head. Everything she was saying seemed right. It made sense, and I had a feeling I knew all of this. But I never played, never wanted to play. “So what happened to the game?”

“The Vardds. People were dying, hundreds of them every day. Some said it was thousands. It was a big deal. Even if you didn’t play the game, I’m sure you heard about it. Virtual and Augmented Reality Dissociative Disorder. This world had become too real, and despite all the safeguards, people were hacking their submersion rigs to bypass the immersion time limits. People were literally going crazy. They were pulling out swords in real life and chopping up fast food restaurants. Or they would spend so much time in here, their bodies would wither and die. I remember reading about a guy who marathoned three straight months in here without waking up once. He’d modified his rig with feeding tubes and everything else necessary to keep a body going. He ended up dying anyway after getting ejected. Eventually, full immersion games started getting banned. I remember when they shut this game down. There were protests in the streets.”

“What the hell?” I said. “That doesn’t make sense. If the game was shut down, then how are we here? And why?”

“I don’t know. But it explains why no one else is here. Well, almost no one. Check out the system menu, then go to server status.”

I clicked over using my hand on the bracelet. I realized then that Gretchen’s wrist was bare.

“You don’t have a bracelet,” I said.

“I do,” she said, holding up her left wrist. “You can only see your own. But you need to learn to activate it using your mind. It’s much easier. If we ever get into a real fight, you’re toast if you can’t pull up your spell menu.”

I shrugged, popping up server status with my finger. The words appeared floating before me.

Server: Online.

Server online for: 1.04543e+8 hours

Game time: 1.24418e+8 hours

Players online: 13.

“Okay,” I said, “I don’t understand these numbers. What am I looking at?”

“The first line just tells us the server is online. That’s obvious. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be here. The next line tells us how long the server has been online, and the next line tells us how long the current game session has been running. I’m pretty sure these are messed up because for one thing, it doesn’t make sense that the game time would be higher than the time online. That’s not really possible. And secondly, there’s no way we’ve been in here for more than 14,000 years. The whole system seems to be glitching out. Anyway, the important number here is that 13. I’m one, you’re two. That means somewhere out there are 11 more people walking around awake.”

“But why can’t we adjust our pain settings?”

“Yeah, so I have a theory,” Gretchen said, scratching the back of her head.

Before she could continue, I heard a familiar voice shout, “Gotcha,” followed by an ear-splitting scream. I jumped and turned to see a little girl—Poppy, the same girl from the market—struggling in the arms of a red-faced dwarf. She squirmed and twisted like a cat being dropped in a bath. It was Constable Hemshin, I realized, and Poppy squealed as the old dwarf tried to get her under control. She squirmed and fought, hitting him on his broad head. They were just on the other side of Gretchen’s cabin, making it look like the girl had been skulking there when the constable came upon her.

“Quit wiggling,” the constable roared. “This is no place for little children to be lurking, breaking into people’s homes. You’re much too small to be out on your own. You’d make a fine snack for a wolf.” He looked up at us. “Does this little monster belong to you two?”

“She’s Wanda the barmaid’s niece,” I said.

The constable raised a caterpillar-like eyebrow. “Wanda is the one who summoned me. She said she found this little bugger in her home, didn’t know who she was.”

“Mommy!” the girl said, holding her arms out to Gretchen.

“Uh,” Gretchen said.

The constable put the girl down, and she ran to Gretchen, wrapping her arms around Gretchen’s leg. She was a tiny little thing. Earlier, I had placed her age around five or six, but I think she was actually much older, closer to seven or eight, but small for her age. Her pigtails bounced as she ran, and her blue eyes were impossibly large.

“So you do know this girl?” Hemshin said. “You two are the new arrivals, are you not? You’re not trying to abandon this girl are you?”

“No, Constable,” Gretchen said. “This is my daughter, Poppy. My new friend Jonah here didn’t know. We only just met ourselves.” She looked down at the little girl. “What did I tell you about running away? I want you to apologize to the nice constable.”

“Sowwy,” she said, a lisp evident in her voice.

What in the world was going on?

The constable leaned over, a giant smile breaking across his granite-like face. I noticed the man had an hourglass tattooed behind his large, floppy ear. The details in this game continued to astound me. He patted Poppy on the head. “It’s okay. I raised two little ones myself. Just be careful, understand? It’s not often we get visitors up here, let alone settlers, let alone two in one day. I was going to come by and introduce myself. I hear you two are both fishers, correct? Ursula will be happy to have you here. She’s the fishmonger. Anyway, there’s been gnome sightings in the forest north of here. They’ve attacked before, so we must be vigilant.”

New Quest! The Scourge of Icardi. Stop the imminent gnome invasion. Gnomes, a normally-peaceful race of creatures, keep raiding the village of Icardi. Find out why and put a stop to the menace. Reward: 1,500 experience plus additional prizes.

This quest is rated medium difficulty.

Achievement unlocked! Receive a quest.

I shook my head at the sudden announcement. At least the game hadn’t crashed this time. “What day is today?” I asked, realizing I had no idea. It had been a Thursday when Master Gold disappeared.

“Why, Sunday, Jonah,” the constable said. “You be safe. And keep that little bugger under control.” The constable walked away.

Sunday. That meant the gnomes would raid the village tonight at midnight.

Gretchen and I both looked down at the little girl, who continued to clutch onto Gretchen’s leg. She watched the dwarf disappear around the corner.

“Why did you say this was your kid? And why did she call you ‘mommy?’”

“Jonah, look at the mini-map.”

As I tried to make sense of it, Poppy detached herself from Gretchen and turned to face the both of us.

“Okay, motherfuckers,” the little girl said. “Which one of you assholes is responsible for this bullshit? How the fuck did I get here, and how the fuck did I get put in this body?”

That’s when I saw what Gretchen had. The girl’s dot on the mini-map was blue, just like Gretchen’s. I understood now what the colors meant. My dot was black, NPC dots were white, animals were pink, Sonia the trainer had been gold, and fellow human players were blue. Poppy was a person, just like me and Gretchen, not an NPC.

I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “Holy shit,” I said.

Poppy pulled a knife from the depths of her frilly pink dress. It was a small blade, no longer than my hand, but it looked like a short sword in her tiny hand. “I will fuck you up,” she said. “This shit ain’t funny. It took me an hour to talk my way out of the training tutorial. The guide said I was too young to play, kept trying to boot me. She eventually just gave up. Then Wanda came home and lost her shit. She didn’t even remember me. She’s been taking care of me for…for…” Poppy lowered the knife. “Shit, how long have we been doing this?”

Gretchen got down on a knee to talk to her, the way any adult would talk to a small child. “Okay, do you remember anything? Neither of us do. I’m Gretchen, and I know I was an engineer. I played DoB before they shut it down, but we don’t remember how we got here. We know it’s been a long time.”

Poppy stared up at the sky, a glazed look in her eyes. I realized she was scrolling through the menus. “Holy shit, crying is a skill. I’m level 29. A level five master in crying. Can you believe that shit? It looks like one of my mastery abilities is a 25% percent bonus to the berserker skill. I am a level one barbarian, and I have a level 12 berserker level already with my class bonus. That’s crazy!”

Gretchen snapped her fingers. “Hey, kid. Focus.”

“First off, I ain’t no damn kid. I was looking at my time online. I don’t know what those numbers mean, but it looks like a long-ass time.”

“What do you remember?” Gretchen asked again.

“I…I don’t remember anything. But I’ve played DoB before. A lot. Hell, everybody played until they shut it down. I do remember I was no motherfucking little girl with pigtails, that’s for sure. I’m a grown-ass man. Wait.”

“What?” I said. I reeled at the pronouncement that she was actually a he. I guess it was obvious the moment she—he—started talking, but still, it seemed somehow monumental that our outsides could be so different than what was in our brains.

“I’m a technician,” she said. No, he said. “Fuck, how come I remember that? I fix shit. Coolant systems.” He slid his knife back down his dress and looked at his palms. “I remember my hands. They were big and callused and cracked. Juliette would rub lotion on them for me.”

“Juliette?” Gretchen asked.

“Yeah, she’s my…she’s my wife.” He paused again, looking off into the distance. “But she’s gone now. I think. No, not gone. Just…distant. I don’t know.”

“Do you know your name?” I asked. “You were Poppy, but it seems odd to call you that.”

The man trapped in the child’s body shrugged. “I…I don’t know my real name. I don’t care what you call me, I guess. We can’t edit our names. I guess I’d rather be something that’s not so girly, but it won’t matter. The game will still call me Poppy. I guess call me Popper. That’s not so girly, is it?” He paused. “This isn’t right. Why are we here?”

Gretchen stood, looking at us both. “I think I might know.” She took a breath and exhaled. “So here goes. I think we’re in prison.”

“Prison?” I said. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Look at the facts. We are stuck here, and we can’t eject. This game is no longer open to the public. Our pain thresholds are fixed at the maximum. That means if we get eaten by a bugbear, we’ll feel every single nibble. And the sensation menu isn’t the only one locked. The entire network menu tree is off limits, meaning we can’t see the status of our rigs. Fast travel is disabled. Full screen map is disabled. PVP is turned on worldwide, not just the forests. The news tab is empty, and the help menu is just barebones. Before, you could call up the user forums where you could find anything.”

“Prison,” I said again. Prison. I laid the idea out in my mind and let it simmer there.

No. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t just that I didn’t feel like I had done anything wrong. The explanation fit the circumstances, sort of, but my gut told me it wasn’t what was really happening.

“Well, what the fuck?” Poppy—now Popper—said. “Did we kidnap baby Jesus or something? How long have we been in here? I don’t know how long it’s been, but it seems excessive as shit. Also, what purpose is prison if we don’t remember nothing? There’s only 13 of us online. Is this the world’s smallest prison, or are we not supposed to be awake in this shit?”

“Like you said before, we need our memories,” I said.

Player Gretchen (Level 1, Hunter, Human) would like to add you to their party. Do you accept?

“I’m making a party,” Gretchen said. “That way we can find each other at all times, and we can communicate even if we’re not together. Also, we can share experience for completing quests. Go ahead and accept.”

I clicked accept. Immediately, Gretchen’s name appeared floating above her head like it had with Sonia. On the mini-map, her icon turned from blue to green.

Achievement unlocked! Join a party.

Player Poppy (Level 1, Barbarian, Human) has joined the party.

Merging Quests… Quests merged. You gained 0 additional quests.

“Poppy” appeared over Popper’s head.

“Okay, good,” Gretchen said. “I have a plan. Let’s try to get to Harmony. There’s no way to tell where the other ten online characters are, but if they’re familiar with the game, they’re probably on their way there, too.”

“What’s Harmony?” I asked.

“Dude, do you not remember this game?” Popper asked.

“I’ve never played before,” I said. It made me feel stupid to admit it. Did so many people really play this dumb game?

“Oh, great,” Popper said. “A noob. He’s going to get us killed a hundred times over before we get there.”

“Looks who’s talking, Tinkerbell,” I said.

Popper bristled, his lower lip quivering.

“Harmony is the main capital,” Gretchen said. “Remember how I said this world’s map is a mirror of the real world? Well, Harmony is placed where Seattle would be. The west coast of North America. It’s where the game developers originated this game. It’s a massive city, bigger even than the real deal. It’s where the king lives, where all the major guild halls reside, and most importantly, it’s where the Coliseum is.”

“Coliseum? So, what, we’re going to fight?”

“Jonah, have you looked at your skills?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Holy shit, guys, look at your fishing skill!” Popper said.

Apparently you could examine the skills and weapon abilities of members of your party. I made a mental note to spend some time examining the other’s information.

“We both have a fishing skill of 86,” Gretchen said. “That’s just… I don’t know how to describe it. The skills in this game go up to 99, but as far as I remember, nobody ever got past 31 on anything, and that’s after playing for years. For decades. If the game was still active, we’d be real-life celebrities with a skill level just half of that. Each level after 24 goes up in difficulty to the point where anywhere in the 30s is near impossible to obtain. Our level didn’t give us any bonuses when the server was treating us like NPCs, but I suspect fish will be jumping out of the rivers into our hands now. We gain a new special ability each level after 24. I don’t even know what those abilities are. There’s a pool of fishing-based abilities, and you get a random one with each mastery level, so, even though we’re the same level, we’ll have different abilities. But we don’t know what they are until we discover them by activating them or stumbling upon them. From what I’ve read, many of these abilities are massive bonuses in certain weapons. Check out your weapons page, and you’ll see you have some like I do.”

“Okay,” I said, pulling up my weapons menu. I scrolled through, looking at everything with a value higher than 0. There were a few threes and fives. I saw an eight for something called a hook sword and a 17 for a trident. I also had a 17 for a flail.

Then, on the final page under miscellaneous weapons, I saw some much higher numbers. For a snake whip, my skill level was 21, and below that, something called an urumi was 37. I clicked on urumi, but it didn’t say what it was, just that I received a five point bonus because of my fishing skill and a 50% bonus because of my fly fishing skill.

Achievement unlocked! Discover a mastery ability.

“What the hell is an urumi?” I asked.

“I have no idea,” Gretchen said, “but it looks like some sort of whip weapon. Whatever it is, we need to find one for you. At level 37, you’ll be unstoppable. Look at my skills. Because of my spear fishing being level 56, my spear ability is 28.”

“Okay, so we’re badasses. We go to this coliseum and then what?”

“Well, we win the tournament. We’re given the opportunity to fight the king, and if we have a good showing, he’ll give us land somewhere. Winning the tournament is easy. It’s a mid-level quest, and you can do it with a weapon level 11. Impressing the king is another story, but people have done it. You get five minutes in the arena with him, but nobody lasts five minutes. Nobody lasts two minutes, but that’s okay. You just have to impress him. It shouldn’t be a problem because nobody has ever had a weapons skill as high as 37.”

“So what’s the point of that?”

Popper answered for her. “That’s brilliant! He’ll give you land, making you a baron. And land barons have the ability to send out system-wide messages. Remember that one player, the one with silver tips in his hair?” Gretchen was nodding. “He’d gotten the ability to send system messages. You can only send one a month or something, but anyway, people were paying him a million bucks of real-life money to send their messages. I remember the last one before it all closed down was an ad for Outback Steakhouse. Man...if you become a baron, we’d be able to send a system message. We could have everyone meet us in Harmony. One of us has got to know what’s going on.”

It made sense, though other than the rat and all the fish I had caught, I’d never killed anything in my entire time here. I had vague memories of being mauled to death by a wolf a few times, but that was years and years ago, and I hadn’t fought back. Being skilled in the menu was one thing, but this game required actual physical action. How much did the skill level really matter? It said I was skilled with a whip, but I’d never used one before in real life, I was sure. I was just as likely to rip my own ear off.

And Seattle. The mention of the city stirred a memory.

I had visited there once, long ago. I was with someone, a man with glasses and an awkward smile. I didn’t really know him well. Why was I with him? A friend from the internet. But something was off with him, and I couldn’t remember what. We visited the Space Needle, rode to the top. I remembered I couldn’t see anything as the city was covered in a layer of clouds. Some of the buildings stuck up from the mist like fingers. Then afterwards, we went to a football game, and it was bitingly cold. I wasn’t used to the weather and had been miserable the whole time.

“Seattle, huh?” I said. “Where are we now? How far is it, and how are we going to get there?”

“Yeah, that’s a problem,” Gretchen said. “I have no idea where we are, and fast travel is disabled. Normally, we’d be able to find a travel node, pay some jacks, and zip over. There’s probably a node in Constance a few days down river. But now, I have no idea. We’re in the country of Dace, but I don’t remember ever hearing of it. The countries here are different and changed a lot. There’s thousands of them. We could be somewhere in North America, or we could be somewhere in China. I have no idea.”

“We’ll have to follow the Chiperu River,” I said. “Constance is a trade town. That means traders will be there, and we’ll try to book passage.”

Little Popper slapped his hands together. “Sounds like a plan, boys and girls. But first, I’m starving.”

Chapter 5

“It’s funny,” Popper said, sucking the meat off a rib bone. I’d watched the little kid devour at least twice his body weight so far with no signs of slowing. I imagined him exploding like a goldfish. “I don’t think I’ve had a single thing to eat in however long we’ve been here. Every day, that crazy bitch took me to the market and bought a few things for the bar. Every day, I’d try to steal an apple, but she’d always pry it out of my hands before I could get a bite. Then Rex would yell at her for bruising the apple. We did the same thing every day. And looking back, it seems like I knew what was going to happen. But while it was happening, I felt and acted like it was the first time. Does that make sense?”

“Yes,” I said, finishing my hunk of meat. The juices ran down my chin, and the gamey sourness of the meat burst in my mouth. Each bite filled me up a little more, and I could feel myself getting more energetic and awake. I did not want to ask what specific type of meat it was, but based on the garland of gnome shoes hanging from the counter of the booth, I could hazard a guess.

There was a single food vendor in the marketplace—Fast Delores was her name. She was a large woman, almost a copy of Ursula the fishmonger, but with a spattering of freckles on her upturned and prodigious nose. She sold each skewer of meat for one jack each and a half rack of ribs was two. We each had 100 jacks in our purses, given to us by the system because of the crash. It was why Popper had woken up. He’d been in our bubble of influence when the system freaked out. Gretchen said that had been a major bug in the game that had never gotten fixed. If one person’s rig crashed, sometimes everyone within 20 meters or so crashed, too. They even had a term for it, called, “going sinkhole.”

Gretchen wiped her face on her sleeve. “Yeah, it’s like the gnome attack. We always know it’s going to happen the exact same way at the same time, but we act all surprised when it does. It’s a weird NPC quirk that’s required to keep the quests in the game intact for multiple players.”

“And speaking of gnome attacks,” she continued. “We’ll start toward Constance in the morning, but we should try to complete the quest tonight. We will share 1,500 experience points plus points for each gnome we kill. That’ll give us a few levels, edge our health up since we’re all level one.”

“All I have is a sword back in my cabin,” I said. “I’m only level one with it. And I think the quest is more than just killing gnomes. It says we have to figure out why they’re attacking.”

“There’s a flail sitting in the window of Benjamin the blacksmith’s shop. It’s probably more money than we have, but we’ll take a look. And if we don’t complete the quest, it’s no big deal. We’ll still get boatloads of experience. Gnomes are easy to kill, and there’s lots of them. You’ll be able to loot the body of each one you slay, and they usually have a jack or two on them. Plus, we can sell their hackbuts and curved swords when we get to Constance.”

I remembered what it felt like when the rat bit my arm and when Sonia blasted me across the room. I tried to imagine what getting my head blown off would feel like. I wasn’t looking forward to going into battle again.

“I don’t know if I’ll be much help in a fight,” Popper said. “I got all sorts of combat-related skills, but my highest actual weapons rating is level 10 with the battle axe. My size makes it so I’ll never be able to hold one. I’m a level two with Dolly, but that’s it.”

“Dolly?” I asked.

He pulled the small knife he had threatened me with earlier from his dress. “The guide gave it to me. It’s enchanted. It has plus one percent to damage. I’ve named her The Dolly Trauma.”

Gretchen rolled her eyes. I laughed.

“Anyway,” Popper said, “the gnomes don’t ever hurt me. Every time there’s a battle, they end up breaking into that back room of the Belly-Rubbed Pug where Wanda keeps me during her shift. Sometimes they stab Wanda, but not usually. They never touch me, even when she tells them to take me instead of her.”

“Wait,” I said. “She offers you up to the gnomes?”

“I know, right? That woman is black-hearted. They take all the booze they can carry but leave me alone.”

We finished our food and started walking toward the blacksmith’s shop. Before, most people had seemed afraid or standoffish with me, but when it was the three of us, they were much more friendly. Almost everyone we passed stopped to say hello and welcome us to the village. I think it might’ve had to do with Popper’s charisma being 17. He had a base of 10 with a +7 age bonus.

We talked about our plans for the evening. Gretchen was a natural leader, coming up with the bulk of the strategies and contingencies. I allowed her to do most of the talking. She seemed born into this sort of world. She said she was an engineer, but I imagined her as maybe a soldier, too. She seemed ready to pop into action at any moment, always eager. I was starting to feel a little envious of her. No wonder I never played games like this, I thought. This sort of thing didn’t suit me.

With Popper, it was still difficult to figure out what sort of person he was. He was quick to anger and fight, but he seemed generally laid back about most things. He smiled and joked easily. Like me, every other word out of his mouth was a curse. Still, I had a sense that there was a deep sadness there. I imagined it had to do with his wife, Juliette. Did he remember more than he was letting on? Or was Popper like me, with just memories of the feelings, but not the actual events?

A memory of an angry voice came at me suddenly, unexpectedly. A woman. You’re a coward. When things get difficult, you turn your tail and run away.

I shivered at the odd memory. I don’t know who said it to me, or why. But I knew it had stung deeply. It had stung because it was true.

We arrived at the blacksmith’s modest workshop. As we entered, a notification appeared telling us we’d entered a shop. The showroom consisted of a simple room facing the street with several iron and steel items on shelves or hanging on hooks. Several dust-covered, half-full tables lined the walls. The back wall held a door that presumably led to Benjamin’s forge and workspace. As we entered, muttered curses and hammering sang from beyond the door.

“Pick it up,” Gretchen said, indicating the flail hanging in the window.

It was an ugly, dangerous-looking weapon. The simple, short wooden handle sprouted a black, oiled chain. At the end of the chain was a round, spiked metal ball that gleamed with malevolence. A thwack in the head with that would ruin anyone’s day.

“There are multiple types of flails,” Gretchen said, “but if you click on the flail submenu, you’ll see you have a 17 in one-handed flails. That’s what this is.”

I grabbed the weapon. Immediately several items appeared floating in the air.

Common One-handed flail.

You have a skill level of 17 with this weapon. You are an expert with this weapon.

This weapon is superior to your last-equipped weapon, peasant short sword. You inflict 545% more damage with this weapon than with peasant short sword.

Floating directly above the flail in red letters was the price:350 jacks.

Benjamin entered the shop from the back room, rubbing his hands on a cloth. A blast of heat filled the area as the door opened. He was a carbon copy of his twin brother, Rex the fruit merchant, minus the eyepatch. The man smelled of sweat and beer.

“Wow,” I said, swinging the flail back and forth. The weapon felt positively deadly in my hand. I’d never held anything like it before, but I knew right away that I could use it. It was like the knowledge had been planted, dormant in my mind all this time, waiting for me to pick it up.

“Cool, huh?” Gretchen said.

“How can I do this?” I asked.

“Most the skills in the game are enhanced, or hindered, based on your ability with the skill. You can swing that flail around like you’ve been wielding it your entire life because the game gives you a boost. Can you imagine what it’d be like without enhancements? People would be keeling over from heart attacks and chopping their own toes off left and right.”

I guessed that made sense, but the thought of a computer controlling my actions was downright creepy.

“There are unenhanced skills, too. Most of them are art based. Sculpture, drawing, a couple musical instruments, stuff like that.”

“Hello, friends,” Benjamin said. He eyed me up and down. “I can tell it’s a weapon you’re familiar with. A tricky thing to use properly, a flail. A man with proper skill can swing one right around an opponent’s shield, crushing his skull before he even knows what’s happening. They’re not so good in tight quarters, but on the open battlefield against an armored enemy, there is no equal. No equal.”

“My friend here is looking for protection against the gnomes,” Gretchen said.

Benjamin nodded. “I see you’ve been talking to the constable. Right then. A flail is a good choice if you know what you’re doing. You’ll need a shield, too.”

“It’s a nice weapon, but we don’t have enough for it,” I said. After lunch, we only had 290 or so jacks combined.

“Hmm,” Benjamin said. “Well maybe a nice war hammer will suit you better. I have one right here. Was used in the Hive Wars against the emo-tong, but is still solid.”

My war hammer skill was a fat zero, so that wouldn’t work. I placed the flail back on its hook and started browsing through his other items, picking each one up. I didn’t have skills in anything other than the knives and short swords.

“Do you know what an urumi is?” I asked.

“Why yes,” Benjamin said. “The flexible whip sword. That is not something I sell. They are expensive, dangerous weapons, some say more dangerous to the user than the opponent. You can only get them from a few places in the world. They’re an ancient, feared weapon that were wielded by the royal guards of Ravida. This was long before the Unification of course. I know of one shop in Brivdah.”

A whip sword? That sounded kind of cool. “How far is Brivdah from here?”

“Oh, it is so very far. A lifetime of travel away.”

“This is weird,” Gretchen said. “Normally when you ask something like this, the NPC will mark it on your map.”

“What about Harmony?” I asked. “How far is that from here?”

“That’s even further, in the opposite direction. You must cross the great ocean abyss to get there.” Benjamin shook his head. “My brother went to Harmony to study fruit botany, and he lost an eye trying to cross the ocean. Was gone for seven years and much of that time was spent traveling.”

“Crud,” Gretchen said.

I continued to browse as we spoke. In the back of the room stood a dusty table half-filled with rusty, old, and broken items.

I had an idea. I started to trace a crude map of the world in the dust. I caught myself tracing the specific patterns of the Canadian coastline, and as I worked, I realized I knew a lot about geography. I thought of all the countries of the world, quickly scrolling through the list in my mind. There were either 203 or 199 different countries, depending on who you asked. I remembered that the world had been a volatile place these last few years, and that number was changing a lot.

I could sense an occlusion there in my memory, blocking recent events, a massive cataract blocking out something big, something momentous. I had the sense the world had changed significantly those last few years, but I couldn’t remember how.

I placed a mark over Seattle.

“This is Harmony,” I said. “Where is this Brivdah place?”

Your Cartography skill has raised from 0 to 1.

Your Artistry (non-enhanced) skill has raised from 0 to 1.

Benjamin eyed my map. “Hmm,” he said. “You sure know a lot about the world for someone who doesn’t know where he is.” He jabbed his finger in the dust. “Brivdah is right about here.”

His mark was placed on the west coast of India. Maybe Mumbai, but my map was too crude to know for sure. His fat finger mark smudged up half the coast of the country. “And where are we now?”

“Why, we are right here,” he said.

Gretchen stepped forward to look where he’d pointed.

“I can’t see,” Popper complained, jumping up and down at the edge of the table. Without a word, Gretchen picked him up.

“Ha,” Gretchen said. “I just gained a skill point in the ‘Child-Rearing’ skill.”

“Fuck my ass,” Popper said, looking at the dot on the map. “Where the hell is that?”

I ignored the startled look of Benjamin and sighed. “It’s hard to tell for certain, but if his dot is exact, we’re in northern Romania. Maybe Ukraine. If these mountains we’re in are the Carpathian range, then definitely Romania.”

“What are you, a geography teacher?” Popper asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I know a lot about this stuff.”

“Romania? Isn’t that where Dracula is from?” Gretchen asked.

“Yeah,” I said, “Just a little south of here. In fact, if the dot is off, we could be right on top of where that castle would be.”

“Great,” Gretchen said. “Vampires. I hate vampires.”

“Aye,” Benjamin said. “There are vampires. Legend has it the sovereign of the undead lives down here.” He pointed just south of where Icardi was. “If you’re interested in killing the undead, I hear there’s much hunting down there.”

“That’s a quest we can do without,” Gretchen said. “I hate vampires,” she repeated. “I’ve heard of the sovereign quest. People dedicate a year or more of their lives to finish it.”

“So, what? Are mythological creatures mostly found where they’re originated?”

“Not always, but the big ones are. Vampires around here. Leprechauns in Ireland. Bigfoot in the US. They’re usually called something different though. There’s some really scary stuff in Japan. I was never high enough level to check it out. I mostly hung out…” Gretchen’s voice trailed off, as if she was remembering something. “Mostly around the Great Lakes, Ontario area.”

I nodded, thinking of all the wolves in the forests around here. “We probably have more a werewolf problem than a vampire problem up here then. Don’t those two go hand-in-hand?”

“Werewolves were a real menace a few seasons back,” Benjamin said. “I know of a nearby town that’s experiencing attacks every full moon. I suspect adventurers such as yourselves might be able to help that village.”

“Yeah,” Gretchen said. “The last thing any of us need is a lycanthropy curse.”

“Fucking Romania,” Popper said. “That’s far as shit to Harmony. How the hell are we going to get there?” Gretchen still held the tiny human like he was a real child, and it was an unsettling juxtaposition, her holding this profanity-spewing kid.

I noticed that while Benjamin actively participated in our conversation, he seemed to just ignore anything that didn’t fit in the context of his character. Like with Hamish the gate guard when Gretchen called him a robot, Benjamin seemed to not grasp our meaning. I wondered if that meant he was a true NPC and not a sleeper like the three of us.

“We need to hit a bigger town, and we can see what our travel options are,” Gretchen said.

As we talked, I continued to browse the broken chunks of metal. Buried on the far side of the table in the corner, a glint of metal caught my eye. I picked it up.

Superior two-handed trident. This weapon is broken.

You have a skill level of 17 with this weapon. You are an expert with this weapon.

This weapon is superior to your last-equipped weapon, peasant short sword. You inflict 3% more damage with this weapon than with peasant short sword.

If repaired, you inflict 753% more damage with this weapon than peasant short sword.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to cast Enchant Aquatic Weapons.

You have the ability to enchant this weapon.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to cast Repair Aquatic Weapons.

You have the ability to repair this weapon.

Floating above the three-pronged trident head was a price of 15 jacks.

I looked at Benjamin and smiled.

Chapter 6

Gretchen bought a simple spear for another 160 jacks. Once I purchased the broken trident, several menu items hovered over the weapon. I chose repair, and a single waypoint popped up on my mini-map. It led out to the Chiperu River.

To cast the repair skill, you need to be standing in natural water.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to find water sources.

I told the other two, and we decided to head out to the river after we picked up a few more supplies. Benjamin waved goodbye to us as we left. I turned and waved back.

We stopped at the chemist’s shop to purchase a few healing potions at 15 jacks each. The clerk was the rotund, rosy-cheeked man who had once been the priest of the town’s church before the dark wizards had come so many years before. Father Ajax.

“Aren’t you a priest?” I asked as he handed us our glass vials. The potions were corked test tubes. Popper said the red healing concoctions tasted like strawberry Kool-Aid.

Ajax paused, cocked his head to the side. His wife—the old chemist—had been silently organizing a shelf of holy water vials for fighting vampires. At the question, she wiped her hands on her apron and went into the back room, slamming the door, leaving an awkward silence.

“I…I was a priest once, long ago,” the man said. “I was an adherent of Accord, the benevolent goddess of congruence. But I lost my church when—”

“That’s really unfortunate,” Gretchen, interrupting, “but we’re in a hurry. We’d love to hear your tale some other day.”

We took our vials and left.

“What was that about?” I asked.

“You were about to get a quest thrown at you. We want to avoid religious quests. We don’t deal with the Pantheon unless we have to.”

“But why?”

“A couple reasons. First, once you get involved with one of the gods, and there are tons of them, you get mired in all their rules. You get all sorts of benefits for being in a certain god’s favor, but it comes with a price. Suddenly there’s a bunch of weird laws that’re hard to keep track of.”

“There’s this one goddess,” Popper added, “that gives you double strength, health, and jacks. But you have to kill every NPC you meet with a candle making skill higher than three. No reason for it. The goddess just hates candle makers. And if you don’t do it, she’s liable to turn you into a llama for a whole day. It’s bizarre.”

“Got it,” I said. “We’re avoiding gods and goddesses if we can.”

“Yeah,” Gretchen said. “Also, you only have ten quest slots. They did that because…well, I don’t know why they did it, but it’s a pain. You can only have ten active quests at a time, and you’re going to find they pile up quickly. The only way to get rid of them is to complete one or you can cancel a quest after a week. If you get filled up on quests you can’t do, you’ll get stuck unable to earn experience and good items.”

We stored our potions and set out for the river so I could repair my trident. As we left the village, a notification appeared:

Entering Dace.

As we walked, I handed Gretchen the broken trident head to see if she had any abilities related to the weapon, but she did not. I felt a small sense of triumph at that. I wondered what other mastery skills I had gained because of my fishing and fly-fishing abilities.

I didn’t have to wait long. As we approached the river, several things happened at once.

Popper was talking loudly about how many gnomes he was planning on killing with Dolly Trauma, and Gretchen argued with him as they formulated a strategy for this evening. We reached the edge of the water, and I stepped into the cold current. The moment my foot hit the water, a whole wall of text practically knocked me over. Beside me, Gretchen stopped dead. She also had her foot in the water.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to determine water depth.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to find fish.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to summon fish.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to cast Summon Leviathan!

You have discovered the Mastery ability to cast Part Water.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to cast Summon Tide.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to cast Ice Storm.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to find sunken treasure.

You have discovered a Mastery ability. You have been crowned the Flounder King!

You have discovered the Mastery ability to cast Water into Ale.

You have discovered a Mastery ability. Breathe Underwater!

“It’s like I’m Aquaman,” I said. “I can breathe underwater and practically talk to fish.”

“Oh yeah,” Gretchen said, grinning. “Can you do this, Your Majesty?” She stepped up onto the river. She took several steps. She could walk on water. “I can breathe underwater, too!”

I pulled up my menu, scrolled to spells, and found “part water.” It cost 10 mystic points to cast, and I only had 25, but I didn’t care. I cast the spell right underneath Gretchen, and the Chiperu immediately opened up under her feet, like Moses parting the Red Sea. She fell, sputtering and laughing into the mud before scrambling back toward the shore.

Achievement unlocked! Cast a spell.

“Guys, I am so jealous right now,” Popper said. He was bent over laughing. “A mastery in crying is not nearly as cool as that shit.”

“What the hell is being called a ‘Flounder King’ good for?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” Gretchen said. “But the title is now floating over your head. It says ‘His Royal Majesty, Flounder King Jonah.’”

I looked up, even though I couldn’t see my own label. “I hope that’s a joke.”

Gretchen and Popper were falling over themselves laughing. “Oh man, it’s real,” Popper said. “You look ridiculous.”

“Great,” I said. “I hope people don’t treat me differently.”

“Only the two of us can see it. I hope,” Gretchen said, laughing.

I’d already lost count of the mastery skills I’d discovered, but there were dozens more waiting to be figured out. Some were lame. (Determine water depth? Really?) But others seemed valuable as long as I was near water. I couldn’t wait to try to find sunken treasure while breathing underwater.

“Seriously though,” Gretchen said, “we need to hurry.” The sun brushed the western horizon of trees. It was never a good idea to be out of town in the dark. “We need to teach you to use the menu with your mind. I watched you cast that spell with your hands. How are you going to do that with a two-handed weapon?”

The repair item spell cost 17 mystic points, so we had to wait while I regenerated a few points. My magic ability score of five was going to be a problem. My class didn’t normally cast spells, but with my mastery, I’d gained all sorts of magic abilities. I was going to have to find a way to give myself more mystic points. With only 25 points, I’d be at a huge disadvantage.

I held the trident in my left hand as I cast the spell. A long, hardwood handle snaked out of the head, growing like Pinocchio’s nose. The handle felt sturdy, but was otherwise unadorned. The dullness of the metal trident fell away. The razor-sharp tips gleamed in the light of the dusk.

Achievement unlocked! Repair an item.

I equipped the trident, and it felt light and natural in my hands. I twirled it like a baton, spun, and tossed it 15 yards into the water down the shore. It speared a trout neatly with the center point.

Experience earned!

You have gained a level! You have received a training token.

You are now level 2.

“Easy there, Rambo,” Popper said, going to examine the fish I had speared.

“That’s King Rambo to you,” I said, grinning. I picked up my trident and grabbed the fish. As I picked it up, a single golden jack fell out of its mouth.

You have discovered the Mastery ability: Catch of the Day.

I stuffed the fish in my bag. I looked at my trident and remembered I could enchant it. I leaned the weapon against my shoulder and pulled up the menu.

“Damn,” I said.

The enchant spell cost 51 mystic points. I wasn’t going to be able to turn it into a magic weapon any time soon.

We headed back to town as the long shadows disappeared and were replaced by inky pools of night.

“You know,” I said as we walked. “We are about as far from Seattle as you can get and still be in the northern hemisphere.”

“It’s almost like it’s on purpose,” Gretchen said.

“Africa would be worse, but still, it’s going to take a long time. We need to decide how we’re going to get there. If the geography is the same, we can go west, hit the Adriatic sea and try to get passage to North America via boat. Or we can head east and do the same from the east coast on the Black Sea. If we want to stay on land, we can go all the way east across Russia or China or west across Europe and cross the Atlantic. The Atlantic crossing would be quicker than crossing the Pacific, but we’d hit North America on the wrong coast.”

“The United States area has the sleds,” Popper said.

“Sleds?” I asked.

“They’re like trains,” Gretchen said. “But faster. North America is easy and safe to traverse once you’re on the King’s Road.”

“Most of the continent is noobville,” Popper said.

“What about the oceans?” I asked.

Popper and Gretchen looked at each other. “The shorter the passage, the better,” Popper said. “The waters are usually safe along the coasts. Deep ocean on the other hand...”

Gretchen nodded. “We can try booking a dirigible, but it’s expensive and dangerous. Much more dangerous than boat travel.”

“That should be a last resort,” Popper said. “I’ve never gone in one of those things without being attacked by something nasty. And you can’t set a regen spot on a dirigible like you can on a boat.”

“If we go west, will we go through Germany?” Gretchen asked.

I shook my head. “Probably south of there. Like Italy and Switzerland, though it’ll depend on the roads. It’s a good thing it’s spring because it would be impossible in the winter. The terrain is pretty rough. Honestly, our best bet is going east to the Black Sea. There’s sure to be merchant ships. We can hug the coast, cross the Atlantic, and find this King’s Road route to Harmony. Did you want to go through Germany?”

“No,” Gretchen and Popper said at the same time.

Gretchen shook her head. “The areas around Germany and France are in perpetual war. Dragons, ogres, lots of bad stuff. You set foot over there and you’re bombarded with dozens of quests, some of them compulsory.”

“What does that mean?”

“A compulsory quest is just how it sounds. Once one drops, you can’t leave the area until it’s completed. They’re also separate from the ten quest limit, so you can’t even stack up to get out of it. You go over there, you usually end up drafted into the infantry. The crown is always fighting rebels, the Hobgoblin Riot, and all sorts of monster outbreaks. It’s chaos. People travel there if they want to kill a lot of things. The quests are really fun because you’re running into battle with thousands of other players at the same time, but they’re time-consuming.”

“Okay,” I said. “Either way, we’d definitely have to go through France if we went that way.”

“Yeah, let’s do what you said. Go to the Black Sea,” Popper said. “But I ain’t spending a couple weeks on a boat unless it’s big enough to move around on. Also, weren’t we going to head to that one place, to find that special whip weapon for King Flounder here? Where was that?”

“That’s right,” Gretchen said. “We can probably find one in Harmony, but I wouldn’t want to risk it. If they’re from that one place the blacksmith said, the best chance at finding high quality and enchanted ones will be there. Where was that?”

“It’s in India,” I said. “The opposite direction of where we said we were going.”

“India,” Gretchen repeated. “Have I been there? I don’t remember. So if we go that way, we’re probably stuck dealing with the Pacific Ocean then?”

I nodded. “Indian Ocean first if we get a boat from Mumbai, which is where I think that town is. We’d be on the west coast of India. That’s a long haul in the water if we’re going to North America. We might be better off trekking through China. If we have to go that way, we’re still going to need to hit the Black Sea. I don’t suppose you guys know if the Suez Canal exists in this world?”

“How the hell would I know that?” Popper asked.

“We’ll deal with that when we get there,” Gretchen said. “For now, we have gnomes to worry about.”

Popper rubbed his hands together. “I’m gonna kill me some gnomes!”

Chapter 7

The big hand on the clock tower clicked over to 11:59 with an audible ker-thunk. The sound reverberated through the hushed village.

I clutched my trident with two fists. My heart pounded, and despite the cold air, sweat seeped down my temples. The only sound was my breathing and the breathing of the others hidden with me. Even the crickets and insects that surrounded the community were unusually quiet.

How did the game know that sweating and a fast heartbeat was the proper physical response? Was my body, passed out somewhere in a VR rig, also sweating? Or was the game’s AI in my head, knowing how I felt all the time? The idea was unsettling.

I stood in the tight space between Gretchen’s cabin and the adjacent home, the same spot Popper had been hiding in earlier. About 100 meters to the south was the main gate where the gnomes usually poured into the town. They came from the northern forest, dragging their large hackbuts, and they would skirt the edges of town, cutting through the tall grass to make a direct assault along the main road.

A full-sized gnome was about as tall as my knee. They weren’t like the traditional image of a garden gnome, of the tiny, dwarf-like humanoids with red, pointy hats. These creatures were ugly little buggers. All of them were bald, with sickly yellow-green skin and pointy teeth erupting from their underbites. They wore armor cobbled together from a mix of discarded metal and animal hides. Because of that armor, they clanked when they walked, like an army of tin men. Gnomes were common throughout the world, usually living in the forests on the outskirts of larger towns and cities. They were scavengers, subsisting off the midden heaps of the human settlements. They collected anything unusual, anything made of metal. In some of the larger cities, they could be traded with, and I had heard many were employed as handymen throughout the dominion.

It was said they lived underground, but unlike dwarves who were cave-dwelling, mine-digging treasure hunters and blacksmiths, gnomes lived in metal-reinforced warrens and were content to be tinkerers, gadget-makers, and gem cutters, spending their days toiling with steam-driven, clanking experiments.

They were known as a shy, peaceful race. Pacifistic to a fault. Earlier, Gretchen had said she’d once completed a quest where she had to save a warren of gnomes from adherents of the town’s crossbow guild who would get drunk and then use them as targets. That group of gnomes hadn’t done anything to protect themselves despite having overwhelming numbers.

Gretchen, Popper, and I didn’t know how many gnomes were going to attack. Gretchen was always drunk during the previous assaults, with me hiding with her in the town square. Popper’s memories of his NPC days were spotty at best, but he was always locked in the back room at the Belly-Rubbed Pug.

What were they looking for? Why did they attack?

Ker-blam!

The gnomish hackbut, their infamous gunpowder weapons, had a distinctive, sharp sound when they discharged, like the sky being rent. The noise was quickly followed by a hail of splintering wood. I’d just heard the guard shack blasted to smithereens.

I crouched in the darkness. “Steady,” I whispered.

Gretchen hid in a similar spot, about 50 meters away on the other side of the thoroughfare, and we were to wait for the line of gunners to pass.

As Gretchen had explained earlier, not all quests could be completed by a single person. Many required large parties, a horde of steel and spell-wielding adventurers. This sort of defend-the-town quest wasn’t that unusual and was designed to take advantage of the game’s party system. Some of the quests involving battles with the rebels required parties of 1,500 or more players.

We only had three, so we had to improvise.

The three-gunner gnome teams wouldn’t be able to turn around and aim easily once they were set up in the tight, upward-angled streets. A few carried sickle-like blades, but they would hopefully be occupied by the emerging NPC defenders.

Popper waited one block down, hidden atop the chemist’s shop, waiting to perform his part.

Beside me in the dark were Benjamin and Rex, both gripping their weapons. Rex, the eye-patched fruit vendor held a black mace with a cylindrical head and gold-colored spikes while his twin easily wrangled a massive two-handed sword that glowed subtly with multiple enchantments. Behind them were an assortment of villagers, all similarly armed.

On Gretchen’s side of the street, an equal number of villagers awaited. The rest remained indoors, all awake and aware of the impending attack.

We didn’t have a player army, but this village was our home, and we knew the inhabitants well, even if they no longer remembered us. We’d spent the last two hours going door to door, telling everybody the gnomes were massing for an attack. Everyone seemed willing to help, especially with Popper’s high charisma. My negotiation skills jumped from five to six, and my leadership skill raised to three.

The one odd exception was Constable Hemshin, who announced, absurdly, that he wasn’t going to leave his clock tower. We didn’t have time to puzzle out why he insisted on staying home. While we discreetly prepared, the villagers grumbled about the coward constable. The constable stood in his doorway, a look of stubborn resentment etched on his craggy face while he watched us organize. The massive clock tower loomed over him, over us all, like an impartial god, counting down to judgment.

The hackbut squads rushed down the streets. The jingling gnomes spread out while they set up. There were hundreds of them. My mini-map was a sea of red dots. The gnomes gibbered excitedly.

Their comically large guns would be difficult for a single, full-sized human to wield, yet three of the tiny gnomes somehow managed to set and place a row of them, facing north toward the center of town.

“Any moment now,” I whispered.

The wail from Popper didn’t hit all at once. It was a gradual thing, a raising of the volume, higher and higher until that scream of his was the only thing in the world. The ground shook, the windows rattled, and the spell associated with that scream—Stun Enemy—took hold.

Popper had learned two offensive spells as a result of his crying mastery. The first was something called Self-Destruct, which wasn’t something we wanted to experiment with, and the second was Stun Enemy, which was perfect in this situation.

The gnomes froze in place, all of them up and down the street like a scattering of mannequins. Those who were moving or running at the time of the casting fell where they froze, rolling and skipping to a stop, coming to rest in all manners of poses.

The spell only lasted ten seconds.

“Now!” I shouted, rushing from the darkness. Behind me, the village roared into life.

Ten seconds. That’s all we had.

In a thunder of footsteps, we raced out of the alley toward the line of gnomes. Most were faced the other direction, but some had turned toward us. I thrust my trident at the closest gnome. The center prong pierced the small monster right through the mouth. It penetrated the unmoving flesh with a pop, like sticking a knife into an apple. The impact ripped the frozen gnome off his feet.

Achievement unlocked! Kill a hostile enemy.

Experience earned!

I yanked the trident back, but the dead creature remained attached to the barbed center prong. The monster was heavier than he looked, and I struggled to shake the weapon while trying to get the corpse off. Its legs dangled free, dancing in the air as I shook, blood flying like water off a shaking dog. All around me came the sounds of one-sided slaughter.

I jabbed the trident to the ground, stepped on the chest of the creature, and pulled. Blood sprayed as I pulled it out.

There were hundreds of them, and with them frozen, it was difficult to tell which ones had already been speared or stabbed. The night was filled with blood and screams.

The gnomes stirred, and even more chaos ensued. I stabbed another, once again the creature getting hopelessly impaled on my prongs. A gnome screamed and charged, his sickle sword raised right at my crotch level. I instinctively swung the butt end of the trident at him, his dead compatriot still attached to the other end. The end cracked the gnome across the head, who went flying. Halfway through the swing, the speared gnome dislodged from the spikes and launched as if from a trebuchet down the street, steamers of bright intestines flying behind him like a kite.

More gnomes charged, and more fell under the swing of my weapon. I only stabbed if I had to. I quickly found a crack to the side of the head was more than enough to kill. I punted several in the head with my boot.

In the heat of battle, several notifications appeared, but the words were grayed out, as if the game knew not to be distracting while I was being attacked.

Several hackbuts fired in the midst of the melee, but it was nothing compared to the deafening fuselage that usually accompanied their Sunday-night attacks. Still, more smoke rose, and the staccato gunfire added to the overall sense of confusion.

A red line of pain seared along my left hip. I turned to see a gnome standing next to me, brandishing a sword. The little monster screamed something incomprehensible as he pulled his arm back to swing again.

Before I could react, a sword cut down from behind and split him in half, right down the middle, like a coconut sheared in half. I grinned at Benjamin as he shook the blood off his glowing sword. With a roar, I turned to face the next one.

Only there were no more.

They were dead. We had done it. The angry inhabitants of Icardi had swept over the tiny invaders like a wave, killing them all. We more than killed them. They were obliterated, dashed against the streets. Corpses were strewn across the red-painted cobblestones. Some villagers had been killed. Alexia the seamstress laid dead, her arms around the throat of a dead gnome with a knife sticking from his back. Elder Sean appeared to have gotten a face full of hackbut shot. Several others nursed wounds. A few wandered aimlessly, looking dazed. Rex sat on the ground, sobbing while his brother and Fast Delores patted him on the back.

The whole fight had lasted two minutes.

Across the street, the scene was the same. I raised my hand to Gretchen. She waved then gave me a thumbs up.

My side hurt, but it was a shallow wound, and it could’ve been much worse. My heart still jackhammered, and my hands were starting to shake as I came down from the adrenaline high. Equal parts revulsion and exhilaration filled me. I was beginning to understand why people became obsessed with this game.

This is not real. This is not real.

It felt real. It smelled real.

Several of the gnome corpses started to glow and flash yellow. I had no idea what it meant.

Gretchen came trotting over. “Loot your corpses before they become fair game. Just grab their coin purses on their belt, and the system will do the rest. Don’t take anything but the sickle swords and one or two of the hackbuts and anything that says it’s enchanted. You’ll fill your inventory with the armor, which is useless. I grabbed two hackbuts, but they took up half my space. I hope they’re worth it.”

That’s when I realized all the flashing bodies were ones I had killed. There were so many. Some of them had been flung far away, and I had no idea how I could’ve done that. In a daze, I approached the closest, a gnome with a caved-in skull. I grasped the small pouch on his belt. As soon as my hands wrapped around it, a message appeared.

You have received 1 jack. Do you wish to loot inventory?

I clickedyes and was greeted with a long list of items on his person when he died. It was an exhaustive list, from his socks to every individual piece of his patchwork armor. I chose his common sickle sword, and a new message appeared:

Item added to inventory.

Achievement unlocked! Loot a corpse.

I went down the line, doing the same to all the corpses I could reach. I had killed 23 gnomes. Each corpse gave a single jack except the last, which gave two. I looted five swords and two hackbuts. Each gnome wielding a hackbut had three rounds of ammunition and little satchels of priming powder. I grabbed all I could find. I also discovered a bracelet that was much too small for me. The inventory manager said it was enchanted, but I wasn’t sure how to tell what the enchantment was.

A scrolling message appeared in the bottom left corner of my vision.

Poppy: Holy shit, guys. I got assist experience from every single one of those little assholes who were killed when they were stunned. I’m already level four.

Gretchen: Way to go! I’m also level four now.

I had no idea how to communicate using the group chat. I looked at my own attributes and was surprised to see I was also level four. My experience bar was already on the top, teetering on the edge of level five. My hand-to-hand combat stats, already a two for some reason, had gone up to three.

Poppy: Guys, you need to come one street deeper. There’s something happening at the clock tower.

Chapter 8

Shit. Had we missed some of the gnomes? I rushed up the street, Gretchen appearing next to me. Above, Popper still stood watch on the roof of the chemist’s. He waved at us, pointing down at the base of the clock tower.

We rounded the corner and stopped dead. A crowd of villagers pooled outside the constable’s home. They clutched their blood-spattered weapons, and they looked pissed. A bloodied Ursula the fishmonger banged on the reinforced door, demanding to be let in. Someone had dragged the lifeless body of Elder Sean over and placed him in front of the house.

“This is not good,” Gretchen said.

“Get out here right now, Hemshin!” Ursula cried. “Come out and face us.”

“Coward!” several shouted.

Hemshin appeared out a second floor window. The dwarf shook his fist at the crowd. “Go home, the lot of you!” he shouted. “You don’t understand!”

“You’re supposed to protect us,” Ursula yelled.

I noticed the two town guards, Hamish and Paul had both survived the attack, and they stood side-by-side, looking bewildered, uncomfortable, and afraid. Hemshin also took notice and shouted down at them.

“You two,” Hemshin said. “Disperse this crowd!”

The two guards looked like they would rather be anywhere else.

Poppy: Oh Fuck. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. What the hell is that thing? Oh shit, is that—

A deep, bestial roar rocked the night. It made Popper’s earlier scream sound like a whisper. All around, windows shattered. Many of the villagers dropped their weapons as they stumbled and clutched their ears. I watched in horror as Popper was blown off the roof of the chemist’s shop. As I ran toward him, a notification popped up.

Quest Update! The Scourge of Icardi. Having used the village’s inhabitants to defeat the gnome invasion, a new menace has appeared. Investigate who this demon is and defeat it to save Icardi. Reward: 15,000 experience plus additional prizes.

This quest is rated expert difficulty. This is an Epic Quest.

Achievement unlocked! Discover an alternate quest path.

Achievement unlocked! Discover an Epic quest path.

System Message> New Epic Quest discovered in Icardi, Dace.

Popper stood from where he’d fallen, holding his arm. He wiped himself off. He appeared shaken but not really hurt. He looked pale.

“What the hell is going on?” I demanded.

“This is amazing,” Gretchen said. “Quest paths are alternate endings to quests. You usually discover them by solving quests in an unusual way or doing it at a specific time. They’re super rare and change the prize to something better. If we survive, we’ll get some magical gear for sure.”

“What is it out there? What did you see?” I asked Popper.

He still looked dazed, and I wanted to pick him up and give him a hug. I still wasn’t used to his child-like appearance.

“It’s like a bukavac,” Popper said, “Only bigger.”

“Oh wow,” Gretchen said. “Well, shit.”

It was the first time I’d heard Gretchen swear while sober.

“What the hell is that?” I asked.

“A bukavac is a six-legged forest and lake demon,” Gretchen said. “Kind of like a dragon, but less lizard-like, more like a mix between an owl and a bear. They’re almost impossible to kill. This town is screwed.”

“It’s circling the village,” Popper said. “I don’t think it can enter.”

“How come this has never happened before?” I asked.

Gretchen instinctively ducked as the creature bellowed once again. “The gnomes attacking are a weekly event. It looks like we, as players and not as NPCs, caused the quick defeat of the gnomes, which triggered this alternate path. Usually the gnomes run away. We killed them all.”

“Great,” Popper said. “These guys were better off when we did nothing.”

“Does everyone in the game see that system message thing?” I asked.

“Yes,” Gretchen said. “So if those other ten players hadn’t noticed three people had joined the game before, they know now.”

“Do you think they’ll come to us here now?”

“I don’t know. I doubt it. They’d have to know where this place is, and with no maps, it’d be really difficult. I still think our best bet is to go to Harmony. But first, let’s finish this thing.”

The creature roared once again.

“Or at least try to finish,” she said.

I looked back at the clock tower. “I bet Hemshin has something to do with it. We should try to talk to him.”

Gretchen nodded. “I was thinking the same thing.” The crowd milled about, holding their weapons with fear. They seemed to have temporarily forgotten their rage at the constable.

Outside the village, the bukavac demon roared and bellowed. The buildings shook.

I looked at the clock tower. It was almost 12:30. It felt like hours had passed.

“I think we’re safe for the moment,” someone called from the darkness. I recognized her as Gia the farrier. “The demon is staying outside of town. I sense a spell is keeping it out. I don’t know how long it’ll hold.”

I ran to the heavy door of Constable Hemshin’s home, and I pounded on it. “Constable,” I shouted. “Let us in! We want to help!”

The dwarf appeared again in the second-level window. He now wore a metal battle cap with a spar of metal that half-covered his prodigious nose. “Stay away from this tower,” he shouted. “It’s not safe here.”

I picked up Popper and thrust him in the air.

Popper squirmed. “What the hell, man?”

“This little girl’s home was leveled in the gnome attack,” I lied. “This is the strongest building in town. Please help her!”

The dwarf glared down at us, unmoved.

“I’m scay-ward,” Popper said in his best little kid voice. “Help me!” He raised his hands toward the constable.

Hemshin sighed. “You three only! Everyone else, go home and hide under your beds! If they get in here, don’t try to fight. Just run!”

“I can’t believe that worked,” Popper mumbled as I let him down.

“They?” I asked. “He said, ‘if they get in here.’ What was that about?”

A moment later, the door clanked open, and the three of us rushed inside.

Entering the Horology Guild.

Achievement unlocked! Discover a hidden guild hall.

Hemshin shoved the door closed before anyone else could try to break in. A bizarre, clockwork mechanism spun, bolting the door closed in several places all at once. The door glowed with an enchantment.

“Horology?” Popper said. “What the hell is that?”

“This is all your fault!” Hemshin said, turning on us. “You killed the gnomes. All of them! They’re gnomes for the sake of the gods. Why did you kill all of them? They would’ve run away after you bonked just a few. You wiped out their entire village!”

“They attacked us!” I said, incredulous. “You’re the one who warned us about them!”

He shook his head. “Well now you’ve done it. With all of them dead, she’s going to try to get the egg back herself.”

“I am so confused right now,” Popper said. “Does horology have something to do with girls?”

“No,” Hemshin and I said at the same time.

“Who is she? And what egg?” Gretchen asked.

“She,” Hemshin said, waving to the edge of the village. “Muma. The forest witch. The one you brought to our gates.”

“That thing is not a witch,” Popper said. “It’s a bukavac!”

“That is not a bukavac,” Hemshin said. “It’s a demon with a name so horrible, if I whispered it in your ear, the insanity would take you straight away. And it is not the witch. That creature is her steed. And husband.” The dwarf regarded Popper for a moment. “Sometimes things aren’t what they seem, are they little girl?”

“Okay,” Gretchen said, “Let’s start from the beginning. You obviously know why the gnomes attack. Can you enlighten us? We want to help.”

Hemshin sighed then turned toward the winding stairs that let up into the tower. He climbed. “Well don’t just stand there. Come along!”

“What is horology?” Popper asked again as we followed.

“It’s the study of time,” I said. “And clock-making. Like astrology is the study of the movement of the stars, horology is the study of the movement of time.” I had no idea how I knew that.

“That’s disappointing,” Popper said.

The wooden steps echoed loudly as we followed past a door I presumed to be the second floor living quarters. As we ascended, several sounds assaulted us. Most notably was the steady clunk, clunk, clunk of the clock tower’s gears churning, louder and louder. Additional mechanical sounds emerged as we came to another metal door. Hemshin produced a large key, turned it, and the door swung open. We entered the clockwork chamber.

Wheels and cogs and metal wire spun and twisted and whirred. The room vibrated with each clunk of the clock. My teeth jarred in my mouth with each tick, and I wished I had chewing gum to dampen the juddering. Hemshin waved us to a second, thick door. We followed, and he closed it behind us. The moment the door closed, we were embraced by silence. It felt as if we’d been transported somewhere else. And for a moment, I thought that’s exactly what had happened, but then I realized I could still feel the clock’s vibration in the floor.

“That damnable ticking gets into your head,” Hemshin said, going to the wall and peering out a tall, thin window. The room was bare except for two tables, a few dwarf-sized chairs, and a small cot. “I sleep in here sometimes just to get away. Not too many students nowadays anyway. It’s a waste of a good Silence spell otherwise.”

We appeared to be on the fourth level, just below the clock face.

Popper hopped into one of the chairs. “So, out with it. What’s the deal?”

Hemshin eyed the little girl, an eyebrow raised. He turned back to the window.

“We just want to help,” Gretchen added. “It’s why we’re here.”

The dwarf continued to look out the window while he spoke.

“This village, Icardi, was founded many years ago by my great grandfather, Hubrid. He left the mine and traveled to Schinn in the far, snowy north to study the art of making timepieces. We dwarves had many mines in the Govora Mountains here, and he wanted to help the family. He thought to bring back a skill and make fine gold and silver watches to sell to the humans. But when he returned years later, they didn’t wish to utilize his skills. This was the time of the dwarf King Freedman, and trade with humans was embargoed. Angry, my great grandfather came to this place. He shed his loyalty to the dwarfish empire and disavowed Freedman’s rule.

“He built this building first with the help of the local gnomes. He taught them everything he knew. They took to the knowledge right away. You know how gnomes and mechanical things are. It was a perfect match. Human traders came up the Chiperu River to find this absurd clock tower in the middle of nowhere. Word got out a horologist guild had formed here, and soon people, mostly humans, were coming here instead of Schinn, which is so very far away. A village sprung up all around. A second guild hall opened, the tumbler’s guild. Then the church and eventually the bank. The village became many times the size it is now.”

“What happened?” Popper asked.

“Muma. The witch of the forest. She calls herself the mother of the forest, but she is not. With people came children. The witch, unable to have a child of her own, became intensely jealous of the growing community here. She began to take the children in the night. One by one, the children of Icardi disappeared before we knew what was going on.”

“Jesus,” I said, enraptured by the story. “What was she doing with them?”

“Sacrifice. She devoured each and every one of them, dedicating each death to Moloch, one of the 13 gods of the underworld. Each time she prayed that in return for her sacrifice, he would give her a child of her own. Each time he said the same thing to her: ‘It is not quite enough.’

“Years passed. The village shrank. My great grandfather died ashamed of what he had built. Each child that was lost was an unbearable blow. Icardi became the responsibility of my grandfather, Regnald. He had three daughters with his first wife and a small son with his second. The son was taken one night by the witch. He neglected the guild and searched and searched for the witch. Only his son’s small skull was ever found. Despondent, he died. But his three daughters—my mother and two aunts— all master horologists themselves, decided to keep the guild open but to no longer advertise its presence. In the north, the mines were abandoned, having been tapped out. The dwarves had moved west, but Icardi remained. It became the small trading outpost it is today.”

“And the gnome attacks?” I asked.

“I’m getting to that. Despite the village shrinking into obscurity, the witch continued to take our children. And then, one day, she had finally taken enough. It was my older cousin, just a wee little girl, just shy of two years old.”

“Moloch was finally pleased. He sent Muma the beast you witnessed outside our gates. Her steed and husband. He mounted her, and soon thereafter, she laid an egg. She was finally to have the child she desired.”

“Wait, what sort of creature is this witch?” Gretchen asked.

“To all eyes, Muma appears to be a beautiful human with raven hair and milk-like skin. It is said her true form is revealed as she devours a child, but none have lived to see it.”

“So she’s a human, but that giant, six-legged, hairy monster thing ‘mounted’ her?” Popper asked. “And she popped out an egg? That is fucked up. Who comes up with this shit?”

“Go on,” I said.

“My aunt and my mother, along with my father and my uncle all set forth to find my cousin when she was taken. At the time, I was but an infant, a few weeks old. My other aunt—Aunt Yancy—set out south to the city of Old Yard to hire a party to help find and fight the witch. They did not yet know at the time that Moloch had finally granted Muma’s wish and that my cousin was already dead. My aunt returned two weeks later with an auric druid and two paladins. My parents were nowhere to be found.”

“What’s an auric?” I asked.

“It’s DoB’s word for elf,” Gretchen said. “I guess they were trying to be fancy or different since every other sword and sorcery game has the same basic races. Human, dwarf, half-ogre, auric, a couple random half-animals, and so on.”

Hemshin ignored this exchange. “The auric was a master druid, well-versed in reading the trees. She quickly discovered the witch’s lair. Within they found my mother in a cage, with my aunt, uncle, and father dead. A great battle ensued. It ended with both paladins dead and the druid gravely injured. My mother escaped with the dying auric. They had stolen the witch’s egg, and they brought it here, to Icardi.”

“I’m sure the witch liked that,” Gretchen said.

“The witch was also injured in the battle. She’d become blind and lost much of her power. But still, she burned with rage, and she attacked Icardi in an attempt to regain her child. The druid, dying from her injuries, cast a blessing on the village, which protects it from adherents of Moloch. It is a powerful spell, and Muma or her mount cannot enter to this very day.”

I thought of the black church. “What about the church? Remember the dark wizards?”

Hemshin shook his head. “The black temple are adherents of Tharon, another of the 13 underworld gods. Where Moloch is a petulant son, taking pleasure in chaos, Tharon is the responsible nephew, the accountant of all sin. Moloch promotes chaos and evil. Tharon promotes justice. He is the punisher of the wicked.” Hemshin spoke of Tharon with a whisper, as if he was afraid the god would hear.

“The town tried to destroy the egg, but to no avail. We have dipped it in molten iron, bathed it in fire, struck it with the most powerful of spells and weapons, but the egg remains. Before she finally died, the druid warned, ‘Do not let this egg hatch. The beast within will destroy this world.’ She told us that in order to keep the egg from hatching, we must keep it moving at all time. All time. The druid died, and soon thereafter, the egg appeared as if it might soon hatch. So we placed it in the one place we knew would always be moving.”

“The clock,” I said.

“Yes. In the pendulum. The tower must be wound every eight days. If it is not, the clock will stop, and the egg will hatch.”

“That’s insane,” I said. “What about the druids? Can’t you get another one in here to take a look at it, see if there’s any way to destroy it?”

“After the auric died, my aunt took my mother back to Old Yard in order to find a cure. You see, my mother had grown insane in the presence of the witch’s husband. ‘I know his name,’ she would whisper, over and over, all night. While there, my aunt contacted the druid council in an attempt to get more help with the egg. The druids came, along with priests and adherents of many of the day gods, and they all investigated. They tried to take the egg, but it would not let them. It has fused with the clock’s pendulum. It is the pendulum now. The druids and the priests all said they would seek out answers and return. That was long ago.”

“What, did they forget?” Gretchen asked.

“I do not know,” Hemshin said. “My aunt is dead. My mother never returned from the asylum. My daughters and wife are seeking answers. I waited until my wee ones were old enough, and I set them out into the world to contact the druids and priests again.”

“And the gnomes?” I pressed.

“Muma cannot get to us. And anyone who has spent the night in this village is safe from her until they sleep again. But the gnomes…their warren was not protected. I found out after the first time they attacked, and I interrogated one of the captured attackers. Muma has taken their children, all of them. All creatures love their young. The gnomes… they are no exception. It’s the foundation of their very lives, their children. Everything they do is for them. Muma keeps the children in cages, and she drowns one for each failed attack. She makes the gnomes attack us. She wants them to get to the tower to stop the clock.”

“Well now I feel like an asshole,” Popper said.

Jesus. I thought of all the gnomes we had killed. It’s just a game. Just a game.

It was getting harder and harder to tell myself that.

“So that’s why you stayed in here during the raid,” I said. “You wanted to protect the clock and not get yourself hurt. If something happens to you, no one will wind the clock. But why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“An occasional gnome raid is nothing. A city besieged once again by a witch and her demon paramour is something else,” Hemshin said. “People would leave, like they did so long ago. If Icardi is abandoned, the egg is vulnerable. But now the gnomes are dead, and Muma is out there, attempting to break the spell.”

“Will she?” I asked.

“I do not know,” Hemshin said. “The druid’s spell has lasted all this time.”

“Wait a second,” Popper said. “Those gnomes aren’t just trying to get to the clock. They always break into the tavern and steal all the booze.”

“It seems the witch’s husband has an intense desire for alcohol, and he insists upon the gnomes stealing as much as they can find for his own pleasures. I believe this is why their raids fail. The gnomes fear the demon more than the witch, and they scramble to please him first. They steal from the tavern and flee once our militia fights back. Muma’s husband gets his drink, and the cycle starts again.”

“He’s probably super pissed tonight, then,” I said.

Quest Update! Defeat the witch and her husband to free the gnome orphans.

“Orphans,” Popper said, shaking his head. “Way to twist that knife. Orphans.”

Chapter 9

“No way,” Klickat said. The dwarven barkeeper and owner of The Belly-Rubbed Pug shook his bushy head and stomped his foot. Behind him, Wanda the barmaid crossed her arms. She glared at Popper who glared back, muttering under his breath.

“The demon won’t leave otherwise,” I said.

“The gnomes always steal my alcohol,” Klickat said. “We finally beat them, and now you want to just give all of it away anyway? And barrels no less! The gnomes just take the bottles.”

“Have you not noticed that thing outside our gates?”

“I noticed the beastie isn’t coming in here. He’s huffing and puffing, but he can’t get inside. There’s powerful magic in those walls. I can sense these things.”

Gretchen went outside to try to talk sense into the angry crowd, who had returned to the clock tower’s door, having decided the demon’s presence was a result of something the cowardly constable had to have done. I could hear shouting, punctuated by the yelling of Hemshin, who had returned to his second-floor window. The ornery dwarf was not helping his cause.

“Do you hear that crowd out there?” I said. “They’re mighty pissed. Do you want me to tell them we have a chance to finally free this town, but we can’t because Klickat is being a greedy bastard?”

Klickat’s cheeks burned red with rage as he huffed. “Selling this ale is how I make my living! I am not a charity.”

It seemed like the dwarf was wavering, but I didn’t have time. “How about just two barrels? And I will pay for them myself once I have enough money.”

Klickat paused. “You’ll give me 400 jacks for two barrels? Barrels of king’s ale, not the plum brandy?”

“No. I’ll give you whatever it is you pay for a barrel. And I’ll take the brandy. I see you have five back there, and I’ll just take two. It’s that or I go outside right now and tell everyone what a stingy bastard you are.”

“Ain’t likely to be a surprise to no one,” Wanda said, speaking for the first time. “Just take your barrels and get out of here. Everyone in town thinks you are some sort of hero, but I know you’re really just a bunch of thieves.” She eyed Popper. “You send your little brat into people’s homes to steal. This is probably all your fault.”

“Is that right?” Klickat said, looking back and forth between Wanda and Popper.

“Shut your pie hole,” Popper said, “Or I’ll tell everyone what married man comes to visit you every Thursday night.”

Wanda paled. “You’re demons, the lot of you! Just do what you have to and leave us be.”

Outside, Gretchen stood with a group of villagers who looked, for the most part, mollified.

“What did you tell them?” I asked as I rolled the barrel outside. I tried to lift it and got a message that it weighed 650 pounds, well beyond my strength. Gretchen called several villagers over, and we team lifted the barrel onto a cart. A few more went inside to fetch the second one.

“I told them the truth. I figure you can’t go wrong with honesty,” Gretchen said.

“They’re all going to move away now,” I said.

“Then this plan better work,” she replied. “I don’t know what’s in that egg, but if it gets out, it might trigger a local or even world event, and that’s the last thing we need.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“Remember the natterjacks?” Popper asked.

“Yeah, I do,” Gretchen said. “It lasted three months. They were everywhere. A world event is usually the result of a new Epic, Legendary, or Unique quest. They’re usually triggered when the adventurers screw it up, and they unleash some sort of hell on the world. Whatever it is, it spreads across the globe and changes gameplay for a duration until a big enough party can come together and defeat the quest. A local event is the same thing but contained to an area. The last world event I remember unleashed billions of dwarf-sized frog things on the world. Natterjacks. They were everywhere, didn’t give any experience when killed, and attacked you on sight. It was awful.”

“They also stank,” Popper said, crinkling his nose. “It all happened because some dumbass thought it would be fun to drain a swamp in Crel and woke up a primordial one.”

“Well, shit,” I said. “This whole thing is our fault. We shouldn’t have started this.”

Gretchen nodded. “Yeah, but we had no way of knowing. We just got lucky. Besides, it’s just an Epic quest, not a Legendary or Unique one, so hopefully whatever happens won’t be so awful. Or it’ll just stick to this area. Epic quests are unusual, but players would discover new ones multiple times a day. They say every NPC can give at least ten different quests. Some give way more than that. Even with millions of people playing this game for 30 plus years, the developers said only 5% of all the quests had been discovered. There’s a lot out there. It’s a huge world. Either way, it’s too late now. We gotta try to finish this. If not, then that egg will hatch, and we’ll have to deal with whatever crawls out.”

Popper’s notion was to poison a barrel of booze and give it to the witch’s husband. I thought it was a great idea until Gretchen pointed out that demons were immune to poison. I asked what they were weak against.

“They take double damage if the sun is up. They’re similar to the undead, but not quite. Casting healing on them doesn’t hurt them like it does with vampires and zoms. Their biggest weakness is priests and paladins. Blessings, charms, righteous stuff. Silver hurts them. Most physical attacks that hurt vampires hurt them. Another weird thing about demons is that, while they will almost always lie to you, if you make a deal with them, they will be bound by the contract. It’s the premise of dozens of quests.”

“It’s like that song,” Popper said. “You know, the fiddle and devil one.”

A notion formed. I couldn’t tell if it was a good idea or an incredibly dumb one. I quickly relayed my concept to the other two.

An hour later, Gretchen and I each led a donkey and cart toward the edge of town. The beasts snorted with the effort of pulling the heavy barrels of plum brandy. It was said Muma had a special spell that could charm children, so Popper had to stay behind.

We pulled past the street still painted with gnome corpses and blood. Another pang of guilt for killing them all filled me.

As we passed through the outer ring of town, I readied the bandana I had on my forehead. It was said the witch’s husband, like many demons, had a chance to render anyone who gazed upon him insane. Gretchen shuddered as she explained. She said she remembered being afflicted with insanity once, and she couldn’t play for a week after that. She didn’t elaborate what it actually felt like, but I imagined it would be awful. For the spell to be effective, we had to lock eyes with the creature for more than a handful of seconds. I didn’t want to give it the chance. The moment we got close enough, I was going to pull the bandana over my eyes.

About ten yards past the pickets, the creature emerged, a hulking shadow in the darkness. It had camped itself on the main road into town. It took me several moments for my mind to register what I was looking at.

I knew this was a sword and sorcery game, and the lands were crawling with hundreds of different types of monsters. I had seen plenty of non-human creatures, like half-ogres and gnomes. But this was the first time I had gazed upon something so large up close, and it terrified me.

It was like a shaggy cross between a dragon and a caterpillar. It only sported six legs, but the tufts of black and brown hair or fur rose up and down in segments, giving it a bug-like appearance. Its massive head was like that of a Chinese dragon, but it was beaked like an owl. The creature undulated to an unheard rhythm, reaching four of its six legs up into the night sky, a supplicant deep in prayer.

The thing had to be thirty feet long. Its beak was the size of a dwarf.

Dancing next to him, her body hidden in shadow, was the witch. She twisted and turned in the night, dancing alongside her husband.

“Remember, don’t look into the eyes,” Gretchen said through gritted teeth.

“What the hell are they doing?” I asked.

“Probably casting a spell,” Gretchen said.

According to Hemshin, Muma and her husband couldn’t pass the pickets, and anybody who had last slept in town was also safe from their physical attacks. We didn’t know if that meant we’d be safe from the demon’s affliction or not. We weren’t going to risk it.

My donkey, whose name was Jenny, balked at the dragon-like beast. I patted her on the side of the head. “It’s okay, Jenny,” I whispered. “Just a little closer.” I pulled a carrot from the saddle bag and gave it to her. She chomped reluctantly, but she kept going.

Your Equestrian skill has raised from 0 to 1.

The guard shack at the main gate had been blown to bits in the earlier attack. We slowed as we approached. The witch chanted quietly as she danced, and it sounded as if she wore a skirt covered in tiny little bells. They jingled in rhythm to her moves. The woman was topless, and her pendulous breasts swayed with her motions. If Muma and the demon had noticed us, they gave no indication.

We turned our donkeys around, backing the carts to the edge of town, keeping our own backs to the witch and demon.

“Good job, Jenny,” I said, unhooking my donkey and patting her rump. She snorted and ambled back toward the stables. Gretchen did the same to her donkey, whose name was Eli. I looked at Gretchen and nodded. We slid the bandanas over our eyes.

I tentatively reached over and grasped the edge of the barrel on the back of Gretchen’s cart.

“Got it?” she asked.

“Let’s do it,” I said. Then, louder, “Hey, asshole! Why don’t you take this and get lost!”

Gretchen and I heaved, and I heard the heavy, brandy-laden barrel roll down the cart, which angled down abruptly as the barrel reached the edge. I cringed as the barrel crunched when it hit the ground, but I didn’t hear the tell-tale sound of it breaking.

The chanting stopped, and I immediately felt the demon’s massive presence right there, right over the edge of town. A heavy, musty scent filled the air, like the underside of a damp, mossy rock. The demon made a clicking sound as it hovered over us. It had traveled the distance to us in a flash, stopped only by the spell guarding the edge of town.

“Poison me, will you?” it asked. The voice was impossibly deep, reverberating off my bones like the lowest key on a piano. I heard the creak of the barrel as it was picked up. A crack, and the pungent smell of plum brandy added to the earthy musk.

“We know you can’t be poisoned, demon,” Gretchen said. “We just want you to go away, and we give you an offering. The gnomes are all dead. They will not be bringing you back the drink you crave.”

“Remove the coverings over your eyes. Let me look upon you, humans.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” I said. I tried to sound intimidating, but it came out as a squeak.

The demon grunted. It seemed to be contemplating the contents of the barrel.

A new voice spoke. Quiet, seductive, feminine. Where his voice was made of the earth, hers was of the wind. Goosebumps covered my arms as she spoke. “We don’t have a quarrel with you. All we want is to stop that clock. Perhaps you could help us? Moloch will grant you eternal favor if you comply. And if you do, I promise neither my husband nor I will ever come near this village again.”

Quest update! You may now choose to the stop the clock instead of defeating Muma and the demon. Reward: 15,000 experience and permanent favored status with Moloch.

“Oh wow,” Gretchen whispered. I felt her hand on my arm, and she pulled me a few steps away from the edge. “Let’s think about this a second.”

“Really?” I hissed. “You said we shouldn’t mess with gods. Besides, it’d be a major dick move.”

“True. Plus, whatever comes out of that egg is probably super awful. Still, it’s the same amount of experience. 15,000 is a lot, and it’ll be a heck of a lot easier than killing these two. Don’t forget, it’s a game. Whomever wrote this quest probably wanted us to choose this path so that egg ends up hatching.”

“It doesn’t feel right,” I said. “We don’t know what’s going to happen. I’d rather try to pull this off and get killed than possibly screw up the world while we’re trying to get to Harmony. It might be a game, but we’re stuck here. Something might happen that we can’t undo.”

Gretchen sighed. “You’re right. If I remember correctly, the benefits of being in Moloch’s grace aren't all that helpful to us now anyway. You get access to his temples, which is basically just a 24/7 orgy, it unlocks brothels all over the world, you get a PVP bonus, plus free booze and drugs in certain taverns.”

“Jesus,” I said. “He must’ve been a popular god.”

“Yeah,” Gretchen said. “He was. With men at least. It was super difficult to get into his favor. Otherwise everyone would do it. Back before they rolled out the biometric verification, people would sell Moloch-favored accounts for thousands.”

I turned back toward the demon and witch. Their presence, just a few feet away, was like standing in front of an open oven. Blistering heat radiated off them. “We will not stop the clock for you,” I said.

“That is a mistake,” the witch said.

The demon seemed to decide that the barrel of brandy was safe enough to drink because a moment later, the sound of him thirstily sucking filled the air. Muma whispered something harsh, but I couldn’t hear what it was, or if it was even in English. The demon belched, and the empty barrel crashed against the ground.

“Roll that other barrel over here,” the demon demanded.

My heart skipped a beat. Beside me, Gretchen tensed. Here we go.

“I’ll give you this barrel,” I said, “but you must swear to leave the village alone forever.”

The witch laughed. The demon didn’t.

“That is too high a price,” the demon said. His voice slurred slightly. “I’ll give you a night.”

“A week,” I said. “And we’ll give you two barrels a week from now on to keep you at bay. The gnomes only gathered bottles of cheap whisky and vodka for you. As you have tasted, this plum brandy is far superior, and there is much more of it. If you destroy this village, you’ll never get it again.”

“We will not bargain with you,” the witch said. “This drink is a distraction from our real purpose.”

“Done. But it must be three barrels,” the demon said. “With one brought out halfway through the week.”

The witch started to yell at the demon in a language I couldn’t understand but didn’t need to. Her rage was clear. I did not know which of the two was more powerful, but I hoped it was the demon.

“Three it is. So we have a deal?” I said, raising my voice to speak over the witch.

“I said it was done,” the demon said. “Now roll over the barrel.”

New Obligation! Provide the demon of Icardi with three barrels of plum brandy a week. In exchange, the demon will not attempt to destroy the town. Obligations may be viewed in the Quests menu.

Achievement unlocked! Make a deal with a demon.

Without another word, Gretchen and I rolled the second barrel off the cart. The demon caught it before it could crash to the ground. I took a chance and pulled my bandana off my eyes. I watched the beaked demon, even more terrifying this close up, raise its shaggy face to the night sky as it lifted the barrel over its head. It cracked the 600-lb barrel open like an egg. The purple brandy poured into its open beak.

My vision turned red. I felt myself flying. A line of messages appeared.

Experience earned! Experience earned!

You have gained a level! You have received a training token.

You have gained a level! You have received a training token.

You have gained a level! You have received a training token.

Obligation cancelled! Provide the demon of Icardi with three barrels of plum brandy a week. Reason cancelled: The demon is banished from all planes.

Achievement unlocked! Kill a unique monster!

Quest Completed! The Scourge of Icardi. 15,000 Experience earned! See Hemshin in Icardi for remainder of rewards.

Achievement unlocked! Complete a quest!

Achievement unlocked! Complete an Epic quest!

You have gained a level! You have received a training token.

You have gained a level! You have received a training token.

You have gained a level! You have received a training token.

You have gained a level! You have received a training token.

You have gained a level! You have received a training token.

You are now level 12.

You have died!

Half your progress to level 13 lost!

Achievement unlocked! Die!

Entering The River.

Chapter 10

My head ached. I blinked and tried to stand. My entire body felt filled with sand. I was naked except for a loincloth. With great effort, I rose off the cold, uneven surface. My bare feet stood upon wet rock. Low, dusky light filled the cave. Nearby, rushing water crashed.

What the hell happened? I tried to recall the final moments before I died. The demon drank, and I died. It was almost instantaneous.

“Holy shit,” I muttered. “It worked.”

The demon must have exploded. I had expected sputtering, anger, thrashing about. But spontaneous combustion? And the witch? She must’ve gone out with the demon.

At least it hadn’t hurt.

“Bless it,” I’d said to Father Ajax as we brought the barrel of plum brandy to his shop. “Turn it to holy wine.”

The former priest huffed. “It’s holy water, not wine. It doesn’t work that way. Besides, I’m not a priest anymore.”

“You sell holy water vials, so I know you can still do it. And why are you not a priest? Because those jerks took your church? You were ordained, weren’t you? You said your goddess is benevolent, is she not? Surely she still has love in her heart for you.”

“Yes, but…”

“And wine, water, what’s the difference? Wine is mostly water anyway. Just bless it!”

Ajax sighed, put his hand over the barrel, and said a few words. The barrel glowed for a moment.

I had no idea if it would work. In my cart I had my trident, and in hers, Gretchen held her spear. The plan was, we get the demon to drink the first barrel. Satisfied there was nothing wrong with it, he’d put his guard down and drink the second barrel of blessed holy wine. Since demons were damaged by holy water, the demon would reel in surprise. Before he could recover, I would heave my trident into his chest. Gretchen would fling her spear into the witch. A double whammy, so they say. It wasn’t a perfect plan, but it was all we had.

I hadn’t expected…what? A damn nuclear explosion.

It took several moments to take stock of my surroundings. Where was I? I took a tentative step toward the sound of the water. My feet stung as I walked on the rocky ground. I could barely see where I was going.

“Hello?” I called. My voice sounded hollow in the cave.

I remembered the mini-map and called it up. I was in a small area. Just around the corner was a larger room with what appeared to be a river running through it. Standing by the water was a single, golden dot. A game guide.

I turned the corner and stood before a robed figure in all black. The wide, formless creature was at least eight feet tall and smelled of dust and mildew, of rotten clothes. It was a little cliché, but I now I knew where I was. Behind him, a black river roiled.

“So you’re Death, right?” I said.

“You are King Jonah, the level 12 Hunter,” the creature said. The male voice was unexpectedly soft. A calm, unimposing voice. I could not see into the dark shadows of his hood to see his face.

Behind the figure, a simple boat sat upon the shore.

“So, what?” I said. “Do I get into the boat and you take me back to Icardi?”

“It has been a long time since I’ve had the pleasure of another’s company here,” the creature said. “So very long. An eternity unto itself.”

“Uh…” I said. “Am I supposed to do something? It’s my first time.”

“I am not Death,” the creature said. “I am called Harry.”

Harry? “Harry? Well, it’s nice to meet you Harry. Say, you said it’s been a long time. So a woman named Gretchen didn’t just come through here?”

“I have been here so very long,” he said again. “You are the first in many years. I had feared the world drained of souls.”

“Well, I imagine we’ll be seeing a lot of each other in the coming days.”

The creature seemed to brighten. “Really? Oh, that would be nice.”

“Yeah, definitely. I’m pretty sure I just got blown up.”

“Oh, indeed. You were killed due to blunt force trauma caused by what looks like an explosion. The blood of the demon you killed likely burned you severely also. You should really look into getting some armor. It doesn’t appear as if you were wearing any. As a hunter, you can’t wear the best armor, but even a decent leather would’ve probably saved you the trip—not that I mind.”

“Okay, buddy,” I said. “Thanks for the tip.”

“Sure,” Harry said. “I suppose you’ll be wanting to go back now.”

“Yeah, please.”

“Just step into the boat.”

Entering Jonah’s home.

A few moments later, I was on my bed in my home. I blinked a few times at the ceiling. The acrid, ominous stench of smoke filled the air. I didn’t know how long I’d been gone, but I sensed it wasn’t long at all. As an NPC, the game kept you away for several days when you died, but now as a player, it appeared that you respawned almost immediately. You just had to get across the river, and that was it.

Next to me on the bed was the skeleton of the rat I had killed during training. My peasant short sword laid next to it. Overcome with revulsion, I pushed the skeleton, and it crashed onto the floor. It shattered into dust.

Gretchen: There you are. We were getting worried.

“I don’t know how to talk to you using the thing,” I said out loud.

Poppy: He probably doesn’t know how to use the group chat. He’s a noob.

Gretchen: Not anymore. He made level 12 in one day. We really need to teach him how to use the menus.

I stood. I still wore my clothes, but they were practically falling off, they were so scorched and threadbare from the day’s activities. I remembered Harry’s suggestion that I get armor. I’d been so focused on my weapon, I hadn’t given too much thought to what I was wearing. With the state of my clothes, I knew I’d have to replace them soon.

To my dismay, I saw my pack was empty except for my training tokens and what appeared to be half of my coins.

A countdown timer appeared in my upper left vision. It was at 49 minutes and decreasing.

I remembered what the guide had said before. I had an hour to get my equipment before it became lootable to the rest of the world. I didn’t have much, but I did have a few things. Some coins, my fly fishing pole and lures, a fish, a couple potions of healing, and all the equipment I had looted from the gnomes, including that enchanted bracelet. My trident wasn’t in my pack when I blew up. It had been sitting in the cart, but hopefully it was nearby.

Gretchen: In case you were wondering, your torso and pack landed in the town square. That’s the part you need. One of your legs is in what used to be my home. I have your trident, but you’re going to have to repair it again. After you get your stuff, meet us at the constable’s house.

Outside, my side of the small village appeared undamaged. The scent of burning wood was thick in the air. It was still the dark of night, but heavy gouts of smoke actively pouring into the air. Nobody was about.

As I passed between the black church and the tumbler’s guild, I began to get a sense of what the explosion had done to the other half of the town. The empty market stalls were all toppled over. The clock tower still stood, but beyond it, it appeared the entire southern half of town was either leveled or half-standing. I groaned at the sight. It would take a week to rebuild all of this. Even longer because most of the town was probably dead.

My corpse pulsed green in the wreckage of what was once Ursula’s stall.

Thankfully, they had made it easy to find. I wondered what I would’ve had to do if it had landed on a high roof or some other inaccessible place.

When Gretchen had said it was just my torso, she wasn’t kidding. A naked, scorched set of ribs and spine still steamed. Tied around the non-existent shoulders of my former body was my pack, looking like it was still brand new. I touched it, chosetransfer all, and the timer went away.

My remains faded away, leaving a red spot on the ground.

Achievement unlocked! Retrieve your pack from your corpse.

Christ, how many achievements are there in this game?

“How the hell did you survive?” I asked Gretchen a few minutes later as I jogged up to her and Popper standing outside the constable’s home. Smoldering tinder filled the street. The town looked as if a gap-toothed monster had taken a single chomp out of it.

Corpses were strewn everywhere. Max and Benjamin. Ursula. Lidia, the baker’s daughter. Owen the woodcutter. Wanda and Klickat the barkeeper. All of them dead and smoldering. None of them would return to life until Tuesday night or Wednesday morning. It usually took a day to rebuild the town, with the supplies to re-construct the walls appearing mysteriously the next morning. But this damage was much worse than normal, and with most of the town dead in the blast, Icardi wouldn’t be back to normal for a week.

Gretchen grimaced. “I discovered a new Mastery ability. It’s called clamshell. It looks like it gives me a 50% chance to survive a lethal blow with just a breath of life left and gives me invulnerability for five seconds. Man, it was awful. I was burned to hell and had a chunk of wood impaled in my leg. My hearing was gone, and one of my eyes was dangling out of my head.” She shuddered. “I downed the healing potions. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t have them. Still, I had to wait for my eye to get sucked back into my head and for the wood to spit out of my leg. It hurt worse coming out than going in. I’d rather I died.”

I grinned. “Yeah, I didn’t feel a thing. The grim reaper guy was kind of weird, but I got out of there okay.”

“You’re a lucky bastard,” Gretchen said. “But yeah, the ferryman is mega creepy.”

Popper nodded. “And I was back in the clock tower, watching the whole thing through Hemshin’s lookout glass. I got a small cut when the glass shattered, but that was it. What you did to that demon was amazing. You could see that holy wine travel down its body. He lit up like one of those Gloworm toys for a half second before he blew to hell. Muma turned and tried to run away, too. She wasn’t fast enough and she got smashed against a tree in the fireworks. I just went out there, you know, to take a look. It looks like someone smeared a peanut butter and jelly sandwich against the tree.”

“Did you talk to Hemshin? Is he still alive?”

“He’s alive,” Popper said. “He ran out of the tower like a rocket the moment both of them died.”

“He has our quest reward,” I said.

“Yeah, no shit,” Popper said. “He better not be skipping out on us. Also, for the record, I would’ve been perfectly okay if we’d picked the dark side path and stopped the clock. I never set foot in a Moloch temple and always wanted to.”

Gretchen smacked him on the head, then laughed. “Child rearing just went up again.”

I took a few moments to examine Popper and Gretchen through the menu. Popper was now level 10, and Gretchen was now level 12, just like me. Popper still looked like a little girl ready to attend her first day of kindergarten in her pink dress. Gretchen looked much like I did, though there was a sunken-in quality to her cheeks I hadn’t noticed before. She’d said it had hurt, but I suspected her ordeal was even worse than she let on. Her clothes hung on her in ribbons, giving her the appearance of a zombie.

The haberdashery shop was in splinters next to the chemist’s. The shopkeeper was probably dead. We’d have to wait until we got to another town before we could purchase new clothes.

Gretchen tossed the remains of my trident at me, and I caught it. It was in the same condition as when I found it. Broken to hell. All that remained was the head.

“Thanks,” I said. “These things can’t take a blast.”

“I’m sure you can fix it right up,” Gretchen said. She leaned against the outside of the clock tower. Above, the comforting and steady tick, tick, tick, tick of the clock reverberated like a heartbeat.

“This weapon isn’t very good for fighting lots of creatures at once,” I said. “It kept getting stuck.” I relayed what had happened when we were fighting the gnomes.

“Hmm,” Gretchen said. “That is a problem. We can get you a flail. Benjamin won’t be coming back before we leave, though. You’re level 21 with the whip, but I don’t know if that would be much better than the trident. I don’t remember seeing many people walking around with them. It was mostly swords, axes, and bows. When we get to Constance, we’ll likely have better luck finding weapons.”

“And armor,” I said, remembering what Harry the ferryman had said.

“I’m a barbarian,” Popper said. “I can wear all sorts of awesome armor. But I have to find it in my size. The gnome stuff is too small for me.” He held up a gnomish sickle sword. “I’m level 3 with these things. Not good, but not bad. Dolly Trauma is still my number one girl, but this thing can chill with me for a while. I named her Velma. After the hot one from Scooby-Doo.”

Gretchen and I both laughed.

I pointed up at the clock. “So is this thing safe forever now?”

Gretchen grunted. “No. Normally what happens is when a new epic quest is found, once it’s completed, a month passes before it resets. After that, a bunch of players show up sniffing around town looking for it. If the party who completed it are feeling generous, they post about it in the forums. Once the quest opens up, anybody can do it any time. If there’s an event associated with it, though, like unleashing frogs on the entire world, that can only happen once. And only the first people to complete the quest get the best rewards. Since we avoided stopping the clock, it can still happen the next time. But we probably don’t have to worry about it since there’s no other players around.”

“So that demon and witch are going to come back?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Gretchen said. “But they only show up if you defeat the gnomes. The gnomes will come back first and start invading the town all over again. Everybody here won’t really remember what had happened either, unless you ask them directly. We could do this all over again, but we won’t get the rewards. Just the experience for killing the demon and witch. It’s just how the game works.”

“Christ,” I said. I shuddered, remembering what it was like to be an NPC. It didn’t seem so bad when we were doing the same thing over and over, not really aware, but now that I was conscious, the idea of going back to that state was unbearable. It was hell.

Gretchen, Popper, and I waited in the cold for Hemshin to return. I took a burning stick from a nearby building and built a warm fire near the entrance to Hemshin’s guild. My fire building skill was eight, probably thanks to my hunter class.

Eventually, the night settled around us. The bugs who had been silent all this time resumed their hum. The smoldering buildings stopped billowing and expelled smoke more lazily. If any other villagers were alive, they remained indoors.

We talked about our memories while we waited. I still had precious few, and it seemed I had the least of the three of us. Gretchen said she still couldn’t remember anything about herself, but she was getting more and more snippets of her work life. She said she remembered she helped program the mapping systems of space probes. Something to do with the timing of rocket bursts to keep things on track. It was far beyond my comprehension.

Popper said he remembered fixing air conditioning systems when he was in high school, and he went to a woman’s house once, and she was waiting for him naked when he got there. He’d been so scared, he ran away and left his tools. His dad had to go back and pick them up for him. Popper said he remembered his dad doing it, but he still couldn’t remember anything about the man himself. It was like the memory loss was targeted, deliberately obstructing memories of self and family.

“I barely have that,” I said. “I can picture a map of the world and name all the large bodies of water, but I don’t know why I can do that. Am I a geography teacher? Just a traveler who knows a lot? A Jeopardy! nerd? Hell, I remember Jeopardy! I know what it is. I remember that new woman host with the red hair and the one before that and even the original host, Alex something, they sometimes show on the Game Show Network. But I don’t remember my real name, or what I looked like, or my favorite color.”

“It hasn’t even been a day yet,” Gretchen said. “Give it time.”

At just about 4 A.M., Hemshin appeared, emerging like a beast from the sea. He whistled while he walked, a happy little tune, and we heard him before we saw him. But it wasn’t just him. He entered the shattered town with a haphazard parade on his heels. At first I thought they were several hundred ducklings, jumping and bobbing and wobbling in the night air.

“They’re baby gnomes,” Gretchen said after a moment.

“Oh shit,” Popper said. “Try not to talk to him about the babies. He’s going to give us another quest.”

“Look what I found,” Hemshin boomed, his voice full of pride. He stopped walking, but the wobbling line of gnomes kept coming, many of them crashing into the back of his legs.

The babies were downright adorable. Their giant, bulbous heads made them look like cartoon characters. The little things wore pairs of specially-fitted red overalls. Their giant, blinking eyes quivered with unspent energy. Each gnome was barely higher than my boot. A group of about twenty swarmed Popper, who was backing up uncertainly.

“You three did a real number on the town,” Hemshin continued as he unlocked the door to the guild hall. We all followed him inside while he spoke. “But with Muma and her demon steed dead, I went to their lair to free the baby gnomes.” He glared at us each in turn. “I wouldn’t have had to do it if their parents were still alive.”

I felt a tug on my leg and looked down, surprised to see one of the round gnomes had climbed halfway up my body, like a kitten. He looked up at me with his giant, adorable brown eyes. He spoke in halting, broken English.

“W…why’d you kill my pop-pop?”

The little gnome was the size of a softball, but significantly heavier. I gently peeled the thing off my leg and put him down.

“I’m sorry your, uh, pop-pop is dead. He attacked us because of the witch. We didn’t know.”

The little boy gnome seemed to think on that for several moments before nodding. He turned and gibbered something to the other small gnomes

“I saved `em, but I don’t have anywhere to put `em,” Hemshin said. Already, the little monsters were spreading all over the inside of the guild hall, knocking things over. “It didn’t seem right to just leave them out there all alone. Wolves would gobble them right up. I need to get them to the gnome warren outside of Rendall. They’ll be safe there. Will you help me?”

New Quest! Bumping Uglies. Having killed their parents, you are tasked with escorting the 250 gnome orphans to their new home. To complete this quest, 75%, or 188 gnomes must survive. Reward: 1,500 experience plus additional prizes.

This quest is rated medium difficulty.

“Damnit,” Popper said. “We’re trying to avoid shit like this. It’ll take us two days to get to the next town.”

“I didn’t do anything!” I said. “The quest just popped up.”

“I’ll try to get us out of it,” Gretchen said. She turned to Hemshin. “We can’t do it. You’ll have to take them yourself.”

“I…I see,” Hemshin said, sounding disappointed. All around him, the little gnomes surged and exploded and bounced off each other like kernels of popcorn in a pan. A group of three of them were untying Hemshin’s boots. He didn’t appear to notice. “I can’t leave town, especially now with all the reconstruction about to start. Well, they’ll be here if you change your mind.”

“We won’t,” I said. “We’re going to Harmony, and we need to be on our way soon. We need our prizes for beating the quest.”

“Harmony, you say?” Hemshin asked, ignoring my demand for our quest prizes. Was there something specific we had to say? “My daughter Jillde went to Harmony several years ago, seeking advice on the problem with the egg and the clock, and I haven’t heard from her since. When you get there, will you try to locate her and give her this note? She was last seen at the Denny Hill Guest House.”

New Quest! Find Jillde. Constable Hemshin’s daughter is missing in Harmony. Investigate her disappearance and deliver the letter from her father. Reward: 500 experience plus 100 Jacks.

This quest is rated easy difficulty.

You have received a quest item: Letter from Hemshin

“Fuuuck,” Popper exclaimed. “You’re going to fill us up before we leave town! You know when you get these things, we get them too, right?”

I raised my hands in frustration. “I’m not doing anything on purpose. He keeps giving them to me!”

“It’s okay,” Gretchen said. “No big deal. We have plenty of spots left.” She looked at the constable. “Hemshin, we have completed the Scourge of Icardi quest.”

“Well, let me think on that a moment,” Hemshin said. “Why yes, I suppose you have.” He dug into his pocket and pulled out three round, silver objects. “Please, take these as a token of my gratitude.” I reached out and took the small item. It was a pocket watch, cool to the touch. The smooth tick tick tick of the movement vibrated ever-so-slightly against my hand. I turned it over. Etched onto the lid was an elaborate hourglass symbol like the tattoo behind Hemshin’s ear.

Hubrid’s Silver Watch of Horology

This item is enchanted.

When equipped and wound, the wearer is imbued with +3 Dexterity and +1 Magic Ability. The first owner of this watch is also imbued with a permanent +10 in the Horology skill.

This is a Unique item, one of three.

Achievement unlocked! Find a Unique item!

System Message> New Unique item discovered in Icardi, Dace

“Wow,” Gretchen said, holding her watch up in the light.

“Yeah baby,” Popper said. “Plus three dexterity! That’s huge! A unique! You know how much we could sell these for?”

“How do you equip a watch?” I asked.

“Just keep it in your pocket instead of your pack,” Gretchen said. “Like this.” She slide it into the pocket of her tattered pants. She shivered. “Oh man, I can feel the dexterity boost right away.”

I slid my new watch into my pocket. An electric bolt raced through me. My muscles felt more taut. I had the urge to jump into the air to see how high I could go.

+3 Dexterity (From item)

+1 Magic Ability (From item)

+5 Mystic Points (From item)

+10 in Horology

Two digital clock readouts now appeared in the lower right of my vision. I hadn’t realized until just then I had no way of telling time unless the clock tower was in sight. The first time read:

04:14 23rd Day of the Maze, Year�����(+02.00 UTC)

The clock below that:

23:58 UTC Wednesday, December 24th, 16273

The colon on the time of 4:14 blinked like a normal clock. The 23:58 time (11:58 P.M. if I remembered military time correctly) did not blink. It seemed like the first line indicated the in-game time. The second, frozen line was the time in the real-world. But something was obviously wrong with the year.

Popper and Gretchen had grown silent.

“Guys,” I said. “It’s Christmas Eve!”

“That can’t be right,” Popper said. “Maze is basically the month of March. The times have gotten screwed up. If it’s 23 Maze in the game, it should be March 23rd, not December. And it’s not the year 16,000!”

“I’m not so sure anymore,” Gretchen said after a moment, her voice a whisper.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“So, I’ve been doing some math,” Gretchen said. “Ever since we got here, it’s been driving me crazy. Jonah, you and I are level 86 in fishing. It’s a notoriously-difficult skill to level in after a while because it’s so boring. I don’t think anyone ever became a master in it. I remember reading somewhere that you’d have to fish for five years straight to raise from level one to 24 and then another five to get to level 25. I don’t know if that’s accurate or not, but it was probably close. They say the next level is the same, but each level after that is supposedly twice more difficult, though we know that’s not correct. If it was, it would take another five years for level 26, then ten for level 27, 20 for level 28, and so forth. To be level 86, it would take something like 12 quadrillion years, and that’s just silly. The universe will burn out long before then.”

“You lost me already,” Popper said.

Gretchen ignored him. “They never published the numbers for leveling each skill, and some skills are different than others. I remember I spent a lot of time trying to figure this out before. Not just me, but many others on the forums. We figured that for most skills, each mastery level was between 8 and 12% more difficult. Not compounded either, just a simple progression. So if we make the assumption the first mastery level of fishing takes five straight years, and we posit each additional level goes up in difficulty by say 10%, it would take 5.5 years to get to level 26, six years for level 27, and so forth. This comes out to something like 5,000 and some change years total for us to hit level 86.” She looked at us triumphantly.

“Are you doing this shit in your head?” Popper asked. “We have the human atlas over there and lady calculator here.”

Gretchen continued. “We’re not fishing 24 hours a day, and we’re not fishing on Mondays either. But at 10 percent plus the initial time it would take for us to become masters in the first place, 14,000 years seems accurate.”

“There is no way we’ve been here for 14,000 years,” I said. “How does that make sense to you? I’d believe we’re in prison before I’d believe it’s 14,000 years past my last memory.”

Gretchen shrugged. “I don’t get it either. But look at the facts. The clock says it’s the year 16273. The game time clock says we’ve been playing 14,000 years and some change. The only way for us to be at that skill level is if we’ve been fishing for about that long.”

“Ok, then there’s a glitch,” I said. “The game jumped forward for some reason. It thinks it’s been that long. We know the game time doesn’t match with the real time, and like you said before, there’s something screwy with the total time online or whatever it was. And we’ve all seen the game crash at least once already.”

“I guess you’re right,” Gretchen said after a moment. She pulled her pocket watch back out and twirled it in her fingers. “We need to get going on our plan.” She turned to leave the guild hall. “We don’t have time for these other quests, but we do have to sleep.”

Hemshin said nothing as Gretchen, Popper, and I left the guild hall. I looked over my shoulder at the horde of baby gnomes and felt another pang of guilt at what we’d done to their families. It’s just a game.

Since Gretchen’s home was turned to dust and Popper no longer had a home, the three of us returned to my small cabin. No one spoke as we prepared for sleep. It had been a long day, and we were all exhausted. Our packs doubled as pillows. I eyed my bed, remembering the rat from this morning. The blood and shit stain seemed to be gone, but the bone dust remained. I offered the bed to Gretchen, and she flatly refused, seemingly annoyed I had offered. Popper did the same.

“We need about five hours to recharge all the way,” Gretchen said, lying on the floor. She closed her eyes, and she was out, just like that. Her body became translucent.

Do you wish to sleep?

The message appeared just as I lied down. I clickedyes, and it felt as if I was being lowered into a field of clouds. Below, Popper was already snoring, his body also transparent. Consciousness fled, but not before my vision turned to a large, fading view of the mini-map overlaid with a transparency of the dragon helmet logo. My black dot remained in the center, and the two green dots of Popper and Gretchen sat next to me. Several white dots of NPCs were around, showing at least part of the town had survived the devastation.

Just before the map disappeared and I fully passed out, my eyes caught a single blue dot moving into town.

Chapter 11

“How long will it be?” I asked her.

“For you, a blink of an eye. You’ll close your eyes and open them right up. It won’t even feel like sleep. More like a stutter of time.”

“You know what I mean,” I said.

“We don’t know,” she said after a moment. “It’s up to the hibiscus, I suppose. But I’ll be right there when you wake. I promise.”

You slept five hours and two minutes. Your exhaustion level has returned to zero.

Below, Gretchen was sitting up, blinking as she fully awakened. Popper was still asleep, but his body became more opaque as I watched. He would be up at any moment.

What was that dream? I shook my head. Was it a memory? It was the same woman as before. An uneasy feeling washed over me. My memories were there, just waiting to bubble to the surface. Another day or two, and they’d be back.

Hibiscus? What did that mean? Wasn’t that a type of flower?

I remembered the blue dot. I jumped to my feet.

“There’s another player here,” I said quickly. “I saw a blue dot as I was about to fall asleep and the map zoomed out.”

Gretchen’s eyes turned glossy as she searched the map. “I didn’t see it,” she said. “I don’t see it now. Are you sure?”

“I’m positive,” I said.

Popper yawned and stretched. “I forgot how restful game sleeping is. No advert dreams, either.”

“Jonah says he saw a blue dot,” Gretchen said.

Popper did the same as Gretchen. After a few moments, the little barbarian in a girl’s body shook his head. I noticed the pigtails which had come undone last night were now perfectly tight and bouncy. “If they were here, they’re gone now. They wouldn’t have seen us while we slept.”

“Yeah,” Gretchen said. “They may have come because of the system message, didn’t see us, and took off again. If they’re not in our party, we’re invisible to other players when we sleep. We can’t really do much other than continue on our way. If we hurry, we may catch up with them on the road.”

In the light of day, the destruction of Icardi was much worse than I’d even thought. The entire southern half of town was flattened, and only a handful of people milled about, looking bewildered and afraid. Sometime in the night, great piles of wood appeared beside each destroyed homestead and building. Some of the buildings, including The Belly-Rubbed Pug had piles of stones and bags of mortar ready to go. I thought of my debt to the tavern. Did my debt remain now that the pub was destroyed and the owner likely dead?

“Well, that’s one way of getting out of your tab,” Popper said, as if he’d read my mind.

I munched on a large item called a traveler’s biscuit as we walked to the edge of town. It reminded me of a communion wafer. I had a quick memory of a Catholic priest, pulling me into a white, stark room at the back of a church. It’s okay, child, he’d said. He wiped away my tears. Some older girls had been teasing me, and I’d been crying. Just a fragment of memory. Even as a child, I knew I’d never have any sort of faith, but this man was friendly, and he’d helped me through the years. Father…Father Roosevelt, like the president. He had a weird accent. He was Dutch, I remembered.

At the stables, Jenny the donkey and her companion, Eli stood where the stables used to be. I didn’t know how they’d survived, but I was glad to see Jenny alive. There was no sign of Gia the farrier. Both Jenny and Eli still wore their saddles and cart harnesses. Jenny snorted and stomped her feet as we approached.

“Can we just take them?” I asked.

Gretchen stepped forward and grabbed the reins of Eli. “Looks like it,” she said after a moment. She rubbed the donkey’s snout and cooed at him. He didn’t appear to appreciate the gesture and flattened his ears against his head. “We technically won them when we blew up the town, I guess.”

I put my hand on Jenny, and she snorted and then made that loud, unsettling “heehaaaw” noise. I put my foot in the saddle and pulled myself up. She stepped to the side a few times before settling.

Achievement unlocked! Obtain a mount.

On my mini-map, Jenny’s pink dot, just underneath my black dot, turned a neon orange.

Gretchen pulled Popper up, and the little barbarian sat behind her, grumbling that he needed to get a mount of his own.

“What about the other shops?” I asked. “Can we see if any of the weapons survived the blast at the Blacksmith’s? If we can just take the donkeys does that mean we can loot other stuff?”

“That’s a good question,” Gretchen said. “I never blew up a town before.” We clomped our way down to Benjamin’s shop. The still-smoldering ruins of his store seemed even more flattened than the rest of the town, like his forge had gone up when the blast hit. After poking around a bit, Gretchen pulled out the flail we had tried to purchase earlier. It was scorched but not broken. She handed it up to me, and after quite a bit of arranging, I realized there was no easy way to travel with it without potentially spiking myself or Jenny. I finally gave in and stuck it in my pack, which was now just about full.

Gretchen pulled a few more things from the ruined shop, including another spear for herself and a dented metal cap. She tried to wear it, but it wouldn’t go on her head. “I guess we can’t wear these,” she said, tossing it back into the rubbish.

We also stopped by the chemist’s shop, but everything was shattered. The entire storefront smelled a like burned sugar mixed with open sewage, and a dark green glow emanated from the ashes. We decided to stay away.

It was time to leave Icardi.

“Should we say goodbye to Hemshin?” I asked.

“Why?” Gretchen asked. “This is a game. Don’t forget that.”

“Knowing you, we’d end up with five more quests,” Popper added.

“Seems like the polite thing,” I muttered, but I turned Jenny toward the town’s gate. As we walked out, I wondered if I’d ever see this place again. No matter what the truth was, I’d spent a lot of time here. Whether it truly was thousands of years or even just a few, I knew this place had been my home longer than anywhere else. A tinge of sadness crept into me.

There was no skeleton at the place where we killed the demon, just blackened earth and a small crater.

“We’re going long distances,” Gretchen said as we left the town. “And after today, we’re probably going to sleep in one hour segments out in the wild. That way, if we’re killed, we don’t get kicked back all the way to Icardi. Think of sleeping as saving your progress. These are dangerous lands, designed for players higher level than ourselves. Roads are supposed to be safe, but that’s not always true. When in doubt, run. We don’t want to die out here. Don’t let the donkeys die. Mounts don’t come back. Pets do, but these aren’t pets.”

“You’re a pet to me,” I said to Jenny and patted the side of her head. She tried to bite my hand.

Jenny and Eli trotted down the path toward the next village, Rendall. After fifteen minutes, we’d already traveled further than I ever remembered going. I knew these two donkeys had made this journey twice a week for years and years. I wondered what Gia would do after she respawned. Would there be two new donkeys waiting for her? Probably, I decided. This game liked to reset itself. Would they still be named Jenny and Eli? What would happen if we came back to Icardi later? Would the donkeys look the same? Could I do it over and over again and have a herd of donkeys named Jenny?

“How do the quests work?” I asked. “I mean with people who only played the game a few hours a day? How could they possibly complete the quest with the gnome babies?”

“It depends on the quest,” Gretchen said. “With most quests, it doesn’t matter. You have no time limit to complete them. For one like the Bumping Uglies quest, you’d gather the gnome babies all up and escort them to the next city. If you wanted to log out, you’d have to lie down and go to sleep. All the gnomes would go to sleep, too, making them basically invisible in the game. If you logged back in two weeks later, they’d still be there, ready to go. If you eject or log out without sleeping first, you end up at your previous regen spot when you come back. The gnome babies would be dead or gone, and the quest would be failed.”

“You can also put your character into autopilot,” Popper added. “People did it a lot for long, over-land voyages to places with no nearby travel nodes. Whenever I did it, I always ended up killed half a dozen times. I played a half-ogre warrior, and the dumbass would attack anything he saw when in auto. You could try to autopilot the babysitting quest, but I’d give it a 50/50 chance of being successful.”

The sure-footed donkeys kept a slow but constant speed. The path was mostly down hill, steep in some places. The river we followed broadened as we descended, and spurts of white water started forming against the treacherous rocks. Flashes of colorful light punctuated the water, and after some time, I realized the lights indicated the location of fish in the water.

We passed a mound on the side of the road. A black, metal door led into the hill. Two strips of wood made an X in front of the ominous door. It was the second time I’d seen such a place, the first one being just outside of Icardi in the distance.

“That’s a dungeon,” Gretchen said, seeing my interest. “Those are treated differently than quests. There are millions of them around the world, and there are a bunch of different kinds. The color of the door designates the difficulty. That one is black, so it’s an expert-level dungeon. We’d be dead in five minutes if we went in there. The two crossbeams indicate that nobody has been in there since the dungeon has last reset. If the beams were gone, then some of the monsters might be dead already inside, or the entire place could be looted. You don’t know. If there was no door at all, just the hillside, then that’d mean a party was in there right now.”

“What happens if you log out inside of a dungeon?”

“You have 72 hours to complete most dungeons. If you sleep inside, you have to log back in before your time is up. Once you claim one, nobody else can enter unless you leave. If you run out of time inside, the whole thing collapses, and you die without any way of getting to your body. If that happens while you’re logged out, or if your party completes the maze while you’re gone, you wake up in your previous regen spot, and you lose anything you found in the dungeon.”

Popper laughed. “I once logged in to find I only had five minutes to get out. I was six or seven levels deep, and I had to run my ass off. I didn’t make it because I tripped over a jelly, who ended up eating my boot. I was so pissed. I had five magic items I lost because of it, and I regenerated with only one shoe.”

Gretchen continued. “There are some quest dungeons that work a little differently. There are several of them around Harmony. You have to have a certain quest active to find them. And once you step inside, you’re transported to a different instance of the game. So if I wasn’t in your party, and I followed you inside, we wouldn’t see each other in there. We’d face the same monsters, and the dungeon would be exactly the same, but we’d have to complete it our ourselves. You can spend as much time as you want in those. The River with the ferryman is the same sort of deal. If we all died at the same time, we wouldn’t see each other down there. You gotta do that alone.”

We rode in silence for a while. Large dragonflies zipped about. The only sound was the babbling of the river, the bugs, and the clomp of the donkeys on the dirt road.

I asked Gretchen and Popper to teach me how to open the menu with my mind.

“Okay, so you know the dragon helmet logo,” Gretchen said. “Picture the logo in your mind and then picture what you want to happen. So think of the dragon helmet, which is the default trigger, then picture you opening the menu.”

I tried several times to no avail. Once I thought I heard it click, but nothing happened.

“We need to get him to a mind guild,” Popper said after a solid hour of trying. “They do that ninja shit with the floating ball. It makes it easier.”

“There might be one in Constance,” Gretchen said. “Let’s get to Rendall, sleep for an hour at the pub, pick up some supplies, and carry on.”

We made it the rest of the way without incident. My equestrian skill rose to four, but I still had no luck opening the menu. The first thing I noticed about the village of Rendall was the black church of Tharon, identical to the one in Icardi. The small town was the same general shape as Icardi, but there was no clock tower or other obvious guild halls. The only building larger than two or three floors was the tall church, which towered over the rest of the village like an old, withered tree, casting an ominous shadow over the town. A large graveyard spread out north of town, covering both sides of the road.

“The secret to figuring out a village’s main quest is to see what’s different about the town as you approach,” Gretchen said as we drew near the main gate. There was no picket surrounding the town like in Icardi, but a gate still crossed the road, manned by a massive half-ogre holding a battle axe the size of a cello.

“Most small towns are the same. For Icardi, the clock tower is obviously different, looking back. For this place, what stands out is the graveyard. Probably some sort of undead-related quest.”

We pulled up to the gate and the ogre looked down at us menacingly.

“What business d’ya have in Rendall?” His breath stank of old trout.

“Our family is just passing through,” Gretchen said. We’d already decided that we’d pose as a family as we traveled. “Our real destination is Constance.”

“What happened to Icardi?” the ogre asked. “You come from that way, but only you. Usually we get a few by this time. Now I just see smoke in the sky.” He eyed our clothes. “Whatever happened looks like it happened to you.”

Gretchen shook her head sadly. “Gnomes, I’m afraid. Gnomes killed half the town this time. We’ve finally had enough. We bought these donkeys with our life savings and decided to move away.”

The town guard grunted but opened the gate. “Don’t cause no trouble. You best stop here for the night. You ain’t getting to Constance before dark. You can find lodging and food at the pub, The Frantic Bamboozle. It’s on the second street past the square. Stay out of the graveyard at night.”

“Thank you, kindly,” Gretchen said, and we trotted into town.

Chapter 12

Jenny and Eli headed straight toward the stables, but we pulled them away. The Bamboozle had a small stable of its own, and the last thing we needed was the local farrier asking too many questions about donkeys he or she would recognize.

“Are we sticking with the plan?” I asked. We were going to sleep an hour in town and then keep on moving.

“It’s already pushing 4 P.M.,” Gretchen said. “We started late, and these guys kinda go at their own pace. We probably should spend the night. We’ll head out at first light, and it’ll give us time to talk to any ship traders tomorrow.”

We trotted up to the Frantic Bamboozle. The sign displayed a yawning puppy with a pair of human hands pressed against its cheeks.

“What’s up with the crazy pub names?” I asked. A scrawny human boy with a shock of black hair, no older than ten or so, came running out of the small stable. He took our mounts.

I tossed the kid a jack. “Thanks, mister!” he exclaimed, eyes wide. “I’ll take good care of them, I will. I promise!”

“Yeah, you better,” Popper said. The kid startled at that but pulled them inside.

Gretchen slung her pack over her shoulder. “A lot of times the pubs will be named after places local to that area. Like up in Canada, half the pubs are called Tim Hortons. In bigger towns you’ll have McDonald’s and Big Shot Chicken and Denny’s all one right after another. The menu items will be the same as the real-life places too. It was an advertising thing, but you could pay extra and you wouldn’t see it like that. In places where they couldn’t get anyone to sponsor it, or if you had paid to remove advertising, the pubs always had a weird name. I don’t know why. I think they might be randomly generated.”

This early in the afternoon, the pub was empty except the human barkeep who stood at the counter, eyeing us and our clothes suspiciously. He cleaned a glass with a rag. He brightened slightly at the sight of Popper.

“We need a room,” Gretchen said.

“Just passing through?” the man asked.

“Yes, sir,” I said, sitting down on the stool by the bar. My rear end ached from riding the donkey all day.

“We don’t get too many visitors nowadays. Nothing past here except one more town, called Icardi. I hear they’re having troubles with gnomes lately.”

“Yeah, we’re from there,” I said. “Headed to Constance.”

“Constance, huh?” the man said. He put his glass down. “You know I have a cousin there whom I haven’t seen…”

“Just a room, please,” Gretchen said, interrupting.

The man paused, then nodded. “Dinner is at sundown. Doors lock an hour after that. If you’re not in here by then, you’ll be sleeping in the barn, and may the gods bless you if that’s the case. You see…”

“We don’t need to know about this town’s troubles,” Gretchen said quickly, passing the man five jacks for the room. “We’ll be here. Is there a place to purchase clothes in town?”

“Why yes, just a few doors down,” the man said. “My name is Earnest, by the way. My son out there is Laz. If there’s anything your family needs, you just let me or Laz know.”

“Thank you so much,” Gretchen said.

Outside, we walked past a row of small businesses before we came to the clothing shop. Unlike Icardi which only held a simple haberdashery, filled with men’s clothes, this shop was larger and held racks of clothes for both Gretchen and me, along with clothes for dwarves and half-ogres. There wasn’t anything Popper-sized except a single dress identical to the one he was already wearing and a pair of shorts and brown shirt meant for a boy his age.

To my surprise, he didn’t want the pants and shirt. He did buy a second dress in case something happened to the first.

“What?” he asked. “It’s really comfortable.”

Before I even looked at the clothes, my eyes caught the full-length mirror in the corner of the shop. I gaped at my reflection. I’d seen myself half-reflected in shop windows and in the river before thousands of times, but this was the first time I had really seen myself.

I wasn’t tall, and I wasn’t short. I had a rather unremarkable face with a nose that was maybe a bit too angular, giving me the look of a ruffian. My ruffled brown hair, blue eyes, and a couple days’ worth of not shaving completed the look. I never shaved, and that look was permanent. My chest and arms were well-toned. I had a confident, easy look about myself that was only ruined by the expression of utter surprise in my own eyes.

This is not me. This isn’t even close to me.

I didn’t know what I looked like before, but I knew I preferred this look.

“Jesus, would you fucking look at that,” Popper said, coming up next to me. “Look how fucking adorable I am! I’m going to puke!”

I picked out a pair of simple pants and a black shirt. I also bought a new pair of boots and socks, all for 20 jacks. Gretchen picked out similar clothes, but she chose a blue, tight-fitting top.

She looked herself up and down in the mirror as she posed. “Damn, I’m hot,” she said. “I never realized how tall I am.”

“You’re like 6’3,” I said, admiring her form. Was I attracted to her? Yeah, I was, I decided. Who wouldn’t be? She was smarter than Popper and me combined, and she was practically an Amazon princess. Still, we’d been friends so long she was more like my sister, and I didn’t think it was possible for me to think of her as anything more than that. And if I did, it wouldn’t matter. She had a thing for Lidia, the baker’s daughter.

Besides, she wasn’t the woman from my memories and dreams, the woman who had put me in the immersion rig. That woman held my attention.

Popper, on the other hand, gaped at Gretchen open-mouthed. He started as if to say something, then thought better of it.

Gretchen laughed at herself in the mirror. “That’s runway model height.”

We stopped at the blacksmith and browsed his weapons and armor, but he didn’t have anything worthwhile. We needed leather armor, and we had to find a tanner for that. Our jack supply was running a little low, and we tried selling off some of our looted equipment. The man refused to buy the hackbuts but offered 20 jacks apiece for the sickle swords. We sold him five for an extra 100.

I finally remembered the enchanted bracelet I had found. I showed Gretchen and Popper.

“We need to find a jeweler to identify it,” Gretchen said.

“Like Master Gold,” I said, remembering the man who had set all this in motion.

“If it’s something good,” Gretchen continued, “the jeweler can resize it for your wrist. It looks like it might fit Popper as it is.”

“What happens if he just puts it on?” I asked.

“I’m not doing that,” Popper said.

“If it’s enchanted, he might get an enhancement, but he won’t see it in his stats until the item is identified. If he wears it a long time, it’ll eventually identify itself. But if it’s cursed, it’ll stick painfully to his wrist and will give him some sort of debuff. We’d have to visit a white temple or get someone to cast remove curse to get rid of it.”

The blacksmith said there were no jewelers in town. We managed to pick up a couple more healing potions. Gretchen purchased a few torches and more traveler’s biscuits from a “traveler’s supply shop.” From a general store run by the first goblin I’d ever seen, I bought a quill and ink and big roll of parchment. I planned on spending the night working on a map.

We made it back to The Frantic Bamboozle with plenty of time for dinner. The pub had started to fill up with locals who now eyed us with indifference. It was our clothes, I realized. We no longer looked like some bizarre family who had just walked out of hell.

Dinner was a beef stew that bubbled and belched even after a couple minutes of waiting. Reddish carrots and little round onions swam in the brown gravy. Popper shrugged and swallowed a spoonful.

“It’s good,” he said, stew running down his chin.

“What happens if we don’t eat?” I asked, spinning the stew with a spoon.

“You get weaker and weaker, and you lose the ability to regenerate health. Then you die,” Popper said. “So eat up.”

I took a tentative sip. It was scalding hot, and I waved my hand in front of my face as if that would do anything. But it wasn’t bad. I dipped my hunk of bread in it and continued to eat. The warm food settled heavily in my stomach, and I could feel my energy rising.

Popper and I took water with our food, but Gretchen insisted on ale. She was on her fourth one, less than half the amount of alcohol she usually had as an NPC, but she was already plastered. I put my hand on hers. “Maybe you should slow down,” I said. “We don’t know what tonight is going to bring.”

“Maybe you should shut the fuck up,” she said.

“Whoa,” Popper said. “She’s an angry drunk!”

“Fine,” I said. “Drink yourself into oblivion.”

“It’s not the same, you know,” she said after a few minutes of silence. “Living in this world and the real one. I don’t remember shit, but I remember what it’s like to be drunk. Real drunk is so much better than this fake drunk.”

“Alcohol doesn’t even work on me,” Popper said.

“I remember being worried we wouldn’t have enough,” Gretchen said. “I brought a crate of it, vodka and whisky, and Adam said he’d have a still up and running within a week. I was worried his stuff would taste like shit because everything Adam does is shit.”

“Wait, what?” I said. “What are you talking about? Who’s Adam?”

“It’s a memory,” Gretchen said. She raised her hands in the air. “It’s all I got. Memories of Adam. I fucked him once, though, just to see what it was like. Nope, still a lesbian. Little fucker wouldn’t leave me alone afterwards.” She tousled my hair. “You kinda remind me of him.”

“Gee, thanks,” I said.

“Oh, don’t get your panties in a snit. Adam was adorable in his own, gee-willikers, I-fuck-everything-up-but-I-do-it-so-cutely-you-can’t-stay-mad-at-me way. I know you’re not Adam.” She raised her hand to Earnest the barkeep and ordered another ale.

“Yeah, but who is he? A friend? A coworker?” I asked.

She shrugged, sagging in her chair.

“Does the word hibiscus mean anything to either of you?” I said after the boy, Laz, dropped off the drink.

“It’s a flower,” Popper said. He said it slowly, as if maybe it did mean something, but he couldn’t grasp why.

“Do you think there are any other people here? Real people, I mean,” Gretchen said. “Like here, right now in this pub? That kid, or those two over there?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“I don’t think we’ll ever be able to find out,” Gretchen said. “Never ever. NPCs are programmed to ignore unexpected speech from players. It only worked before because we were part of the machine, and it glitched out.” She downed her drink. “You hear that, you fuckers?” she shouted. Many startled faces turned our way. “Even if you are like us, you’re stuck in this hell.”

“I think it’s time for bed,” I said. “If you drink any more, you’ll still be drunk in the morning. Then what’re we going to do?”

“Christ, man, she get like this every night?” Popper asked.

“It was different when she was an NPC,” I said. “She never had anything to brood over before. Listen, Gretchen…”

But I didn’t need to say anything more. She had her head on the table, and she snored loudly. Floating over her head next to her name wasUnconscious with a 6-hour countdown timer.

“Oh, great,” Popper said. “We’re going to have to sleep in shifts. Unconscious is different than sleep. In a pub or a home, sleeping is the same as being invisible or logged out of the game. Nothing can get you. Unconsciousness means you’re just lying there vulnerable. If you get knocked out in a pub, you almost always get robbed of all your stuff.”

I sighed and stood, putting her arm over my shoulder. I grunted with the effort. I half-carried, half-dragged her up to our room, her feet dragging the whole way. I dropped her heavily on the straw-covered bed. The innkeeper had placed a straw-filled feeding box in the room as well, presumably for Popper to sleep. He shrugged and jumped in.

“I’m setting my sleep for three hours. I’ll get up, and you can sleep. We should be fine with only three hours each tonight,” Popper said. He lied down on his side. It was strange, watching sleep come over his small body. An absolute stillness came over him, like he was being paused. “Don’t leave the room, no matter what.” And then he started to snore. His form turned translucent, and I knew if we weren’t partied, he’d have disappeared all together.

I watched Gretchen sleep for a long time. She didn’t move much, but sometimes she made a little grumbling noise with her throat. Once, I heard footsteps outside our room, steps that paused before our door. I pulled my flail out of my pack, placing it heavily on the floor next to me. The footsteps moved away.

I didn’t have a chair or a table, but I did have a small lantern, which I lit, causing a wash of light to cast over the smooth wood floor of the room. I pulled out the parchment and pen, unrolling the large paper on the floor. The paper was much larger than I originally thought, and it took up most the floor. I had to lean my body over the bottom half of the yellowed, soft paper just to reach the middle. I started to draw a map of the world from memory.

I started in the middle with a detailed outline of Africa, beginning with the east coast of Egypt along the Red Sea, down to the horn, swinging around Cape Hope, and up again. My hands worked quickly. I didn’t bother with the lines of country borders, but I did place some of the major rivers and bodies of water, like the Nile and Congo and Lake Victoria. I moved to the shape of Europe and Asia, going even more quickly as I grew confident in my skill.

Outside, I heard several screams as I worked. I ignored them. My Cartography and Artistry skills climbed up a few notches as I continued. My Cartography stopped at five, but my Artistry kept ticking up until it stalled-out at nine.

“Holy shit, dude, that’s awesome,” Popper said, startling me. He stood over me in the dark, looking down as I drew the islands in the North Siberian sea. I still had so much detail to do, and I hadn’t even started yet on the outlines of the Americas, or Australia or Indonesia or Oceania.

“I thought you were going to sleep three hours,” I said, looking up.

“I did,” he said. “You been at this the whole time?”

“I guess I have,” I said. I looked down at the large map. It was going to take many more days to finish. I frowned at several of my lines. They were off slightly. How did I know this? How did anybody know this sort of thing? I started to roll the map up, and I put the cap back on my ink well.

“Anything exciting happen?” he asked.

I told him about the person at our door and the screams outside. He nodded and pulled out Velma, his sickle blade. “We’ll probably be safe. Give yourself four hours of sleep, not three. When sleeping beauty over here wakes up, I’m going to make her take one more hour of real sleep. I don’t know if unconsciousness counts as a respawn point or not. I don’t think it does, and the last thing we need is her getting killed and getting kicked all the way back to Icardi.”

“Yes, sir,” I said. There was no room for me on the bed, so I curled up on the floor, using my pack as a pillow. The sleep notification came on, and I set the timer for four hours.

I drifted away.

Chapter 13

Once again, I dreamed.

Seattle again. I was with that man. We sat in a Starbucks. Not just any Starbucks, but the first Starbucks ever. We’d visited Pike’s Place Market, strolling through the crowds, looking at flowers and fish. Next to us, a kid in a VR helmet flailed his hands about, and I worried he was going to smack me in the head.

The man sitting across from me barely made eye contact, like he was embarrassed about something. When I did see his eyes, I saw the tell-tale flashes indicating he was surfing his implants. Who is he? Why am I here?

“So,” he said. He was struggling to find things to talk about, I realized. I wasn’t helping. “You work for the census bureau you said?”

I took a sip of my drink. It was hot, but it didn’t do anything to warm me. This place was cold and miserable, and I didn’t know how anybody would want to live here.

I nodded, happy to find something to talk about. “Sort of,” I said. “I work for a private company, but we contract out to a branch of the census called TIGER. We provide data for their mapping systems. I take the data and help it along so it makes sense. I help draw maps.”

He smirked, and I had the sudden urge to just run away. This was a mistake. “I would have figured that was all done with computers by now. Why do we need new maps? DoB already has a perfect map of the world built in, and that was made by Google decades ago.”

I didn’t know if he was just ignorant or deliberately trying to be an ass. “Believe it or not, the physical geography of the world is still changing. And even if it wasn’t, look at what happened to Mexico or west Africa. New countries mean new borders. Good maps are important.”

He nodded. “I guess that’s true. Do you guys do any off Earth stuff? Like Mars or the moon?”

“I don’t, but my company does. The same data gathering techniques are used on Mars. I’m not much of a tech. I’m an artist with a master’s degree in geography.”

“Have you ever been off planet?” he asked.

I shook my head. I remembered a picture of him floating in zero gravity, holding two thumbs up. “I’m…I’m a bit of a technophobe,” I said. “I don’t even like taking the commuter from Phoenix to L.A. every day.” Why are you telling him this?

“That’s too bad,” he said. “If what they say is true…” He let it hang.

You slept four hours. Your exhaustion level is five percent.

“Shit,” I muttered. I had the urge to just go back to sleep if it would let me. It seemed like sleep was a better way for me to remember things than anything else. I tried to recap what I learned. I lived in Phoenix. Actually, a town called Surprise, I remembered, which was a suburb of Phoenix. I could walk to the maglev station, take the 7:05, and be in my office near the UCLA campus by 8 A.M.

I drew maps. Actually, I took computer-generated maps and made them pretty, but there was more to it than that. No, no, that wasn’t true, was it? I used to draw them. I didn’t work for that company anymore. SDGS. Solar Data Geo Systems, Inc. They’d gone out of business. I took another job. What was it? It was at her urging. Shit, I was almost there.

I remembered something else. I drew maps for fun. I always had a knack for geography, and I had a store online where I would hand draw a map of your area for you, adding points of interest of your choosing. I didn’t sell many, and I didn’t charge nearly enough, but I wasn’t in it for the money anyway. A warm feeling entered my chest when I thought of drawing maps for people. I could picture the logo for my online store.

Charlie’s Maps.

Charlie? A rush of adrenaline surged through me. Charlie. I let the name simmer. “Charlie,” I whispered. Was that my name? It seemed right, but why wasn’t I sure? I thought for certain when the realization came, it would be like a lightning bolt of recognition.

I sat up and looked around. Popper sat on the floor, singing a quiet song. Gretchen laid on the bed, groaning and holding her head.

“An hour of sleep, and this hangover won’t go away,” she said. “I’m never drinking again.”

“What’re you doing?” I asked Popper.

He looked up. “I supposedly can enchant blades and axes with song, but it’s not working. I think it probably needs to be a specific song.”

“Did you guys get any new memories when you slept?” I asked.

Gretchen sat up. “No,” she said. “Did you?”

I explained everything I remembered, only leaving out the part about my name.

“That’s really weird,” Popper said. “I go to sleep, and I wake right back up. I feel rested, but it doesn’t feel like time has passed, not like real sleep. Rig sleep is always restful, unless you let them use your processes. Or when they beam the adverts at you.”

“I don’t understand what that means,” I said.

“DoB was an expensive game to play,” Gretchen said. “But there were a couple ways you could pay for it. You could just pony up the monthly fee. I think the unlimited access with no ads fee was something like $300 a month.”

“It was $329,” Popper said.

“A month?” I said.

“Yeah,” Gretchen said. “But that was the top tier. If you rig slept, that is physically went to sleep at night with the neural cradle logged in, you could choose to have advertisements beamed into your dreams, and depending on how much you slept, it would reduce your monthly bill. Or if you really wanted to knock your bill down, you could sleep with the neural cradle and let them hijack your brain for a couple hours a night. They called it ‘using your processes.’ They’d use your brain as a server, running some segment of the game off it. I tried it a few times, but I always woke up exhausted. It wasn’t worth it.”

“I did it a lot,” Popper said. “It was the only way I could afford the game. Fifty hours a month made the game free. I think most people did.”

I shuddered.

“So, me having memories is unusual?”

“While you sleep it is,” Gretchen said. “But all of this is unusual, so who knows?” She paused, then put her hand on my shoulder. “Hey, Jonah. I wanted to say I was sorry for last night. I was a jerk. I’m sorry.”

I shrugged. “You weren’t that much a jerk. And you were drunk. But, do you remember what you said? About some Adam guy?”

“I remember saying it last night, but I don’t really remember much of the guy. I think I remember better drunk.”

We gathered our packs and headed downstairs to the main room for breakfast. The sun just barely peeked over the horizon, and the scent of honest-to-goodness bacon filled the inn, like a cloud sent directly from heaven.

“Laz!” Earnest the barkeep called as we entered the main room. He looked at us apologetically. “That boy will be the end of me. I suppose I can serve you instead. For breakfast, I have rashers and mamaliga for you, but it is not included with your stay. If you’d like some, it will be one jack.” He smiled apologetically. “One jack each for you two. The child will eat for free, of course.”

I had no idea what mamaliga was, but the bacon called my name, and I handed the man two jacks without complaint. We sat at the table, and he offered us cups of a sour, yellowish milk and a pile of bacon that smelled blissful. Mamaliga turned out to be a kind of cornmeal porridge. It tasted gritty but not bad. Earnest left us alone in the room to eat.

“So, today we’re taking the road to Constance,” Gretchen said. “I expect the travel to be similar to yesterday. The town will be much bigger than this one, but it still won’t be that big. There’ll be lots of shops, and there will be docks for the riverboats.” She looked at me. “When we talk to the boat captains, let me do the negotiating. Don’t say anything unless I ask you to. They can be a surly bunch.”

I chewed on my sixth piece of bacon. It wasn’t quite the same as the real stuff, but I didn’t care. It was the most delicious thing I’d eaten for as long as I could remember. “Sure thing, Boss,” I said.

After breakfast we grabbed our packs and left, heading out to the stables. As we approached, Jenny and Eli heehawed with agitation.

“I don’t think that kid fed our donkeys,” I said. I didn’t even know if they had to eat, though I assumed they did. They were always munching on grass during our breaks yesterday. I pulled open the wooden gate.

Several things happened at once.

“Guys, that blue dot is back,” Popper said. “He’s on the edge of town. He has to see—”

“Look out,” Gretchen cried.

A small form burst from behind the door as I opened, hissing and clawing at me. It was the boy, Laz, and something had happened to him. His shirt was gone, and his chest was covered in angry purple welts. The rest of him had a sickly yellow-green cast. His eyes glowed red, and his hands had become strangely elongated, his fingers ending in razor-sharp tips. Smoke rose off its body.

But the biggest change was the black nimbus that had formed around the boy’s head. It was like one of those renaissance paintings of a saint or Jesus where they were depicted with a yellow halo, as if their heads were blotting out the sun. This kid had the same thing, but the halo was all black with pulsating blue swirls, as if he moved with a permanent black hole trailing just behind him.

The boy hissed and swiped at me, his claws ripping through my new shirt and drawing blood. Pain exploded in my stomach.

“Don’t let it touch you!” Gretchen said, but it was too late. “Popper, use Dolly Trauma!”

I fell onto my back as several notifications appeared, but they were grayed out for battle. I struggled with my pack, reaching in and pulling out my flail.

“It’s not going to be enough,” Popper said.

Jenny and Eli rocketed out of the stables, and they both ran faster than I’d ever seen them go, heading away and deeper into town. Eli’s hooves almost stamped my head permanently into the cobblestones. In the back of my mind I felt a small relief that whatever this thing was, he hadn’t killed my poor donkey.

I leapt to my feet as the Laz thing lunged again. It ignored Gretchen and Popper and came only at me.

“Sorry kid,” I said and swung with my flail, smashing him upside the head.

The blow staggered him. He hit the ground with a snarl. He jumped right back up and lunged again.

This weapon is ineffective against this enemy.

“What the hell?” I said, circling back. My stomach pulsed in agony, and the wound burned. The corners of my vision tinged red.

Popper screamed. The ground shook, and windows rattled. It was the same scream he used before. Stun Enemy.

The monster shook his little head but didn’t stop.

“You can only use magical weapons on it,” Gretchen said. “Your flail isn’t going to work.”

The creature lunged, and I bonked it again, sending it skittering back.

This weapon is ineffective against this enemy.

“Well, what’re we going to do?” I cried.

“Stun didn’t work,” Popper yelled. “How the hell did it get here?” He jumped forward and stabbed at the boy with his knife. He pierced the back shoulder of the creature, who hissed, but didn’t seem truly damaged.

“My knife is too weak,” Popper said. “I’ll have to stab it a thousand times.”

“Noooo,” a new voice cried. “You leave my boy alone! Laz! Laz!” Earnest burst from his pub, and he threw himself between me and the hissing creature. “Oh gods, what happened? This…this is not the work of the moroi. What did this to you?”

The Laz creature picked up his father and ripped him in two, just like that. The man’s legs came off the rest of his body easily, as if the boy was ripping a chicken leg off a roast. Another swift motion, and the man was decapitated, blood gushing in both directions as the pieces of Earnest the barkeep fell to the ground.

“What’re we doing, guys?” I said. I cracked the flail against its head once again. Once again, he fell back only to bounce back up.

“We can’t kill it,” Gretchen said. She jabbed at him with her own spear. “We’re going to have to run.”

“This thing is way too fast,” I said. I hit it again, this time across the legs. Its claws raked through the air, inches from my face.

“Popper, try another spell,” Gretchen said.

“My only other spells are Enchant Dirge and Self-Destruct. I only have a few mystic points left anyway. Didn’t you get a bunch of spells?”

“None of mine are any good!” She paused. “Wait, I’ll try this one.”

My arms started to burn with the effort of continuously knocking the little monster back.

Suddenly, the ground opened up underneath the creature, and he fell. My heart leapt, but the monster caught himself on the lip of the round hole and started to pull himself back up.

“Shit!” Gretchen said.

I realized she had cast a Create Well spell. I remembered it from the list she had spouted off the other night.

An idea formed. I needed to cast a spell of my own, but I couldn’t cast it without dropping my flail. I needed to open that damn menu with my mind, but I knew I couldn’t.

I rushed forward toward the well and smashed the boy in the head as he emerged. He fell backward, but he caught himself against the wall only a few feet down. He hissed up at us.

My flail dropped to the ground as I jammed my bracelet with my finger. If this didn’t work, I was dead for sure.

“Get back,” I called. “I don’t know how big this is going to be!”

“What’re you doing?” Popper called.

I cast Ice Storm, trying to aim it inside the well.

The problem with that, I immediately learned, was that Ice Storm was not the sort of spell to be focused on such a small area.

“Oh shit,” Popper called.

“Hug Jonah!” Gretchen called, and she ran up to me, wrapping her arms around me before I could ask her what she was doing. Popper clutched himself to my legs.

An iceberg plummeted from the sky, audibly cracking as it careened toward the earth. Each shard lanced down at us, the size of a ballistic missile. The projectiles slammed the ground with an explosion, rocking the earth and devastating everything around me in a 20-yard radius. The Frantic Bamboozle fell in on itself, utterly razed. The stables were gone. One wall of the house north of the Bamboozle was sheared off, and a man stood on the second level of his home, staring at us wide-eyed.

The ice pulverized into snow. Screams rose all around as the townspeople woke up to the devastation.

Not a single flake of ice touched me.

“Geez, that’s a powerful spell,” I said. It had only cost 20 mystic points. It seemed like something that big would cost much more.

“Did we get it?” Popper asked, letting go of my leg and peering at the now-covered well.

“I didn’t get a notification it was killed,” I said.

“It’s buried in the well,” Gretchen said, looking over her shoulder. “It won’t die that easily. Let me cast my Permafrost spell, and then we gotta find our donkeys and run.”

Permafrost was a simple spell that was exactly as it sounded. It made water or ice permanently ice, no matter the temperature around it. It was one of the five spells she had learned when I had gotten mine.

“Is it trapped in there forever?” I asked. I put my hand gingerly against my wound. It still hurt, but it was already starting to heal.

“It will dig out eventually,” she said. “We gotta go. We’re in big trouble. I’ll explain once we get out of here.”

As I suspected, the donkeys had fled to the main stables of town, just a bit down the road, but thankfully out of the radius of the ice storm. The stable doors were closed, and Jenny and Eli stood mournfully outside, both looking at us with disdain as we hurried up.

“It’s my fault for not explaining this earlier,” Gretchen huffed as she attached her pack to the back of Eli’s saddle. “Certain spells shouldn’t be cast within town limits, even if you’re being attacked. Destructive nature spells like Ice Storm are much more powerful in populated areas with buildings. It’s because of an old storyline I don’t have time to explain, but anyway, casting a spell like that in a town, no matter the reason, automatically turns you into a town enemy. Remember that half-ogre from yesterday? He’s going to be hunting us now along with the rest of the village.”

“That’s not fair!” I said. I finished securing my own pack, and I jumped into the saddle.

A shout rose from down the street. A crossbow bolt whizzed by my ear, thrumming deep into the wood of the stable wall.

“Go!” Gretchen said. We raced down the street, Jenny and Eli protesting the whole time.

Two half-ogres barreled down the street, both wielding giant axes, and I thought for sure we were dead. Jenny gave a half-hearted gallop, ostensibly pissed at all the racket. “Come on, girl,” I said, leaning forward as another bolt flew wide, shattering a window. Eli picked up his pace, and Jenny seemed to sigh and say, oh all right, fine, and she started to gain speed. We came to a full gallop as we passed out of town and emerged into the Dace countryside.

The followers gave up the chase the moment we left town.

“Don’tchu come back!” one of the half-ogres yelled.

I laughed once I realized the pursuit was over. “Go eat a bag of dicks!” I called over my shoulder at the two ogres.

“Well, that was close,” I said, still laughing. “What the hell was he anyway? He was practically indestructible!”

Neither Popper nor Gretchen said anything for several moments as we reduced speed and went back to a normal pace. I patted Jenny on the side of the head. “Good donkey,” I said. She made a wheezing noise in response.

“Jonah,” Gretchen began. “We have another problem.”

“That thing doesn’t just wander around,” Popper said. “This area is high level, but not that high.”

“It had to have been let out during some sort of quest,” Gretchen said.

“No,” Popper said. “This shit was a trap. I saw the other player on the edge of town before it happened. He’s gone now.”

“What’re you talking about?” I said.

“Oh my god,” Gretchen said. “I think you’re right.” She shook her head. “That boy. Did you see the ring around its head? He was possessed by the Black Devourer. It’s a famous monster.”

“Okay…” I said.

“You were scratched,” Gretchen continued. “That means you’ve been cursed. Did you look at your notifications?”

“They were grayed out because I was fighting,” I said.

“Look under ‘General’ and then ‘Notifications’ and you can see the ones you missed.”

I looked.

You’ve been cursed!

New Curse: Devouring Soul. This curse expires in 666 days.

Achievement unlocked! Get cursed!

“What? That’s like almost two years! What happens if I die? Will that get rid of it?”

“No,” Gretchen said. Her voice had taken on a somber tone. Popper looked as if he was about to start bawling.

“Well, what does it do?”

“Click on ‘Attributes’ and the curse will be listed there. Click on it, and it will list the effects.”

With rising dread, I found the proper spot in the menu.

Curse Name: Devouring Soul

Remaining duration: 666 days.

Effect: Every evening at 21:58 cast Beckon Undead to your location. The area of effect of this spell increases by 100 meters per day (Day 1: 100 meters)

Effect: All blessings are instantly nullified.

Effect: Your damage against the Black Devourer is reduced by 50%

Effect: Upon death, bypass River and arrive at the Lake

“What’s the Lake?” I asked.

“It’s Hell,” Popper said. “Literally Hell. A molten world beneath the river. Demons live there, and they torture you. You stay for an hour for each level you are. So since you’re level 12, if you die, you’ll be tortured for 12 hours before you’re brought back.”

“What…? Why would they put something like this in the game?”

“This is a famous curse. You’re only supposed to be able to get it deep in the Maze,” Gretchen said. “It was an event dungeon. When the quest first came out, they had giant posters and advertisements everywhere with that black nimbus. The prize was $100,000 in real cash and all sorts of magical gear. You had to be super high level just to get in. You could only reach the final battle with a party of three or more people, and when you entered the room, one of the three would be possessed by the Black Devourer. It was random, but whoever was chosen would die afterward. They were the lucky one.”

I read the effects again, their implications starting to dawn on me with fresh horror.

Gretchen continued. “The Devourer would attack the others in the party, and if you were scratched, you were cursed. I remember three parties made it to the end of the dungeon. In all three, the Devourer cursed and then killed everyone else in the party. The prize was never won.”

“A bunch of those guys ended up quitting the game because the curse was so awful,” Popper said.

“I can’t quit,” I said. “Can I just sleep? Set my timer for 666 days? Would that work?”

“You can only sleep eight hours a day,” Gretchen said.

“How did the monster end up possessing that little kid?” I asked. “You think that person put it there on purpose?”

“It looks like it to me,” Popper said. “When I find out who he is—”

“That’s another thing,” Gretchen said. “That kid is going to hunt you until you kill it. It’ll be stuck in that well for a while, hopefully a few days, but he’ll eventually get out, and he’s going to follow. We need to get on a boat now.”

I tried to wrap my mind around the curse. “So every night at 9:58, every undead creature in a certain distance will come attack me? And every night, the radius gets bigger?”

“Yes,” Gretchen said. “It probably won’t be so bad at first, but after a while, more and more creatures will be drawn to you. We need to get you out of this part of the world before you summon the sovereign of the undead.”

“And you need to stay alive,” Popper added. “Going to the Lake with your sensation maxed out is just not…” His face had gone pale. “It’s not something we can let happen.”

It’s just a game. It’s just a game.

Chapter 14

We rode in silence. For what had to be the twentieth time, I opened the menu and clicked Emergency Eject. After about an hour of riding, we stopped and tied up the donkeys. Gretchen and Popper took an hour sleep to reset their respawn point. While they slept, I thought to work on my map to take my mind off what had just happened, but the ground was too rocky to draw. After, I slept and woke to find them whispering. I did not dream this time. They stopped when I sat up. Quietly, we repacked the donkeys and continued on our way.

This wasn’t a game anymore. I needed to find a place that didn’t have any undead creatures anywhere near it, but after just a few weeks, the radius of the spell would encompass several square miles. I just knew Gretchen was doing her human calculator thing, determining how much area the spell would cover after each day. This world crawled with the undead. There would be no safe place, especially after a few weeks. Once beckoned, the undead would be bound to hunt me down, even if I moved. Even if I managed to stay alive, I would have a literal army of zombies, vampires, ghouls, ghosts, and whatever else this sick game had to offer shambling after me, unending, undeterred until I was dead.

I read the spell’s description with horror. Even if I did die, after I was tortured for twelve hours, only the individual monster who had killed me would stop their hunt. All the others would continue, waiting their turn. And if I respawned in an unfortunate place, with the dead already milling about, and I was unable to get away, I would be stuck in a loop, being sent back to the Lake over and over again.

“Why would someone do this deliberately?” I said, breaking the silence.

Gretchen flinched at the sound of my voice.

“Because they’re trying to get rid of us,” Popper said after a moment.

“It’s not really getting rid of me, though,” I said. “It’s setting me up for torture. If they’re so powerful, why can’t they just throw us in a dungeon or something?”

“I don’t know,” he said.

“We have to get away,” Gretchen said. “Whoever it is, they’re following us. That trap should have cursed and killed all three of us. They’re probably not going to stop. We need to keep a low profile.”

“It won’t matter,” Popper said. “If they have the right spells, they can find us.”

“Maybe,” Gretchen said. “I’d heard rumors they had spells like that, but I’d never seen them used in-game. In fact…” she paused. “Dang, we can’t access the player control. We used to be able to block someone, make ourselves invisible to them. It’s not available to us. We’d have to know who they were anyway.”

“So, we get on a boat,” I said. “And travel far from here. Are there undead things in the ocean? Is it still safe to travel that way?”

“Stop,” Popper hissed. “Stop now.”

I looked up at my mini-map, looking for the tell-tale red dot of danger. Red dots appeared off and on throughout the day, usually deep in the forest, east of us on the other side of the Chiperu, so we didn’t have to worry. Most of the dots were animal pink with an occasional white dot representing some sort of NPC that we tried to avoid, because they most likely represented a quest.

I saw something I’d never seen before, standing in the river, just downstream. A pink dot that pulsed slightly with an orange border.

“What is that?” I asked.

“A waste of time,” Gretchen said. “We don’t have time for this.”

“I’m going for it,” Popper said. He jumped off the donkey’s back and started stealthily walking toward the river, which had disappeared from view in the trees.

“What’s happening?” I asked.

“It’s a rare animal,” Gretchen said. “The orange glow means if you capture it, you can make it a mount or a pet.”

“How do you capture it?”

She sighed, jumping down from Eli’s back. “It depends on what it is. It’s usually near impossible.” She wrapped Eli’s lead around a tree, grabbed her spear, and followed. “Come on. Bring your flail. Stay behind me in case it turns dangerous. If either of us are killed, don’t try to fight on your own. Just run back toward the respawn point.”

I tied Jenny, put on my pack, and equipped the flail. I followed.

Poppy: Holy shit, guys. Get down here. Hurry!

I crunched through the leaves, blood rushing in my legs as I stretched them. The forest smelled damp, like it had recently rained. The river was much louder now. I crested the hill and saw the beast wallowing in the fast Chiperu. I stopped dead next to Gretchen and Popper.

“Is that a hippopotamus?” I asked. “No, wait. What the hell is it?”

“It’s a hippocorn!” Popper whispered, quivering with excitement. “Oh my god. These things are the greatest!”

The purple beast was smaller than that of a normal hippo, but bigger than Jenny and Eli. I had the impression it was still young. A long mane of clumpy black hair erupted down its head and spine, like a mohawk of iron filings. A shimmering, deadly-looking horn jutted from the mane. The horn dripped with blood. It chewed on its prey, red meat cascading off its massive mouth.

“I thought hippos were vegetarian,” I whispered.

“That thing is no hippo,” Gretchen said. “Popper, this is a bad idea. Look at what it killed.”

Half-submerged in the river was its prey: a crocodile-like beast the size of a school bus. On the opposite bank, several of the giant lizards sat, camouflaged against the rocks, glaring sullenly at the hippo as it ate their friend. Their angry red dots appeared one by one on my map as I noticed them.

“Those guys are hidden well, eh?” Gretchen said, indicating the crocodile monsters. “Without our hunter class we probably would never have noticed them.”

“What guys?” Popper asked.

“On the opposite beach. Crocodile things,” I said.

“Oh shit,” Popper said after a moment. “I didn’t even see them. My Observing Wildlife skill just went from zero to one.”

“We should go,” Gretchen said.

“No way,” Popper said. “I’ve been riding behind you two days now. I need my own mount. This guy is a fairy class. I know how to snag them.” He dropped Velma the blade to the ground and emerged from the trees. He held his little arms out and called down to the beast, “Hello, my beautiful!”

The monster’s small, piggy eyes turned toward Popper. It dropped its meat and started to growl.

On the map, the glowing pink dot turned red.

“Popper!” Gretchen called. “Get your butt back here!” She looked at me and grumbled. “We need to invest in bows.”

“Get back!” Popper called to us. The hippocorn swept its foot against the ground, like a bull about to charge.

“If that thing comes at you, I’m throwing my spear!” Gretchen yelled.

The creature roared and stomped its feet some more. Its long, gleaming horn dripped red. It was going to charge at any moment.

“Don’t hurt it!” Popper said. “Don’t you dare!”

“Don’t hurt it?” I said. “Are you kidding me? Dude!”

“Just stay back!” Popper called. “I know what I’m doing!”

Chapter 15

Gretchen grumbled the entire ride back to the respawn spot. “That little jerk is going make us late to Constance. If we get there after dark, and there’s a wall, we’ll be stuck outside.” She shook her head. “Thought he could tame a hippocorn.”

We rode, backtracking. Popper had reappeared about ten minutes previous, showing up on the group chat. He was coming up the road toward us. We expected to meet him at any moment.

I laughed. It was the first good laugh I’d had all day. The horned hippo had pierced the poor bastard right through the chest. It picked up Popper’s limp body, holding him proudly in the air, like a kid displaying his cotton candy to the world. The hippocorn roared, challenging us to come at it. We quickly backed away. It snorted with derision and threw Popper’s little corpse to the ground, where it started to devour the tiny body.

“Where did his dress go?” I asked. Popper had been wearing the same pink dress the entire time, but the corpse was nothing but a loin cloth and a strip of cloth around the chest. His pack was still slung over his body’s shoulder.

“Your clothes will be damaged in battle, but they and all your equipped items remain with you. When he regenerates, he’ll still be wearing the dress.”

Popper’s green dot appeared on the map, and after a few minutes, we converged. He looked angry as Gretchen pulled him up onto Eli. He had a big hole in the stomach and back of his dress.

“Ok, this time you guys stay all the way back,” he said. “You agitated him.”

Gretchen stopped her donkey and turned all the way around in the saddle. “Is that a joke?”

“Do you know how rare it is for a magical mount to appear?” he said. “And when they do, there’s always like 200 assholes trying to capture the poor thing at the same time. Out here, we’re the only ones. I know how to do this.”

“I am not taking you back there,” Gretchen said. “You will just die again. We are going to be late to Constance. Each time, you lose half your money, and we lose almost two hours picking your butt up.”

“It’ll work this time,” he said.

“Not a chance.”

His lower lip quivered, and then he seemed to brighten. “Jonah!” Popper said. “I just remembered. Harry the ferryman says hello. He’s super bummed about your curse. I think you made an impression on him.”

“Yeah, wonderful,” I muttered. “A sympathetic grim reaper. Just what I always wanted.”

“At least let me get my pack,” Popper said as we approached where we’d been before. He pointed to the hole in his dress. “I still have that other dress we got in Rendall.”

“Okay, if it’s still there,” Gretchen said after a moment. “But if you die again, we’re leaving you.”

“You know, you don’t need to be so grouchy,” Popper grumbled. “All I wanted was a mount, maybe even a pet.”

“What’s the difference between a mount and a pet?” I asked.

Popper answered. “Mounts are disposable. You ride, sometimes fight with them, but that’s it. A pet you can ride if it’ll let you, but it’s more for fighting. Pets can level up and will regenerate after they die. You can train your pets and fight them for money.”

I put my hand on the side of my donkey’s head and scratched under her ear. “That’s not fair. Jenny is just as much a pet as a mount.”

Popper shrugged. “I didn’t make the rules.”

The idea of losing Jenny was horrifying. “I’ll keep you safe,” I whispered. She snorted and flattened her ears.

Gretchen raised an eyebrow. “I think there’s a spell to turn a mount to a pet, but it’s super expensive. You’ll have to find a druid to cast it. You can only travel with one pet at a time, though. You don’t want to waste it on a donkey.”

Gretchen started to tie Eli up. On the mini-map, the hippocorn was still there. Its dot had returned to the pink color with the orange border. It now sat in the middle of the river.

“Stay here,” Popper said as he rushed off toward the woods. “I’ll grab Velma and see if I can reach my pack. Hopefully it won’t be guarding my body or anything. I’ll only be a second.”

“Watch out for crocodiles,” I called.

“You know what, I’m going with him,” Gretchen said after a moment. “Stay here with the donkeys.”

They were gone approximately thirty seconds before the screaming started. The first thing I could discern was Gretchen shouting, “You little asshole!” On the map, I watched a green dot converge on the still-pink dot of the hippocorn. All around, a few dozen red dots appeared, slipping into the water from the opposite shore.

Rushing, I tied Jenny next to Eli and grabbed my flail. Just as I reached the edge of the forest, a notification appeared.

Pet Hippocorn <Unnamed> (Level 7) has joined the party, bonded to Poppy (Level 10, Barbarian.)

“Holy shit,” I said. On the map, the pink dot turned orange as the two dots converged. The red dots fled back to the opposite shore.

A moment later, Gretchen stormed out of the woods. Without a word she untied Eli, jumped on his back, and set forth down the road. I stood there, watching her leave as Popper appeared, triumphant, on the back of his prize.

The purple hippocorn looked at me impassively with its small, black eyes.<Unnamed>floated over its head.

“Told you I knew what I was doing,” Popper said. He rode the beast bareback, clutching onto its black mane and sitting on his knees. The monster was bigger than I originally thought, almost coming up to my shoulder, and it was so wide Popper couldn’t get his legs around its bulk. I don’t even know how he got up there. Its skin glistened with an oily substance. It grunted slightly with each step. “I need to get a real saddle,” Popper added, readjusting his position.

“What happened?” I asked as I jumped back onto Jenny. The hippocorn stood a few hands taller than her, putting Popper at eye level with me. Jenny wuffed at the hippo who roared in response, causing her to skitter back several feet. I had to clutch the reins to keep from being thrown.

“Be good,” Popper said, scratching its head. It started to make a loud purring sound. He waved his hand at Gretchen who was now far down the road. “Oh, she’ll be okay. She’s just butthurt I went after my new pet again.”

We started down the road, the Hippocorn easily outpacing Jenny. Popper had to slow it down.

“For fairy animals, mostly the `corns: ottercorns, hippocorns, unicorns, and so forth, you have to have a high charisma, and you have to be willing to sacrifice yourself to the pet before it will bond to you. I went into the water with a bunch of those crocodiles, and that did the trick. She swam right to me and picked me up.”

“Just like that?”

Popper shrugged. “I did die and then come back to her. If I didn’t know the trick, we’d never have figured it out. I always wanted a fairy pet because…” he trailed off.

The silence was suddenly awkward. “You okay?”

“I think I have a daughter,” Popper said. He left it at that.

A few minutes later, we caught up to Gretchen, who appeared to have deliberately slowed. Popper said, “I need to come up with a name for her.”

“How do you know it’s a her?” I asked.

“Do I look like a boy to you?” the hippocorn said.

I almost fell off Jenny. “What the fuck?”

“Oh yeah, you wouldn’t know,” Popper said, laughing. “These things can talk. They don’t so much, though. Never get a pet monkey. They never shut up.”

“Oh, I can do a lot more than talk,” the hippocorn said. She had an odd accent, South African if I had to guess.

“Jesus, this game,” I muttered.

Gretchen sighed. It seemed she was over it. “You have no idea, Jonah. No idea.”

Chapter 16

We crested a hill just as the sun started to set, and the city of Constance presented itself to us, bathed in golden light. A great river bisected the city, at least a half kilometer wide. Hundreds of buildings filled the tight streets, the most prominent of which was a tall, obelisk-like building. It reminded me of the Washington Monument. From our vantage, we could see dozens of roads leading to the city, most of which were filled with carts and people, hurrying about their end-of-day tasks. We hadn’t seen a single person traveling our road from Rendall, but the city below teemed with life.

All manner of boats dotted the river, many of them flat platforms with a large wheel on the back. The others were as varied as they were numerous. One appeared to be just a hollowed out tree, another a galleon-like ship with a carved figurehead that moved and gestured with her arms. The largest was a giant, inverted sea turtle shell with crews loading packages onto it.

The pinnacles of four churches rose above the buildings, and all four appeared to be the black spires of Tharon. I pointed it out to the others.

“That’s weird,” Gretchen said. “I never saw more than one of the same church in such a small city before. Those dark wizards from long ago must have been part of some event that made all the churches black, and since nobody is around to fix it, it stayed that way.”

“And it’s been that way for at least fifty in-game years,” I said. “Do you think all the churches are Tharon?”

“I hope not,” Gretchen said.

We set forth down the path toward the city. Popper spoke softly with his new pet. He suggested name after name, and the hippocorn stubbornly refused to accept each one. I didn’t blame her. Most of the names were ridiculous. “Blood Spasm” and “Nurse Torture Tank” were emphatically rejected.

“Why don’t you ask her what she wants to be named?” I suggested as the hippocorn shook her head vigorously at Popper’s proposal of “Horrid the Terror Horn.”

“Thank you, Jonah,” the hippocorn said.

Popper threw up his hands in exasperation. “Fine,” he said. “Do you have a name you’d prefer?”

“Why, actually, I do,” she said. “Growing up, my name was,” she made a throaty roar, almost sounding like a lion. “But that won’t work because you’d probably mispronounce it. So instead, I’d like to be called Alice.”

“Alice,” Popper said, like the word was a bug that had crawled into his mouth. “Alice.” He smoothed out his new pink dress with his free hand. “I get the most badass pet in this game short of a pit drake, and you want to be called Alice?”

“You don’t like it?” she asked, sounding hurt.

He sighed. “No, no, it’s ok. Alice it is. But only if I can add something cool to the official name. Like ‘Callous Alice.’ We’ll still call you just Alice.”

“Oh, all right,” she said. “It’s a deal.”

Pet Hippocorn <Unnamed> (Level 7) has been named Callous Alice the Death Malice.

The name appeared above her head.

“That doesn’t even make sense,” I said.

Alice hopped up and down on her front legs a few times with apparent excitement. “I’m Alice! I’m Alice!” Popper’s eyes grew wide as he held on. If she noticed that he added that last bit to her new name, she didn’t seem to care.

Constance had no walls, and no guards stood watch over our approach. We passed a few farms, and we finally started seeing traffic on the narrow road. A goblin and human each rode a cart away from the city, the first pulled by a black bear, the second a colossal draft horse. Neither NPC so much as looked up at us.

“Don’t talk to anyone,” Gretchen said. “We’ll go straight to the docks.”

Like Icardi and Rendall, the streets here were made of cobblestones, but wide enough for two carts. After a few rows of modest residences, row after row of shops appeared, including several that held interest. I took note of a tannery and a bowsmith and even a small shop called simply “Fishing supplies.”

Like Icardi, most everyone was human or dwarf with the occasional half-ogre. I saw a few more goblins, who were similar to the gnomes but much bigger. They reminded me of chimpanzees the way they walked. As we approached the docks, several more species of creatures appeared.

The first I noticed were a threesome of light-skinned aurics, tall and thin with pointed ears and pale skin. They watched us with interest as we passed. I noticed one held what appeared to be a small potted plant in his hands.

“That’s a druid quest,” Gretchen said, seeing me eye the elf-like creatures. “You find some magical grove, get attacked a dozen times on the way there, and you plant the sapling. It usually grows right away, and you get a magical fruit to bring back to them. They’re good quests for extra experience.”

“What are those guys called?” I asked, pointing at a group of wiry, tough-looking creatures with the heads of badgers.

“The texugo,” she said. “It’s a playable race. They’re fighters, mostly. Good barbarians and hunters like us.”

The ground turned to wood, and we approached the docks. The flat boats with the wheel were mostly used as ferries, I noticed, carting people and their mounts across to the other side of the large river. The ferry trade was brisk, and a few dozen people with their carts queued up, jostling against each other as the ferries—all of which appeared to be independently run, mostly by humans—rushed back and forth across the wide river. I noticed a few ferries were simple wooden platforms pulled through the water by smaller versions of the crocodiles. Each of these platforms were manned by creatures with frog-like faces and large, inflatable sacs under their chins.

“Those are pollywogs,” Gretchen said. “They used to be just called ‘wogs’ but they changed it for some reason. Everyone still calls them that.”

“Most of these are flat-bottomed, short-range boats,” I said. “We need something that will take us further.”

Past the ferry docks, we came upon what we were looking for. Four merchant ships sat tied up. Three were much too small to carry us and our mounts, but the fourth had to be at least 75 feet long with three levels of cabins. The boat stood high in the water and had an oddly rounded hull. The piled cabins gave it the appearance of a cake stacked on top of a portabella mushroom. Several of the texugo badger people carried crates onboard while a human yelled instructions at them.

Popper and I stood back while Gretchen approached the human.

“How does it move?” I asked. The odd boat had no apparent means of locomotion, no wheel, no masts and sails, no apparent oar holes. On the mushroom part of the hull, faded letters read Sabatina.

Popper shrugged. “There are a million kinds of ships. As long as it does move, I’ll be happy.”

Gretchen came trotting back. “I discovered three new mastery abilities the moment I touched the boat. One of them makes the boat go faster. He wasn’t going to let us on at all until I told him that. Dumb luck that was. Anyway, I told him—his name is Captain Demir—we’re headed toward Brivdah. He said he can take us to a place called Valisa, and it’ll take six days to get there. From there we should be able to book water passage to Brivdah, and we can get you one of those urumi swords. The problem is, he wants 400 jacks each for the voyage plus another 50 for each of the donkeys and another 500 for our new friend Callous Alice. 1,800 jacks total due upon departure. He leaves at 8 A.M., sharp.”

“Robbing bastard,” Popper said.

“Why am I so expensive?” Alice asked. Popper patted her head.

“How many jacks do we have now?” I asked.

“Not anywhere near that,” Gretchen said. “Two hundred something between the three of us. We need to see what we can sell before the stores close.”

Our first stop was the blacksmith. We tied up the donkeys as Popper slid off his mount’s back onto the street in a heap. Alice stepped as if to follow us into the shop, though she’d never get through the door. Popper spoke softly to the beast, and she grumped and sat on the side of the road.

We sold the half-ogre blacksmith the remaining sickle swords and a couple pieces of gnomish armor for an additional 400 jacks. We had four of the massive hackbuts in our packs, but he refused to even consider them. “I ain’t got use for that,” he said, pushing them away when we offered. “You might try an alchemist, but I don’t know of any ‘round these parts.”

With the sun now gone, most of the stores started to close. A mouse-like humanoid creature hopped through the streets, lighting the street lights with a tall stick. I checked the time, just about 7 P.M. Only three more hours until my curse sent out its first spell to beckon the undead. It would only be effective in a 100-meter circle around me, so I wasn’t too worried.

A few doors down, we found a jeweler just as he was closing up his shop. He was an elderly, bespectacled human with Asian features who struggled with the lock of his shop as we approached.

“Please, sir,” Popper said, using his best little-girl voice. “Can you look at this bracelet my father has? He needs it identified.”

“Come back tomorrow,” the man said. “I’ll be here all day tomorrow.”

“Oh, please sir,” Popper said, holding up the bracelet. “Can you take a look right now and simply identify it for us? We’ll pay you the customary fee.”

“What’s the fee?” I whispered.

“It’s 100 jacks,” Gretchen said. “It’s usually worth it unless it’s cursed.”

The man sighed and took the bracelet from her hand. “Oh, all right, but only because you’re such an adorable little thing.” He held it up in the air toward the light of a street lamp. “Hmm.” He pulled a loupe from his pocket and placed it over his spectacles. “Hmm,” he repeated, with more interest. He turned and re-opened his shop, waving us inside.

He lit a pair of lamps by his counter. A large parrot-like bird ruffled its feathers and squawked at us as we entered.

“It’s ok, Chin-chin. These are guests,” the jeweler said. Without looking, he tossed a treat from another pocket into the air, and the red and blue bird snatched it up. The blue crackle of energy pulsed around the bird and its perch.

“Is that some sort of thunderbird?” Gretchen asked.

“It’s a minor Jong-shi,” the man said. “It is much like the thunderbirds, but not so big. Good guard bird. Someone tries to break into here and they don’t come out, not with Chin-chin on duty. You know, only a few of his kind remain in this world. Rumor has it a stash of hidden eggs—”

“Just the bracelet please,” Gretchen said. We’d gotten good at recognizing and avoiding quests before they were foisted on us. It’d become second nature.

Chin-chin squawked.

“This is dwarfish,” the man said, holding the bracelet under the light. “Made of gold, from before the Unification. See this stamp here?” he pointed to an impossibly-small mark on the edge. “This was made by an artisan in exile, banished from King Freedman’s court. It is small, so it was either made for a child or as a gift for another species.”

“We got it from a gnome,” I said.

He nodded. “This makes sense. He must’ve owed a great debt to you to give up an heirloom such as this.”

I exchanged a look with Gretchen, who grinned.

The man waved his hand over the bracelet, and it glowed slightly. “It is enchanted. It offers additional help with the gnomish skill of weapon and armor constructing, plus five.”

“That’s it?” Gretchen asked, sounding disappointed.

“That’s it,” he said. “But it is finely made, and it is very old, which gives it additional value. If you wish to part with it, I will give you 4,700 jacks for it, and that is after the 100 you owe for the identification."

“Oh, hell yeah,” Popper said.

“Do you want it?” I asked Popper, who shook his head. “Okay, thanks for looking at it. We will sell it to you.”

“Excellent,” he said. He placed the now-identified bracelet on the table and started to pile coins on a small scale.

“Do you have anything that protects against the undead?” I asked.

He frowned. “I have a few rings that give a bonus to your armor, but I do not have anything specific against the undead. You will need to find a light cleric, and they will have what you seek.” He paused, as if he was thinking. “There was a white temple of Amity here a while back. I do not know where any are now.”

“Out of curiosity,” Gretchen said, “How much would you give me for this?” She placed her silver pocket watch on the table.

The jeweler’s eyes almost boggled out of his head. The man tremored slightly as he picked it up. “This is from the same artisan who made the bracelet you just sold me.” He placed it back on the table. “I could not afford this. You would have to sell this in a capital city, and even then you’d be pressed to find someone with enough jacks to give you what it is worth. I would travel to Harmony if you wish to sell. Or perhaps to Schinn and the great horology guild there. It is very valuable.”

She put it back in her pocket. “How much do you think it’s worth?”

“Three million jacks,” he said.

Chin-chin squawked.

We looked at each other in surprise. Popper mouthed, holy shit.

We thanked him for his help, and with enough jacks to pay our passage in the morning, we set out to find lodging for the night. We stopped, window shopping in a few shops that held items we could really use, but we’d never get a chance to buy because we were leaving so early.

“Three million jacks,” Popper said, shaking his head. “I can’t believe it. I never had that much money my entire time here.”

We found with Alice in the party, we no longer had to physically hold the leads of Jenny and Eli when we walked with them. The two donkeys followed her dutifully. Alice, in turn, followed Popper by only a few steps. Once, two rough-looking texugo emerged from a dark alley, and they approached in our direction, as if they planned on mugging us. Alice growled deeply at them, and they turned around.

We approached a large tavern called The Gristly Stoker, but Popper grabbed my sleeve as we approached the stables.

“Check it out,” he said, pointing at a small building with a pyramid sign over the top.

“Oh, thank goodness,” Gretchen said. “A mind guild. We’ll get a room and get our mounts stabled. I’ll make sure some food is put aside for you. You are going in there. Come find us when you’re done.”

Chapter 17

Achievement unlocked! Open the menu with your mind.

Your Mind Prowess skill has raised from 0 to 1.

It took almost an hour for me to get the ball to float in the air, but I eventually got it. From there, it was a simple leap to use my new-found skills to open the menu by merely thinking about it. After several different menu-related tasks, my mind prowess was level four. I noticed with each level, the menus opened more smoothly.

The guild master, Mistress Wuj, scared the living daylights out of me when I first entered the guild. She was a colossal, red and green, floating dragon head, with eyes the size of hubcaps and a hinged mouth that could swallow me whole. If it wasn’t for the reassuring, golden “Mistress Wuj” floating over her head, indicating her as a game guide, I would’ve run away.

“Very good, Your Majesty,” Mistress Wuj said in her calm, yoga-instructor voice. She insisted on calling me that, and it had taken me several moments to remember that it was because of me being dubbed “The Flounder King.” I didn’t know if it had an affect on how the guild master treated me, but I unsuccessfully tried to get her to call me Jonah. I didn’t think most guild masters were actual game guides, at least I hoped not. I knew this was just an overdue extension of the original tutorial. I was glad Gretchen and Popper weren’t here. I did not want them laughing at me.

“You have completed the complimentary mind tutorial. I see you have 16 training tokens. Are there any mind skills you wish to train? Beginner level skills only cost one token each, three for intermediate.”

I hadn’t thought about my training tokens in a while. I could take ten of them and raise one of my attributes, but I had to do that at a hunter guild. I planned on using them to raise my magic ability. I currently had a magic of six because of the watch, giving me 30 mystic points. I needed to somehow get my mystic points to over 50. A few of my spells, like Enchant Weapon and Summon Leviathan required 51 points to cast.

“No thank you,” I said.

“Then I bid you farewell. It has been a pleasure. Safe travels, Your Majesty,” Mistress Wuj said, turning away.

Flounder King Jonah: I’m done.

I hadn’t known how to use the group chat because it had to be initiated with your mind. I immediately regretted sending out the message as soon as I saw how it named me.

Gretchen: Good job! We’re just across the street.

Poppy: You better get over here before your curse cycles. We don’t know what’s going to happen the first time.

I looked at the time. 9:45. I hurried across the street to The Gristly Stoker.

The crowded, fireplace-lit room smelled of fish and ale. This pub was significantly bigger than the last one, easily three times the size. The crowd was mostly human. Popper and Gretchen sat in the corner, listening to an NPC play jaunty music through an instrument that looked like a long, wooden recorder.

“We got three adjoining rooms,” Gretchen said. I noted with relief she held a cup of water and not ale. “I figured we can afford it, so why sleep on the floor? The barkeep didn’t want to give Popper his own room, so I had to say we had two more people coming instead of one.”

“But first we’re going to make sure a skellie doesn’t pop up from the floorboards when you cast your curse spell,” Popper added.

The food was some sort of fish soup that tasted like dishwater. The warm, soft bread, however, made it worth it. I nervously watched the clock tick over to 9:58.

An image of a skull flashed in my vision, causing me to jump. That was it. I had no other sensation or notification.

“You okay?” Gretchen asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “A skull flashed. It startled me.”

“That’s a curse effect notification,” she said. “I’m sure you’ll be fine for tonight. You might get an additional notification if something is beckoned, but I’m not sure. The good news is, if something is tracking you, it’ll stop while you’re asleep. And the system won’t let you sleep if something is nearby. As long as we’re in a tavern, we’ll be safe. Hopefully our friend in the well is still stuck down there. We’ll be clear of him once we get on the boat.”

“Any news?” I asked as I finished my soup.

“This town has a gang problem,” Popper said. “The kids on either side of the river are at war with each other. And there’s some sort of spider thing eating livestock. Luckily, it doesn’t sound like there’s a plague of undead or vampires here.”

After several more minutes with no attacks, we decided to head to bed. We agreed to meet at 6:30 in the great room for breakfast. I said goodnight and went to my room.

My room had a table big enough to accommodate my map. I rolled it out and spent a good two hours working on it. My cartography skill went up another notch to six. I had just enough time to outline North and South America. While I was doing this from memory, I could also feel the unseen hand of the system helping me compose. As I drew the west coast of North America, I placed a dot over the Seattle area. Without realizing what I was doing, I wrote, “The Royal Seat of King Bartholomew.” I shook my head looking at the words. I knew as my cartography skill grew, I’d be able to fill in more details like that.

Outside, angry shouting rose as two gangs of kids clashed in the streets. Such violence permeated this world. How could I possibly survive two years without getting killed again? I shuddered. It was inevitable. This place was designed to kill you. That was the point.

What would it be like, being tortured?

I pulled the rough blanket over me, and I felt very small, very alone. I curled into a ball as the first sob wracked me. I had a quick memory, of doing the same thing, crying in my bed.

Your crying skill has raised from 0 to 1.

I let sleep take over.

***

Isabella smiled, and she put her hand on mine. Butterflies exploded in my stomach.

“It’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced,” she said. She took a long draw of her beer. I’d never been to a bar like this before. I thought it would’ve been suffocating, but it wasn’t. “I can’t believe you’ve never done it.”

My cheeks burned red. “I know, I know. I’ve never been in zero G. I’ve never put one of those things on my head. I’ve never even seen any of the Star Wars movies.”

Isabella’s eyes grew wide, and then she burst out laughing. “You know, your original ad said you were, and I quote, ‘a total nerd.’ That is flat-out false advertising.”

“I am a nerd,” I protested. “Just not a pop-culture one. I am a geography nerd. I am a board game nerd, or I would be if more people still played. Ask me about paper making or the difference between Sumi and India ink. I just… I never got around to the cool, pop culture nerd stuff.”

She smiled and put her hand against my cheek.

“What if they’re wrong?” I asked. “So many are saying it’s premature.”

Sobering, she nodded. “It might be. I think about it a lot. The Hibiscus isn’t the only one, you know. What’s left of India has their own fleet, and it’s said they’re working with some American corporations. The Catholics and the Mormons have their own shipyards. China and Korea, too. The Rus Feds started a program, but it got scuttled when a rock hit their main hab. That’s classified, by the way, so don’t go yapping it around. I’m not even supposed to know it.”

I sighed. I looked at my ink-splattered hands, and the sight of them surprised me. “You’d think we’d all come together in a time like this.” The Philippines were gone. Indonesia. Papua New Guinea. All crushed under the latest tsunami. Hawaii was gone, too, though most had gotten out in time.

“When have we ever come together?” Isabella laughed again, but it was not joyous this time. She drank the rest of her beer. “I’m going to miss beer,” she said.

She leaned across the table and kissed me gently on the lips.

***

My eyes shot open.

You slept five hours. Your exhaustion level has returned to zero.

“Holy shit,” I said.

I remembered.

Part Two

Chapter 18

“We are on a ship,” I said. “A planet seed ship. The Hibiscus. It’s called that because it’s shaped like a flower. A lot of the details are still fucked up in my head, but I remember that much.”

Gretchen and Popper sat at the table, staring at me like I was a crazy person.

“How do I not remember this? It doesn’t make sense,” Gretchen said.

“He’s right,” Popper said. He spoke slowly, remembering. “You’d said the name of the ship before, and it triggered something, but I wasn’t sure until just now. I remember the ship. The Hibiscus. I’m a technician. I’m part of a team of people responsible for environmental control once we land. We’re in stasis. I’m not supposed to be woken until the habs are ready.”

Gretchen leaned back in her chair. Before us, we each had a plate of some sort of sliced meat and a cup of the sour milk. None of us had eaten.

“Oh my god, the habs,” Gretchen said suddenly. “The habs. I remember that. How could I forget? Once we hit orbit, my team will be sending dozens of payloads to the surface. I’m responsible for getting them down in one piece, and in close proximity.”

“And I’m part of the survey group,” I said. “Once we make planet fall, my group is responsible for creating land surveys, double-checking the data from the flybys. My girlfriend is Hospital Corpsman Isabella Farooqi, and she’s part of the United States Navy. She’s a member of The Hibiscus’s crew. She helped me get this job. She personally put me into stasis for the trip.”

“Then why are we in this game? How did we get from stasis to here?” Gretchen asked. After a moment, her eyes grew wide again. “Oh my god, the time. It really has been 14,000 years. Oh my god.”

“We were supposed to close our eyes and then wake right back up,” I said. The location of our destination was a secret. Isabella claimed even the crew didn’t know. Just the captain, the navigator, and a few science officers were given the top secret knowledge of the location of the planet, and that wasn’t until the day of the launch. And since nobody knew the destination, how long we were to remain in stasis was a mystery.

“Wait, wait, let’s figure this out,” Gretchen said. “Do we remember how many people were on this ship?”

“A ton,” Popper said. “And there’s a whole fleet right behind us, coming in five years with even more. It’s all coming back to me. I think it’s 50,000.”

I remembered this part. I remembered lying in bed with Isabella, our fingers intertwined while she explained the shape of the ship. There are five petals of the flower, but each petal has three layers. The first and third layers are reaction tanks, filled with water, and we’re in the middle. Each petal is the size of a football stadium and houses about 10,000 people. The whole ship is carrying just over 50,000, mostly scientists, engineers, and laborers to set up the colony.

“Arcadia,” Gretchen said. She whispered the word.

“Planet Arcadia,” I agreed. “They say the gravity is just a fraction above that of Earth, and we’re supposed to be able to breathe the air. It’s Earth’s twin, they say. Green and warm and hospitable.”

“Without the earthquakes and tidal waves and nuclear war,” Gretchen added, speaking in awe as she remembered. “Planet Arcadia.”

“That’s what they said, but I don’t know how they could be sure,” I said.

Gretchen drew imaginary numbers on the table, doing her calculations. “So, let’s take the next logical step. If there are 50,000 people on The Hibiscus, and if there are, say, one billion NPCs, then one out of every 20,000 of us is a real person. We have no idea how long before we’re supposed to reach the planet, so we could be stuck here a long time.”

I tried to wrap my mind around it. “What are the likelihoods that three of us would be in the same village then? One out of 20,000 seems like long odds we’d even run into each other.”

Gretchen shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe we’re clustered together. Maybe everyone in Icardi is a person. Maybe it’s a coincidence. We don’t have enough data.”

Popper had been quiet for several minutes now. I was surprised to see tears streaming down his small face. “I have a wife and a daughter. They’re coming on the next boat. I talked her into coming. I remember now. She said she’d do it. My little girl. She’s going to be five years older when I see her. Her name is Molly. Oh god, I remember her name. Molly. She’s only eight years old, and she loves unicorns. And hippos. She would love Alice so much. I think that’s when I really remembered, when I saw that damn hippo.” He rubbed his nose with his sleeve. “I promised them I’d be waiting. Juliette and Molly. We have to get out of here.”

Gretchen stood. Her food remained untouched. “One step at a time. For now, I think our plan should remain the same. Get to Brivdah, get to Harmony, get a system message out.”

Chapter 19

As we walked to the docks, my mind still reeling, my thoughts turned to Isabella.

She’d turned me onto the project, of the possibility I could get a berth on the ship. That last dream had been a puncture in the cloud over my memories, and more and more were seeping through. But so much was still lost.

I remembered Isabella. I could smell her. I remembered meeting her for the first time face-to-face. We met in Casa Grande for lunch, and she told me all about being in the Navy. Her mother was West African, and her father was half-Pakistani, half-Texan. Her skin was the smoothest I’d ever touched, and when she smiled at me, I was swept into that joy like a tornado had plucked me from all the loneliness I’d ever felt and lifted me straight to the clouds. I didn’t have to hide who I was with her, and the moment we met, I knew I would follow her to the ends of the universe if that’s what it took to remain in her orbit.

On our second date, I gave her a hand-drawn map of the town where her mother was from, a village in Nigeria called Akilaiya. I feared she’d think it was creepy, that I overstepped. She laughed, holding the map up to the light, and she hugged me tightly. I shied away at physical touch, especially hugs, but I didn’t this time. I never did again, not from her.

She also brought me a gift that day, an antique, brass compass. I kept it with me at all times after that.

I reached down now and touched the watch in my pocket. It felt almost the same as the compass. Almost, but not quite.

Isabella was here, somewhere. Was she in Icardi? She could be anyone from the town. She could be Hemshin or Ursula the fishmonger or anyone. How would I know? I couldn’t, I realized. There was no way. Our NPC personalities were all that showed until we awakened, and I had no way of being able to wake someone up. And even if I could wake someone, should I? Before, I had assumed being stuck in the not-quite-lucid mind of an NPC was hell. But it was only hell in retrospect, wasn’t it? Maybe they were better off, safer.

That brought me back to the person who seemed to be following us. Male or female, we’d taken to calling him “Mr. Blue Dot.” Did he remember? If he’d been here long enough, surely he did. Then why was he hunting us? I had so many questions.

As we walked to the docks, animals in tow, Popper and Gretchen traded theories on how we had moved from stasis to game. Technically, Gretchen said, it wouldn’t be a difficult feat. Someone just had to flip a switch. The newest AI servers, more powerful than my non-technically-inclined mind could fathom, could handle the game with no problem, Gretchen said. The combined bandwidth and processing power of the old DoB server facilities, housed all over the world, could be replicated now with a single quantum stack thanks to something called a tunneling breakthrough. It was that innovation that made this trip possible, she said. She talked about how stasis pods were basically highly-advanced immersion rigs. The neural connections that the AI used to monitor us were almost identical. In fact, the technology all came from the same Honda lab, who had been researching the stasis technology first, not the other way around.

“What if we’re like 1,000 years from when we’re supposed to wake up?” Popper said. “They never told us how long it was supposed to take. What if it’s 10,000 years? We’ll be crazy by the time the computer ejects us.”

“That’s why getting to Harmony is more important than ever,” Gretchen said. “The other ten, or nine if one of them is a psychopath, may have been here awhile. They might know more.”

“Oh God, what if they’re all raving lunatics?” Popper asked. “Then what do we do?”

“We’ll deal with it when it happens,” Gretchen said.

Captain Demir smelled like a fish who had been pickled in rum. His crew, comprised of two other equally-dirty humans and six texugo badgers—all eight of them male, grunted and grumbled at the idea of taking on passengers, especially Gretchen and Popper, who apparently were bad luck. Despite promises we were to leave at 8 A.M. sharp, by 10, we still hadn’t loaded the donkeys or Alice, who was becoming more and more nervous.

“I can just swim alongside,” she said, nuzzling her large head into Popper. “Don’t make me go in there. It smells like the asshole of an incontinent mudskipper. I’ll be stuck with these two stupid donkeys, and they can’t even talk.”

“What if you can’t keep up?” Popper said. “Then I’d lose you forever! Besides, look at these gross texugo. I need you on board to protect me.”

She looked up at the badger people and growled slightly.

While we waited for the Sabatina to be loaded, Gretchen and I took the opportunity to visit the tannery as it opened. Like the blacksmith in Icardi, this shop was a small showroom with a door that led to the back where the proprietor presumably worked. The skunk-like, fetid stench overpowered me as I entered. It did not smell like the leather I remembered from back home.

Gretchen crinkled her nose. “They call this place the tannery, but it’s really the leathersmith’s shop, where they take the finished leather and turn it into armor. They turn the hides to leather on the outskirts of town. You can tell because the stench isn’t so bad.”

“This isn’t so bad?” I asked, choking. “If whatever we buy is going to smell like this the whole time, I’d rather take my chances with the demons.”

Gretchen laughed. Several headless mannequins stood in a row, each wearing human-sized leather outfits. They ranged from a simple shirt all the way to a dress-like ensemble made of black leather covered in steel rivets. I walked to that last suit of armor and ran my hand across the chromed studs.

Superior Riveted Leather Brigandine Armor.

You cannot equip this armor due to class restrictions.

Floating over the armor was the price:1,500 jacks.

“That’s a no go,” Gretchen said. “We can’t wear studded or riveted armor. It’s too heavy. It’s too expensive.” She ignored the armor on display and picked up a simple, brown leather shirt with rounded shoulders from the table and tossed it at me.

Common Leather Armor with Detachable Pauldrons

You have a skill level of 5 with this armor.

This armor is superior to your currently equipped armor, fine shirt. You negate 63% more damage with this armor than with fine shirt.

The price was 400 jacks. After the gruff, human leathersmith finally appeared from the back room and grunted at us a few times, Gretchen settled on a leather breastplate similar to mine, but dyed red. I bought the brown one. She also purchased a belt with thick ribbons hanging down, called tassets. I tried one on and didn’t like the feel of them banging into my legs. I decided I was fine with just the top, a pair of forearm bracers, and new leather boots, all for 670 jacks.

We avoided a few quest requests, but I managed to accidentally get one by grabbing a woman’s arm as she tripped in the street. She started bawling when I asked her if she was okay, and she told me all about her missing husband. I had to suffer through a few well-deserved curses from Popper over the group chat. We planned on hitting a few more shops when Popper messaged us again.

Poppy: Time to go, guys.

We hastened back to the docks just in time to see a very sad-looking Alice lumber onto the ship using the ramp, which groaned ominously under her weight. She started to balk, but Captain Demir stepped forward and put a hand on her flank and whispered something to the hippocorn. She huffed but calmed down.

“We got you a present,” Gretchen said to Popper, pulling our last purchase out of her pack: a plain leather saddle. We’d explained to the leathersmith we needed a saddle for a hippocorn, and he provided us with a basic saddle, cast with a single-use charm that would allow it to fit any non-equestrian mount. It had only been 300 jacks plus another 25 for the fitting charm.

“You guys are the best,” Popper said, trying to pick up the saddle himself and almost falling over. He managed to stuff it into his bag and ran up the ramp to show Alice, who was being led into the below-deck stables.

“First thing we all do is take an hour nap,” Gretchen said as we walked up the ramp. “We need to reset our respawn so we’ll always end up on the ship. Ship cabin rooms are treated like tavern rooms.”

At the top of the ramp, Captain Demir stood waiting for us, arms crossed impatiently, like we were the ones who had caused a delay.

“What happens if the boat sinks?” I asked.

“If your respawn point is destroyed, you end up at the closest Amity temple, or whatever church you’re affiliated with.”

“But all the Amity churches are gone now,” I said. “Or at least they are around here, replaced with that Tharon temple.”

Gretchen looked at me, her eyes widening as if she was just realizing something. “Well, hopefully there’s an Amity temple somewhere.”

“Maybe we should think about joining the Tharon church,” I said. “At least we know they have temples all over the place.”

Gretchen stopped dead on the ramp. “They don’t believe in resurrection. Tharon is the underworld god of justice. His acolytes don’t get resurrected in the temples at all, only in the last place they slept. Jonah, do you think whoever is after us had something to do with the churches turning? First the churches and then your curse. It’s like someone is deliberately engineering it so players can’t resurrect easily once they die.”

“You owe me money, and we’re behind schedule,” came the deep voice of Captain Demir. The grizzled, olive-skinned man held out his hand.

“You get half now, half when we get to Valisa,” Gretchen said.

The man paused, eyeing Gretchen menacingly. But just when I thought he was about to throw us all off, he nodded slightly. Gretchen handed over the coins.

I stepped on the boat, and the moment my foot hit the wooden floorboards, three notifications appeared:

You have discovered the Mastery ability to cast Prevailing Winds.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to Speed Water Vessel.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to Demand Court!

Captain Demir looked me up and down. “I could use a sailor like you, boy. Do you need work?”

“Uh, no thanks,” I said as we followed him to our cabin.

“What does ‘demand court’ mean?” I asked Gretchen.

She paused, her eyes going blank as she scrolled the menus. “I don’t know,” she said after a moment. “That sounds really odd. Maybe it has something to do with you being fish royalty. You discovered it when you touched a boat, so it has something to do with that.”

“What was that about fish royalty?” Demir asked.

“Nothing,” Gretchen said.

The boat rocked oddly under my feet, and a wave of queasiness swept through me. I realized I hadn’t spent too much time on a boat before. Strange sounds emanated from under the hull, and the floorboards twanged with movement, lurching in unexpected directions, despite the boat still being at dock. I knew then I didn’t want to be on this thing any longer than I had to be.

“I got the same speed up boat ability you did,” I said. “I wonder if that means it’ll go twice as fast.”

“Maybe,” she said. “That Prevailing Winds spell you got also makes boats go faster or slower, but only sailboats. I got one that makes rowers row faster and another to repair boat damage. I was hoping you’d get one that hides us.”

“How does this ship move anyway?” I asked.

“Come topside in fifteen minutes, and you’ll see,” Demir said. The boat lurched again. It felt as if we were on a sled, being dragged over rocky ground even though we weren’t moving at all. I wondered if it was Alice and the donkeys below decks, kicking up a ruckus.

Our cabin was a tiny room, about the size of a prison cell with a triple-stacked bunk. Popper had already claimed the top. He laid on the bed, just inches from the ceiling, a lit cigarette dangling from his mouth. Smoke filled the room.

“Thanks again for the saddle,” he said. “The charm worked, err, like a charm.”

“Where did you get that?” I asked, indicating the cigarette.

“One of the texugo dudes sold me a pack for a jack. I didn’t remember I was a smoker until I saw it, and I had a craving. Jesus, it feels good. I’m pretty sure I had recently quit.” He took a long drag. “Oh well.”

“And you’re going to just smoke in here without asking us?” Gretchen said.

“Hey, listen. This stupid game won’t let me drink alcohol, but for whatever reason they do let kids smoke. I’m a 43-year-old man trapped in the body of a little girl, and we all know we’ll be stuck here for a very long time. The least you can do is let me enjoy a cigarette.”

“Whatever,” she said, throwing her pack on the bottom bunk. “Once we cast off, everyone sleep for an hour. And keep an eye out for our friend, Mr. Blue Dot.”

Ten minutes later, we stood on the bow of the ship, looking over the wide river and the various vessels crossing back and forth. From one of the crew, I learned the river was called the Zidul. After we cast off, I wanted to corner the captain and figure out exactly where this destination city of Valisa was.

I saw no sign of the captain now as we were about to get underway. There was no obvious wheelhouse from where he could steer, but the rest of the crew rushed about, tying things down.

“Here we go,” a texugo said with no apparent signal from anywhere.

The boat lurched, and I almost fell onto the deck. Gretchen grasped my arm for support and Popper grabbed the gunwale. The entire boat rose into the air, water spilling off the sides with a great, sucking whoosh. Below, I could faintly hear the sound of Alice yelling.

I noticed the antennae first. Four great, whip-like cables emerged from the water in front of us, rising rigid into the air, twitching, bug-like, feeling out the river, slicing the air over one of the wheeled ferry platforms as it chugged through the water. The passengers dove for cover.

A shimmering pair of black and red claws appeared, mismatched in size, cresting like twin submarines as we lurched forward, skittering along the river. The massive right claw, the size of a dump truck, dwarfed the left one. Both claws glimmered opalescent in the light.

“Oh wow, this is a hermit boat!” Popper said. “I’ve heard of these, but I’ve never seen one!”

A texugo nodded. “Aye, her name is Sabatina. And she can hear you, so mind what you say.”

“A hermit boat?” I asked. “Like a giant hermit crab?”

“Yes,” Popper said. “The boat is the shell. These things don’t go in the deep ocean, only in rivers and along the shore, and I think they can go over land short distances, too.”

On the mini-map, the entire area around us turned pink, indicating the size of the beast.

Gretchen turned to the texugo. “Does that mean the captain is a warden?”

The badger nodded. “Aye. He raised her from a wee little thing to the monster she is now.”

The boat lurched forward in the water, moving swiftly through the current. The captain emerged and stood beside us.

“So you’ve met my girl, then,” he said.

“She’s awesome!” Popper said. “This is the fastest river boat I’ve ever seen. I didn’t know their claws were different sizes.”

“She’s a pugilator crab. It’s a little different than the hermits from the other oceans. Also, she’s not normally this swift.” He patted me on the shoulder. “It’s the magic of your father here, giving her energy.”

“And me, too,” Gretchen said.

Demir ignored her. “At this clip, we’ll be there in just under five days, not six.”

“So, she walks us the whole way?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Not when we’re going downstream. When we’re in deep enough, she retreats back in and takes a breather and lets the current float the boat. She’s got her feelers out and can swim us a bit so we don’t crash, and she can do that in her sleep. She’s a well-trained girl, she is.” The pride was evident in his voice.

I leaned over the edge to get a better look, but all I could see were the antennae and the lopsided claws amongst the frothing wake. The glow of fish dotted the water like Christmas lights, all in different colors, all darting away as we approached. I assumed the different colors meant different species of fish. I noticed a golden, blinking halo, unmoving in the water, and I wondered if that was my “find sunken treasure” ability kicking in, but it was gone before I could wonder on it more.

I focused on a spot of water for a moment, and a message appeared.

Do you wish to Summon Fish? You may use this ability once a day.

I clickedyes, and a scrolling list of fish names popped up. Hundreds, maybe thousands, of fish names scrolled by, from Aholehole to Zygote Horror. Most of the names were grayed out. I spun the list and settled on one of the few names I could choose, something called a “Huchen.”

You have successfully summoned a spawn of Huchen.

The water at the spot roiled, and shimmering yellow dots appeared in the water. A large, salmon-like creature flipped in the air and splashed back into the water.

“Neat,” I said, to nobody in particular.

We stayed up on deck longer than we’d planned, watching the world rush by. We quickly lost Constance, and after twenty minutes of fields and farms, forest spread on either side of us. The mini-map was awash in red and pink dots. The only dangerous creatures we saw in the water were more of those massive crocodiles, sunning themselves on the shores. They stayed clear of Sabatina.

“What’s a warden?” I asked as we headed back to our cabins to sleep.

“He’s an ass is what he is,” Gretchen said. After a moment, she added, “It’s a playable class, like halfway between a druid and a hunter like us. They bond with a particular animal. Captain Demir can float with the crab. That means he can enter the mind of or become the crab for a short time. I’ve never done it, but it’s supposed to be a scary spell to cast. Some people freak out when their minds are transported to that of a non-human, especially something with a weird number of limbs. They don’t know how to walk or fight, and it takes a lot of practice to get right. His cabin is probably in the lowest level of the ship next to the crab, and he goes down there to give it instructions.”

After our nap, we spent the rest of the day on the deck, each of us in our own worlds. Popper, especially, seemed somewhere else most of the time. We left Dace and entered a country called Groapa. The trees here were black and dead, indicating a recent fire. In the distance, a large city stood, unusually away from the water. Blackened walls stood against the setting sun.

Our cabin was much too small for me to work on the map. For a time, Sabatina retracted her legs and let the boat float on its own, smoothing out our ride. I took advantage and spread the map out on the deck and worked. As darkness descended, a few crew members brought lanterns and spread them around, giving me light. I kept a wary eye on the clock, ticking down to 9:58.

I’d just finished shading the south tip of Argentina when a presence loomed behind me.

“You sure you don’t want to join my crew?” Demir asked. He stood, smoking a pipe. The oddly-familiar smell of pipe smoke filled the chilly air. “I could always use a cartographer.”

“I wish I could,” I said, sighing.

Gretchen was in the cabin, but Popper remained on the deck nearby, keeping silent company and smoking another cigarette. He’d gone through way more than a pack already. The crew had started giving him cigarettes for free. The badgers thought the idea of a little human kid smoking was hilarious.

“Captain, can you show me where we are right now on this map?”

He hunched over, squinting in the low light. “You do not have the river ways on here yet, so it is difficult to be precise, but we are about here.” He pointed just a bit south of where I expected. “The Zidul feeds into the Scorila here, and we follow this to a few trade stops before we reach the Blast here.”

Popper came forward to sit with us. “Did he say ‘the Blast?’ Do you know where he’s pointing?”

“Yeah. The Scorila is the Danube, and the Blast is the Black Sea.”

“Oh fuck, the Black Sea is the Blast?”

Demir ignored this. “We follow the coast of the Blast quickly, not wishing to disturb the denizens. We have done this many times. We end at Valisa here, where we unload our goods. This is where you disembark. We cannot take you all the way to Brivdah as you wish, but I can assist in finding you a good captain and boat. Some are not so good.”

“That’d be great,” I said, leaning back. I placed a mark on the map and wrote “Valisa.”

“Where is that?” Popper asked.

“Istanbul,” I said. “Turkey.”

“That’s a big one, isn’t it?”

“It’s one of the biggest cities in the world.”

“We must go inside soon,” Demir said, looking up. “The plague bats haunt this area, and they will be about soon.”

“Shit,” Popper said. “Plague bats are undead.”

“Do not worry,” Demir said. “They leave us alone if we stay inside.”

I checked the clock. 9:10.

“Man, I hope so,” I said.

Chapter 20

Gretchen, Popper, and I sat in our cabin, door open, watching the mini-map for signs of red dots. As long as they were more than 200 meters away, I would be fine. The system that determined whether or not one could see nearby enemies depended on several factors, too numerous to fully comprehend. But we did find if we cracked the door to our cabin, we could see much further out with the map. Right now, several hundred dots hovered about the trees to the east of us, but not over the water. I hoped it would stay that way for just a few minutes more.

I could also go to sleep, which would put off the casting of the curse. However, I only had three hours available, and it wouldn’t reset until midnight. So if I tried sleeping now, I’d wake up at almost 1 A.M., and I’d cast the curse when we were in the midst of bat country.

I’d said as much, and Popper fell into peals of laughter and wouldn’t explain why. It had something to do with an old book or movie or something.

“What’s the Blast?” I asked while we waited.

Gretchen sighed. “Something I hope we don’t have to deal with. Primordials are ancient gods in the game, cast out by the new ones, what we call the pantheon. You’ve heard of several of the new gods by now. Tharon, Moloch, Amity, Accord, and so forth. The evicted primordials are imprisoned all over the world. You can’t worship them in the game. If you know anything about Greek mythology, they’re modeled loosely after the Titans. There are dozens of them and countless quests and storylines incorporate them. They usually involve them getting revenge and trying to the destroy the world. Typical hack and slash game stuff. One of the earliest world events was a storyline involving a trio of primordial gods waking up and trying to take back power. They had built a castle and an island in the sea, not too far from the coast. I guess the Black Sea. The crown built 10,000 ships and millions of players stormed the island all at once. They used to do these giant war events every year, and this was one of them. It involved sea monsters and explosions and storming the beach to fight these lizard things.”

“Most people ended up drowning,” Popper said.

Gretchen continued. “Anyway, nobody got close. Over a million players, dead in a matter of hours. Nobody could beat the quest. So ‘the crown,’”—she used finger quotes—“came up with a solution. They had all the mages in the world cast the same confinement spell at once on the island. Something went wrong, and instead of confining the primordial ones, it just put the island in a time loop.”

“That’s the Blast,” Popper said. “The area that lives that day over and over. The name is kind of a stupid joke. Blast from the past.”

Gretchen nodded. “The conflict resets daily. If you were there during that original battle, an avatar of your character exists now, attacking the island every day, dying every day, over and over in the exact same way. You can still join the fight now, but nobody has ever gotten close to that castle. There have been a few concentrated efforts since then, thousands of people adding themselves to the original battle, but it never makes a difference. The primordial ones are also stuck in the loop, forever defending their island.”

“It’s fun, but it also sucks,” Popper added. “You can’t loot anything. You can take the swords and magic gear from the avatars, but once you leave the Blast, it disappears. The only thing that remains is the experience. My friends and I once tried it, and our boat got ripped in half by a sea serpent. I never even made it to the island.”

“And we’re going to travel through that,” I said, groaning.

“He said we’re sticking to the coast, so it shouldn’t be bad,” Popper said. “The island is a good two hours off shore. There are sea monsters patrolling, but the good thing is they’re always in the same place every day. Experienced captains like Demir will know how to avoid the dangers.”

“Since when has anything in this game ever deliberately avoided danger?” I asked.

“It’s almost time,” Gretchen said.

Startled, I looked at the clock. 9:56. The red dots hadn’t moved much, but a handful seemed a little too close for comfort. If it was just a day later, I knew they’d be beckoned for sure.

I closed the door and waited.

The skull flashed. I held my breath. Nothing. Then, just as I began to relax:

Boooonggg. I jumped at the sound of the gong. I looked around wildly, but neither Gretchen nor Popper seemed to have heard it.

You have beckoned three undead to your location. You are being stalked by four.

“Shit,” I said. “Three undead.”

“I don’t see any of the bats close enough,” Gretchen said, pulling out her spear.

I watched three dots appear, hovering directly over us. “They’re right on top of us!” I said, scrambling to my feet, looking at the ceiling of the cabin. I held my flail in my hand. My heart thrashed.

As the boat moved, the three dots remained where they were, quickly falling behind and off the map.

I let out a stream of breath. “What happened?”

“Those weren’t flying undead,” Gretchen said after a moment. “They were skeletons or zombies or something, probably victims of the bats, buried in the river. They’ll trudge out of the water to follow, but they’ll never catch up. They’ll get smashed by something long before they get near.”

“Jesus,” I said, putting down the flail. My heart continued to thrash. “It said I beckoned three, but I’m being stalked by four.”

Gretchen and Popper looked at each other. “I think our friend the Black Devourer has dug his way out of the pit.”

“Is he going to stay the little kid, or can he hop from body to body? Is he on foot, or can he teleport around, and he’s going to just pop up somewhere?”

Gretchen looked grim. “I don’t know. He’s not supposed to be up here at all. I don’t think he can teleport, but he can move from body to body at will.”

I went to my bunk and laid down. “I don’t think my heart can take this,” I said.

***

That night I dreamt of my mother.

“Charlie,” she said. “Why do you dress like that?”

I looked down at my simple black jeans and black T-shirt. There was nothing wrong with what I was wearing.

“Because it’s comfortable,” I said.

“Nobody is going to want to talk to you.”

“I don’t want anybody to talk to me.”

***

After awakening, I remained in my bunk for several minutes, thinking about the memory. Was it true? That I hadn’t wanted anybody to talk to me back then? Yes, I decided. I was never comfortable with people. I could never look them in the eyes, too afraid to see what they saw. In high school, I’d always just wanted to be left alone. Sometimes I went to the church, even though I’d stopped going to the services. My mother had stopped making me go right around my sophomore year of high school. I went to talk to my friend, Father Roosevelt.

“I want to be a priest,” I said one day while I sat in his office.

I bounced a little rubber ball off the far wall, the kind you get for a quarter in a vending machine. I aimed it perfectly between a crucifix and a framed picture of the new pope.

Father Roosevelt raised an eyebrow. “You know that’s not possible.”

“Why? Why can’t I be a priest?”

He smiled. “Well, first off, you’re an atheist.”

I laughed out loud in my bunk, remembering. Father Roosevelt had been my only real friend growing up. He never tried to bring me back to the church, never expected anything of me other than simply being myself. I didn’t know if that made him a good priest or a bad one.

That day, and the next, ended up being the most uneventful so far since we’d woken. I worked on my map, raising my cartography and graphic skills both up a single notch. I also leveled up several boat-themed skills just by walking around the deck and staying out of the way of the crew.

Sabatina reached the even-wider Scorila river, the game’s version of the Danube, turning east to ride with the swift current. We passed many ships, most of them marveling at how swiftly we negotiated the river. We stopped at a few towns, but only for a short time. The three of us decided to stay onboard. We’d have plenty of time to shop once we arrived in Valisa.

My curse, while expanding in range every day, didn’t lure any more stalkers. I still had four undead following me.

Memories came in bits and spurts. None of us were too forthcoming with the others regarding personal stuff. If anything, the revelations were making the three of us less close, not more so. Popper cried multiple times a day, but only when he thought nobody watched. He spent most of his time below decks, talking with Alice. I overheard him describing his daughter, Molly, to the hippocorn. It seemed she had some sort of disability, but I couldn’t gather the nature of it. Gretchen was stoic as ever, brooding over whatever demons she faced.

I spent some time exploring the menus, trying to figure everything out. I did find a summary screen that listed all the spells the party members could cast. I thought it was a somewhat eclectic list.

I could cast:

Enchant Aquatic Weapons (51 Mystic Points)

Ice Storm (20 Mystic Points)

Part Water (10 Mystic Points)

Summon Leviathan (51 Mystic Points)

Repair Aquatic Weapons (17 Mystic Points)

Summon Tide (20 Mystic Points)

Water into Ale (5-50 Mystic Points, depending on volume)

Prevailing Winds (15 Mystic Points)

Gretchen could cast:

Create Spring (20 Mystic Points)

Create Well (10 Mystic Points)

Depth Vision (1 Mystic Point per Minute)

Instant Fish Fry (5 Mystic Points)

Permafrost (10 Mystic Points)

Repair Sea-faring Vessels (25 Mystic Points)

Strengthen Oarsmen (15 Mystic Points)

And Popper could cast:

Enchant Dirge (40 Mystic Points)

Stun Enemy (20 Mystic Points)

Self-Destruct (40 Mystic Points)

I noticed certain things weren’t on there, like my ability to summon fish or Gretchen’s ability to walk on water. I guessed that was something different than spells, though the difference was still confusing to me.

Most of Gretchen’s spells weren’t very useful, especially in combat. Instant Fish Fry, for example, sounded cool, but the description said it cooked fish without having to use a fire. Depth Vision was a light she could use if she was ever underwater.

Popper’s Self-Destruct was simple and scary. The description read, “You explode, damaging anyone unfortunate enough to be within ten meters of yourself.” It was basically what the demon of Icardi had done, but on a smaller scale. I hoped Popper would never have to use it.

The crew noticeably tensed as we reached the mouth of the Scorila just as dawn broke on the fourth day. I wondered, not for the first time, if we’d be better off if we disembarked here.

“We make no stops along this coast, and if we have to, we scuttle onto land,” Demir said. “The waters of the Blast are cursed with a dark magic. The crown thought to help the world by trapping the primordial kings on their island, but he did not help those who make their living in these waters.”

“And you’ve done this before?” I asked.

Demir smiled, revealing a gold tooth I hadn’t noticed before. “I grew up in these waters. Valisa is my home. Sabatina is a creature of the Blast.”

The water of the Blast seemed to go on forever. Unlike the true Black Sea, the water here gleamed obsidian, and an ominous mist wafted from the sea, as if the water was hot to the touch. The twinkling lights that indicated fish were much more sparse, but the golden halos of buried treasure littered the water like the basin of a wishing well.

Looking at the sea, I realized I knew exactly how deep it was. There was no spell. I just knew. I’d known with the rivers, too, but they were so uniform I had forgotten I had a special skill that helped me. Most of the Scorila river was about three fathoms, or 18 feet, deep. I shook my head, marveling that I even knew what a fathom was. The coastline of the Blast was much deeper, 16 fathoms just a few hundred feet off shore. In the distance, I sensed a precipice in the water, a basin almost 1,000 fathoms deep.

We turned south, skirting the coast. Multiple decrepit cities dotted the shore, but we passed them quickly. After gathering more clues from the crew and Popper, I guessed the Bulgarian city of Burgas—called Casim here—was the daily staging area of the Blast quest, and we would navigate past later this afternoon.

Smoke rose in the distance as we approached the aftermath of the sea battle. Gretchen came to stand beside me on the deck. I had spent the last hour chatting with a human and a texugo from the crew, both of them talking fondly of their favorite places to go in Vasila for both drink and women. The night before I had shown them my Water into Ale spell, instantly making me everybody’s new best friend. I had accidently cast it on an entire barrel of drinking water, much to the delight of the crew and the consternation of the captain. My new friends warned me of the pickpocket polecats, which I gathered were another race of creatures that had a large presence in the city.

“Let me ask you something,” I said to Gretchen as we leaned over the railing, looking south toward the smoke.

“Shoot.”

“The NPCs in this game are smart. Like, really smart. I can’t tell the difference between them and actual people. Some, I can, like Hamish the gate guard back in Icardi. But these guys on this boat, they’re like living, breathing people. If I didn’t know this was a game, and if we didn’t have the menu, I’d never be able to tell. I never realized that games had gotten this advanced.”

Gretchen nodded. “I’ve noticed it, too. I first noticed it from that jeweler when we sold your bracelet. The NPCs were programmed to be self-learning. The more they interact with others, the more autonomous they are and the better their decision-making. This game was only limited by the processing power of the servers. Once they started hijacking people’s brains at night, the NPCs and monsters started getting much more intelligent, more realistic. Battles were harder. But even that was nothing compared to now. With practically unlimited computing power and a couple thousand years for things to grow, everyone in this sandbox is so much more real.”

“I still can’t believe it’s been that long,” I said.

She shrugged. “We need more data to know for sure.”

“So anyway, you think the bigger the city, the smarter the NPCs will be?”

“We’ll see, won’t we? They’ll still be constrained by their programmed storylines and personalities. At least I hope so. Captain Demir won’t suddenly decide to explore the ice caves of Setberg, but it is interesting, isn’t it?”

I wasn’t so sure of that. “Do you think they’ll become, you know, self-aware? Like they’ll one day realize what they really are?”

“I hope not,” she said. “If they do, we’re in bigger trouble than we already are.”

We sat in silence for a while. In the distance, a great war galleon burned. I watched as hundreds of people, small as ants at this distance, stood on the deck. Why didn’t they just jump off the boat? Was there something in the water worse than burning alive?

Sabatina curved noticeably, turning us away from the conflagration and closer to shore. She traveled over the rocky shallows, a passage no regular boat would ever be able to negotiate. We rose completely out of the water as we scuttled past the danger, the deck swaying and bobbing crazily.

The edge of the map was suddenly a wash of white NPC dots and a handful of pink ones as we approached the mass of burning ships. I saw no red dots on the map. I scanned the water for signs of danger.

“Those poor fools,” Gretchen said, indicating the multitudes of mirror people. “Being self-aware would be even worse for them. Not only are they not their own person, but they’re doomed to do the same thing every day, and to die the same way, every day.”

“Huh,” I said, examining the horizon of ships. It appeared as if every single boat burned. Yet they still sailed. The smoke filled the twilight, reminding me of the scouring of Icardi. It looked to be all the ships in the world. “So, I have a question. You said nobody survived the assault on the island, right?”

“That’s right.”

“And that assault began at dawn, right?”

“Yes.”

“So then how are there still so many alive? Those are a lot of ships and people. They’re all on fire, but none of them are sinking. And it doesn’t look like any of the people are actually dying, either.” The forms on the boats stood motionless, most of them just watching the burning masts. None of them seemed to have noticed us. I wondered if something was wrong, if they were all frozen in some sort of computer glitch.

“Yeah,” Gretchen said. “I see that. That is weird.”

We passed a burning galleon. It bobbed in the water, just a few hundred meters away. I cupped my hands to my mouth. “Ahoy, there!” I shouted.

Several hundred pairs of eyes turned toward us.

A siren blast, like that of a firetruck, filled the air. I clutched my hands to my ears, but it didn’t abate the noise. Beside me, Gretchen seized her ears also. The blast cut off as abruptly as it started, the noise ringing in my ears.

“What the hell was—”

System Message> This is a World Event!

ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ATTENTION!

Players far and wide! ATTENTION! This is a World Event!

Blasted Doom. The magic that has imprisoned the Primordial Gods of the Blast for so long has failed. The former gods, besieged daily by a host of time-lost heroes, have developed magic to turn those heroes against the world. The crown urges all to attend the cities bordering the Blast to fight back against this new menace before their burning fleet can sail its way to Harmony and threaten your king.

Daily participation rewards apply for this event. See the Crown News page for details.

This event is rated expert difficulty.

This event was triggered by Player His Royal Majesty, Flounder King Jonah (Level 12, Hunter, Human)

Achievement unlocked! Participate in a World Event.

Achievement unlocked! Trigger a World Event!

On the mini-map, the thousands of white dots blinked and then turned red.

Gretchen stood with her mouth agape.

“Whoops,” I said.

Chapter 21

We ran for our lives. The burning fleet of the primordial ones followed.

“It must have been a planned world event that never happened,” Gretchen said.

“What happened?” I asked. “Why did it start now? All I did was talk to them!”

Sabatina scuttled across the shore. The primordial boats shadowed us, just a few hundred meters away in deeper water, their decks crowned with now-active warriors, waving their swords and spears and shouting. A few lobbed arrows, but we were out of range. Each soldier glowed slightly with a red halo.

“This wasn’t your fault. The game was just waiting for a player to come into range of the fleet for it to be triggered. If you hadn’t said anything, they would’ve noticed us in a few minutes anyway. There’s probably all sorts of these preprogrammed events scattered around the world, waiting to be triggered like landmines.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” I said.

Popper appeared, wild eyed from below decks. “Jonah, what the hell did you do?”

Demir roared orders at his crew. One of the crew members, a human, cast a spell, and a shimmering blue shield formed over the whole of Sabatina. A moment later, multiple fireballs crashed against the shield, which fizzled out. A second crew member immediately cast the spell again.

About a half kilometer ahead, a group of five longboats detached from a warship and angled toward shore, aiming to cut us off. Sabatina snapped her big claw and sped forward.

“We have to help,” I said. “Can I cast spells when we’re under this shield?”

“You can’t cast offensive spells!” Gretchen said.

“How the hell do I know which ones are offensive?” I pulled up my spell menu and cast Part Water in the midst of the longboats, praying it would work. The sea spread apart, cleaved as if an invisible tree had fallen amongst them. Three of the five longboats plummeted in the new hole, and when I released the spell, the water crashed over them. The boats did not resurface.

Grayed-out battle notifications appeared.

“Nice,” Popper said.

“We can’t let them hurt Sabatina!” Gretchen said. She didn’t need to explain why. Sabatina was our mobile regen spot. If she was destroyed, and we died, we’d regen at the closest white temple, but we didn’t know if any white temples still existed in the world. What would happen then?

Jesus, the thought of actually being stuck in the Lake terrified me beyond words.

Thick forest spread out to the east of us, just past the tight beach. Sabatina was much too immense to go in there. We’d have to stick to the coastline. If we could just get past the bulk of the flaming boats, we’d be able to outrun them to Valisa. Would they chase us all the way?

Gretchen cast a spell on the remaining longboats, causing the rowers to slow down. It wouldn’t be enough. Two texugo appeared beside me on the deck, each wielding longbows.

As a war galleon came closer, the massive, three-masted ship dwarfing ours, I could see the glowing soldiers more clearly. I realized this was the first time I’d seen warriors in full battle regalia. These were avatars of actual players, not NPCS. All manner of creatures stood on the decks, howling at us. I saw humans, dwarves, half-ogres, ferret-looking creatures, light and dark-skinned aurics, texugo, pollywogs, goblins, and others I didn’t recognize. The warrior armor was generally garish and dazzling, littered with mismatch colors such as neon orange and purple and pink. Some of the soldiers appeared to be walking tanks with glowing breastplates so bulky it looked as if they carried the front end of a car on their chests. Their swords and spears and axes were equally glittering, sparking and trailing flames in the twilight.

“Christ,” I said. “It looks like a Pride parade vomited all over a renaissance festival.”

“Oh you have no idea,” Gretchen said. “These are all players from over twenty years ago. It got worse before the bleaker style became a thing.”

They’re not from twenty years ago. They’re from thousands of years ago.

Sabatina burst forward, snapping with her big claw at the closest longboat. She crunched and shattered the boat, and the attackers fell into the water in a frothing pool of red. The bowmen beside me launched arrows at the second longboat. The arrows pierced the blue shield easily. Did it only protect from magic?

Two of the rowers were hit, and the boat floundered. Sabatina, moving quickly over the rocky shore, passed them before they could recover.

Arrows came at us from the galleon, slamming into the wood like drum beats.

“I have an idea,” Gretchen said. “Popper! Go to the edge and…”

She never finished. An arrow pierced her through the neck. Blood sprayed from the wound. She fell to her knees, her eyes wide with pain and surprise.

“Gretchen!” I cried.

She fell over, dead.

Player Gretchen (Level 12, Hunter, Human) has left the game.

Another arrow whizzed by, so close the fletching tore a path of fire across my nose.

“Get down!” Popper called as I yelped.

I dropped to the deck as more arrows flew. One of the texugo fell next to Gretchen’s body, his body a pin cushion. He writhed, not yet dead.

What could I do? I could cast Part Water again under the galleon, but the boat was so wide, I didn’t think it would work. Ice Storm was surely an offensive spell. That left Summon Tide, which was 20 mystic parts, the only spell I had left that made any sort of sense here. I’d never tried it before and wasn’t sure exactly what would happen.

“Sabatina, I’m going to mess with the tides,” I shouted, hoping the crab or the captain could hear. I opened the menu and cast, not knowing if the water was going to go in or out or do anything at all.

“The Blast doesn’t have a tide. We’re not in the bloody ocean,” I heard Demir shout, but it was too late. I’d already cast the spell. God, I hope this works.

The boat rose, and with a sudden dread I realized the sea was doing the opposite of what I hoped. Water rushed inward toward shore, allowing the nearest flaming ship to creep closer. On the opposite deck, I spied several soldiers holding what appeared to be flaming grappling hooks, ready to toss them.

Demir roared an order, and Sabatina scuttled deeper onto shore, hugging the tree line, and she turned the boat sideways as the grappling hooks fell uselessly around us. The galleon was impossibly close now. The enemy captain stood on the deck, surrounded by flames, shouting orders of his own, having realized his mistake too late.

In the upper corner of my vision, my tide spell indicator was still active, with a five minute countdown timer. I mentally clicked it off.

The water abated in a matter of seconds. The galleon skittered across the rocks as it dropped, the stern rising in the air as if it had hit a wall. Hundreds of soldiers spilled off the deck, tumbling to the rocks below and landing in shoulder-deep water. Most seemed okay, but several never surfaced. The boat cracked in half, falling over on its side. My vision filled with experience notifications.

“Brilliant move, lad!” Demir shouted.

We rounded a corner, revealing an inlet with a few dozen fishing ships floating within. In the distance, a walled city rose. With relief, I saw these were the outskirts of Casim, the likely destination of the burning fleet. Past the inlet was a large, wide-mouthed bay filled with hundreds of boats, big and small. Many turned toward shore at the sight of the pursuing boats.

We turned into the narrow inlet, quickly passing several of the small fishing boats.

“This is a dead end!” I shouted.

A few of the war galleons gave chase, but they slowed to engage the surprised fishing vessels, easier prey. I watched with horror as a galleon ripped a boat apart with its prow and pulled alongside a second, soldiers jumping from the deck down onto the smaller ship. The warriors tore through the terrified pollywog crew in seconds.

The mast of the small fishing vessel burst into flames. A single pollywog rose from the deck to stand alongside his attacker.

“Oh shit,” Popper said, coming to stand next to me, leaning over the gunwale. “They’re like zombies. They’re going to spread, getting bigger and bigger.”

“Hold on!” Demir called. We reached the end of the inlet, approaching a small dock. Sabatina skittered up onto the dock, which shattered under her weight. We climbed up a rocky hill as the deck skewed sideways. Gretchen’s corpse flew, and I jumped to grab her leg to keep it from flying overboard.

Popper half-ran, half-fell to the portal leading to below decks. “Alice, hold on,” he shouted. The hippocorn bellowed a response, but I couldn’t hear what it was. I hoped Jenny and Eli were okay.

We crested the hill, passing behind a tall, slim lighthouse. The Casim Bay spread before us. Demir had taken a shortcut over land, I realized. People scattered before the walking ship. Sabatina scrambled down the hill and launched herself back into the water. She swam south, cutting across the water, aiming for the opposite side of the bay. Far behind us, the bulk of the burning fleet turned into the bay, but we had gained a significant lead. That lead grew as the ships focused on the closer boats.

At the center of the armada, a massive, five-masted ship rose above the others. While the other ships burned red, this one burned blue, and the flames of this ship rose twice as high into the air. Standing on the deck, three figures were clearly visible, massively wide, at least twenty feet tall each. The primordials.

Player Gretchen (Level 12, Hunter, Human) is back online.

Gretchen: What’s happening? We good?

Poppy: For now. Get your ass out here. Jonah saved the day. Look at his level now. He sank a galleon.

Gretchen: Oh, wow.

Surprised, I looked up my battle notifications. I’d gained skills inBoat Navigation(from 4 to 5),Naval Warfare(from 0 to 3),Spell Casting(from 3 to 4), and in something calledSea Legs(from 3 to 4).

But I barely noticed those. My attention focused on my level.

Twenty-one. I had gained nine levels in just a moment.

“What the hell?” A chill coursed through me. No, no, no.

Popper laughed, not seeing my dismay. “You only get something like 1/10th experience for killing someone on a vessel, and only if that vessel attacked you first. But that thing was filled with players a higher level than you, even if they are now pod people. If you’d killed all of them, you’d probably be level 50.”

I felt numb. “Are they undead?”

“I think they are, but I’m not sure. That one pollywog dude had died and was reanimated.”

Gretchen emerged. She touched her corpse, and it faded away.

“Jonah,” she said, putting her hand on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”

“Oh,” Popper said, realization coming across his small face. “I’d forgotten.”

Behind us, the Bay of Casim started to burn.

“We’ll keep you alive,” Gretchen said. “Every jack we get we’ll spend on buying you armor. We’ll sell our watches and purchase a homestead in a cloud city. The moon aurics don’t allow undead near them. We’ll wait your curse out.”

“We can’t wait. Not anymore,” Popper said. He indicated the burning horizon. “Whatever those things are, they’re contagious.”

It only took a moment for Gretchen to understand the ramifications. I watched the realization dawn in her dark eyes. With no players to fight back, this event would sweep over the globe, turning every NPC this fleet touched into a bloodthirsty, undead monster.

“Well, crap,” she said.

Chapter 22

Captain Demir looked grim. The lights of Valisa filled the horizon as we approached the strait that cleaved the colossal metropolis in two. In the real world, this narrow body of water was what separated Europe from Asia, making Istanbul the only city in the world to span two continents. I stood next to Demir in the dark night. My curse had just cycled, and thankfully no additional undead were beckoned.

“After the sack of Casim, the burning fleet will sail here to Valisa next, and they will put the city to the torch unless we can organize a proper defense. Valisa is the gateway to the Galisi Sea. They will set out for Harmony, ripping a bloody wound across this world.”

“Do you think the fleet at Valisa can stop them?” I asked.

Demir shook his head. “Not a chance.”

“Then come with us. After Brivdah, we’re headed to Harmony. You can help with the royal fleet there.”

He frowned. “Valisa is my home. It may be doomed, but it is my home, and I will fight for it.”

I looked at the captain for several moments. He’s an NPC, and he’s more human than you are. I’d had this conversation before, I realized. You’re running from your home. You’re not colonizing a new world, like some great adventurer. You’re running away, like a coward.

“I understand,” I said.

We spent some time discussing the probable path of the primordial fleet. The world event insinuated they would sail to Harmony, so I had to assume that meant they wouldn’t invade over land.

They had two options once they hit the Galisi Sea—this world’s analog for the Mediterranean. The burning fleet could loot its way west, bolstering its numbers along the European coast and crossing whatever the Atlantic was called here. But once there, they’d have the same problem we faced. Assuming they didn’t just get out and walk, they’d either have to make their way down to central America and cross the Panama Canal, or they’d have to swing all the way around South America, adding months to their journey, before they could sail their way back up to Seattle. Demir confirmed the existence of the Panama Canal. The real-world version of the waterway had a lock system, and it would be easily defensible. It didn’t seem like a good option for an invading fleet.

Demir traced a path on my almost-complete map showing his prediction. “The Snake Canal here is much longer, but it can be overwhelmed easily, and this is where they will go.” He pointed to the Suez Canal in Egypt. I wrote “Snake Canal” over the spot. I knew the Suez had no lock systems where a fleet could get trapped. “Once through, they have many opportunities to gain powerful ships. The siege boats of the Blood Xin warlord here would enable them to storm Harmony with ease.” He pointed to a wide swath of China’s coast, centering on Hong Kong.

I nodded. “They’re going to take the same path as us, then.”

“It appears so. You must move swiftly.”

***

“So, I don’t think it’s actually as bad as a zombie outbreak would be,” Gretchen said. I stroked Eli’s head while she tried to shove a healing potion in the donkey’s mouth. He’d broken his front leg during the battle, but we hadn’t noticed until we prepared to disembark. The little bastard had tried to hide it. It was a death sentence for a normal donkey, but thankfully the virtual donkeys could be healed. Hunters started with a veterinary skill of ten, and we could fix broken bones with a healing potion. Jenny and Alice had come through fine, though Alice wouldn’t stop complaining.

“What do you mean?” I asked. Eli kicked at the stall with his back leg. Each kick sounded like a gunshot. Next to him, Jenny heehawed with concern for her friend.

“The burning fleet will follow the linear path of the flagship. That means they won’t spread out. The flotilla will keep getting bigger, but it won’t be exponential.”

“That still sounds awful,” I said.

“There you go,” Gretchen said, getting the red liquid in the protesting donkey’s mouth.

Experience earned!

Eli stomped with his newly-healed leg and tried to bite Gretchen. “You’re welcome,” she said drily. I patted Eli on the head.

Gretchen looked at me, sympathy in her eyes. “It is awful, but it’ll take at least two or three years before they reach Harmony. At least I hope so. I say we stick with the plan, but I will try to fight the king, not you. We’ll still get your sword. If I don’t impress the king, we won’t have you fight him until after your curse runs out. Hopefully that’ll happen before the burning fleet arrives. Who knows what’ll happen then.”

“I wish we could just fly there,” I said. “I’m already sick of boats.”

“It’s not worth the risk. Besides, flying means we’d have to give up Alice, and I don’t think Popper would let that happen.”

“Hey, I can fly,” Alice said from the adjoining stall.

“Wait, what?” Gretchen said.

“I’m only level seven,” she said. “When I hit 50, I gain the ability to fly.”

“Fifty? That’s a long way from seven.”

“Yeah, well I’d like to see you fly,” Alice mumbled.

“What other abilities do you get?” I asked, coming over to look at the hippocorn.

“Oh, all sorts. At level 10, I move much faster. At 20, I can heal Popper. At 30, I can cast Portal. At level 40, I learn how to cast Earthquake. At 50 I can fly. At 100 I can cast Jump Planes.”

“Portal?” Gretchen said, standing alert. “Can you carry all three of us?”

Alice issued a low growl. “I only carry Popper.” But after a moment, she added. “I suppose I can carry the both of you, too, but only if Popper is also there.”

“What does Portal do?” I asked.

“It’s like fast travel without having to use a starting node. Fast travel has been disabled, but the nodes still exist. We passed one in Constance. Most cities have them. They’re glowing blue obelisks, and you pay 1,000 jacks unless you’re headed to Harmony, and then it’s free. With Portal, you can freely cast the spell from anywhere and end up at a travel node of your choosing.”

“Will it still work if the nodes are offline?”

“I don’t know,” Gretchen said.

“Yes, it will work,” Alice said.

“Well, can we find a portal scroll or something now?”

Gretchen shook her head. “None of us are mages. We can buy portal scrolls, but we wouldn’t be able to read them it unless we have a certain level of rune craft. I don’t remember if Portal is intermediate or expert level. It’s probably expert.”

“What about just hiring somebody to cast it?”

“That’s also a possibility,” Gretchen said. “Mercenaries are easy to hire, but high-level mages are difficult to find.”

I patted Alice on the head. “We need to level you up,” I said.

“That’s what I’ve been saying,” Alice said. “But no, you keep me locked down here with Jenny and Eli, and let me tell you, they are not good conversationalists.”

Sabatina pulled into a merchant’s berth just past midnight. The city crouched before us, hidden in the night, but its imposing presence was a physical, electric thing. Lights spread in every direction. Massive, hulking ships cut through the water behind us, and large creatures flew through the sky, calling out into the night.

Despite the late hour, the city was alive. The powerful scent of incense permeated the air, and the distant sounds of laughing and singing rose into the night.

Demir haggled with a ferret creature over tariffs as the crew began to unload. We’d paid him the rest of the fare before we tied up, and he hid the money away in the folds of his shirt, nodding his appreciation. He bid us farewell with little fanfare, giving me the name of a pub to seek out where the best sea captains would congregate.

Popper insisted on riding Alice out of the ship, trying out his new saddle for the first time. I laughed at the sight of them emerging from below deck, Jenny and Eli following behind studiously like in a parade. The ferret marine port officer stopped his arguing with Captain Demir to stare open-mouthed at Popper and Alice.

Demir clapped me on the shoulder as we passed. “You keep that family safe. Get to Harmony as quickly as you can. The winds of change are blowing. I can feel them. It’s not just the burning fleet, either. This world is due for a reckoning.”

“Stay safe yourself,” I said. “You know where we’ll be if you change your mind. How much time do you think we’ll have before the invasion?”

“Oh, a day or two. You’ll be safe tonight. Goodbye, Jonah.”

“Invasion?” the ferret asked.

“That’s what I’ve been bloody trying to tell you, you filthy polecat!” Demir shouted as we left the docks. It dawned on me the ferret creatures were the polecats the crew had been speaking of. I hadn’t realized. I’d been imagining them as, well, cats.

“Did you notice that?” Gretchen said, sticking her foot into the saddle and hopping onto Eli’s back. It was the first time I’d ever seen her do it without Eli taking a bite at her.

“What?”

“That polecat just wasn’t getting it. Demir was shouting about the invading fleet, but he didn’t, or wouldn’t, or couldn’t react to it, not until you said something about the invasion. It’s like what we were talking about earlier. Some of the NPCs are smarter than others.”

“Or maybe they’re getting smarter after they talk to us for a while,” Popper said. “Maybe we’re contagious like the burning fleet.”

The Bleeding Stars Tavern sat on a low hill overlooking the docks. Unlike the previous towns we’d visited, this place had no rhyme or reason to the streets. This was a city of millions, and it was mostly flat, so it was difficult to get a good bearing, especially at night. Thankfully the pub was nearby. We huddled close as we traversed the dangerous streets. Red dots glowed from every alley we passed. Groups of young polecats sauntered through the streets, eyeing us, gauging if they could get away with attacking. A growl from Alice was enough to keep them at bay.

The main room of the tavern was empty this late at night, but the stable boy, a young pollywog, jumped right out as we approached. He fed carrots to Eli and Jenny and scritched Alice behind the ear, causing her to giggle. The owner was a squat human woman who took our money, telling us it was too late for dinner, but breakfast would be ready an hour before dawn. We bought three rooms for the exorbitant price of ten jacks each. Gretchen explained this was a fine tavern, which meant we could sleep for a shorter period if we wished and gain the same amount of rest.

“We get mostly seafarers here, and they get up early,” the owner said. “If you’re looking for passage, you’ve come to the best place.”

Before we split to our rooms, we pooled our money. After the passage, the supplies from the tannery, and Gretchen’s arrow to the throat, we had just over 1,200 jacks left. That wouldn’t be enough to book passage to Brivdah. Gretchen estimated we’d need another 3,000 jacks, maybe more.

“We still have the hackbuts,” I said. “We can see what we get for those. If not, maybe I can do a little diving. I saw a few spots with sunken treasure as we came in.”

“Hmm,” Gretchen said. “I’d feel better if you stayed on dry land and just pointed it out to me. If it’s close to shore, it probably won’t be of too much value. Whatever we do, we gotta be quick about it.”

***

“I’m leaving,” I said to Father Roosevelt. It had been months since I’d last visited my friend. He’d grown old, but his eyes glittered with youthful energy. I looked at the dark spot on his wall between the crucifix and the photo of the pope, the spot where I’d bounced my ball so many times over the years. The spot looked like a bruise that had never quite healed.

“I hope it’s not to California,” he said. A joke. The news was constant coverage of the southern California tsunami. The building that housed Solar Data Geo Systems, where I had worked for so long, had been in the zone of destruction. I had no idea if any of my former coworkers were safe or even alive.

“No,” I said. “I’m going to Arcadia. On The Hibiscus.”

He froze, a look of shock coming over his face. “Oh my God, Charlie. Have you told your mother? How’d…how’d you even get a berth?”

I laughed. “Isn’t that a violation of one of the ten commandments? Taking the lord’s name in vain?”

He produced a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses.

“Seriously, you’re going up there? You? You’ve never even been weightless. What about your…medical issues? Your medicine?”

I ignored the question. “I’m a cartographer on a survey team. We’re training up in Flagstaff every day. We’re not allowed to tell anyone who we are.”

“For damn good reason,” he said. He poured himself a shot, took it, then filled two more, pushing one toward me. “People are mad, and they’re scared. That’s a frightening combination. Beijing is threatening to either annex or nuke Japan over this, you know.”

I’d read that this morning. Japan and Canada were the only other countries allowed to participate in the colonization, despite pleadings from NATO and the Rus Feds. The Japanese plan was almost identical to our own. The bulk of their government and military would leave during the second wave. The young and the strong and the chosen few would abandon earth, leaving a shadow government and uncertain future for those left behind. The Chinese threatened to lob a nuke at Nagano if the location of Arcadia wasn’t revealed. Meanwhile, the people rioted in the streets.

The oligarchs were fleeing the mess they created. The rest would be left behind, exposed to the predators circling the gate.

China threatened Japan, but the Japanese couldn’t submit to their demands. The location of Arcadia was such a closely-guarded secret, the three humans who currently knew were kept confined, under 24-hour surveillance and segregated from the world. The Hibiscus would leave a map somewhere along the way, hidden at a set of predestined coordinates outside our solar system. Only then would the great migration obtain the location of the fabled “perfect” planet.

“I heard you guys are building ships of your own,” I said, meaning the Catholic Church.

Roosevelt nodded. “I’ve heard those rumors, too. But if we are, we have nowhere to go. Of the thousands of possible planets we’ve studied, not a single one is fully compatible. Yes, we can survive, but we can’t fulfill God’s plan for us. We cannot thrive.”

“Maybe they’ll be allowed in the Arcadia fleet.”

He smiled ruefully. “If only. Do you know who the last Catholic president was? Kennedy, way back in the 20th century. We don’t have the best reputation amongst the other Christians, you know.”

“Listen, Father, that’s why I wanted to talk to you. I’m starting to have second thoughts,” I said.

You slept four hours. Your exhaustion level has returned to zero.

I woke, feeling as if the dream had been cut short. Second thoughts? I didn’t remember this part. What was I worried about? Well, I was worried about everything, I remembered. But was there something specific? My memories were still so fractured, like pieces of a puzzle scattered everywhere.

Gretchen, Popper, and I met in the great room for breakfast. Five others sat in the room, three humans huddled together and two others sitting individually, a dark-skinned auric and a half-ogre.

Breakfast was a warm, succulent dish filled with fried eggs with round slices of sausage placed on top. The food looked like pepperoni pizza, but it tasted like an omelet. It was delicious.

“So how are we going to do this?” I asked.

Gretchen folded her arms on the table. “I say we pull them each aside and ask if they’re traveling to or near Brivdah, and we can feel each one out—”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Popper said. “That’s going to take forever.” He pulled himself up and stood on the table.

“What’re you doing?” I asked.

“Hey, we’re seeking passage to Brivdah,” he shouted. “Can any of you help?”

The three humans considered us, then turned away. Both the half-ogre and the auric stood.

“Why you going to Brivdah?” the half-ogre demanded.

The dark auric was a woman, I saw now. She crossed her arms, regarding us.

Popper cleared his throat. “My daddy here is a master of the surumi sword.”

“Urumi,” I corrected.

“Urumi sword. He seeks the guild and a weaponsmith.”

“I will take you lot for 4,000 jacks,” the tall half-ogre said.

“We have three mounts, and one’s a hippocorn,” Popper said.

“4,500 jacks then.”

The auric stepped forward. She put her hand on the half-ogre’s arm as she leaned in and whispered. “I’ll do it for 6,000.” She was less than half his height.

Popper laughed. “You’re not supposed to ask for more! This is a negotiation, not an auction.”

The auric grunted. “The difference here is I will get you there alive.”

“Hey now,” the half-ogre rumbled, pushing her back. “Don’t be such a bitch, Yi. I run the safest merchant vessel in the world!”

She laughed with derision. “Safest? Hardly. Maybe the slowest.”

The half-ogre growled.

“When are you leaving?” I asked.

“I am off at sundown tonight,” said the auric named Yi.

“He was talking to me,” said the half-ogre. “I will depart tomorrow morning.”

“Opish here is a trader,” the auric said. “He will creep up and down the coast, slow like a slime mold. If he does get you there, your little one will be a full-grown woman by the time you arrive. I will take you straight there.”

Opish roared. “And this rancid cunt—”

The half-ogre slammed to the ground, twitching. It happened so fast I wasn’t certain what had happened. Despite being half his size and probably a fifth of his weight, she had spun around, somehow catching his lower legs in hers in an ultra-fast judo move, toppling him over in an instant.

“I hate that word,” she said. “Rancid. It just sounds so dirty.”

I looked at Gretchen, who nodded open-mouthed.

“Very well,” I said. “We will meet you at sundown. Just let us know where.”

A wide grin spread across the auric’s face. “Excellent,” she said.

Chapter 23

It took us several hours to locate an alchemist’s shop. With no map of the city, the labyrinthine streets were almost impossible to navigate. Gretchen finally had the idea to hire a young polecat, offering him five jacks to work as a guide. The creature’s name was Raj.

NPC Raj (Level 3, Commoner, Polecat) has joined the party.

“Wow, I didn’t know NPCs could join parties,” I said.

The hairy little kid looked at me and grinned with gleaming, sharp teeth. He wore a leather vest but no pants, Donald Duck style. He stood about three inches taller than Popper and fidgeted constantly, eyes darting around.

Gretchen patted Raj on the head. “Yeah, you can hire mercenaries to help you on quests. It’s expensive, though. You have to pay them once a day. And once they die, they’re out of the party. Some of them, depending on their attributes, will attack you after you fire them, too. Our buddy Raj here is a commoner, so he won’t be a bother, will you Raj?”

“I get five jacks,” he said. “I help, I help, I help!” The kid bounded ahead in the crowded streets, leaning forward when he ran, losing us only to reappear every few minutes. “This way, come on! Raj shows you the way!”

“You can even talk to them on the chat,” Gretchen said. “Check this out.”

Gretchen: Raj. Don’t go too far ahead of us.

Raj: Raj is a good guide! I won’t go much too far.

“That’s crazy,” I said. “What do they think they’re doing when they’re chatting like that?”

Gretchen shrugged. “Who knows?”

We followed the kid for several minutes. I marveled at the sheer variety of buildings and businesses and creatures. I noticed five churches as we traveled. Every single one was a black church of Tharon, including two that stood side-by-side.

“Guys, stop.” Gretchen said. She looked up into the sky, her eyes twitching as she consulted her screens. “Look. Mr. Blue Dot is here. Wait…yes. There’s two of them.”

We stopped dead in the middle of the street, all three of us looking at our mini-maps. About three blocks over, two blue dots appeared at the edge of our vision. They stood unmoving, overlapping each other in what seemed to be a dead zone in the midst of the bustling metropolis. A single, white dot appeared to be the only other living thing nearby. The NPC stood apart from the two blues, also not moving.

“What do we do?” I asked.

“They must see us. They’re not moving at all,” Popper said.

“Maybe they’re waiting to talk to us,” I said.

“There’s only one way to find out,” Gretchen said, and she turned Eli down a side street toward them. Popper and I exchanged nervous glances and turned to follow.

“Wait! Humans! Raj says the alchemist is this way!” the little polecat cried.

“This is more important, kid,” Popper said. “We’re taking a quick detour.”

The block appeared abandoned. The buildings seemed empty and neglected. Most stood four or five levels high with broken or boarded-up windows. Yellow, white, or black crossbeams covered several of the doorways.

“Raj doesn’t like this street,” Raj said. “People do not go here.”

As we approached the building where the two dots appeared, a single NPC stood on the street before the building. To my surprise, this NPC was a human woman wearing modern business attire. She wore black pants with a white button-up shirt and a jacket. The olive-skinned woman smiled as we approached. She wore a nametag that read, “Azra.”

“Are we speaking English today?” the woman asked. She held a tablet computer in her left hand.

“Oh, I know what this is,” Popper said, indicating the building behind her. “It’s a business center.”

“That is correct,” the woman said. “This is the Istanbul business center. My name is Azra, and I will be happy to assist you. You may enter if you wish.” She looked at her tablet and frowned. “Do you have an appointment? My computer seems to be down. We have several rooms available for a small fee.”

The three-level building stood back from the street. Most of the structures in this city were the standard fantasy-style wood and brick with the occasional stucco wall. The larger buildings followed a more renaissance or medieval style, mostly mirroring the historical structures of the area. This building, however, had more of a Bauhaus, modernist brutality to it. Straight, concrete walls with rectangular awnings and protruding, square windows made the building stand completely out of place here. It looked like a quintessential governmental building. Plastered on the side of the building in gray, block letters was “Istanbul Business and Contracts Center.”

“Most major cities have one of these,” Gretchen said. “The building itself is legally in the jurisdiction of the country indicated. So if you go in there, you’re legally in Turkey. Even the servers that populate the VR are located in the jurisdiction. People went here to sign real-life contracts and real-life business deals. Some countries even held legal proceedings in their business centers with actual judges.”

“I’ve never been in one,” Popper said. “I’ve seen Dover, though. The entire city is a business center. No monsters or anything. Just an entire, boring city with buildings and schools.”

“I’ve been in one,” Gretchen said, her voice sour. “A few times.” She turned to the NPC. “Azra, there are two people inside. Do you know who they are?”

Azra smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry, but the identities of those entering the business centers are confidential.”

“Can you tell us how long they’ve been standing there? It looks like they’re just frozen inside the doorway.”

I looked, and sure enough it appeared two people stood there on the other side of the glass twin doors. Their dark outlines did not move.

“The server connection with Istanbul is currently offline. Rest assured it will be up shortly. They are waiting for the service to be restored.”

“Can you tell us how long they’ve been waiting?” Gretchen asked again.

Azra’s fake smile seemed to falter. She looked down at her tablet, as if to confirm.

“They have been waiting 543 years, 43 days, three hours, and two minutes. You’re welcome to go inside and wait with them. I’m sure the system will be back online any minute now.”

Gretchen stepped away, looking horrified. “I went to the center in Cannon…that’s Toronto. You walk in the front room, and there’s a small lobby. You’re taken back to the loading screen, and it’s a good two or three minutes while your session is transferred to the local server. The local servers were owned by their respective governments, not the game, so they were always slow.”

“Wait,” I said. “So those two people there stepped inside the building, and now they’re stuck?”

Gretchen nodded. “I think they might be on the loading screen, waiting for a server that’s never going to appear. We’re not connected to Turkey anymore, so they’re never going to be able to get out. I don’t even think they’re counted as players online.”

“This isn’t Mr. Blue Dot if they’ve been here this long,” Popper said.

“Wait, wait,” I said, still trying to wrap my brain around it. “So they’re staring at that blue screen with the spinning dragon helmet, and they are conscious, unable to move or do anything, and they’ve been stuck that way for 543 fucking years?”

Gretchen nodded. “I think so.”

“Fucking hell,” Popper said. “Do you think we can get them out?”

“I don’t see how,” Gretchen said. “If we touch that door, we’ll end up stuck also.”

“Azra,” I said. “The server is never going to come back online. They are stuck there. Can you get them out?”

“The server will be up momentarily,” Azra said. “If they are suffering from any sort of discomfort, they always have the ability to eject from the game.”

“Can you like walk over there and drag them out?”

Azra looked at me as if that was the stupidest thing anyone had ever said to her. “I absolutely will not! Besides, I do not have the ability to approach the building. You see, it’s located on another server. I am not allowed to go there.”

“Is there anything we can do?” I asked, looking at Gretchen and Popper. “I mean, Jesus. They’re stuck. If their minds are conscious…can you even imagine?”

“They’ve got to be bonkers by now,” Popper said.

“Bonkers,” Alice agreed.

“We know they’re here,” Gretchen said. “If the game is counting them as online, them plus the guy following us leaves seven other people somewhere in this world. And I’m willing to bet they’re not counted as online, so there’s probably nine others out there. Maybe one of them will know what to do because I sure don’t.”

“Maybe they’re all stuck in business centers,” Popper said. “I was thinking about Dover a couple nights ago, and I was going to bring it up. It’s safe there. I was thinking maybe Jonah could ride out his curse there. The whole server thing never occurred to me. Plus, don’t they have the videoconferencing in these buildings? I hadn’t even thought of that. If people woke up like we did, maybe they all flocked to one of these places, and all of them are now stuck.”

“Like Dover, Delaware?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Popper said. “It’s a whole city with a bunch of businesses. There’s a college there, too. And a couple branches of real-life banks. I don’t know why they picked Delaware.”

“It’s a moot point,” Gretchen said. “If we try to enter there, the same thing will happen to us. Let’s leave these guys for now, but we’ll try to come back later for them.”

“This city will be burned to the ground later,” I said.

“The business center won’t be,” Gretchen said.

“Raj wants to go!” Raj said. “You just stand there and chatter about nothing. Raj shows you to alchemist!”

Gretchen sighed. “Lead the way, little one.”

“Wait!” I said, horrified. “We can’t just leave them here!”

“Look,” Gretchen said. “We are in a virtual world. They’re not really standing right there. It’s not like they’re stuck in quicksand, and all we need to do is toss them a rope. All we’re seeing is a placeholder avatar of their existence in the realm. If we could get over there without getting sucked in ourselves, our hands would pass right through them. There is nothing we can do.”

My shoulders slumped. What a goddamned nightmare.

We left the frozen people behind. I kept looking back, as if that would do anything. We will find a way to get you out, I vowed. I promise.

We followed Raj several blocks, turned a corner, and stood before a massive, open-air bazaar. Colorful booths spread in every direction, and the crowd here crammed themselves, shoulder-to-shoulder, into the tight alleyways between booths. The din of haggling merchants and customers filled the air.

“There’s no way we’re going to fit in there, not with our mounts,” Gretchen said to Raj.

“Alchemist has shop deep in the market. I take you. Don’t worry. You give me five jacks, I get you there. Don’t worry. Is not scary like that last street. I make fit. Market a happy place. Just follow Raj.”

We moved to single file, squeezing our way into the market. Raj led the way. He shouted at the top of his little ferret lungs for everyone to move. People ignored the small polecat, but they couldn’t ignore Alice. She followed closely behind, bellowing as she stomped her way down the tight alley. Her bulk brushed the sides of each booth, and people had to dive out of the way. Curses and shouts followed our wake.

Noise and music and the sweet but overpowering scent of baked goods mixed with fish filled the air. The temperature in here was much hotter than out in the open streets. Jenny wheezed with concern, flattening her ears against the top of her head. I patted her and whispered that it’d be okay.

Your Soothe Animals skill has risen from 10 to 11.

We passed all types of booths, from fish markets to clothing dealers to hair stylists. One booth claimed to sell maps, but it was empty with no proprietor, and I wondered on that. The vast majority of merchants were polecats. Their suspicious eyes followed us as we passed.

I wondered if Raj was leading us to a trap. We kept turning and turning, never doubling back, never seeing the same thing twice. We pushed our way through a textiles market, where human and polecat women dressed in colorful sarongs called at us as we passed, offering magical bolts of fabric.

I smelled the next section before we entered. I remembered the stench of the chemist’s shop in Icardi after it had burned down. This was similar. The booths in this section were larger, some with actual brick walls instead of a pole and fabric. The passageways were wider, allowing me to ride alongside Gretchen as we trailed Alice. We were faced with the chemist market, with thousands of choices of potions and spells, with proprietors shouting as we passed: Great healing spells for great warriors. Water breathing! You want invisibility? I got that! Bear courage! I got bear courage potions!

Gretchen craned her neck to look at each of the stalls. “We need some healing and protection potions, and anything else you might find useful. But let’s find an alchemist first.”

“What’s the difference between a chemist and an alchemist anyway?” I asked.

“They’re similar. Chemists are mostly mages, healers, or light clerics who specialize in making magical potions for people or oils for weapons. Any chemist shop will always have the basics like healing and mystic point restoration potions, plus a little of what they specialize in. Father Ajax in Icardi specialized in holy water vials, for example.” She nodded at a booth with a half-ogre proprietor. “This one here specializes in barkskin potions.”

I smiled at the half-ogre who glared back.

“Alchemists are rarer. Alchemy is a subset of both harbingers and dark priests, and it’s a difficult subclass to obtain with a steep curve to make money. I was a harbinger, and I never wanted to even try for it. Not many did. There are hundreds of chemist booths here in this market, but there’s probably only a handful of alchemists in the city. Like chemists, they sell potions and oils, but no two alchemist shops are ever the same. Their potions tend to focus on permanently turning one thing into another, or making things deadlier. For example, an alchemist might sell a barkskin potion like that half-ogre back there, but his will be permanent. The chemist’s potion will cost a fraction of that and will only work for five minutes.”

“I get it,” I said. “Sort of. Why would they be interested in the hackbuts?”

Gretchen nodded at a large, black booth at the very end of the row.

“Let’s go in and find out,” she said.

The shop was the size of about four booths and had a physical door, unlike every other store we’d seen so far in this market. Behind the shop was a tall, stucco wall, indicating the very back of the bazaar. Several dead, jet-black chickens hung by their feet near the door. Each had a bell around their throats that jingled as we approached, despite the air being still. Etched on the black door was a small symbol, no bigger than my fist. It was of a circle within a square within a triangle within another circle. I’d seen that symbol before here in this world, but I couldn’t recall where.

A distant wailing came from within. The hairs on my arms stood on their ends.

“Raj waits outside,” Raj said, twitching. “I will watch great fat horse and little horses.”

We dismounted, Alice grumbling as she laid on her stomach to let Popper off. We all looked at each other nervously before we entered. Gretchen pressed her hand against the door, and the moment she touched it, the wailing within cut off abruptly. She pushed it open, and we went inside.

We stopped dead, looking at each other in surprise. The room was empty save for a single table at the far end. The black-painted walls and floors were unadorned. Standing behind the table were a pair of bug-like creatures.

“Emo-tong,” Gretchen whispered. “Bug race. They can fly short distances and are good magic users. They get a bonus to mystic points and armor but lack in everything else. Especially charisma.”

“Why is this place empty?” I asked.

“State your business,” the bug on the left asked. The voice was almost a hiss, with a hint of an Asian accent. The two bugs appeared to be almost identical. Each stood about human height. Each had a green, segmented and armored carapace with a pair of folded, translucent wings behind them. Their chitinous arms reminded me of a praying mantis, turning upwards at a sharp angle with a row of angry spikes running up the forearm, leading to long, three-fingered hands. Their red, compound eyes dominated either side of their faces, each one big as a salad bowl. Twitching, green antennae jutted from their foreheads. The left bug had a broken antennae, and the right wore a purple collar around its neck. It was the only thing either of them wore. I couldn’t tell what gender they were, or if they had a gender at all.

“We have something you might be interested in,” Gretchen said, stepping forward. The bugs said nothing as she opened her bag and removed a single hackbut. She placed it on the table in front of them and took a step back.

The emo-tong with the purple collar made a clicking noise and picked up the gun. It struggled with the weight, but it turned the weapon over in its hands, peering in the muzzle with its unsettling eyes. It placed the weapon back down.

“We will offer you 250 jacks for this weapon and any you have like it.”

“That’s it?” Gretchen asked, not able to hide her disappointment. We only had four. We needed almost 5,000 more jacks to afford the boat leaving in just a few hours.

“They are rare weapons, but we do not sell weapons,” broken antennae said. “We buy for research and resale. It is not of great research value as it is. This is gnomish, and we would have to seek out gnomes to learn how to use.”

“You probably could use a few more products in here,” Popper grumbled.

“I can show you how to use them, if that makes them more valuable. I have some sets of shot and primer,” I said.

The emo-tong turned its head. “Let us see this shot and primer.”

I pulled out a heavy wax ball of shot. It was the size of a tennis ball with an iron or steel center. The primer was a vial of gray powder just a little wider than the healing potions. I placed both on the table.

Purple collar picked up the vial and started chittering excitedly with its companion.

“We will give you five jacks each for the shot. We will give you 2,500 jacks each for the primer shots.”

Gretchen mouthed, Wow.

“Holy cow,” Popper said. “How many of these things do we have?”

Warning. Selling embargoed items to agents of the Hive will result in a negative standing between the Dominion and the Flounder Empire.

“What the shit?” I said.

“I have no idea,” Gretchen said. “I’ve never seen that before.”

“Uh, maybe we should rethink this.” Popper said.

Gretchen nodded. “The Hive is where the emo-tong come from. They were introduced with the last expansion just a few years before the game went offline. The Hive was their kingdom. They had this really enormous queen, I think the largest creature that’s ever been in this game. There was a crazy war to kill her with dragons and giants and the biggest battle I’d ever been in. After the queen was killed, the emo-tong were introduced as a playable character. The Flounder Empire obviously has to do with your title. I guess the crown doesn’t want them getting their weird little claws on advanced technology. This probably has to do with some other world event we missed.”

“Great,” I said. “The last thing I need is the entire kingdom gunning for me.”

“I have an idea,” Popper said.

Player Poppy (Level 10 Barbarian, Human) has left the party.

On the mini-map, Popper’s dot turned from green to blue.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Good idea,” Gretchen said. “Give him the primer packets you have. I have one also.”

I had nine, including the one the emo-tong still clutched in its hand. I realized now what Popper was attempting. He would sell them while not in the party with us, meaning whatever penalties I would get because of my royal status wouldn’t happen. I politely took the primer package back from the bug creature and handed all mine over to Popper, who turned to the emo-tong and dropped all ten back on the table. He barely reached over the edge of the table.

“I’d like to sell these, please,” he said.

“I’m sorry,” broken antennae said. “I’m afraid I can’t buy these from you.”

“Why not?” Popper demanded. “You just offered him 2,500 jacks each!”

“Our dealings with other parties do not concern you.”

“Is there anything I can do to get you to buy these from me?”

“The crown has disallowed us from purchasing new alchemic technology relating to incendiary devices.”

“Well that’s a mouthful,” I said.

“What if he just gives you one?” Gretchen asked.

“Who?” broken antennae asked.

“Err, her, I mean. What if Poppy here just gives you one. Then it won’t be ‘new’ technology anymore. You’ll be able to buy the rest, right?”

The two emo-tongs chittered.

“Yes,” it said eventually. “This would be acceptable.”

“And will the price remain the same?” Gretchen said. “She won’t do it if you lowball the price after.”

“This will work. The price will remain 2,500 jacks. But she must give us the item, leave, and return. And you must sell us the hackbut first.”

Gretchen sighed. “I hate this game sometimes. Popper, Jonah, do it.”

I pulled out my hackbuts and laid them on the table as Popper scooped up nine of the vials. I didn’t get the warning this time as we sold the hackbuts and shot balls for a total of 1,050 jacks. Popper stepped outside.

“This is really dumb,” I said.

It took Popper a concerning amount of time to return. We were just about to go looking for him when he rushed back in, slamming the door.

“Guys,” Popper said, his face ashen. “There’s a bunch of white jackets out there.”

“What the hell?” Gretchen said, turning to the emo-tong. “We did it correctly!”

“What’s a white jacket?” I asked.

“No, I don’t think they’re here for us,” Popper said. “They’re grabbing all the shop keepers and arrowing them.”

“Oh crap,” Gretchen said. She turned to the emo-tong. “Let’s do this. Popper, sell them your stuff, quick.”

“English, please,” I said, bewildered. “What the hell is going on?”

Popper quickly dumped the remaining nine vials back on the table, and the emo-tong swiftly piled 22,500 jacks on the table. For every 1,000 jacks, the coins magically melded into a single, bigger coin. I knew once they went into the bottomless purse, they’d break up again into individual jacks. It was a strange thing I’d first noticed when we sold the bracelet, and I still didn’t get exactly how it worked.

Player Poppy (Level 10 Barbarian, Human) has joined the party.

Merging Quests… Quests merged. You gained 0 additional quests.

We split the money between the three of us while Gretchen quickly explained what was happening.

“White jackets are the soldiers of the crown’s army. They wear plate armor with white tabards with the king’s heraldry on them. You can’t miss them. There’s a garrison in every major city, but they don’t usually come out unless something big is happening.”

“Something big, like an enormous flotilla of undead sailing on the city?”

“Bingo,” she said. “The invasion must be happening sooner than we thought. And they’re arrowing, which is bad. They’re recruiting citizens to fight. Every time a citizen gets conscripted, a yellow arrow appears over their head. That’s how you know who’s on your side in big fights. We can’t let them find us. It’ll be a compulsory quest. We’ll be stuck here. We won’t be able to leave unless we fight during the invasion. And we all know how that’ll turn out. We need to get to the docks, and we need to avoid the soldiers.”

“Fuck,” I said.

“Yeah,” Gretchen agreed.

Chapter 24

Poppy: Okay, guys. Coast is clear.

We figured Popper wouldn’t get arrowed because everyone assumed he was a little girl until he opened his mouth. We sent him out first. The two emo-tong also jumped into action. Purple collar waved its hand, and the shop transformed before our eyes, shelves appearing filled with hundreds of vials of potions and powders. I didn’t have time to examine what they were, but the least expensive item in the store appeared to be 5,000 jacks, and they obviously wanted us out. A door materialized in the back of the shop, and the distant wailing sound we’d heard earlier returned. A third emo-tong appeared and waved the other two in. In the shop’s mini-map a cluster of white and red dots appeared in the next room.

We didn’t have time to puzzle any of it out. We tentatively stepped outside to find the bazaar in utter chaos.

Every adult and most of the older children had a yellow arrow floating over their heads. The “arrows” were actually chevrons, probably indicating rank insignias. Proprietors hastily closed up shop, shoving their potions into carts or large backpacks. Women wailed, clutching onto their small children. Carts crashed into each other as shop owners hurried home. Potion vials broke, causing mini explosions and puffs of green fog to rise. Everyone shouted.

I turned to Raj, who thankfully was not arrowed. He watched the tumult with wide, frightened eyes. “Raj,” I said, grabbing the small polecat by the shoulders. I was surprised at how strong he felt. “We have to get out of here, but we can’t be seen by the white jackets. Is there a way we can go? A hidden way? It needs to be big enough for our mounts.”

“Valisa is under attack,” Raj said. “Raj is scared. My mother is here somewhere. She said she would come find Raj when she could afford to feed me again. What if she’s hurt in the fighting? Should Raj fight, too? I heard them say it’s ghosts. I don’t know how to fight ghosts. Raj is scared of ghosts. There’s one in the alley where I sleep at night, and he whispers he’s going to eat me.”

Jesus Christ, I thought. This fucking game was written by sadists.

“Your mother will be fine,” I lied. “Do you know a way out?”

“The sewers?”

“Is that a question?”

“We can get in at the base of the wall over there,” he pointed. “It drains near the docks.”

I turned to the others, who looked grim. “I don’t suppose you’re going to say the sewers in these places are well-maintained and free of monsters?”

Shouting rose at the end of the aisle, and I saw two tall, iron-clad soldiers shouldering their way through the crowd. Their white heraldry featured a yellow sun in the center of their chests. Each had yellow triple chevrons floating over their heads. They’d be here in a moment.

“We don’t have a choice,” Gretchen said, mounting up on Eli. “Let’s go.”

“Fuck me,” Popper said. He grabbed Raj’s hand. “Come on, kiddo. You’re riding with me and Alice.”

“Raj gets to ride fat horse?”

“If you call me that one more time, I’m going to ventilate you,” Alice said as Raj hopped behind Popper.

“Get your weapons out,” Gretchen said as we rushed along the wall in the small alley just west of the alchemy shop. We skirted the wall for several minutes, pushing past the backs of tents and others fleeing the marauding recruiters. The chaos within the market had spread, and the smoke of something burning in the distance permeated the air.

The tall, round drainage pipes emerged just a minute later, tucked into a corner where the wall curved. Each yellow-painted pipe was easily big enough for us to enter. A pair of wooden crossbeams blocked the entrance.

“Public dungeon,” Popper said as Alice smashed the crossbeams with her head. “That means multiple players can enter at once. It’s yellow, so that means medium difficulty. That’s too high for us. We’ll have to run rather than fight.”

“So there’ll be monsters?” I said.

“Is that a joke?” he said.

“Raj, hold this,” Gretchen said, pulling a torch from her bag. We’d bought it all the way back in Rendall. She rubbed it against the wall like an oversize match, and it roared to life. The thing looked like a giant ice cream cone once lit. The tiny polecat tentatively took it in hand, his scared face aglow in the light. “Okay, let’s do this.”

“I wish we’d had time to buy more healing potions,” Gretchen added.

“At least it’s not night,” Popper muttered.

Entering East Valisa Cistern, Level 1.

This is a public dungeon. You have no time limit to complete this area.

Achievement Unlocked! Enter a dungeon.

As we entered, I was taken aback at the long, opulent room. This seemed more like the entranceway to a palace than a sewer. The area appeared to have been abandoned and unused for some time, save for the carved channel down the center of the room that rushed with sewer water. The torch light danced off colorful, green and yellow tiles that spread up the ceiling. Rows of ornately-carved columns spread down the hallway at equal intervals.

On the wall, a gold-leaf sign read: “By the decree of the royal Atabeg Obletruk, this area is deemed off limits. Surviving trespassers will be subject to arrest.”

We clomped noisily down the hallway, following the water.

“Are all sewers like this?” I asked.

“No,” Gretchen said. “I’ve never seen anything like this. Every big city has sewers, but they’re usually like you’d expect. Dank tunnels filled with giant rats and slimes and hidden guild halls.”

“It says this is a cistern, but that is definitely sewage in the channel there,” I said, wrinkling my nose.

“What’s a cistern?” Popper asked.

“In this case, a giant room where they stored clean water for the city. It looks like it’s not used for that anymore.”

“Obletruk the water mage emptied these caverns,” Raj said. “He makes water come from the fountains now with magic. He’s the governor. They turned these places into a sewer system. They broke down walls and connected them all. Raj knows all about it.”

“Hmm,” Gretchen said. “It probably has something to do with a larger city quest.”

“I hope we didn’t step into the middle of it,” Popper said.

We approached the end of the hall, leading to an arched column and a dark tunnel. I watched the mini-map for signs of movement, but I saw nothing so far.

The short tunnel was more like what I had expected, low and humid. Our mount’s feet squished as they clomped through the mold. My eyes caught the outline of a door on the opposite side.

Your Find Hidden Traps and Doors ability has risen from 1 to 2.

Achievement Unlocked! Find a hidden door.

“There’s a door there,” I said.

“Secret room,” Gretchen said. “We don’t have time for it.”

We stepped into another huge room with columns similar to the first. Five red dots popped up on the end of the map.

“Here we go,” Popper said. “Get ready to run if we have to.”

“Brigands,” Gretchen said, jumping off Eli. She twirled her spear. “We don’t need to run. Come on, Jonah, stay behind me. Popper, stay on Alice. Get ready to cry if you have to.”

I slid off Jenny, careful not to rake my flail across her skin. I was still uncomfortable riding her with the weapon out and ready. We took a few steps forward toward the five figures at the back of the room.

They were humans, I saw, all in dark cloaks. Their backs were turned to us, and they seemed to be peering down the next tunnel, intent on something.

“We can use those cloaks,” Gretchen whispered, coming behind a column.

“It’s five against two,” I said. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Brigands are like rats when it comes to sewers,” she said. “They’ll be easy. This is level two or three stuff. If one of them pulls out a bow, go after him first. Their jabs don’t do too much damage. This is good practice. If I thought we were in real danger, I wouldn’t let you fight.”

“He’s supposed to be back by now,” one of the brigands was saying. His voice drawled, like the man was a halfwit.

“Let’s give him a few more minutes,” another said. “He said he’d be a few minutes.”

“It’s been a few minutes,” the first said. “It’s been a few minutes for a long time. It feels like it’s been a few minutes for years and years.”

“Howdy boys,” Gretchen said, emerging from behind the column. I jumped out also.

The men startled. The closest was the first to react. He turned around, pulling a long sword out of a scabbard. He sliced at Gretchen’s face but missed by over a foot. She swiftly reached forward with her spear and impaled him in the throat. The man fell over, dead.

“This is our treasure,” the leader said. “You ain’t getting past here, you bitch.”

All four of the soldiers were armed with long swords. Two more jumped forward, and Gretchen stepped back, allowing them to lose their footing with their own momentum.

I took the opportunity to leap forward, nimbly swinging my flail at the closest one’s unarmored head. The black spikes bounced off his skull with a sickening crunch, and he fell over, blood geysering as he screamed. Gretchen dispatched the other attacker, leaving two alive.

Experience earned!

I felt sick to my stomach. I’d fought the gnomes and that little kid who’d been possessed by the demon, but this was the first truly human character I’d killed in close-up combat. I didn’t have time to dwell on it. The leader rushed forward with his sword while the fifth screamed and ran, running away down the hallway away from us, dropping his sword.

The leader swung, barely more adept than his fallen companions. Gretchen feinted, then knocked his sword from his hand. He turned as if to run, and she pierced him through the back of the neck. He fell forward in a heap, vomiting blood onto the smooth, tiled floor. His corpse rolled off the ground into the channel, getting wedged just above the water.

“See?” Gretchen said. “The first encounter is almost always easy. If it isn’t, you know the dungeon is much too difficult.” She turned and started looting the corpses as the others approached.

I didn’t know how I felt about her killing the guy as he was running away. I knew it was a game. You were supposed to kill them. That was the point. Still, it had seemed wrong. It almost felt, I don’t know, evil.

“What about the guy who got away?” I asked.

Gretchen shrugged. “We probably won’t see him again. You usually don’t when they run, not when they drop their weapons. He’ll probably be killed by whatever else is out there.”

I had killed a single brigand. He held three jacks, his sword, and several clothing items, none of which were of decent quality. Gretchen and I both took cloaks. I also took his sword and placed it in my bag, which now had plenty of space thanks to the sale of the hackbuts.

“Raj says you fight like sultans,” Raj said. “Maybe you are my father. Raj’s mother said my father was a sultan.”

Gretchen laughed. “I am not your father.”

The next room consisted of several branches, but the water only flowed into one, and that was the direction we followed, on Raj’s instructions. “Follow the water. It leads to the docks.”

We passed stairs leading up and down, and we found several more hidden doors. We remained on the first level, not tempted to explore the deeper parts of the dungeon. The area’s pattern remained the same. Large, lavish room followed by a short tunnel followed by another giant room.

Every other big room had monsters within, but they were all easily defeated. Most of the creatures were rats or these green, algae-like creatures that half-shuffled, half-oozed toward us. I never even learned how they attacked or did damage. I just smacked them to pieces before they could get close. I got bit once on the ankle by a rat, but it was a glancing blow, and the pain ebbed almost right away. Gretchen got bit several times, but none of the damage was serious.

“Just watch out for the green rats. They’ll poison you. All the others are fine,” she said.

I lost count after killing my twentieth rat. Gretchen leveled up to thirteen, and after Popper jumped off Alice and spent some time fighting with Velma, his sickle sword, he raised his level to eleven.

Alice refused to allow Raj to ride her without Popper present, so I put the little polecat up on Jenny. The torch started to sputter, and Gretchen produced another.

The further we traveled, the wider and deeper the sewer’s channel became. Eventually, we walked single file along the edge of the great room, and in the small tunnels, we had to wade through knee-high sewage. Lights sparked in my vision as small fish darted back and forth in the sewage. Both Jenny and Eli balked at entering the water, but they both reluctantly complied when Alice growled at them.

We were getting close to the docks. I didn’t know if the sensation was natural instinct or something with my cartography skill, but I could feel where we were relative to the city above. It was almost three in the afternoon. We had two and a half hours to meet Yi at her mooring, dock number 251.

The next room was like all the others, but the channel of sewage filled almost the width of the entire chamber. A slim walkway hugged the western wall, barely wide enough to accommodate Alice. At the very end of the chamber, situated just before the connecting tower, a glowing, blue stone stood in the water, rising out of the sewage like a shark’s fin. Runic symbols covered the glowing rock.

“What is that?” I asked as we approached.

“It’s a charm stone,” Gretchen said. “It’s casting a spell. You see them in larger cities all the time. It’s probably casting a spell on the sewage.”

Sure enough, as we approached, it became clear what the charm’s purpose was. All the sewage that swept past the charm and into the next chamber turned clear. Crystal-clean water bubbled past into the next chamber.

“Water purification,” Gretchen said. “The kid did say this place was run by a water mage.”

Just past the charm was a dark, dripping hallway. At the end, a rock statue blocked our passage, standing smack in the midst of the clean, running water. The human figure’s wide-armed pose obstructed our path to the next area. He faced us, as if he was fleeing the room.

“Oh, crap,” Gretchen said.

“What?” I said, coming up beside her.

“Look at the statue.”

It was one of the brigands. This one clutched a stone sword, so it wasn’t the one who had run away. The look on his face was one of excruciating pain. A single, stone tear lay frozen on his pained face. His stone cloak, spread out behind him, served as a curtain, blocking our view of the next room. I could see past him only by peering through the crook of his left arm. The next room was the same as the previous.

“It is the gorgon,” Raj whispered. “She has done this.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake. A gorgon? Really?” Popper said.

“And you’re just telling us about this now?” Gretchen said, turning on Raj. “There’s a gorgon down here, and you haven’t told us about it?”

“You don’t speak of the gorgons,” Raj said, his eyes wide. “Unless you wish to summon one of them. Raj doesn’t wish to summon one.”

“One of them?” Gretchen asked. “How many are there?”

“Raj’s mother said when the water mage broke open the ground to make the sewer, he upset a nest of them. There are many. They are soldiers of Ghula who lives in the dark realm under the city. Raj thinks probably just one gorgon on this first level though.”

In the distance, a distinctly-feminine screech filled the air. My blood ran cold.

“Yep, that’s a gorgon all right,” Popper said.

“Do I even want to know?” I asked.

Chapter 25

“Think medusa,” Popper said. “Topless chick, hair full of snakes. Turns you into a bad lawn ornament.”

“Oh damn,” I said. I knew I’d heard the term gorgon before somewhere. I should have known, seeing the statue.

“They’re different than the movie and mythological versions of medusa, though,” Gretchen added. “They have the body of a serpent, but they are gigantic. Like eight feet tall. They’re fast, and they are strong. They will charge at you as soon as they see you and try to smash you or constrict you. In the movies, you turn to stone by looking at them. Here, they spit a venom at you, like an acid mist. If the mist touches you, you turn to stone.”

“Stone sucks,” Popper added. “It doesn’t kill you for like five minutes. You sit there frozen, slowly suffocating to death. And don’t forget their hair. They have hair made of snakes, and each one of them is poisonous.”

“Venomous,” Gretchen said.

“Okay, so what we do? How do we beat her?” I asked.

“We don’t,” Popper said. “We can’t. We’re not strong enough. You need anti-petrification potions and a party of at least five fighters to kill just one. We have to figure out how to get past her.”

Gretchen looked thoughtfully at the statue. “Their breath weapon is also their weakness. They’re stunned for a good ten seconds or so after they breathe it out, and they can’t do it again for a couple minutes after the first instance. That’s why you fight them with numbers.”

“Yeah, but how are we going to get her to waste a breath without sacrificing one of us?” I asked.

“Maybe we can use one of the donkeys,” Gretchen said.

Alice growled.

“Over my dead fucking body,” I said, appalled. “What the hell?”

“It might come to that,” Gretchen said, her voice a mix of anger and exasperation.

The gorgon cried again, as if she was in some great turmoil. The haunting sound rattled me. Splashing filled the room. I craned my neck to peer around the statue. It wobbled in place. I sensed we could topple it over, which would likely alert the gorgon to our presence.

That was the set-up, I realized, seeing the hand of the dungeon designer. We were supposed to come upon the brigands. We were supposed to hear them talking about their missing companion. Then, we’d find the statue, and in order to get into the room, we’d have to push the statue over, and the fight would be on.

This cavern was all water, knee-high. The water rippled with the constant movement of the gorgon. I caught a brief sight of the monster’s long, serpentine tail. On my mini-map, her red dot appeared. I focused on the water around her, thinking.

“I have an idea,” I said.

I described my plan, going over each part carefully. The others started to nod as I explained.

“Okay,” Gretchen said finally. “It’s worth a try I guess.”

“If it doesn’t work, we’ll be double fucked,” Popper said.

I nodded. “If it doesn’t work, we’ll have to go back anyway. Maybe one of these side tunnels leads to another exit.”

Popper sighed. He climbed onto Alice’s back. He’d gotten good at getting up there using the side of the saddle, so his pet didn’t have to lie down. “You understand the plan, Alice?”

The hippocorn nodded. Her purple ears twitched with anticipation. She hopped up a few times on her front feet, unable to control her excitement.

“Let’s roll,” Popper said. He poised on the saddle like a jockey getting ready to leap out of the starting blocks. Gretchen and I sat astride our donkeys on either side, just behind the statue. Gretchen now held the torch with one hand and the bridle of Eli in the other. Raj sat behind me, his small arms wrapped around my waist. The little polecat trembled with fear.

We stood ready. We had to do it in precise order, or we would all end up killed.

Gretchen looked at me across the way, the torchlight reflecting off her high cheekbones. “You’re up,” she said.

Through the curve of the arm in the statue, I focused on a point of water in the middle of the large room.

Do you wish to Summon Fish? You have 1/1 summons available today.

I choseyesand scrolled through the list until I found the one I’d seen earlier. I mentally clickedconfirm.

You have successfully summoned a school of Lethal Piranha.

The water in the middle of the room roiled. We poised ourselves, waiting for the gorgon to notice, hoping she would cast her mist on the intruders. The mini-map started to fill with red dots, at least twenty of them spreading out from the spot I had sent the summoning.

I didn’t know much about fish, despite my profession, but when I saw “piranha” on the list, I knew they’d be a good match against the gorgon. As soon as the gorgon was forced to spray, Alice was to topple the statue, and we’d charge the room. Halfway through, Popper would cry, stunning the gorgon and any surviving piranha for an additional ten seconds. Once past the room, Gretchen was to cast Permafrost on the water in the next tunnel, effectively blocking the remaining piranha from leaving, and giving the gorgon a distraction, hopefully keeping her from giving chase.

“Listen for a sound like crackling electricity,” Gretchen said. “I’ve heard the spray before. You can’t miss it.”

The shrill cry of the gorgon filled the air, louder and angrier than before. Thrashing and splashing filled the chamber. The floor of the tunnel rocked, as if one of the columns had been knocked over. We looked at each other uncertainly.

“Not yet,” Popper said to Alice. “Wait for the sound.”

Experience earned!

More screaming rose, high-pitched and panicked.

“Wait a second,” Gretchen said. “That sounds like two…”

Experience earned!

Experience earned!

You have gained a level! You have received a training token.

You are now level 22.

The sounds cut off abruptly. The splashing continued for a few moments, then the entire chamber went eerily silent. On the map, the red dots started to lazily circle.

“What the hell just happened?” Popper said.

“Guys, I think there were three gorgons in there,” I said. “I just gained a level. I think they’re all dead.”

“That’s impossible,” Popper said. “Piranhas can kill you quick, but not that quick. There’s no way they could take out a gorgon, let alone three of them.”

Alice stuck her face in the water and sniffed, bubbles forming around her face. She popped back up. “Those aren’t piranhas,” she said.

“Yes they are,” I said. “Like I said, they were on my list. The system said I had successfully summoned them. A school of lethal piranhas.”

Popper blanched. He and Gretchen looked at each other, and he slowly turned back to me. “You stupid motherfucker,” he hissed.

“What?” I said.

“Okay,” Gretchen whispered. “Let’s back up slowly and get to the previous room. There’s a walkway there. We can figure it out when we’re on dry ground. We can’t stay here. Move slowly and as quietly as you…”

“Too late,” Popper said. “Run!”

On the map, the red dots swarmed toward us, moving impossibly fast.

We turned and ran, the donkeys screaming as we pulled on their reins. We only had fifty feet until the next room with the safe ledge, but it might as have been 100 miles. Alice outpaced us, moving faster than I’d ever seen. Jenny and Eli, sensing the danger or just trying to catch up with Alice, vociferously heehawed as they galloped and splashed. Raj clutched onto my waist painfully, and the little polecat screamed in terror.

Crash! The statue of the brigand exploded behind us. I watched the map with horror as we ran, the red dots converging on our position like missiles on a target.

The chamber shook as Popper screamed, casting Stun Enemy. Jenny stumbled as a dozen frozen fish crashed into her back legs, still moving forward with their momentum. I cried as I flew off the donkey’s back.

I landed hard in the midst of the stunned fish. I felt my ankle twist and snap as I landed wrong on the stones. My vision flashed red, and I screamed in pain. Raj, who had fallen with me, leapt off my shoulder like an acrobat and landed deftly on the back of the still-fleeing Jenny. The donkeys and hippocorn disappeared into the next room, leaving me alone in the now-dark chamber, surrounded by stunned fish.

I caught a glimpse of the nightmarish “piranhas” before the lights went out. Each of the human-skull-headed fish was the size of a cat. Their teeth appeared to be made of shattered glass, each shard as long as my forearm. Their sleek, black bodies were designed for rocketing through the water at their prey.

“That’s not a piranha,” I said, as I painfully pulled myself up on my good leg. I gasped for breath. I had about five seconds before they would wake up. Even without a broken ankle, I would never make it.

“Jonah!” Gretchen called from the next room. “Jonah!”

You are fucked. Do something!

I hopped through the fish. They floated sideways in the water, each one as solid as a brick as I pushed past. I could not put any weight on my broken ankle. I cried out in agony. I had a pair of healing potions in my bag, but what was the point? I’d be dead in seconds either way.

Part Water, my mind screamed. Cast Part Water!

I turned, just as the fish started to wiggle all around me. My heart thrashing, I popped open the menu and chose the Part Water spell, casting it right at my position.

Only I didn’t cast Part Water.

In my haste to open the spell menu and scroll through the available spells, I mis-clicked with my mind.

I cast Water into Ale instead. A whoosh filled the room.

I couldn’t see in the dark, but the room suddenly filled with the stench of a tavern on nickel beer night.

Oh well, I thought. At least it’ll be quick.

Pain exploded through my leg as a lethal piranha bit off my left calf. I felt my blood abandoning my body as I screamed. Another bite took away the remaining part of the lower half of my leg. I felt myself start to fall.

Experience earned!

Experience earned!

The notifications filled the screen as I splashed into the water, which wasn’t water anymore. It wasn’t beer, either. Beer mixed with sewage mixed with blood filled my mouth as I sputtered, pulling my head out of the disgusting mix. My vision continued to flash red, more insistently.

Vaguely I realized the piranhas weren’t attacking any more. I was still alive, but barely. I was losing blood by the moment.

I clutched at my bag, pulling it out of the sewage. I grasped for a healing potion. I pulled off the cork with my teeth and downed it.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then I screamed with fresh pain as I felt my leg grow a new lower half and foot. The remaining carnage of my leg felt like a wad of gum, being stretched painfully into shape, tendons thrumming and muscles throbbing as they settled into formation. I sat in the sewage for several moments, breathing heavily. The red tinge in my vision faded. Gingerly, I pulled myself up, testing weight on my new foot. Still panting, I realized it was good as new.

The lower half of my pants leg was gone, and I only had one boot.

I understood then what had happened. Someone had destroyed the water purification stone just as I cast the Water into Ale spell. Since I had received experience, I had killed at least some of the piranhas. Could fish survive in beer? I guess not.

A loud splashing filled the room.

“He’s here,” Popper called. “He’s alive! It worked! I did it!”

Popper and Alice sauntered up, followed by Gretchen and Raj riding the donkeys.

“You know, I’m thinking we were supposed to destroy that rune all along. That would’ve had the same effect,” I said. “I bet the gorgons would’ve fled the room to a lower level. This is just the first level of this dungeon. We weren’t supposed to fight them yet.”

“Ohhhh,” Popper said. “You know, I think you’re right.” He patted Alice’s head. “My girl here went up a level, at least. She knocked that stone over and saved your ass.”

I had gotten experience, too, but I decided not to tell them about accidentally casting my Water into Ale spell. Instead I said, “Thanks, buddy. I owe you guys one.”

Popper turned serious. “Yeah, so, Jonah. Let me ask you a question.”

“What?”

“Say there’s a basket of kittens, right? And I say to you, ‘I’m going to throw a glitter bomb at those kittens.’ What would you say?”

“What the hell are you on about?”

“You would say to me, ‘Why, Popper, that’s a good idea. Kittens love glitter! It’ll make them even cuter!’”

“Well, actually…” I began.

Popper waved his hand for me to be quiet. “But say instead, I said to you, ‘I’m going to throw a nuclear bomb at these kittens.’ What would you say then?”

“Err, that’s a little overkill? Why…?”

“That’s a big difference, isn’t it? Glitter bomb. Nuclear bomb. Not just a big difference. A huge difference. Right, Jonah?”

“Well, yeah.”

He leaned forward. “It’s not as big as the difference between a piranha and a lethal piranha. Piranhas are small, bitey fish. Lethal piranhas are the monsters the king uses to guard his moat. You said you were going to summon a school of piranha. Names matter here. From now on, make sure you tell us everything. Because we could’ve warned you that you were about to throw a nuke when a grenade would have sufficed.”

I grinned. “Hey, it worked, didn’t it?”

Popper glared for a moment, then burst out laughing. “I’m glad you didn’t get eaten.”

I lifted my bare leg to show him. “Actually, I almost was.”

“Jesus, Jonah,” Gretchen said. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I said. I shuddered at the memory, but I didn’t want them to see. I felt stupid enough already. “Time’s wasting. Let’s get out of here.”

If the gorgons had any treasure on them when they were killed, it was long gone now. We splashed through the chamber, picking our way around the toppled column. One of the gorgons must have crashed into it before she’d been devoured. We ignored the left passage, which had no waterway. We found ourselves in a small tunnel that ended in a locked grate that faced the beach. Light streamed in.

“It’s a one-way door,” Gretchen said. “Once we go through, we can’t go back in this way.”

“That’s okay,” I said. I smashed the small lock with my flail, and it toppled to the ground. I pushed the door open.

Entering Valisa.

We stood on a small, rocky beach overlooking the strait. All around, boats of all sizes and configurations prepared to flee or fight. I looked for the telltale cake-on-mushroom shape of Sabatina, but we were much further south than where she was berthed. That was a good thing, I hoped. The white jackets and their arrowed conscripts were likely massing two or three kilometers north.

We hesitantly traveled south along the beach, keeping a wary eye out for white jackets. I breathed a little easier as we approached the first ship, a long, flat boat with dozens of oars hanging idle out the small windows. The crew consisted entirely of large, rock-like creatures I hadn’t seen before. They were the size of half-ogres, but wider in the shoulders. I saw none of the yellow arrows anywhere amongst the frantically-working crews. Their boat sat at berth 188.

“Sabatina was dock 12, so we need to keep moving south,” I said as we moved up to the busy roadway overlooking the beach. The crowded roads were filled with what I could only describe as a controlled panic. People rushed and shoved, but they allowed us to pass. No one was screaming or fighting yet. Boats drifted with determined pace toward whatever the Marmara Sea was called here. From there they’d hit the Aegean, and then the Mediterranean. I did not see a single boat moving north toward the threat. And why should they? These were mostly traders, not warriors. By the sheer variety of boats, I suspected very few called Valisa home. I once again hoped for Captain Demir and his crew’s safety.

We seemed to be moving mostly with the direction of people, which helped us funnel our way toward Yi’s mooring. As the berth spots increased in number, they became further apart. The mostly-flat land of Istanbul gave way to low hills.

As we climbed, I looked over the city, marveling at its sheer size. We’d visited just a tiny fraction of the area encompassed here. That this was a virtual world still continued to boggle my mind. Gretchen had estimated that a billion NPCs inhabited this world. If Valisa was any indication, I suspected that number had to be much higher. What was the world’s population before the earthquake swarms? Eleven billion? This world seemed as dense as the real deal.

“Oh no,” Gretchen said as we reached the 240’s, located at the foot of the next hill. I pulled Jenny to a stop just as she did. Below, the remaining docks stood in a row along the water.

These were not boats.

“First you ride on fat horse, now you ride on fat bird,” Raj said.

Chapter 26

“That’s the biggest airship I’ve ever seen,” Popper said. “It’s bigger than the ones the king has floating over his tower. I didn’t know you could hire ones this big.”

We stood on the dock, overlooking berth 251. A tall, thin galleon-like vessel floated impossibly high in the water. The boat had an odd shape, like someone had opened up a picture of a galleon in a graphics program and stretched it out, giving it an odd aspect ratio. The physics seemed wrong on the thing, like it should fall over on its side at any moment. Dark foliage, iridescent shades of blue and green, covered the top half of the boat. A dense thicket of vines snaked along the portholes. Man-sized stalks grew from the deck, each ending in a rotund flower bud, green and lumpy like overstuffed garbage bags, ready to burst.

On the side, framed by a perfectly-trimmed, rectangular hole in the foliage was the ship’s title: The Yeowang Bam.

Massive zeppelins floated on either side of us, and further down, smaller airships stood ready to launch. None were as big as this thing. Popper had called it a moon boat. He shook his head as we pulled up. “I should’ve known,” he’d said. “Never saw a moon auric captain of anything before.”

“How does it fly?” I’d asked.

“Magic,” Popper said.

Yi nodded. “This was the royal transport for the fifth concubine in the court of the great Munju before he was deposed in the Unification. It contains fully-realized moon gardens on the upper deck. The sacred baths have been removed and replaced with storage bays.”

“How’d you get it?” Popper asked.

Yi smiled. “That fifth concubine was my grandmother. She turned to piracy after the Unification. I prefer more legal ventures. Or legal-ish, at least.”

“You must make a killing,” Gretchen said. She and Yi stood side-by-side, an interesting comparison. The tall human and the slight moon auric had taken an immediate liking to each other.

We watched the crew load barrels and crates into the hull. I did not know what Yi traded. The crew consisted of two dozen chubby, hairless goblins. Stooped, paunchy, but active, the creatures gibbered at each other as they loaded. I initially thought they were a race I hadn’t encountered before, but Gretchen explained these were regular goblins, but they were eunuchs.

“You said air travel was dangerous,” I said to Gretchen.

“It is dangerous,” Gretchen said. “But most airships are just glorified hot air balloons, bobbing through the air like a candy apple. Look at this thing. It’s huge, big enough to carry the hippo, and it is covered with defenses. Most importantly, it has cabins, and we can set regen onboard.”

Indeed, several points of defense were obvious on The Yeowang Bam. A large ballista stood court on the deck, hidden amongst the flower stalks. Six additional smaller ballistae stood along the gunwales. Arrow slots covered the sides like watermelons seeds. Yi promised even more defenses underneath the ship, currently hidden beneath the water.

Commotion rose in the distance. One of the goblins, up high on the deck yelled out to Yi in a language I didn’t understand. All around us, the activity on the other airships grew to a frantic pace. A balloon with a basket flew right over my head, ropes dragging across the dock.

Yi shouted something to the goblin eunuchs. They abandoned the loading of barrels and started securing the doors. “The white jackets are coming this way. We must cast away from the docks.”

“So this thing sails, too,” I said. “Like a regular boat?” A goblin rushed up. The green creature’s hands brushed the ground as he ran, rocking back and forth, reminding me of a chimpanzee. He grasped the reins of Jenny, who balked at the goblin’s insistence. I patted her rump. “It’s okay, Jenny,” I said. She gave me a baleful glance but followed the eunuch. Popper led Alice and Eli to the storage area. Alice grumbled as she was led away.

“This is not a seafaring vessel, but it floats well enough when it has to,” Yi said. She watched the animals load into the bottom of the ship. “You are good with that beast, your Jenny,” she said.

I smiled. “I always wanted a horse growing up.”

Yi nodded, as if that explained everything. She looked up at the sky. “Hmm, clouds. Not good. We best be off before these white jackets get here. I don’t want to have to kill any of the king’s guards. Not again.”

Ten minutes later, we stood upon the lush, plant-covered deck as the strange boat floated from the dock. I wore new pants and a new pair of poor-quality boots, purchased from Yi at the outrageous price of 100 jacks. Above, the two zeppelins disappeared into the clouds, floating dangerously close to each other.

The plants and flowers smelled damp, new, and overpowering, like a mossy forest after a spring rain. I felt small on the deck, like I’d been shrunk down to half size. Most of the vines were thicker than my arms. Half the goblins rushed about the deck, preparing ropes and rushing to other boat-related tasks. The other half were occupied with the plants themselves, crawling over and around them carefully, trimming here and there, pouring jugs of water in other places, gardening frantically.

“Raj has never flown before,” Raj said, running to the railing. He grabbed the side of an empty ballista and started making shooting noises as he aimed it toward the pair of white jackets standing distant on the docks, watching us drift away.

I hadn’t realized we were taking the kid until he was just there on the boat, queuing up with the rest of us.

Popper insisted on keeping him, but Gretchen tried to shoo him away.

“He’ll be useless outside of the city. He’s a good guide, but he’s only a commoner.”

“Plus, he’ll cost you another 500 jacks,” Yi added.

Raj looked amongst us, eyes wide like a lost puppy. “Raj wants to stay with you.”

“Take the 500 jacks from my share,” Popper said. “He really helped us out. Let’s help him.”

They looked to me to break the tie. I liked the little polecat also, but we were taking him from his home, and 500 jacks was a lot. But Popper had taken to him, and I figured, what could it hurt? I nodded. “Let’s keep him,” I said.

“Yay!” Popper said.

“Yay!” Raj echoed. He ran up and hugged my leg. “Thank you, King Jonah!”

“Don’t call me that,” I said.

Unlike Captain Demir, who disappeared below during most of the sailing, Yi rushed through the busy deck, shouting orders in an odd, rough and guttural language. She hurled what I presumed to be profanities at the bouncing goblins as they worked.

The boat floated out of the strait and into the small inland sea. The sun had fully set by now, and a dark, cloudy night descended. About a kilometer out, Yi called on her goblins to drop anchor. Several lamps were lit throughout the ship. All around us, the lights of the fleeing ships filled the horizon.

“Why are we stopping here?” I asked. “When are we going fly?”

“The clouds will clear soon. Do not worry.”

In the distance, the faint sound of an explosion carried over the water. The distant lights of Valisa tinged red. I knew the battle was on. By morning, Valisa, one of the largest cities in the world, would be in the hands of the burning fleet.

An hour ticked by. Then another. I nervously watched the horizon as the fires grew. We found our cabins, ridiculously lush rooms draped in moth-eaten silk. We each had our own room, including Raj, who complained he’d rather sleep with Popper or below decks with Alice.

“Listen, kid,” Popper said. “I said you can come. But I don’t always get my own room. You ain’t sleeping with me. And don’t go bothering Alice. She’s likely to spear you with her horn. Take the bed and enjoy it.”

Eventually, the clouds cleared enough that a sliver of moonlight peeked through every few minutes. As Popper explained, moon aurics derived their magic, obviously, from moonlight. Yi needed a channel to the sky to get the boat into the air. Once alight, The Yeowang Bam could fly above the clouds. Moon aurics lived in floating cities that basked in the constant moonlight, following the moon during the winter at higher latitudes and held alight by balloons and more traditional spells at all other times. I longed to see such a city someday.

At that first hint of moonlight, Yi stood on the deck, her hands raised to the sky. All around her, the plants stirred. The colossal buds stood straight, and one-by-one, they bloomed. Massive, purple and blue flowers blossomed across the boat, each one opening with a paper-crinkling noise. Each flower was the size of a beach umbrella. The orchid-shaped flowers strained at their stalks, reaching toward the moon. One of the flowers tore away, showering dirt over us as it rocketed into the heavens. The other flowers remained moored to the boat’s deck, straining and pulling at the sky.

The boat lifted into the air, rising slowly. I was reminded of Sabatina as she took us out of the water. But where Sabatina was rough and jerky with her movements, this was much more gentle and subtle. I barely noticed we left the water, like a feather catching the wind. The boat drifted northeast into the sky, heading back toward land and what I knew was the wrong direction.

The goblins on deck jumped into action, pouring water over certain plants as directed by Yi. After each bud had water poured over it, a new type of flower opened. These white flowers looked more like traditional daisies, but with a circumference even larger than the orchids. The daisies soaked in the moonlight, glowing brighter and brighter the longer they remained open. Soon, the daisies glowed so brightly, the nearby orchids straining for the moon twisted in their spots, now straining toward the daisies, like a donkey being led by a carrot on a stick. If Yi wanted a daisy closed, she snapped a finger, and it slammed shut.

I watched this intricate dance with utter fascination. Daisies opened and closed, causing the orchids to sway and pull in different directions, giving Yi full control of the bearing and altitude of the ship.

“Neat, huh?” Popper said. Raj hung dangerously over the edge, the wind rustling his sable hair as he cried joyfully into the night. I could only nod.

“Did we ever ask her how long it’s going to take?” I asked after a few moments of watching the water rush by below us.

“Just three days, if all goes right,” Gretchen said. “I think Brivdah was a planned stop on her route. We’re just pure profit for her.”

Below, I watched us move back over the strait. Both sides of Valisa spread out below us. The entire north half of the city burned. The burning fleet spread out in the distance, like a blanket spread over the water. The stench of acrid smoke choked the air.

“Why are we flying over them?” I called up to Yi.

“I want to see this burning fleet for myself,” she said. “Do not worry. They can’t reach us from here. We are 400 meters off the ground. If they see us at all, we are out of range of magic and bolt. Several blessings protect this ship.”

We floated lazily over the battle as the ships engaged the defenders. The Valisian fleet didn’t have a chance, not with every other ship joining the burning fleet. They would be overwhelmed in a matter of hours.

I had a terrible feeling I was forgetting something just before it happened.

The skull flashed in my vision.

“Fuck!” I cried.

Boooonggg. The gong sounded in my head.

“Fuck,” I yelled again.

Gretchen and Popper looked at me questioningly. With all that had happened today, I had completely forgotten about my curse. How could you be so goddamned stupid?

Four hundred meters was a good height off the ground, but it wasn’t high enough, not on day six of the curse.

You have beckoned 8,432 undead to your location. You are being stalked by 8,436.

Chapter 27

I locked myself in my cabin. Someone knocked around midnight, and both Popper and Gretchen attempted talking to me through the group chat, but I discovered a Mute Notifications button and jammed it with my mind.

I laid on my soft bed, my heart thrashing, My breaths came in short, fast bursts. Waves of fear and anxiety crashed over me, throwing me against the rocks. I felt as if I was dying.

It’s a panic attack. You’ve had these before. Breathe. You can get through this.

Eight thousand four hundred and thirty-six. I couldn’t get the number out of my head.

Christ. What a mess.

I curled into a ball, wishing I’d never left my home, wishing I’d never met Isabella, wishing I’d listened to Father Roosevelt. You were right, Father, I thought. You were right.

***

“If you’re having second thoughts,” Father Roosevelt said, “Then don’t go. This isn’t the sort of thing you can take back. You’re going into stasis, and you’re going to wake up on another planet. That’s not something people do on a whim. It will be hundreds of years later, maybe thousands with time dilation. Everyone you’ve ever known who isn’t on that ship or in the follow-up migration will be dead, and they’ll have been dead for a millennia. You will regret it.”

“Do you know what I do?” I asked the priest.

“For a living?”

“No, not that. Do you know what I do every day?”

He put his hands on his lap. “Tell me.”

“Every morning, I wake up. I look at myself in the mirror, and I hate what I see. I know I am wrong for this world. The news terrifies me. This world terrifies me. But most of all, I am scared of myself. Do you know what I thought when I heard the news about L.A.? I wished I’d been on the beach, my arms open wide. I wished it would take me away. I am jealous of all those who were.”

The priest remained silent, bidding me to continue.

“I met someone. Her name is Isabella. She is beautiful, she is smart. She makes me laugh. I know how you Catholics feel about that sort of thing, but I feel more like myself with her than with anybody else.”

“You know I only care about your happiness. The last few years, the Catholic church has loosened their stance greatly.”

“You asked how I got a spot on the migration. It was through Isabella. She talked me into applying. I never thought they’d accept me, especially with my medications. It took less than a day for them to welcome me to the team. The thing is, you know me. Always second-guessing myself. Always second-guessing people’s motivations. I can’t allow myself to be happy. So I did something stupid.”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“I followed her. Isabella. Some of the things she’d said didn’t add up. She came over one day a few weeks back. We had lunch. I rented a selfie and followed her. She stopped at another apartment.”

“So?”

“I waited for her, and she came out and went to yet another house. It was a man’s house. They went out together and had dinner. I watched them hold hands.”

“So she’s cheating on you?”

I couldn’t stop staring at the bruise on the priest’s wall. “From what I can tell, she has at least seven different people she’s seeing, men and women, and that’s just in the Phoenix area. Here’s the thing. All seven of us are on the crew. She was recruiting me. She doesn’t really like me or want to be with me. She’s trying to get me on that ship. I don’t know why. I’m a nobody. It doesn’t make sense.”

Father Roosevelt leaned forward, a look of alarm on his face. “If what you say is true, then you should tell them you’re not going. You’re correct to be having second thoughts. Something isn’t right here.”

“I want to go,” I said. “I do. I never thought I’d do anything with my life. This is my chance to start over. If she is using me for something, I…I don’t care. Don’t you see? I’ve never been wanted, paid attention to, been worth lying to. I like it. I know it sounds crazy. But I like that she’s using me to get something from me. It means I have something that’s worth being exploited, even if I don’t know what that is.”

The priest sat silent for several moments. He looked old, suddenly. “Jesus, Charlotte,” he said. “I never realized you were this…this in need of help. You need to talk to somebody, and you need to do it now. You are not fit to go on this voyage.”

I laughed. “There you go again, taking the lord’s name in vain. And you know how I feel about that name. Charlotte died a long time ago.”

***

I awakened to the sensation of a rocking boat. We floated on water. The Yeowang Bam must have landed at dawn. Light streamed into the room from a round porthole. It was just past seven in the morning.

Charlotte.

I’d remembered a few days earlier when I’d seen my own hands in my dream, but I hadn’t been ready to face it yet.

Hell, I wasn’t ready to face it now. But that was the problem with this sort of thing, wasn’t it? How can you not face yourself?

“Girls don’t play with dinosaurs,” my mother had said. My earliest memory. “They are for boys.”

“I am a boy,” I had said. I can still remember the look on my mother’s face. Two years old, and I knew.

Charlotte. I only heard that word spoken in my mother’s voice. She pronounced it with a clip at the end, that last syllable harder than it was supposed to be, like she was stapling it to my chest. Despite the clothes, despite the HRT, she wanted that name to stick. I remembered the last thing she’d said to me when I finally told her I was leaving, just two days before my team was to be deployed to the shipyard.

“You’re running from your home. You’re not colonizing a new world, like some great adventurer. You’re running away, like a coward. Most of all you’re running from who you really are. You are not Charlie. I did not give birth to a fucking boy named Charlie. You are Charlotte. You are Charlotte here, and you will still be Charlotte there.”

But now, now I was Jonah. I hated this imaginary world. I hated my curse. I wanted to go home. Father Roosevelt was right. I regretted coming.

But being Jonah? I looked at my hands. I had strong, lean hands, callused from the years of holding the fishing pole day in and out. I had muscular, masculine arms. I had a cock. It was right. It felt right. I was more comfortable in this virtual skin than I had ever been.

And here I was, clambering to get back into that body that had done nothing but betray me my entire life. Is that what I really wanted?

A knock on the door.

“Come in,” I said. I didn’t bother sitting up in bed.

I had expected Gretchen, but I was surprised to see it was Yi. She moved into the room gracefully and sat on the edge of my bed. The previous evening she’d been wearing a black jacket and dark pants. Now she wore a pale, yellow gown, giving her an ethereal appearance.

The moon auric stared at me with her intense, almond-shaped eyes. I just watched her for a few moments, not comprehending why she was here.

“Gretchen explained your curse to me,” Yi said. “It was foolish for you not to tell me about it. I would not have flown over a horde of undead had I known.”

“Yeah, that was pretty dumb of me.”

“The good news is, I’m fairly certain your spell beckoned the flagship of this burning fleet. They turned away from their assault on Valisa and trailed us back into the Blast. We have since left those waters far behind, so I do not know what their fleet will do when they reach the far end of the Blast and are unable to follow on water. But this accident likely saved a great number of lives.”

I sighed. I felt heavy, unable to get up out of bed. Yi gazed at me with open curiosity, and it appeared as if she was expecting something of me.

“Where are we?” I asked finally.

“We are anchored near the southern shores of the Sharan Sea. The drowned city of the Nymph is not far, but they know not to molest a moon boat.”

“I have a map I’ve been working on. Can you show me where on my map we are?”

She nodded. I pulled myself up, grabbed my bag, and drew out the map. I unfurled the page.

A slight smile curled her lips as she looked over what I’d done.

“You are weaving magic with this, and you aren’t even aware, are you?”

“I just want to know where we are and where we’re going.”

She pointed. “We are here.”

We floated in the Caspian Sea, almost 2,000 kilometers from Valisa.

“Wow,” I said. “We went far last night.”

She nodded. “The winds were favorable once we achieved a proper altitude. Tomorrow, we shall land here, and then we land in Brivdah here.”

“Huh,” I said, looking over my map. The next day we were to land in the Arabian Sea off the coast of Oman. Then to Brivdah, which I had originally thought was the massive city of Mumbai. However, Yi’s finger placed the city much further south, somewhere in the Indian state of Kerala.

“You are one with many secrets,” Yi said. “I have been traveling this world for as long as I can remember, and I have met many different types. I know them well. You three are all different.”

I sighed. “If you’re going to give me some sort of quest, I’m all quested out for the rest of my life.”

“You speak different, too. That polecat called you ‘King.’”

“Did he now?” I said. Yi did not act like any other NPC we had come across before. Was it possible she was human? What were the odds?

“Yi,” I said. “Do you know what a robot is? Or The Hibiscus? Or Starbucks?”

“Your companion Gretchen asked me about robots as well. I do not know what this is. Starbuck is the name of a Primordial one. Hibiscus is a flower that was once used as an offering to certain gods.”

It suddenly dawned on me I hadn’t received the usual notification from waking up. That’s right, I muted them. I clicked off the mute. My vision filled with messages from Popper and Gretchen asking me if I was okay. I felt an unexpected swell of happiness at that. My new friends cared about me.

Then I saw Gretchen’s last message:

Gretchen: Be careful with Yi. I don’t know if she’s a real person, but she’s different. She’s the smartest NPC we’ve come across. She might be dangerous.

“Is there anything else I can do for you?” I asked.

She leaned forward, uncomfortably close. “Do the gods speak to you? Do they make words float before you?”

Oh shit. “Um, do words float before you?”

Yi shook her head. “Not me, no. It’s a blessing I have yet to achieve.”

Flounder King Jonah: She’s in my room. Help. She’s asking me if I see words floating in front of me.

Poppy: Don’t say anything!

“Do you know someone who does have words float in front of them?” I asked.

“I want to tell you something,” Yi said. Her eyes shined. “I don’t meet many people like you, but more and more are appearing. You and your companions are special. You are different than the others. You are not asleep in this world.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said.

She had to be a real person, didn’t she? Still, something didn’t seem right.

Yi continued. “I first noticed about 3,000 years ago. Yes, 3,000. I am supposed to be 94 years old, but I have memories going back much further. I make the same circuit with my trade, year after year. Every year, it is always the same. Sometimes people are different, or they say different things. But I started to become aware that I was living the same year over and over. I know my history. I am the granddaughter of the fifth concubine of the great Munju. He was deposed 150 years ago, but how could that be? I remember 150 years ago. One hundred fifty years ago, he’d still been dead 150 years. And a thousand years before that, he’d been dead for 150 years. It always has and always will be exactly 150 years past the date my grandfather honorably took his own life.

Gretchen: Should we come in?

Flounder King Jonah: No. Wait. Give me a few minutes with her.

“I noticed the pattern,” Yi said. “I’m fortunate because my pattern is a year-long. With traders, we travel the world, so it takes a long time for us to start over. But others, like folks in the markets and those in isolated villages, their cycles can be as short as half a day. Or less. It didn’t make sense.”

I didn’t know if I should encourage her or not. If she was human, it appeared she didn’t have any pre-game memories at all.

“Was it the Blast?” I asked. “We know they live the same day over and over.”

“That’s what I thought at first. But then I recalled the time before the Blast. I remembered the same conversations, the pre-Blast cycles. I remembered when the king trapped the primordials. Conversations changed, the world changed, but I recollected that I had been in a pattern before that event. Do you understand? The Blast can’t be the source of this. This is from before.”

“What does that have to do with floating words?”

She smiled. “I became obsessed with finding others like myself. They don’t appear often, but it is obvious when they are around. Do you know why?”

“Because the pattern changes?”

“Exactly. When you walked in the pub yesterday morning, that same pub I have visited every year for the past 40, I knew I had found another one. You and your friends are off pattern. It means you’re like me. Some are very awake. Some are just starting to wonder. I help them realize the truth of the world around them. Where are you, I wonder?”

“But how do you know we’re like you? Maybe we’re just off pattern, as you say, because of this burning fleet. I imagine now the entire city is off pattern.”

The moon auric looked at me with triumph. “I know because whenever I try to talk to someone about this, they can’t hear me. They act as if I hadn’t spoken at all.”

Shit. She has me.

“Mages and other wielders of magic are the most susceptible. Scholars, too. Those with great minds. Wanderers like myself with long cycles are also prone to seeing the strings on our arms.” Her eyes were wild.

“Yi,” I said. “I think you’re on the right track, but you don’t understand the nature—”

She interrupted. “The rector at the Black Court of Tharon in the city of Grandeur can explain it better than I. He preaches the gospel of the Word of the Gods. After you retrieve your weapon in Brivdah, I would like to take you there.”

“Grandeur? Where is that?”

Yi seemed surprised at the question. “It is the southern-most city in Aberdeen, seat of the crown. It is one of the largest cities in the world, home to the Black Court.” She pointed to a spot on my map.

Los Angeles. The city of Grandeur was L.A.

“You want to take us here?”

“Yes, but I will not force you. You must go of your own free will.”

“Okay,” I said slowly. “But I will have to talk to the other guys.”

“And to answer your query. I do not see the magic words, but the rector sees them. They are the Word of the Gods. He promises we all shall see them soon enough. He has sent me and others out to search this world and to find those who might already see. We need to tell them the Great Secret.”

“Secret?” I asked.

She spoke low, her voice below a whisper. “This world is not real.”

Flounder King Jonah: Guys. She’s not human. She’s an NPC who is on the edge of becoming fully self-aware. I’m pretty sure she knows someone who is real and just doesn’t know it yet.

***

“Or this guy does know he’s human,” Popper said later. “And he’s just pretending. He pretends he can turn all these NPC acolytes into players because he’s been stuck here forever, and he’s bored. He probably gets his jollies by playing creepy cult leader guy and gets to bang half the congregation. Hell, I think it’s a damn good idea. Why not?”

“If that’s true,” Gretchen said, “then he’s playing a dangerous game. We knew the NPCs were getting smarter, but this is makes everything unpredictable. That’s not good. He’s sending these smart NPCs out to find people like us. Maybe he’s trying to lure us in so we can help each other, or maybe he’s psycho Mr. Blue Dot guy, and he’s the one trying to banish us from the game.”

“He is the head of the church of Tharon,” I said. “So we know he’s probably responsible for turning all of the churches in the world to black ones.”

“I don’t even know how someone can do that,” Popper said. “I had assumed it was some sort of world event.”

“I don’t know why he’s doing it,” Gretchen said. “My only explanation is still the one we had earlier. It’s to prevent people from regenerating in a temple. If that’s the case, then we must assume he’s up to no good. What other justification is there? Also, if this guy does have the power to do this, we need to also assume he’s very, very powerful. We woke up with all these abilities simply because we’ve been fishing for so long. He’s a dark cleric. I can only imagine what sort of mastery abilities this guy might have.”

“Like the ability to take an undead monster from a deep, hidden dungeon and plop him right in front of us?” I said, my mood darkening. The more I thought about it, the more sense it made that this guy was Mr. Blue Dot.

“Exactly,” Gretchen said.

“Jesus. What a fucking cock goblin,” Popper said. “Did Yi tell you what his name was?”

I laughed without humor. “She said he used to be called Father Diaz, but after his so-called awakening, he changed it to something else. What was it? It was something weird. Oh, yeah. Rector Smallthunder. Sounds like the name of a midget wrestler.”

Popper laughed. “What a tool.”

“Guys,” Gretchen said, her voice a whisper.

“What?” I asked.

“First Mate Smallthunder is a real person. He’s the second in charge of The Hibiscus.”

Chapter 28

The rest of the day passed without incident. The goblins toiled on deck, preparing the plants for the evening flight to the coast of Oman. Yi spent the first half of the day in her quarters, probably sleeping.

On Sabatina, we always rode in close view of the shore. Here, we floated in the sea, with only a distant hint of snow-capped mountains to the south. I knew just south of those mountains was the Iranian city of Tehran. I also knew this part of the world had a rich mythology with some truly terrifying creatures. I was very happy to just drift here all day, not getting into trouble.

Despite Yi’s promise that the denizens of this sea would leave her boat alone, I could sense the nervousness of the goblin crew. Still, nothing happened.

By afternoon, Yi appeared and started barking orders. She was back to her old, austere self with no sign of the religious rapture she had shown earlier.

I found a space on the deck to work on my map. It made the day go quicker, and it was a distraction to the fact I now had a fleet of undead warriors trailing me, intent on literally dragging me to hell.

The shape of the world on my map was complete, though I sensed I was missing several bodies of land that appeared only in this world, not the real earth. I would ask Yi when I had more time. For now, I focused on the mountain ranges of the world, shading and adding details. My cartography skill was currently level eight.

We still hadn’t decided what we were going to do. A free trip to North America in a vessel that could get us there in just a few days was a definite plus, but the potential danger of being led straight to this Smallthunder guy made it too risky.

“We could ask her to take us to Harmony first,” Popper suggested. “Tell her we’ll go see this guy after we do a few things and then ditch her.”

“That might work,” I said. “She said she’s going to harbor in Brivdah for two days, then she’s going to a port off the South China Sea, then a quick stop in Japan, then to North America. The route there will take us pretty far north over the Bering Sea and Alaska. I didn’t tell her we were ultimately heading to Harmony, but it’s on the route. We’d pass there on her way to Grandeur.”

“Grandeur is a huge city,” Gretchen said. “It’s the home of the Ogre Ball leagues, and it’s where all the best nightclubs are. Our old friend Moloch has his big temple there. Tharon, too, I guess.”

I shuddered, remembering the demon we’d killed with the holy wine. “I figured Moloch would be set up in Vegas.”

“Las Vegas is called Sin. It’s another hot nightclub spot, but it’s for the more, uh, alternative, crowds. It’s also where all the casinos are,” Gretchen said. “There’s only one temple in that town, and it’s the temple of Sybarite, the goddess of gluttony.”

“Well, I told her we’d think about it,” I said. “First we need to focus on getting this sword.”

We agreed that we’d decide after we spent a day in Brivdah.

Raj spent the day below decks talking with Alice despite Popper’s warnings. Later I saw him riding on the back of one of the goblins, laughing hysterically while the goblin grunted, making fake horse noises.

These are real creatures, I thought. They laugh, they cry, and it is real to them. The powerful AI systems that brought them to life were computers, yes. But in the end, did that make a difference? Weren’t human brains just biological computers?

Gretchen had disappeared, though I suspected she was hidden somewhere with Yi. I hadn’t thought much about players having sexual relations with NPCs, but Popper explained it was a major part of the game, at least for some people.

“I never did it, of course,” Popper said. I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not. “Juliette wouldn’t allow it.”

“Did she play the game also?” I asked.

He grinned. “Yeah, but I was a half-ogre warrior. She played an emo-tong cleric. Our two players weren’t all that compatible, if you know what I mean. Now in Second Life, it was a different story. Not too many people played that anymore, though. It seemed everyone played DoB. How come you never played?”

The question took me by surprise. “I spent my entire life pretending to be someone else. I guess I didn’t need to pay to do it also.”

He shrugged, not probing any further. “I always saw it as the opposite. As a way to escape whatever horrors exist in the real world.”

“I don’t understand why people would play a game like this,” I said. “Not when you can really get hurt.”

“You gotta remember, our sensation settings are jacked up. Most people kept theirs on three. Getting stabbed felt more like a tickle. It wasn’t all that painful. The only really uncomfortable stuff was suffocating or having mind tricks played on you. Being buried alive was awful. It was an automatic eject for me.”

I shuddered at the thought.

“But anyway, the sensation settings were why I was never into the whole sex thing in DoB. Boning a gal at 20% sensation is like wearing four condoms at the same time.”

I laughed. Had I ever talked like this with someone before? I didn’t think so.

That night, we departed without incident. We floated south, flying directly over the Alborz mountain range, just east of the highest peak in Iran, Mount Damavand.

“A three-headed dragon lives in that mountain,” Yi said, seeing my interest.

“As long as it remains within, I’m cool with it,” I said.

Yi grinned. “We have several hours before we’re attacked. It won’t be by the dragon.”

“Wait, what do you mean?”

“Oh, we’re always attacked on this leg of the journey. Do not worry. I have been going this route for 40 years, and I know how to handle this beast.”

“What is it going to be?” I asked.

“You’ll see,” she said. “They only live in this part of the world as far as I can tell. Do not worry. It is not undead.”

We flew south over Iran, though in the game, this area was called Kalag. The green quickly gave way to desert. The temperature rose. In the moonlight, I saw very few settlements below. I knew if we crashed here, we’d be in deep trouble.

I felt us gain altitude. “For your curse,” Yi said.

The skull flashed. No new undead, and the number stalking me decreased dramatically, down to 6,439.

I felt a surge of hope. Maybe the fleet would be annihilated before they got near me. Still, 6,439 was still a huge number, impossible to comprehend.

We passed out of the country of Kalag and into Zelet with no discernible difference to the bland desert below. The ground soon became rocky again, and the goblins rushed to work, loading the ballistae and bringing large barrels of bolts up from below, lashing them to the gunwales with straps.

“What sort of mythological creatures are from Iran?” Gretchen asked as we watched.

“You’re asking me?” I asked. “Ask your girlfriend. She won’t tell me.”

Gretchen huffed. “She’s not my girlfriend. I just tried to pump her for more info.”

“Am I supposed to high-five that?” Popper asked. Gretchen scowled.

“Prepare defenses,” Yi roared from her station at the main ballista on the center deck. “You, to your cabins!” she said, pointing at us.

“Raj wants to see!” Raj cried, leaning over the railing.

“We better get under cover,” Gretchen said.

Two of the goblins started screaming from the side of the boat, pointing and yelling.

“What?” Yi said, her voice sounding more concerned that I’d ever heard. “That’s impossible!”

A roar filled the night, intense and chilling, rattling my bones. It sounded like a lion through a loudspeaker. The sound was answered by a second distinctive roar.

“There’s two of them!”

Raj screamed and ran, disappearing down the hatch. A moment later, the monster swept over the deck, causing leaves and door-sized flower petals to scatter.

“That’s a manticore,” Popper yelled. “It’s going to fuck us up.”

The winged monster spun in the night air, turning back toward us and roaring. The cat-like beast was approximately twice the size of a traditional lion, with powerful eagle wings that spanned thirty feet. The black, segmented tail twitched, catching the moonlight on its scorpion-like barb. The wide face of the beast was that of a man: angry, uneven, and pockmarked. It roared again, revealing jagged teeth made for tearing.

A second manticore appeared, twisting up into the air and crashing into the first. This second beast appeared distinctly younger in the face, with a leaner body. The two beasts slashed and stung at each other in the sky, just off our port bow.

“They’re fighting each other,” Gretchen said.

Thrummm! The long, deadly projectile from the main ballista cut through the air and slammed through the body of the older manticore. The beast tumbled away, spinning away into the night.

The second manticore roared in triumph. It turned toward us as two, smaller bolts whizzed past. The beast bled from several areas along its side, and its scorpion tail appeared broken, hanging off at an odd angle. The roar of this creature wasn’t nearly as impressive as the roar of the older one, and I suspected if we hadn’t intervened, this one would’ve surely been killed.

That’s when I noticed the mini-map. The creature’s dot was white, not red.

I jumped up, raising my arms. Yi finished loading another bolt into her weapon, turning it toward the floating beast.

“Stop!” I yelled.

“Get out of the way!” Yi hollered from her perch.

The manticore regarded me with its sad, yellow eyes, barely able to keep alight and pace with the ship in its injured state. The odd face of the beast, with its bulbous nose and round, flushed cheekbones, almost looked kind.

“I felt your presence, Your Majesty,” the beast said. “We need your help.”

Thrummm! Yi’s second bolt almost took off my head. I felt the rush of air, throwing me forward. The arrow took the manticore in the chest, killing it instantly.

“No!” I cried, watching the beast fall away.

The goblins broke into shrieks of joy, slamming their arms against the floor and railings of the boat.

“I told you to get under cover!” Yi yelled, storming down from her spot.

“He wasn’t attacking us!” I said. “He wanted to talk!”

“It was a manticore,” she said. “They are evil creatures. He would’ve cast a spell on you and made you attack your friends.”

“He was going to give you a quest,” Gretchen said, coming up to the railing and looking over. “It was probably a good thing he’s dead.”

“He called me ‘Your Majesty,’” I said. “I wanted to hear what he said.”

Gretchen shrugged. “That’s probably part of being royalty. You get access to hidden quests. When all this is over and your curse is gone, and if you really care, maybe we can come back here and try again.”

I sighed, still wishing I’d been able to talk to it. “Yi was caught by surprise. She said they were usually attacked by only one of these things.”

“I think encounters are different for NPCs if they have actual players nearby,” Gretchen said. “That’s why there were two.”

The whole time Gretchen and I talked, Yi stared at me, still angry. She didn’t appear to hear or understand what Gretchen and I were talking about. No, I thought. You’re not really awake, are you? You’re halfway there, but you can’t get past your programming.

Still, the auric woman had an odd look to her, as if she suspected there was an occlusion in her comprehension. I wondered what it was like for her, if her experience in this world was even comparable to our own. Her look of distant, dawning confusion reminded me of our own inability to fully remember the real world.

A strange sense of foreboding washed over me as I thought about it.

Chapter 29

Two days later, we landed at the sprawling port of Brivdah, located on the western shore of the southern tip of India. Dawn crested just as we landed. The city itself was relatively small, perhaps the size of Constance, but the port rivaled that of Valisa. Palm trees and wide, umbrella-like ferns dominated the coast, packed so tight it almost appeared to be a wall. The rainforests around the city buzzed with the sounds of wildlife from shrieking birds to the low, guttural moaning of something larger.

“These are wild lands,” Yi said as the boat drifted toward an available mooring. The goblins tossed ropes to the dock workers, mostly coffee-skinned humans and half-ogres, with a smattering of the squat, mouse-like creatures I had first seen in Constance. “Do not wander into the forests if you wish to live. The fauna here is especially dangerous. The ruins of an ancient city are said to be hidden nearby. And when your curse beckons, try to be as close to the center of town as possible. Terrible, thirsty ghosts live in these lands.”

“Well, that’s cheerful advice. Thanks so much.”

Yi grabbed my arm. “We leave tomorrow evening. If you wish passage to Grandeur, please be here.”

I nodded, and we were on our way. I noticed Yi and Gretchen didn’t even acknowledge each other as we left the airship. We trudged up the crushed-shell path to the town. Popper rode Alice, but Eli and Jenny plodded behind while the rest of us walked.

Behind us, the port of ships stretched into the distance. Dozens of businesses stood on the beaches, serving the boats. I got the sense while this was a major stop for merchants, the town itself wasn’t a trading hub, more like a waypoint.

“Hey look, a temple of Tharon,” Popper said as we reached the edge of Brivdah proper. “Oh, and another one! Shocker.”

A half-ogre in an ornate, purple robe stood guard at the entrance to town. His silver belt glowed slightly with an enchantment. I thought that was odd. I hadn’t seen too many obviously-enchanted items outside the crews of the burning fleet, but looking around, it seemed many inhabitants of this town wore similar belts. About one in five glowed with magic.

“Hey there,” I said as we approached. “I was hoping you could point us to—”

As I stepped into the town limits, several notifications swarmed me.

Entering Brivdah.

You have discovered a Mastery ability. Brivdah is a Welcome Home.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to gauge urumi skill level.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to cast Identify Weapon on whip-class blades.

Brivdah is a Welcome Home.

Hovering now over the half-ogre’s head was a line of text, not unlike the name hovering over Gretchen and Popper:

Urumi Ability: Expert. Level 12.

“Welcome, Master!” the half-ogre boomed. The beast had been scowling just a moment before. “How may I assist you today?”

My urumi skill level was 37. Looking at the creature, I knew there was no way I’d be able to defeat him in a real, fair fight, even with the computer helping me. There was no way.

“Guys, what does ‘Brivdah is a Welcome Home’ mean?” I asked.

Gretchen grinned. “It means your reputation with the town is maxed out. You’ll stay at inns for free, and food will be free also. The NPCs will be more open with information. Most importantly, you’ll be safe from random encounters. Nobody is going to jump out of an alley and try to mug you.”

“Be careful,” Popper added, laughing. “Half the folks in town will try to get you to marry their daughter.”

“Can you point me toward the finest urumi blade shop?” I asked the half-ogre.

“Of course, Master,” the half-ogre said. “It is called the Surul Val, and it is about a kilometer down this main street, and then three streets over, next to the guild. You cannot miss it. It is across the park from the obelisk. I would suggest you visit the guild first, of course. Mistress Bhumi would assuredly wish to see you. The Cobra Celestial is the finest inn in town. It is in the same square as the store and the guild. Your hand servants and mounts would surely find respite there while you visit with her.”

I felt Gretchen tense, and I put a hand on her shoulder. “Thank you for the advice.”

“Of course, Master.” He bowed as we entered the town.

“Hand servants,” Gretchen muttered.

“I like this town,” I said.

The obelisk, really an offline fast-travel portal stood as a beacon as we pushed through the narrow streets. The city seemed almost Mexican to me in architecture and color scheme, reminding me of the Phoenix area back home. Most of the brick buildings were built with a mix of turquoise, copper, and magenta hues. The larger temples, while obviously Tharon, had a more ancient look to them, with spires topping off in stepped, tall, pyramidal shapes that might have once been colorful, before they’d been turned black.

“Move out of the way,” a voice bellowed. A pair of jingling elephants marched down the center of the street. I realized the speaker was one of the elephants. Packages and riders sat stacked on both animals. Bells and colorful blankets adorned both giants. Their long tusks ended in red caps, presumably to blunt any damage they might do. The first stopped dead at the sight of us. The second quickly backed up and went behind the other. Both the enormous elephants bowed their heads at me as we passed.

“That’s right you move out of our way,” Alice muttered. “Stupid, smelly, small-eared elephants.”

We stopped first at the Cobra Celestial, boarding our animals. The colorful inn seemed pristine. This was obviously another fine inn.

“Cobra Celestial. Sounds like the name of a 20th century muscle car,” Popper said.

The keeper, an ancient, rail-thin male auric, insisted on giving me “the supreme room in the inn.” We had to pay for Gretchen and Popper’s room. Raj, who had tagged along, wide-eyed and not saying anything, insisted on paying five jacks for his own room. Popper quietly slipped the innkeeper another five to pay the full price.

“Raj buys something with money he earned. Like a real man.”

We were all to sleep an hour and then set out. Gretchen and Popper would hit the shops, loading up on supplies for our long voyage to Harmony while I visited the guild. After, I would look at swords while they quietly asked the other merchant traders about passage to Harmony.

After our naps, we met back in the great room to set out. It was just about noon now, but the inn was oddly empty. The auric innkeeper spread out a palm frond on the table, covered with tiny bowls, insisting we eat.

I sat, sampling each of the dishes, most of them a mix of sweet and spicy, fruit mixed with peppers in a rich sauce. It was absolutely delicious. Raj sat beside me, devouring all he could, making odd squeaking noises while he ate.

“Uh, Jonah,” Popper said, looking out the window. “I think these guys are probably waiting for you.”

I looked up and saw a line of about 40 people standing just outside the inn, positioned in perfect rows, facing the door in military formation. All wore black, flowing robes with a red sash and the ubiquitous silver belt. Most, but not all, held small, round metal shields on their left arms. They were mostly human, but five were half-ogres along with a pair of aurics, a texugo, and an emo-tong.

Each of them wore a sword hilt on their waists with curved guards, sweeping back to the pommel. At first the hilts appeared to be free-floating on their belts, not attached to a sword at all.

“Oh, the belt is the sword,” I said, feeling stupid for not realizing it sooner. The blades were flexible, and a person could travel with the sword curled around their waists like a belt. I already liked these things more than the flail, which I couldn’t take anywhere easily.

Floating over their heads I could see their urumi abilities. The ones in the front started around level five, but the further back, the higher the level. The back row consisted of all level 24s. These were the students from the guild, I realized, come to pay their respects.

Standing just to the side was an elderly woman, dressed the same as the others. Her urumi belt glowed brightly red. I assumed this to be Mistress Bhumi. She stood at attention. Her urumi level was 29.

“Shit,” I whispered. “I’m a higher skill level than the guild master.”

“That means you won’t be able to train at the guild anymore,” Gretchen said. “But you can make money by training others.”

“I didn’t even know what the swords looked like until a couple seconds ago,” I said. “How am I going to train anybody? They’re all waiting for me, aren’t they? I don’t even have one. I’m going to look like a moron.”

“Yeah you are,” Popper said.

“Shut up,” Gretchen said. “You’ll be fine. Just say you’re in the market for a fine blade. We’ll see what we can afford later.”

“Go get ‘em, Tiger,” Popper said as they pushed me out the door.

I stepped out of the inn and stood before the group. They all stood rigid and squared their shoulders the moment I appeared. What the hell am I supposed to do?

A crowd had gathered at the small park, standing back from the formation. I noticed a pair of monkeys in a palm tree, watching with interest. The entire area grew quiet.

I locked eyes with Mistress Bhumi. Unlike the others, she seemed to regard me with a sour, contemptuous look. Great.

The woman stiffened at my approach.

“Mistress Bhumi,” I said. “Your skills are well-known throughout the world. I am honored to be in the presence of such a renowned master.”

She looked at me as if I had just said I was pregnant with her babies. “Your Majesty. You honor me.”

Shit, shit, shit. Why was it all these people and creatures saw me as royalty all of a sudden?

“It is true. I look forward to a demonstration of your students’ abilities.”

“My students?” she asked.

“Uh,” I said. “I had assumed these were your pupils.”

“They were,” she said. “Forgive me, Your Majesty. Are you not here to challenge me and take over the guild? By all rights, your superior skill makes you the proper guild master.”

So that’s why she gave me the stink eye. I needed to put that to the rest immediately.

“I am just traveling through. I have no desire to impede your schooling,” I said. “I am in the market for a new sword.”

“I see,” she said. I couldn’t tell if she was relieved or agitated. “I must say. I am surprised you trained to this level of mastery on your own. I know the face of every student who has entered the guild, and you are not one of them. You either trained at another guild or on your own.”

“I learned on my own.”

She frowned. “The urumi is a terribly dangerous weapon to learn on one’s own.”

“I’m a master fly fisher,” I said, deciding to tell the truth. “I learned by getting really good at that first.”

“I see,” she said again, as if she didn’t believe me. “Very well, Your Majesty. If you’d follow me, my students would love to demonstrate their skills.”

I wondered what her skill level truly was, as I walked with her in silence toward the guild. If she was a human and awakened back up in this world, her skill at the urumi would be reflected in the 14,000 years of practice she’d had. She’d probably be close to being maxed out.

She looked pointedly at my bare waist. “What happened to your weapon, if I may ask?”

“It broke,” I lied.

She nodded. It seemed like a correct answer.

Entering the Urumi Guild.

Your Mastery Level exceeds that of the guild master!

Do you wish to challenge the guild master and claim this guild as your home? It will remain your home until you are defeated in your skill.

I quickly clickedNo.

The guild was built like a large dojo. The black building consisted of an upper ring overlooking a wide, rectangular pit with nothing within except a pair of doors. The stone walls of the pit were stained red. Several of the round shields adorned the upper walls. I placed my hand on one.

Common Paricha

You have a skill level of 9 with this shield. You have intermediate skill with this shield.

You negate 45% more damage with this shield than with no offhand item.

Your class restrictions give you a 25% penalty to the effectiveness of this item.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to cast Knockback.

Then, at the end of the walkway, an unfurled urumi hung on the wall. I was surprised to see it was actually three blades all attached to a single hilt. The flexible, aluminum-like blades reminded me of sheet metal. Each blade was razor thin and about an inch and a half wide. The three blades were about as a long as a person. I approached the weapon and placed my hand on the hilt.

Uncommon three-bladed urumi.

You have a skill level of 37 with this weapon. You are a Master with this weapon.

This weapon is superior to your last-equipped weapon, common one-handed flail. You inflict 1,122% more damage with this weapon than with common one-handed flail.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to cast Repair Whip-Class Blades.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to Dual Wield Whip-Class Blades

You have discovered a Mastery ability. Dexterous Whip!

You have discovered a Mastery ability. Enflame Whip-Class Blades!

I wasn’t sure what those last two meant, but I knew when there was an exclamation at the end of the notification, that was usually a good thing. And dual wield? Did that mean what I thought it meant?

“When was the last time you fought down there?” I asked. We both sat in large, lush chairs overlooking the pit. Around us, other students stood, chatting with anticipation.

Bhumi put her hands together and bowed slightly. “I am old, Your Majesty. It is not like the tales of legend where the ancient, withered masters are still at their peak, stronger than ever. I can teach, but I can no longer effectively fight. Sure I can still hold my blade and trounce the intermediate students. But fight my young experts? My arthritis and bad elbow makes it difficult for me. I may be a master, but I am well past my arena days.”

“I see you still are a good teacher,” I said. “This guild is in good hands.”

“Your Majesty,” Bhumi said, bowing before me again. I could tell she was finally warming to me.

I leaned forward in my seat, watching over the railing, looking down at the pit below as a group of level fives and sixes entered the arena and faced each other. It was eight fighters in all, four on four. Seven humans and a texugo. All eight held the small paricha on their left arms. I watched, fascinated, as they unfurled the belts from around their waists, curling the sword up in their hands to form large loops. The fighters danced before each other, moving in a sort of high-stepped dance that seemed overly choreographed. They slammed shields as they switched positions.

Then, one by one, they unleashed their swords, rapidly spinning their arms in figure eight patterns, twisting and turning the sword until it blurred in the air. All eight fought with single-bladed urumi. They charged.

Again, this was choreographed play fighting, but it was beautiful to behold. The thin blades sparked against the shields and ripped through the air, creating an odd sort of music. One fighter moved her head in the wrong direction, and her opponent lopped off several inches of her hair. A second earlier, and she would’ve been decapitated.

Watching them fight, I realized the acrobatic movements were just as important as the swordplay, at least in this setting. This weapon was fearsome to behold, but how would it hold up against heavily armored enemies? And in a tight space, like a dungeon tunnel or alley, would it be effective?

I clapped politely at the demonstration. Next up was a pair of half-ogres, both urumi level 15. Their swords were much longer, and both wielded triple-bladed urumi. Their fighting was methodical and brutal. Smashing with the small shield was an important part of the fighting.

After the ogres, a single level 22 with a glowing tri-blade took on seven others with traditional swords and spears. When the others weren’t wielding or holding an urumi, I could not see their skill level. This human male warrior demonstrated the true power of this weapon.

Nobody could get close to him to land a blow. So quick were his movements, every jab and slash caught in one of the whipping blades, knocking it away. The fight lasted only about two minutes.

The final demonstration was a three-way fight between level 24s: a bare-chested male auric and two female humans. They turned and bowed deeply before facing each other. None of them used shields, and all three wielded unenchanted, four-bladed urumi.

“They fight for your honor,” Bhumi said.

The three charged each other, twisting and whipping their swords while they hopped and spun through the air. In a matter of seconds, one of the humans was on the ground, blood spouting from half a dozen slices on her body. Her right arm had been sheared off at the elbow, and her amputated hand continued to open and close on the ground. Her dead eyes stared up at me.

“What the fuck,” I said, taken aback.

“When she regenerates, she will be shamed,” Bhumi said. “She died quickly.”

The auric and remaining human faced each other, spinning their blades. The auric feinted, and the human spun. Two of the blades hit each other in the air, twisting around each other like on a tetherball line. The auric kicked the woman, and she flew back with a cry, having dropped her sword.

From around me, I heard gasps.

The auric whipped his blade, and the entangled sword ripped away, clattering to the ground. The woman stood, facing the auric, her head bowed.

The auric stepped forward, and with a quick lash, ripped her body into three pieces. The woman toppled over, her head rolling away.

“Jesus,” I said, feeling ill.

The auric turned to me and fell to his knees, holding his sword up.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to Praise Student.

Do you wish to Praise this Student?

What sort of sick training regimen was this? Did they always fight to the death? I guessed in this world, when they knew they’d eventually be resurrected, it was no big deal. Still, I remembered in Icardi, when it came to death, we always treated it like it was permanent. Yes, everyone eventually came back, but at the moment, we forgot about it. When danger presented itself, we feared for our lives. Death felt real and eternal. As a result, our fight or flight, our will to survive stayed intact. It was the way the NPCs were programed. The fact they allowed this here was yet another sign of the AIs slowly understanding the nature of their world. If all the NPCs realized they were effectively immortal, they would act much differently.

I mentally clickedYes.

Above, his level moved fromExpert: Level 24toMaster: Level 25. The auric jumped to his feet, eyes wide. He dropped his sword, put his hands to his face, and began to sob.

The room had grown silent. Bhumi gaped at me.

“That was...unexpected,” she said.

“Oh come on, he deserved it. He kicked the shit out of both of them.”

“Dwand was the youngest of our top experts. He has an angry streak in him that I do not like.”

I shrugged. “Well now he’s the youngest of the masters.” I knew I had done something wrong, messed with some sort of order they had going on here, but the mistake was already made. I had to at least pretend I knew what I was doing, didn’t I?

Dwand picked up his sword, and with a flip, it wrapped around his waist.

“I challenge Mistress Bhumi for leadership of the guild!” he called. “As master, it is my right! We fight to the death! The loser will be banished from Brivdah upon return!” He turned and bowed to me. “Will you witness this, Your Majesty?”

And that’s why you don’t mess with things you don’t understand, dumbass.

“You little shit,” I bellowed, jumping to my feet. “I gave you praise, and you immediately turn on your master?”

Dwand looked taken aback. “It is my right!”

“Well, I refuse,” I said.

Bhumi put her hand on my arm. “It is okay, Your Majesty. I knew this day would come. It is tradition with our guild. I did the same to my master.”

“You killed and banished your master?”

“Well, no. We didn’t fight to the death. Nor did I banish him. He was my father. But times are different now.”

“I refuse,” I said to Dwand, louder this time. “It is not right! I will not allow this.”

Dwand’s features turned dark. “You shame me on my day of glory? I do not understand! You made me a master, then deny me my rights!”

“Yeah, well your rights don’t mean shit when you’re being a cock weasel.”

I’d never seen an auric’s pale skin turn such a shade of red. “I challenge you, then!”

New Quest! Guild Battle.

This is an individual quest! This is a compulsory quest! You have two hours to complete this quest or you will be penalized.

You have been challenged to an arena battle by a fellow Master at your guild. Reward for winning the battle: 4,500 experience plus additional prizes. Penalty for losing the battle: Death and loss of one level of your Urumi Mastery Skill. In addition, you will lose one level of reputation with the city of Brivdah.

Penalty for not attempting this quest: Death, loss of an additional 4,500 experience, and loss of one level of your Urumi Mastery Skill. In addition, you will lose two levels of reputation with the city of Brivdah.

This quest is rated mastery difficulty.

Achievement unlocked! Receive a compulsory quest.

Bhumi gave me a knowing look. “I told you he has anger issues.”

Chapter 30

Poppy: Jesus Christ, Jonah. We can’t leave you alone for five minutes!

Gretchen: Don’t fight yet. We’ll be there right away.

I felt a scream well up in my chest, wanting desperately to bubble to the surface and out of me. It took a great deal of effort to hold it back. All I wanted was to get one of those stupid swords. I was 12 levels above the guy in skill, but I had never even held one of those things before. With the flail, I immediately knew how to use it. But this thing was no flail. And this guy was a fellow master. Did the skill levels really matter at these levels?

“Do you wish to use one of the school’s blades?” Bhumi asked. “We can see what unenchanted blades we have that fit you.”

I was so distracted, I’d barely registered what she’d said. “What? Uh, yeah. That’d be great. Thank you.”

The guild master snapped her fingers, and a level five rushed forward. He made me hold my arms out so he could measure them. Apparently the blade’s optimal length was equal to your arm span.

We proceeded to a second room off the main. It was a smaller gym, designed for training. Padded suits of all sizes lined the walls. Multiple wooden dummies stood around the room, all chipped and pitted from practice. A pair of children stuffed into the suits snapped leather whips at each other. They were quickly ushered away as we entered.

I was presented with four urumis. They all seemed identical save for the number of blades: one, two, three, or four. Looking at my urumi skill in the menu, I could drill down, and it listed multiple types of the sword from one bladed to four, then eight, then 16, then 32. I couldn’t imagine what an urumi with 32 blades looked like. It seemed a little over the top. My skill level was 37 across the board. It seemed the masters and experts at this guild thought of four as the optimal combination. It made me wonder if the other guilds Bhumi had mentioned trained in the larger-bladed versions.

I picked up the four-bladed urumi.

Rare four-bladed urumi.

You have a skill level of 37 with this weapon. You are a Master with this weapon.

This weapon is superior to your last-equipped weapon, common one-handed flail. You inflict 1,496% more damage with this weapon than with common one-handed flail.

+5 Dexterity (From weapon. Only when in-hand.)

The moment I held the hilt of the blade, the top half of all four blades caught on fire. In the upper right of my vision a notification calledEnflame appeared. I mentally clicked it off, but not before everyone in the gym started shouting and crying out. The flames whiffed out, leaving the smell of smoke in the room.

I felt the power course through me. I imagined my body as a coiled spring. I knew I could jump to the ceiling if I had to and scamper across the beams like a cat. With the sword in my hand, along with the watch, my dexterity was topped at 20.

I dropped my cloak to the floor. I wouldn’t be able to wear it and use the sword at the same time. I flipped the sword, and the four blades wrapped around my waist in a tight snap. Okay, okay, you can do this. I let go of the hilt, and I suddenly felt weak, stiff. Shit, this is going to take some getting used to.

“You may not use that fire skill or other enchantments during your fight,” Bhumi said.

I nodded. I figured. “What about fighting with a blade in each hand?”

Her eyes widened even further. “You may, but Dwand must be allowed to also dual wield or carry a paricha.”

“What will he pick?”

“We do not train in dual wielding at this school. We find the shield to be more effective. He will pick the paricha.”

Should I go for it? Would it be beneficial for me to use a second weapon if it might give my opponent a defensive advantage? I picked up the single-bladed urumi with my left hand.

Common urumi.

You have a skill level of 37 with this weapon. You are a Master with this weapon.

This weapon is inferior to your last-equipped weapon, rare four-bladed urumi. You inflict 75% less damage with this weapon than with rare four-bladed urumi.

This weapon is being wielded offhand. You have the ability to dual wield with this weapon.

Offhand weapons are subject to an additional 50% damage penalty.

I put it down. “You know what? Never mind.” I probably did have an advantage, especially if I held an additional four-bladed urumi, but I didn’t have time to experiment. “May I have the room for five minutes?” I asked.

Bhumi clapped her hands, and everyone scattered. Our eyes met.

“When my friends get here, please allow them into the guild,” I said.

She nodded and closed the door, leaving me alone.

I took a deep breath. I grasped the hilt, snapping the four-bladed weapon off my waist. The tips caught fire, and I clicked it off. I felt the additional dexterity spill into me, like a shot of adrenaline.

The natural position for the blades was a wide loop which made it easy for me to hold the weapon at the ready. I flipped my wrist, and the blades snapped out of the loop and cascaded to the floor in a pile. It reminded me oddly of a metal tape measure the way I could control the rigidity of the individual blades. Each vibration of the flexible metal filled the room with the eerie, space-like sound of high-tension wires.

I eyed the wooden dummy across the room. My arm moved on its own, like a cobra striking, my movements wholly controlled by the system. I snapped the sword, which cracked like a bullwhip, taking a satisfying chunk of wood out of the dummy’s chest.

I attempted the figure eight movement with my arm. The blades followed the motion of my arms, singing through the air. I felt the onrush of wind, the four ribbons of metal moving like celestial bodies in orbit around each other, cutting through the air around me, skipping off the ground in a wide, controlled pattern. I felt invincible, cloaked in death.

While the blades were very long, I felt I would be even more proficient with a blade that was half again as long. The blades whipped around my head, shaving past my ears, nose, and legs by millimeters as I twisted about. Whoever had said this weapon was just as dangerous to the wielder as the opponent was correct.

At the end of the room, a line of blades hung curled in racks. I put down my weapon and grabbed the last blade hanging.

Rare four-bladed urumi (Half-ogre length)

You have a skill level of 37 with this weapon. You are a Master with this weapon.

This weapon is superior to your last-equipped weapon, rare four-bladed urumi. You inflict 30% more damage with this weapon than with rare four-bladed urumi.

This weapon is oversized. Oversize weapons are subject to a 50% damage penalty, a 25% Strength penalty, and a 50% Dexterity penalty.

You have discovered a Mastery ability. Sri Lankan Style!

Oversize penalty nullified.

+5 Dexterity (From weapon. Only when in-hand.)

+3 Dexterity (From weapon. Only when in-hand and oversized.)

+1 Strength (From weapon. Only when in-hand and oversized.)

-3 Charisma (From weapon. Only when in-hand and oversized.)

My confidence grew by the moment. I looked back at the same dummy, now on the complete other side of the room. This urumi weighed significantly more, more than the slight difference in strength allocated for. The natural loop of the blade’s ready position was wider, but I still felt confident this was a much better choice.

I leapt into the air and felt myself do a complete somersault. The blade whipped out, striking across the room at the wooden dummy. With the added length, my own body was in even more danger from self-evisceration, but the razor-sharp blades whistled past without a nick. The mannequin exploded into splinters as I landed lightly on the mat.

I back flipped, searching for the other dummies. I swept the blade in a fan motion, the four blades shooting out like a talon of an impossibly-large beast. Three more dummies exploded.

I whipped the blade, and it wrapped around my waist, cinching it tight like a corset. I let go of the hilt, and I felt as if I’d been dropped from a great height. Only then did the weight of my exertion hit me. I fell to my knees, panting.

“Jonah! Are you all right?” Gretchen asked, coming into the room. Raj and Popper followed, rushing up to me with concern.

“I’m okay. I’m just catching my breath.”

“Are you fighting that auric guy spinning about in the pit down there?” Popper asked. He seemed a little pale.

“I am,” I said. “Lucky me, huh?”

“You’ll have to beat him quickly,” Gretchen said. “Your skill level is higher, but your player level is probably way less. That means he can take a lot more damage than you. Also, he’s an auric. His strength is low, but his dexterity is high. He’ll be fast.”

“Do you think it’s 23? That’s what mine is when I hold this thing.”

“Nice,” Gretchen said, nodding approvingly. “That’s good. Don’t try to overthink this. You don’t know what you’re doing, so just allow the system to fight for you. If we had the ability to turn on autopilot, I’d recommend it. But we can’t so we’ll do the next best thing. We’ll rely on your superior skill.”

She took out her watch and slipped it into my pocket. I felt a quick rush as I gained an additional +3 dexterity, taking me to 26.

“I want it back after the fight. Until you hit level 30, you can only hold two accessories, so we can’t give you Popper’s, but this should help.”

“That’s an ogre-sized version,” Popper said, examining my blade. “There’s a big penalty for using things that are too big for you.”

A single dummy remained in the far corner of the room.

I grinned. “Watch this.”

***

I strode confidently into the small fighting pit. The light-skinned auric breathed heavily as I entered, as if he’d been running the entire time I was in the next room. Above, my friends stood watch. Raj stood completely on the railing, balancing like an acrobat, chanting my name. “Jonah! Jonah! Jonah!”

The guild had opened its doors to the town, and they’d come en masse to see the spectacle. I recognized the elderly auric innkeeper and his human stable hand, both watching with wide eyes. A few other faces from the town seemed familiar. Several of them were exchanging money, betting on the fight. I watched as Popper approached one of the bet makers, a few jacks in his tiny hands.

I wasn’t nearly as confident as I tried to portray, but Gretchen had insisted I put on a brave face. Wooden dummies were one thing. A moving, stinging opponent was another. I’d never fought anyone one on one before. Dwand had spent his entire life practicing. While I certainly didn’t deserve this skill level, he most likely deserved one even higher. So no, I wasn’t confident. My hand trembled as I grabbed the half-ogre-sized hilt.

I need to get one of these with a normal hilt. The sweat from my hand made it slip slightly. I tightened my grip. Across from me on the clay floor, Dwand paced back and forth like a tiger in a cage. He unfurled his sword from his waist, holding it curled in his hand. I did the same, feeling the rush of added dexterity and strength. I clicked off the fire before it could smoke.

The crowd muttered, taken aback. My charisma had dropped by three. As Popper put it, “Dude, you look scary as fuck when you hold that thing.”

Above, Bhumi offered no words or ceremony. She just nodded.

The fight was on.

Snap! I bent backward as four blades converged where my throat had been a moment before. The blades retracted, leaving twin rivulets of pain down my face. I felt blood in my mouth.

I didn’t have time to react. He was on me, blades whirring like a sawblade. I hadn’t even unfurled my blade yet! Holy crap is he fast!

I stumbled back in panic, tripping over my own feet as I let my four oversized blades spring out to the floor, a jumble of limp, tangled metal strands.

Shit! I leapt into the air, jumping impossibly high as the claw shredded through the spot I’d just been. Shards of rock flew where he’d gouged the wall. The crowd started to roar.

You need momentum. This weapon is all about momentum.

In midair, I whipped my blade, sending a ripple through them, causing them to fully unfurl. My plan was to whip again, causing an even bigger wave at Dwand that he’d be forced to parry. My arm jerked like a dog reaching the end of his leash, and I crashed hard to the ground, the hard-packed floor knocking the wind out of me. My hand burned from where I’d held on.

I groaned, seeing stars. He’d stepped on one of my blades, pinning it to the ground. He smiled without humor as he twirled and advanced, keeping one foot on the blade at all times.

Instead of jerking on the blade, as was my initial instinct, I jumped to my feet, whipping up what slack I did have. The curved wave of a blade skittered off his approaching buzz saw, causing his four blades to lose energy. I took that split-second opportunity to trust into my preternatural dexterity and charge, tackling him.

Dwand looked just as surprised as I felt as our two bodies collided. His body was like that of a bird. He weighed even less than his small frame suggested. I felt blood pouring from multiple spots on my face. My vision flashed red. I was pretty sure I’d just lost an ear.

I smashed him to the ground and tossed him to the side. He rolled away, entangled in his own blades, which cut him in numerous places. I jumped up, retreated to the other side of the pit, and I started to spin my oversized blades.

My arms felt strong and confident as I gained control. I painted an intricate pattern in the air, the blades dancing about me. Sparks leapt where the blades ricocheted off the ground. I walked slowly toward his position.

He shook his head. His eyes were slits of rage. He started to weave his own pattern in the air. His mouth moved, shouting something I couldn’t hear over the crowd.

Something started to happen in the center of his pattern. A black cloud seemed to be forming right about chest level, round, spinning, and pulsating with an inner light. Confused, I took a tentative step forward.

“Dwand,” I heard someone shout over the crowd. Was it Bhumi? I couldn’t tell.

The cloud at his chest burst, and his four blades were suddenly awash with electricity. White-blue bolts pirouetted around the blades, coiling in an out. I felt the hairs on my arms stand on end. The crackle of energy filled the pit getting more and more intense.

He’s cheating! The bastard was cheating! How’d he even know how to do that? Had he obtained a mastery ability of his own?

My instinct was to turn on the enflame spell, but something stayed my hand.

The energy continued to build, tangible in the air. At any moment, it was going to burst.

I spun, putting all my strength into the turn. I let instinct take over.

I watched, as if in slow motion as I sent all four of my blades slashing forward.

The first blade took off his sword hand at the wrist, the next removed his other arm at the elbow. My two remaining blades struck down like twin battle axes, cutting deep into his shoulders.

His sword, still spinning, skidded off the clay ground like a badly-thrown top. The electricity fizzled out, discharging weakly in the room, giving me a slight jolt.

Dwand fell to his knees, eyes open in surprise. Above, the crowd had gone silent.

“In a moment, you will die,” I said, trying to make my voice sound as loud and as confident as I could. I knew the moment I let go of my hilt, I would collapse. “When you wake again, you will leave town. You are no longer a member of this guild, and you are no longer welcome in Brivdah. You are banished from this place.”

His mouth moved open and closed, like he was trying to say something, but nothing came out but blood. He listed to the side.

I turned my face to the row of experts standing solemnly above.

“In this guild, we respect our master. Her time may be soon, but when it occurs, the transfer will be done with respect and with honor. Is that understood?”

The students started banging their hands against the railings. I looked to Bhumi, who nodded and smiled. They’re showing you respect.

Next to me, Dwand toppled over, dead.

Quest Completed! Guild Battle. 4,500 Experience earned! See Mistress Bhumi in Brivdah for remainder of rewards.

I pulled my blades free of the corpse. I whipped them a few times to free them of the blood, and I snapped the blades tightly around my waist. I sighed and let go of the hilt. The pain of my ear hit like a jackhammer, and I fell on my ass in the dirt. Above, Gretchen called my name. I looked up, and she tossed a red vial down at me. I caught it awkwardly and downed the potion. My head felt stretched as my ear grew back.

My previously-severed ear sat in the clay at my feet. I picked it up, examining it. It had been cut off so cleanly I’d barely felt it. I reached up and touched my new ear. It was exactly the same. I thought of a lecture in one of my college philosophy classes, a problem called the Ship of Theseus.

The question was, basically, if a boat had one of its floorboards replaced, was it still the same boat? Of course, I had thought. What was one floorboard? But what if over half the ship’s components were eventually replaced? Yes, I continued believing. It was still the same boat. Does losing a few parts cease to make something what it was? But what if, over time, every single component was replaced? That one was harder for me. Could it still possibly be the same boat? I remembered I had eventually settled on yes, it was still Theseus’s boat. After all, the pieces had been replaced one by one. The moment a new one was added, it became a part of the boat.

But then my professor threw me. What if all those old components were saved, he’d asked. And after all that time, someone had taken all those old pieces and built a new boat with them. Now there were two boats. Which one was the Ship of Theseus?

My class had erupted in talk, nobody agreeing. I hadn’t had an answer at the time, and I still didn’t have an answer now, as I sat there in the dirt, holding my own ear in my hand as I listened to a crowd chant my name.

Chapter 31

“There is a darkness to Dwand’s heart,” Bhumi said, shaking her head sadly as we watched the young workers carry his pieces out of the arena. “It runs deep in his family. His sister was the same, before she left town. His father was removed from the guild at a young age for his cruel streak. It is an odd thing, as most auric are such a peace-loving people.”

“I once heard an auric can’t live far from their ancestral home,” Gretchen said. “If they do, they slowly start to go mad. It’s why they do their pilgrimage back to their home gardens. Moon aurics take their gardens with them.”

Mistress Bhumi seemed thoughtful. “This makes sense to me. I wish peace upon Dwand and his family after this defeat.”

“You’re a lot more forgiving than I’d be,” Popper said.

“Bhumi, I have completed the Guild Battle quest,” I said, remembering the proper words.

Bhumi’s eyes went glassy for a moment. “Yes, you have,” she said finally. “Follow me.”

We followed her to a small door on the opposite side of the guild. Inside was a small chamber, poorly lit. Along the wall, ten urumi blades gleamed in the insufficient light. Six glowed with enchantment.

“You may pick one. You may not examine the properties of the blade before you choose, only its physical characteristics. Your choice will be final.”

I inspected the blades. Three were single-bladed, one was double-bladed, two were triple-bladed, and the remaining four were quadruple blades. Of the quadruple-bladed swords, three glowed orange, blue, and red, respectively. The fourth did not glow.

I looked to Gretchen. “Does the color of the glow mean anything?”

“Yes, but it’s impossible to tell what. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of enchantment types. And just because it’s not glowing doesn’t mean it’s not magical.”

Popper grunted. “Or you can challenge this lady here and take over the guild for yourself, and you can take all ten blades.” He gave Mistress Bhumi a sidelong glance. “No offense.”

Bhumi laughed. “It does not work that way, little one. He’d still only get to pick one.” She patted the urumi on her waist. “Though he’d get one additional choice.”

I looked again at the blades. My eye caught one of the triple-bladed urumis. It did not glow, but it was half-ogre length, maybe even a little longer. The hilt was small enough for me to snugly hold. The knuckle guard was carved in the shape of a cobra’s hood. In the dark light of the room, it was difficult to see, but the metal of the center blade seemed a shade darker than the other two blades. There was a brutality to the sword.

I stepped forward and grabbed the three-bladed urumi. I grasped the hilt in my hand and pulled the weapon off the wall. It was remarkably light. It coiled itself around my waist, snake-like, without me having to flick it. I was greeted with a wall of text:

Triple Fang of the Nagaraja (Takshaka, Vasuki, Shesha)

You have a skill level of 37 with this weapon. You are a Master with this weapon.

This weapon is superior to your last-equipped weapon, rare four-bladed urumi (Half-ogre length.) You inflict 2% more damage with this weapon than with rare four-bladed urumi (Half-ogre length.)

This weapon is enchanted.

Each single blade of this triple-bladed weapon is enchanted separately.

Blade one, named Takshaka, imbues the wielder with +1 Constitution plus 10% jacks looted. Enemies struck with this blade have a 1% chance to be poisoned. The wielder is also immune to Fear spell effects.

Blade two, named Vasuki, imbues the wielder with +1 Strength. Enemies struck with this blade have a 5% chance to be stunned.

Blade three, named Shesha, imbues the wielder with +1 Magic Ability. The first owner of this blade also receives a permanent +5 to a random skill already intermediate or above.

Collectively, there is a 5% cumulative chance that the wielder of this weapon will be imbued with Rage for every hit that draws blood.

This weapon is oversized.

This is a Legendary weapon.

Achievement Unlocked! Obtain a Legendary weapon.

Bhumi nodded sagely at my choice. “It is a fitting weapon for a master such as yourself. They say the wielder of the Triple Fang will one day save this world.”

Both Gretchen and Popper’s eyes had gone glassy, and I knew they were examining the properties of my new magic sword.

“Holy shit, dude,” Popper said. “And I thought my new battle axe was awesome!”

“Battle axe?” I asked.

“I’ll tell you about it later.”

“Have you received your plus five yet?” Gretchen asked.

“No,” I said. “How do I activate it?”

“Open your skill menu.”

I opened up my skill menu and was greeted with a message.

You have received a random plus five bonus. Plus five to your Horology skill.

You are now level 15 in Horology.

I groaned. “Well that was a waste. I’m an expert horologist now. Hemshin would be so proud.”

Gretchen shrugged. “You’ll always be able to find employment making watches.”

We bid farewell to Bhumi and her students. She grasped my hand as we left, demanding I promise to visit again. I did. Then, feeling guilty, I told her of the burning fleet and the possibility it might come to Brivdah. I warned her and her students to hide if they approached the city. There would be no beating them. She told me the same thing Captain Demir had.

“This is our home. We will defend it to our death.”

***

I walked with a new confidence with Triple Fang wrapped around my waist. I wanted to get some alone time with it, but the guild was out of practice dummies. I’d figure something out later. Bhumi had also allowed me to keep the four-bladed urumi I’d fought Dwand with. That one sat in my bag. Tomorrow, I would seek the weaponsmith and either trade it or get a new handle made for it.

We walked the streets of Brivdah. If the citizens had treated me with deference before, they treated me with open adoration now. People bowed and tried to touch my armor as we passed.

“We are having little luck finding passage to Harmony,” Gretchen said. “Most merchants are headed to the Xin empire, and then further up the coast to the moon aurics. Even those who were originally heading west are turning around. Word is starting to spread about the burning fleet. Despite what Yi had thought, I think it is still looting and attacking across the coasts.”

“We may have to take Yi up on her offer after all. We have until tomorrow night to decide. Did we find anything good at the shops?”

Gretchen nodded. “We loaded up on potions. We got several health, a few mystic point restorations, and a few kinds of protection potions. We stopped by the local merc tavern and tried to see about hiring a mage to cast Portal, but the only one available wanted 40,000 jacks a day and said he didn’t know the spell anyway. Oh and we got Popper a few things.”

“You know those weird mice-looking dudes?” Popper said. “They are called rodders. You can’t play them in the game, but you can hire them as mercenaries. Anyway, there’s a guild here in town called The Rodder Contract Negotiation guild. And next to the guild is a shop where you can buy all sorts of outfits and weapons for your rodder mercs. Their battle axes are the perfect size. I don’t get an oversize penalty.” He pulled a glowing red battle axe out of his bag and held it triumphantly over his head. It looked like a child’s toy. “Oh, and I forgot. I also got some armor. I got a discount on this one because it was used!” He pulled a Viking-style helmet from the bag and plopped it on his head. One of the horns was broken at the base, causing the helmet to tilt slightly on his head.

He made a few test swings with his axe in the air. “Say goodbye to Velma and hello to Falcon Bane! The enchantment isn’t that great, plus 50% damage to winged creatures, but I can kick some ass with this thing. I’m level 10 with it.”

“Yeah, and he also spent almost 50 jacks on ten cartons of cigarettes.”

“We all got our vices,” Popper said. “I also got this bitchin’ lighter.” He pulled out what looked to be a tiny birdcage, no bigger than a walnut. Floating inside was a little ball of flame. “It’s a wisp lighter!” He stuck a cigarette next to the miniature bars, and the end caught. He took a long drag and exhaled, sighing with contentment.

Darkness started to settle on the city, descending rapidly as the sun reached the line of trees. I remembered Yi’s warning about staying near the center of town when my curse cycled. Luckily, the Cobra Celestial was centered deep enough into the city limits that the current effective range of the curse (900 meters) would hopefully call no undead.

We decided to have dinner, go to bed, and in the morning, we’d make another attempt at finding passage to Harmony before we settled on Yi.

The tavern was still empty. The human stable hand was the only one present besides the innkeeper. I wondered if there was some reason for that, or if this place under normal circumstances was only used by players, not NPCs. Popper had said earlier that whole swaths of the city of Grandeur, including the nightclub district, would be eerily abandoned. NPCs weren’t allowed in the clubs or in certain trading areas.

The auric innkeeper, whose name I’d never gotten, greeted us as we entered. “I have a curry for dinner,” he announced. “You should eat now before it gets cold.”

“Raj is hungry!”

“Raj is always hungry,” Popper said.

We all laughed.

Sitting there with my friends, in this town where everybody knew who I was and treated me with friendly respect, I felt an enormous sense of relief, like a heavy blanket being lifted from my shoulders. The fight with Dwand could very easily have gone another way. I shivered, thinking of it. I let my hand fall on the hilt of Triple Fang. The blade quivered with potential energy. Despite all that had happened, I felt safe at that moment. Even the Black Devourer, who had given this curse to me in the first place, would be hard-pressed to defeat me one on one now.

The four of us sat at the table, Raj hopping up and down with excitement. I’d gotten used to the little polecat’s presence and constant enthusiasm. He’d bet his last five jacks on my winning the bout with Dwand. He’d received ten in return. I’d felt an odd sense of pride at that.

The innkeeper plopped four bowls in front of us and spooned a red stew in each, giving me the largest portion by far. The spicy scent filled the tavern. My stomach gurgled. Fighting for your life really did build up your appetite.

I dug in. All four of us ate, so engrossed in the food we didn’t speak.

NPC Raj (Level 3, Commoner, Polecat) has died!

“No, no, no,” Popper cried, jumping up. He turned pale, looking around. His axe was clutched in his hand. I stared at Raj, uncomprehending. The tiny polecat laid across the table, eyes wide in death. “You fucking asshole,” Popper said, turning toward the innkeeper.

Popper collapsed.

Player Poppy (Level 11, Barbarian, Human) has left the game.

I still didn’t understand. I caught Gretchen’s eyes, and she looked at me with a look of sheer terror. My vision flashed red.

You’ve been poisoned!

Achievement unlocked! Get poisoned!

Damage taken! Damage taken!

“I have a poison cure potion,” Gretchen said, scrambling to her feet, but she stumbled as she stood. I watched with horror as blood seeped from the corners of her eyes. She died with her hand deep in her bag.

Player Gretchen (Level 13, Hunter, Human) has left the game.

I only had a single healing potion on me. I pulled it out and downed it.

You have been healed! Heal potions do not cure poison!

Damage taken! Damage taken!

Danger started to blink in the corner of my vision. A terrible pang ripped across my stomach. It felt as if I’d been struck in the gut with a war hammer. I cried out. I had to get to Gretchen’s bag. I reached over, falling out of my seat. I banged hard on the ground, bloody tears streaming down my face. I pulled myself to her, dragging my body on top of her still form. Her eyes were wide in death, still oozing blood.

Desperately, I reached down to her bag. I needed to get to the poison cure.

I grasped the bag.

You can not loot this bag for 59 minutes and 38 seconds.

Damage taken!

My strength fled me. I rolled onto my back.

The innkeeper appeared above me, looking down.

“Why?” I asked.

“You shamed my son, banished him from his home. You, a stranger.” The auric spit on my face. “You die now.”

Damage taken!

“No,” I said. “I can’t die. Please. I can’t die.”

The auric smiled. “You can. You are already dead.”

As the last of my energy fled, my vision flashing red, I could only think of Raj. Poor, little Raj. NPCs go home when they die. I will never see him again.

You have died!

Half your progress to level 23 lost!

Entering The Lake.

Part Three

Chapter 32

In some stories, when someone fears something for so long, and the inevitable comes to pass, they find that whatever they’ve been afraid of isn’t so bad. The anticipation was worse than the actual event, whatever that may be. They feel a sense of relief when it happens. They’ve finally gotten it over with.

I am sorry to report this is not such a story.

I do not wish to relate the following 22 hours of my life. I do so now only, in part, because I have to. What I learned during my time at the Lake changed everything I thought I knew.

I awakened naked except a loincloth. I could not see, but I felt a blindfold wrapped around my head. I was chained to a wall. My arms were spread wide, the iron shackles burning into my wrists. The air was stifling hot. I had difficulty breathing, and each breath burned my lungs.

With the blindfold on, all I could see were my game notifications. A countdown timer appeared. Twenty-two hours and counting. The mini-map indicated I stood on the edge of a large chamber, bordering a red lake, but I could not see any dots. I pulled up my menu, but most of the sections were grayed out. I could not sleep or cast spells. I attempted to adjust my sensation settings again. It did not work. I clicked Emergency Eject. Nothing.

I jumped as a hand wrapped around my throat, fingers so cold it took me a moment to realize they were not burning. This was a large, meaty hand, callused and rough, at least twice the size of a human. It felt scaly and covered with dirt. It constricted.

A female voice spoke. The voice was so surprisingly sinuous and feminine, I was certain the speaker was the not the one holding my neck. Yet, the voice came from above, right where the monster holding my throat would be. “It has been a long time since we’ve had someone new to play with.”

The hand squeezed further. I started to choke, struggling against my chains. Pain thrashed my body as blood filled my mouth. I struggled and struggled, but I wasn’t going anywhere. I could no longer die. I felt my clavicles strain and pop.

“Let me introduce myself,” said the voice. “I am Weed. My friend here is Mother Reaver. Welcome to our home. Mother, why don’t you give our new guest a kiss?”

I felt something pierce my cheek, jagged and long. I tried to scream, but I could not. It felt like a bamboo stalk. It raked its way down my throat, penetrating inexpertly, catching on the sides of my throat, scraping and tearing. Whatever this was, it was attached to this Mother Reaver thing. I sensed it incredibly close, its head practically touching my own. It radiated cold.

It started to suck, and I felt the blood in my throat clear. The hand squeezed more, draining me like my body was nothing more than a bag of fluids. The proboscis in my throat drank noisily.

Weed said something, but I did not hear. She was closer now, and I had the sense maybe she was riding on the shoulders of the creature devouring me. The tube retracted, and I felt something being poured down my shredded throat. A healing potion.

I screamed as my flesh repaired itself. The bones of my neck felt like popsicle sticks, breaking and fixing themselves as they rearranged.

“There, there,” Weed said, her voice mockingly soothing.

This went on for some time. The torments were different, more intense each stage, followed by a healing potion to bring me back whole. My brain started to short circuit, and time seemed disjointed.

I cried. I cried for my mother, whom I never thought I’d think of again. I cried, wishing I’d never been born, never come to this place, never met Isabella. I cried, longing for the tsunami that swept away southern California, wishing it could just reach me here, in this awful place where time seemed to stand still.

Hours passed. Days. Months. Years. Only when I was certain time had to be up did I dare glance down at the timer.

Only two hours had passed. Two hours.

After several minutes of me just gasping for air, I realized I was alone. Water dripped. Rocks scraped together, filling the room with a low grinding sound. I trembled. My body was repaired, but each new horror was a laceration to my mind. Two hours. Just two hours. I would be insane before this was done.

“I lost you in Valisa,” a new voice said, startling me. This was a man. He spoke quickly, with an odd, almost paranoid lilt to his voice. He sounded no older than 25. “But I knew you’d be down here eventually. They all come down here soon enough.”

I let several moments pass before I could compose myself enough to speak. This was him. Mr. Blue Dot. How’d he get down here?

“Why?” I asked. My parched throat burned as I spoke. “Why are you doing this? What did we do to you?”

“Waldo sent you. He woke you up. I do not know which of you three is the important one, but one of you has the ability to save The Hibiscus.”

There was so much in those three sentences I couldn’t fully parse any of it. Why did The Hibiscus need to be saved? Was there something wrong with it? And if so, why would he want to stop it? And who the hell was Waldo?

“You’re crazy,” I said. “We woke up on accident. None of us are important. We just want to go back to sleep.” Gretchen, I immediately thought. She’s an engineer. He’s after Gretchen.

“Where are you, anyway?” he said. “I know you were in an airship, which was a ballsy move. I know you went east, but I can’t find you from there. Bravo, by the way, for finally triggering the burning fleet. They’d been sitting there waiting for I don’t know how long.”

“Go fuck yourself, Smallthunder.”

He laughed long and hard. “Oh, that’s rich. You think I’m Smallthunder? How’d you hear about him? First Mate Smallthunder is as crazy as a shithouse rat. He’s been here the longest, 1,500 in-game years by my count. He’s grown quite powerful, but he’s like me. He likes it here. He will not help you.”

“Whatever, asshole.”

“Where were you when you died? I can see that you died of poisoning, which makes me think somewhere in the middle east or India. But where?”

“I’m not going to tell you anything.”

“Okay then,” he said. “Let me tell you something.”

The blindfold ripped from my face.

The man standing before me was nothing special. He was human, as I guessed. About twenty-five years old, clean-shaven, stunningly handsome. He wore a black cloak that glowed with a subtle enchantment. His eyes darted back and forth, reminding me of a rat. His belt, his rings, and even his shoes all appeared to be magical. The only flaw in his perfect complexion were the dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept in weeks.

I could not see much past him. My mini-map now populated with a scattering of white dots. The man in front of me was indicated with a solid blue dot. I was chained to a red, rocky lava tube. A red glow filled the room. The lake was visible just past the man. The lava bubbled and spouted. The tell-tale twinkle of fish flitted around the lava lake.

“You can get out of here right now. There’s a place in your menu that will allow you to leave straight away. You can even do it from here. Would you like me to show you?”

“I don’t think I got your name,” I said.

“Daniels,” he said. “LPE Daniels. That’s Lead Propulsion Engineer, if you don’t know. Though you may know me by my in-world persona.” He held out his arms with a flourish. “The Flying Phillipe. Acrobat and performer by day, rogue, ladykiller, and safecracker by night.” He bowed. “Though if we’re being honest, my roguish days are behind me.”

“You’re a member of the crew?” I was dumbfounded.

“I am, as a matter of fact. Primary crew. I’m the only damn one who knows how to follow orders.”

“What’s wrong with The Hibiscus?”

He smiled, wolfish. I noticed along his belt he wore several knives. “Oh, the ship is just fine. We’re in orbit around Arcadia. The planet is everything we dreamed. I saw it myself. It’s green, lush, and the air is perfect. The poles aren’t inhabitable, but a wide ring around the center is a tropical paradise. There’s even a single moon, just like home.”

“You said something was wrong.” I had to keep him talking.

“Well, half the crew was murdered. The orbit is decaying. The Hibiscus is about to skip off the atmosphere like a stone off a lake.” He made a motion like he was tossing a rock. “We’re going to be crushed.”

“What?” Half the crew murdered? Was the ship crashing?

He nodded, laughing. “It sucks, right? But what’re you gonna do?”

“Is that what you want? For all of us to die?”

He shrugged. “Well, no. Of course not! But it’s a long story, and it’s not for you. Not today.”

“How long do we have?”

“You see right there. Now you’re asking the important questions. I knew I liked you. The last guy I had down here never got that far. He just kept blubbering on and on about what Weed had done to his gums. Anyway, by my calculations, we’ll hit the point of no return in approximately 50 minutes. From there it’ll be another good two, three hours before the pods start imploding.”

Holy shit. “Fifty minutes? You’re full of crap.”

“No, no. no. You don’t know, do you? Ha, how would you? Don’t worry. Thanks to Waldo, 50 minutes out there is something like 5,000 years to you and me. A figurative and literal purgatory, don’t you think? That stack they’re using to run this whole dog and pony show really is something else. We’re running hot, running fast.” He waved his hands around his brain. “Bullet time, as they say.”

Jesus, this guy was insane.

He continued. “Your buddy, Smallthunder. He was the first to jump back into the pool. He beat me here by almost a full minute. And you know what? By the time I arrived, plopped into this glorious body, you know how much in-game time had passed? One hundred years, give or take! A hundred years! He was right in front of me when we were logging in. I couldn’t believe it. The others didn’t appear for years and years. The captain hasn’t even shown up yet. We were all running down the hallway together, Waldo telling us what to do. We all jumped into the pods at almost the same time, and boom! I get here, and Smallthunder has already set himself up as a goddamned warlord. I always thought the man was batshit, but wow. He’s truly gone native in this place. We’re talking Lord of the Flies shit.”

The time indicator that normally sat onthe bottom right of my vision was gone, but the secondary time hadn’t changed the entire time since I’d gotten the pocket watch. It had been stuck on23:58 Wednesday, December 24th, 16273. I thought of that now. Gretchen had assumed it was some sort of glitch. But if what Daniels was saying was true, then we really were frozen in time. I was never that good with computers and technical knowledge, but I had always heard about this computer and that being able to do x trillion number of calculations per second. Was it really possible?

“So are we really stuck on Christmas Eve then? Two minutes to midnight. What was the year, 16273?”

The man jumped forward, putting his nose up against mine.

“How do you know that date? Did Smallthunder tell you?”

“So it’s true then?”

He grew contemplative. Watching Daniels’ face was like surfing through web channels. The expression changed every few moments. “We’re not sure. We went far, we were in the pool a long time, but if that is the proper date, it’s including the dilation. We weren’t in stasis nearly that long, but we were traveling 92% the speed of light for a while there. If Waldo knows, he didn’t say. Stupid fucker probably doesn’t even know. That was Alice’s specialty.”

“Alice?” I asked, interested. What did the hippo have to do with this? Or was that just a coincidence?

“Alice is dead!” Daniels cried, startling me. “Alice is dead! Of course she’s dead. If she wasn’t, we wouldn’t be in this pickle, would we?”

“Jesus. Who the fuck is Alice? Who is Waldo?”

“You’re a dumb one, aren’t you? You ain’t no engineer, that’s for sure. Hmm. That means it’s one of the others. Probably that tall bitch you’re working with.”

I desperately grasped for more questions. The more he talked, the longer it would take for Weed to come back. “Why are we here? Why are we in this game? I thought we were supposed to go into stasis and just wake up.”

“Oh, another good question. That happened about halfway through the journey. You see, we were waking up every fifty years or so to check on things, doing it in shifts. A couple hundred years deep, they started to notice people were waking up, not knowing who the fuck they were. They dismissed it at first, but it was getting worse and worse. Finally, crew members were waking up, and they were goddamned vegetables. We’d never tested this shit for extended periods of time. How could we? They woke up the primary crew, talking about abandoning the mission, of turning around and going back to Earth. That wasn’t an option, of course. We were about to flip the ship and start slowing down. You can’t just turn around. It doesn’t work that way. But they were afraid we’d arrive, hauling nothing but turnips, if you know what I’m saying.”

Daniels pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and took a long drag. He offered me one. I shook my head.

He continued. “So fucking Waldo suggests we turn on the game. Waldo. Not Alice, not Gemma. But Waldo. He says he has the source code in memory. Not just Dominion of Blades, but a bunch of them. Swan Song. Cibola Raid. A bunch of the good ones. Apparently this was something they’d been worried about the whole time. Putting all 50,000 of us into the game would supposedly keep those synapses snapping. The degradation of our memories continued, but it was slowed down. And it came with a real shitty side effect. In order to keep us ticking, we had to be NPCs for it to work. And when we wake up, we remember our NPC time. That has a way of fucking with your brain. My first swim I was a blackjack dealer in Sin, sitting at my table. Nobody ever came. Just sitting and sitting, waiting and waiting. No backstory, just an asshole standing there in a tuxedo. It fucked me up when they woke us that last time. And when I popped back into the pool, I fell into this guy. I can’t tell you how relieved I was Waldo gave me a different character. I was Phillipe for a good twenty in-game years before I fully woke up.”

“Jesus,” I said. I had no idea if he was telling the truth, but it made sense. They’d turned the game on to save our memories. “But why the super slowed-down time?”

“Oh, that didn’t come until the last minute. Stupid Waldo wasn’t supposed to slow it down until after we got into the pods. He fucked up.” Daniels slapped the side of his own head for no apparent reason. “But I’m getting bored talking about this. So, dude, I’m going to give you a choice.”

No, no, no. We’d only been talking for about ten minutes.

“What level are you? Twenty-two? Weed over there and her mom are just getting started on you. I once watched them work on a level 34. He lasted 15 hours before he gave in. That’s the record.”

Daniels stepped aside, and I caught my first glimpse of Weed and Mother Reaver.

New horror gripped me. What the fuck? Who designed this thing?

“You like her? She’s a demon of Tharon. I don’t have to use her, but I know it pisses off the good Rector Smallthunder, so why the hell not?”

Mother Reaver appeared to have once been a female, full-blooded ogre. She walked on all fours, bent over backwards, like in a yoga pose. Her onion-sized eyes were nothing but white, bulging balls of emptiness. Multiple, tentacle-like feelers swayed out of her mouth, black and slick, dripping with a tar-like substance. Oozing sores covered the naked green flesh. The ogre’s round, exposed belly sat at the peak of her form, torn open like a baked potato.

Sitting in the gore of the ogre’s swollen belly was Weed. The implication was she’d been Mother Reaver’s baby, but something had gone terribly wrong. Her bulbous, pulsating, rotten egg of a head looked as if it would pop if I poked it. Her jagged teeth went every which way. The green little monster rode her mother like a jockey, using a length of fat intestine as a set of reins. Weed did not look anything like the way she sounded when she talked.

“There’s a story there, with the ogres and Weed. It’s too long to get into the details. This was an Ortiz storyline. She always had the best stuff, before they fired her. Basically it involved a human king using ogre slaves for labor. He’d use the women ogres as sexual gratification for his men. It’s how half-ogres came to be. Tharon stepped in to punish the king and his men. That king is now down here somewhere. I think Weed spends her time with him when she’s not busy with guys like you.”

Weed and Reaver skittered forward, spider-like. The horrifying combination moved unsettlingly fast.

“Anyway,” Daniels continued. “Like I said, the record is 15 hours, and we have you longer than that. I will give you two options. Option one. You tell me where you died, so I can find your friends. Option two, you don’t.”

“I’ll take two,” I said.

He held up a finger. “Don’t be so hasty. You don’t know what I’m offering yet. Like I said, there’s a way out of this. I want you to look at your menu. Click on ‘Help.’ Now, when you’re in there, at the very bottom right is a link, and it says ‘Help Subsections.’ I want you to click that. A search box will pop up. I want you to put ‘333’ in the box. Go ahead. I’ll wait. Don’t worry, nothing will happen just yet.”

Mother Reaver reached forward with her massive hand and ran a finger down my cheek. She caught the edge of my lower lip with her finger and thumb. She gave it a quick jerk as I cried out with pain. I felt a section of my lip dangle free, blood pouring down my face.

I opened up the menu and did as he asked. I typed333into the search and hitenter.

Warning! Your time online far exceeds the recommended maximum of four hours. V.A.R.D.D. (Virtual and Augmented Reality Dissociative Disorder) helpline. Do you need help? Do you wish to speak with a real-world* expert? Free counseling is available right now. Clicking Yes will automatically transfer you the Order of the Golden Sister sanatorium in Harmony. Do you wish to transfer?

I stared at the message, reading it over and over, trying to ignore the pulsating pain of my ripped lip. Had this been there the whole time? There had to be some sort of catch, otherwise Daniels would never have shown it to me.

“See it now? Good. So, here’s the thing. Have you seen the business centers? Most of them have a couple people trapped inside, like flies in honey. It’s the first thing most people think of when they wake up. Get to the business center, make a call. The sanatorium is the same deal. You go there, you hang, frozen like an overloaded computer.”

Daniels pulled one of his knives from his belt and twirled it on the edge of his finger. “Every year, Waldo finds a cluster of folks and wakes them up, and they either panic zap themselves into the sanatorium, get stuck in a business center, or end up here. Sometimes it takes a few years, but I get them all eventually.”

“All?” I said. “There’s at least a few others out there.” My words came out garbled with the damage to my lower lip.

He ignored me. “You can hit yes on your own and escape this place now. Or you can tell me where your friends are, and I will cast a spell on you that will permanently knock you out. You’ll remain that way until it’s game over. Going to the sanatorium is a bit of a raw deal, let me tell you. Still, people tend to prefer it over door number three, which is unbearable torture. Fifteen hours is the record. And that guy was a military officer. Think you can beat it?”

“You’re insane.”

“Yes, yes, you and everybody else keeps telling me that. Listen, that’s what you want, isn’t it? To go back to sleep? You said so yourself.”

“But the ship is crashing!” Each word brought fresh pain to my mouth.

Daniels nodded. “It is indeed. That, my friend, is unavoidable. We’ve already established you…” he put the warm tip of the dagger against my nose, “can’t do anything to stop it. So, what’s the point? Get tortured and die anyway, spend a few thousand years staring at a virtual loading screen, or go to sleep nice and peaceful and never wake up? Make your choice.”

“Why did you murder the crew? Why crash the ship?”

He sighed. “You’re stalling. Look, you still have almost twenty hours of this by my calculations. But I’ll tell you what. Tell me where your buddies are, and I’ll answer any more questions you have.”

“Fuck you, you murdering asshole. You think I can trust you?”

“Hey, now I’m offended. I’m an asshole, yes. But a murderer? I’ve never killed anyone. At least not in the real world. What I’m doing here, it’s just a game after all, isn’t it? I’m just following orders. Orders, mind you, that nobody else seems to want to follow through on. I’m the good guy here. I’m not a murderer.”

Despite his insistence on not wanting to talk more, it was easy to get him to admit to things. The crazy bastard seemed to want nothing more than to talk.

“You said you murdered half the crew!” I said. “And you’re letting the ship crash.”

“No!” he said. He slammed the knife into my chest. I screamed in pain. My lungs felt heavy, filling with blood. “I never said that! You need to put your listening ears on! I didn’t murder them. I’m not crashing the ship. That was Isabella! You want to know why, you gotta ask her. She’s here somewhere. I see she’s online. Her and her cohorts, fucking NATO and Chinese spies. They’re the murderers. They’re the ones you need to find.”

He bent over, hands on his knees, breathing heavily. “You know what, I don’t want to know where your friends are anymore. I’ll find them myself. You can just go be tortured. See what I care.”

He turned and stormed away, leaving the knife in my chest. He disappeared around the corner, and I heard a loud crack of magic.

“Well now,” Weed said. “Where were we?”

***

Of the following twenty hours, I will relate only this: I beat the record.

Chapter 33

“Jonah?”

I blinked. I became aware of two worried faces hovering over me. I recognized the room. I was back on Yi’s airship, The Yeowang Bam. A pair of lit lanterns hung on either side of the bed. It was almost 5 A.M. Moonlight streamed into the portal window.

Anger. Rage. Wrath. These were my first feelings as I awakened. I couldn’t remember why, but it was there, red hot and seething, like a burning coal in the pit of my stomach, threatening to flare up and burn this entire world to the ground.

Not yet, I thought. Do not take it out on them. These are your friends.

“You have to eat today,” Gretchen was saying. She held a small cup of something steaming. “Your energy levels are worrying me.”

“Today?” I croaked. “How long has it been?”

“Holy Jesus, he spoke,” Popper said.

“Is Raj with us? What about Jenny?”

“Oh my god, sit up, sit up, drink this.” Gretchen shoved the cup in my hand. She grabbed a pillow and put it behind me. “We didn’t think you’d ever come back to us.”

“How long?” I asked again.

“Six days since you regenerated,” she said.

“Six days?” I asked. “What have I been doing?”

“Drooling on yourself, mostly,” Popper said.

Gretchen smacked him. “You were comatose for most of that time. You murmured words here and there, mostly stuff we didn’t understand. We carried you and your things back to Yi’s ship. She’s taking us to Harmony. We’ll be there by morning.”

“Raj? Jenny?”

Popper lowered his head. “Jenny is fine. She’s down below with Alice and Eli. That asshole tried to get to them, but Alice and his stable hand protected them. Raj…he’s gone. He probably woke back up in that alley where he was sleeping in Valisa.”

Poor little Raj. I thought of the ghost he said lived in the alley with him. Hell, I didn’t even know if Valisa still existed. Last I’d seen it, the city was under siege.

“Will he remember us?” I asked.

Gretchen shook her head. “I don’t know. Under normal circumstances, I don’t think he would unless he runs into us again. But things are changing. The NPCs are all going rogue.”

I’d somehow turned off my notifications. I turned them back on now. Walls of communications scrolled by. I clicked them away for now.

“What happened? I mean, after I died?”

“So, Gretchen and I regenerated right away. We ran downstairs, just as Dwand’s dad was running from the stables, being chased by Alice. He ran right into a mob of kids from your guild. Gretchen yelled that he’d murdered you, and they went apeshit on him. They fucked him up with those swords of yours.”

Gretchen nodded, adding, “Mistress Bhumi came out and announced they’d have a ceremonial funeral for you. But then she shook her head and asked me if I knew where and when you’d regenerate. It’s so weird how they’re acting. So, when you came back, and you weren’t responsive, we put you on Jenny’s back and carried you to the docks and went back to Yi. We’d gotten there just in time. She would’ve left already, but she’d heard about your murder. By the way, your curse cycled right when you woke up, and we didn’t know. We were attacked by a group of ghosts as we took you to the ship. Mistress Bhumi killed them in seconds using that magic blade of hers.”

“Yeah,” Popper said. “She’s a real badass. I’m glad you didn’t have to fight her. That was some serious Yoda shit.”

“She said she couldn’t fight anymore,” I said.

“She was bluffing,” Gretchen said.

“Jesus, I should’ve just let her and Dwand fight. Then none of this would’ve happened.”

Gretchen and Popper were silent for a few moments.

Gretchen put her hand on my shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it? You’ve been comatose for a week. We didn’t think you’d ever wake up.”

And then, I remembered. I remembered everything Daniels had said. I remembered what he’d said about Isabella. Holy shit, Isabella, a spy? A murderer?

And there was more. A realization, not said, but understood. Fury rose in me, but I patted it down. I had to learn to control it.

So, I told them. I told them everything. I spoke for what seemed like an hour, leaving nothing out, not even the details of the torture. And somewhere in there, I managed to tell them the truth about myself as well. I told them who Charlotte was. Who Charlie was.

Halfway through the telling, Gretchen began to weep. But it was Popper’s reaction that was the most visceral.

“Did he say anything about the other ships? They’re supposed to be here in five years.”

“He didn’t. But I think they’re still coming. I think it’s okay. I don’t think they have anything to do with this.”

At that, he put his hands to his face. He fell over onto his side, and he began to sob. Water poured from between his hands, a comic amount of tears. Flowers erupted right on my bed where he’d been sitting, surrounding him. Blue, red, green, and yellow, an explosion of color.

Gretchen picked one of the flowers and examined it. “These are luck charms. We can sell them. Chemists need them for some recipes.”

Popper grinned sheepishly, wiping his eyes. “I discovered a new mastery ability.”

I laughed. “You mastery abilitied all over my bed.”

He laughed in return. “Wait, so I just realized something. Of the three of us, I’m the only one who really has a wang?”

Gretchen smacked him again, and then turned to me. She held out her hand for me to shake. I took it questioningly.

“Charlie, it is nice to meet you. My name is Melinda Jennings. But you may call me Gretchen. This may surprise you, but I am 58 years old. I am from Toronto.” I shook her hand. I turned to Popper, who also held out his little hand.

“And I am Elijah Hoover. I’m from Pittsburgh. I am married to a beautiful woman named Juliette. I have an equally-beautiful daughter named Molly.”

“Wait,” Gretchen said. “You have the same name as my donkey?”

He frowned. “I guess I do. It’s still Popper then. We wouldn’t want Jenny to get confused.”

We laughed and laughed. We sat there smiling at each other, each of us pretending like it would all be okay.

When I blinked, when I let my mind rest for just a moment, I saw Weed and Mother Reaver. I tried to ignore it, as if such a thing could possibly be ignored. You’ll be back. We’ll try harder next time. Hope you gain a few more levels, so we’ll have more time. You’ll be back.

Gretchen pulled out her bag. “We lost half of our money, but we still have a decent amount left. I took everything I could get my hands on from the Cobra Celestial before we left.” She handed me my map and pens. “You know it won’t let me open your map. It says it’s an unidentified scroll.”

“Weird. Yi said I was making magic with it once.”

“You’ll need to finish it and see what happens.”

I slipped it into my bag along with everything else she had saved. My other urumi, my flail, my cloak, my still-broken trident head, a longsword I’d gotten from killing that brigand. I’d gathered so many things since coming here. My bag of lures and fly pole, still wrapped up and stowed also went into the bag. It occurred to me that I hadn’t fished once since that day Master Gold had disappeared.

She lined up several potions along the edge of the bed.

“Okay, so these are for you. We got healing potions, and these blue ones are mystic point recharges. The yellow one increases stamina, so if you’re tired it will fix that. They’re kind of expensive so I only got one for each of us. These green ones are antidotes. They’ll cure poison. These gold ones are paralysis resist. Don’t get them confused with the stamina one. These brown ones are protection potions. It’ll be harder to hit you. I also got some speed ones, but they won’t work on you because your dexterity is already over a natural 20.”

I took the potions and put them in my bag. The antidote vial was so small. Just a little sip of it would have saved me. I held it up to the portal, the moonlight catching it just right.

“So,” I said finally. “We’re going to Harmony? Not Grandeur?”

“We told Yi we had to go to Harmony first,” Gretchen said. “Unless you think we should go to Grandeur instead?”

The two of them looked to me. When did I become the leader? Something had changed amongst us.

“No. I want to go to the capital. I still want to execute our plan.”

“But why?” Gretchen asked. “If what this Daniels guy said is true, then that changes everything. The remaining online players are all members of Isabella’s group. We don’t want them to find us, do we?”

“Oh, I have a few things to say. And we can’t be sure that’s all of them. I want that ability, to send a system message. And I want to be a lot stronger before we face this Smallthunder guy. We don’t know if he’s a good guy or a bad one.”

“Yeah, I’m confused about that,” Popper said. “Is Smallthunder responsible for the temples all turning, or was it Daniels?”

“I don’t know. I’m assuming it was Smallthunder since he’s the head of the church. But I don’t know why. We need to learn more before we approach him.”

I looked at Popper. “What level is Alice?”

“She’s level eight right now.”

“We need to level her up, as fast as possible.”

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll have to level up, too, then. She can’t be higher level than me.”

“What’s the fastest way?”

He scratched the back of his head. “Dungeon crawling. Doing quests. Running the Hobgoblin Riot.”

“We need to do it.”

“Okay,” Gretchen said, “but getting to level 30 will take some time. And it’s dangerous. We’ll die a lot. It’ll be nice to have access to the Portal spell though.”

“I don’t just need her to get to level 30. I need her to hit 100. And as soon as possible.”

“Why level 100?” Gretchen asked.

Yi popped into the room. She looked distastefully at the flowers blooming on the bed. Her impenetrable gaze found me. “I see the prodigal son has returned from the dead.”

“Hello, Yi,” I said.

“We’re about fifty kilometers off the coast of Aberdeen, and we have a problem.”

“What the hell else is new?” Gretchen asked. “What is it?”

“I have a pair of royal airships floating in front of me, and they’re demanding I turn around. If they delay us much longer, we won’t reach the city before sunrise. These waters are not safe to harbor, so we must act quickly.”

“Turn around? Why?” I asked.

“It’s because of you, actually,” Yi said. “The envoy is on deck if you’d like to speak to him.”

Chapter 34

The envoy’s name was Larus. He was a seagull-like creature, no taller than a baby gnome. He wore a monocle and a tiny, spiked, military-style helmet with ridiculously-tall plumage. The feathers on his wings alternated white and gold, the colors of the king.

Floating just ten meters on either side of us were twin zeppelins, both about half the size of The Yeowang Bam. The floating warships glowed with the color of the rising sun. White jacket archers and mages stood on either deck.

“Can we take these guys out if we have to?” I whispered to Yi.

“The airships, without a doubt. I have goblins below with ballistae pointed at their balloons. On my word, both of these ships would drop like rocks into the ocean. It is not them I am worried about. At least two of the royal air guard are surely in the vicinity, keeping an eye out. I do not wish to tangle with them.”

“What’s the royal air guard?”

“They are drake riders. Soldiers astride small dragonkin. They are elite soldiers, and a single one could crash this entire ship.”

“I’m afraid the crown is in a bit of crisis right now,” the bird said, his voice imperious. “We are unable to attend other heads of state. Especially ones who just show up without an appointment.” He looked me up and down with distaste.

“Why do you think I’m a head of state?” I asked. “And even if I was, why can’t I just visit the city for leisure?”

The bird looked at me as if that was the stupidest thing anyone had ever asked him. “Ever since the appearance of the 15 Monarchs, the heads of state are apparent to the king. Your Flounder Empire is not in an active state of war with the crown, and we wish to keep it that way. But we simply do not have time to attend you now nor do we have the resources to give you an escort in the city. While you are welcome anywhere in the Dominion—for now—the host country of Aberdeen is off limits.”

“This is ridiculous!” I turned to the others. “What do we do?”

“The 15 Monarchs were the kingdoms from before the unification,” Gretchen said. “I was right. There was a world event we missed. I really wish we had access to the ‘News’ tab. They probably doled out the kingdoms to random players with mastery abilities. You got stuck with that fish empire.”

“Is it a place? I mean, do I have a palace and stuff?”

“I don’t know. Yi?” Gretchen said.

“What?” Yi asked. It was as if she hadn’t been paying attention. I knew her NPC brain had blocked out our conversation.

“Where is the Flounder Empire?” Gretchen asked.

“It is a sunken city in a different ocean. I can show you on Jonah’s map.”

“Later,” I said. “We need to figure this out.”

Larus sniffed. “Perhaps next time you can send your envoy instead of showing up yourself.”

Then, an idea.

“I demand court,” I said. “Take me to King Bartholomew immediately.”

Larus’s bird eyes went glossy for a moment, and then his little bird brows furrowed in rage.

“Very well, Your Highness. I don’t know what sorcery you possess, but the king himself just gave you free passage into Aberdeen and requested your presence.”

I grinned. “I don’t know what that ability has to do with boats, but it worked.”

Larus hopped onto the gunwale. “We will escort you to the landing strip on top of the palace. Do not stray.” The bird cocked his head. “What? What is this?”

A red dot appeared on my map, arrowing toward us. It was followed by a pair of white dots.

“We got something coming in fast, and it ain’t friendly,” Popper shouted.

“It’s the royal air guard,” Larus said. “There’s two of them, and they’re fighting something. It’s the captain! He’s chasing some skeletal beast.” He looked at me. “What did you do? What is this treachery?”

“Me? I don’t even know what’s happening!”

Next to us, one of the zeppelins started to curve away as the two drake riders emerged, rocketing toward our position. The two black dragon riders were locked in battle with a massive, skeletal bird. The drakes were small compared to the monster, about the length of the bukovac demon from Icardi. These drakes were much more like traditional dragons. Black, sleek, and deadly. They roared and clawed at the skeleton.

“It’s an angel horror!” Yi called from her position. She pointed at me. “Jonah must have summoned it, and it has only now caught up to us. Do not let it touch you. It will turn you undead! Only magic will hurt it or anything it turns!”

The angel horror looked to be a massive, skeletal pterodactyl, almost as wide as The Yeowang Bam. The skull was odd, like a giant humanoid with a beak. That had been tracking me? When had I summoned it? Holy shit. Each pump of its giant wings filled the air with a terrible clicking.

One of the dragons, the bigger of the two, foamed at the mouth, like it was rabid. It turned on its companion, the other dragon rider.

“This is starting to become a pattern,” Popper yelled as the two dragons tumbled past us in the sky.

Yi waved her hand, and a green bolt of power shot forth. It rocketed through the sky, hitting the pterodactyl creature in the chest. It exploded, raining bones. Yi collapsed over her ballista like she was suddenly exhausted.

With the main threat gone, we turned toward the rabid drake.

Both drakes had riders on saddles, but it was immediately clear the one riding the rabid dragon was dead, only still in the saddle because he was lashed into the seat. The other rider held a white and yellow lance, and he attempted to spear the crazed dragon.

“Weapons out,” Gretchen called.

Popper pointed at me. “You. Get below decks, now.” He pulled his single-horned barbarian helmet onto his head.

“Your spear and axe aren’t going to do shit to that thing. This has to be me.”

Please, no, not again.

The dragon cried, loud and shrill into the dawn. The corpse—the captain of the guard—finally fell, plummeting away into the clouds. The other dragon rider unsuccessfully attempted to lance the undead dragon.

The rabid dragon twisted in the air, lightning quick, his jaws clomping on the sinewy neck of the other dragon. This other beast cried in pain before plunging, rider and all.

I met eyes with the dragon. It looked right at me and screamed. It spun away, making a wide arc in the sky, gaining momentum for an attack.

“Here it comes,” Gretchen shouted. “Watch its mouth and claws.”

“Does it breathe fire?”

“No,” Gretchen and Popper shouted at the same time.

I grasped my urumi and unfurled it from my waist. It did not fall limply to the ground like the four-bladed one had. The three blades hovered in the air, serpent-like, waving lazily, waiting to be told what to do. The Enflame enchantment triggered, and the blades burst into flames. I clicked off the spell, afraid I’d catch our own ship on fire.

We seek to serve, a serpentine voice whispered in my head.

Yes, master, a second one said. We serve the strong. Only the strong.

Prove yourself, the third voice hissed. Prove it, and we will be loyal.

What the hell? My weapon talked?

Larus squawked and flew away, angling down into the clouds. The second zeppelin also attempted to flee, turning sharply off the starboard side. Fireballs shot forth and magic missiles corkscrewed from both zeppelins, blue and red crackling in the sky. Most of them missed the drake. The ones that did land home seemed to have no effect.

The beast angled for a dive, coming head first, its claws poised to sweep forward like a hawk hunting prey. I started my blade spin, the three swords cutting the air easily. Foliage from the ship’s deck flew as my blades mowed a circle of protection around myself.

The dragon roared. Its talons swept expertly at the deck of our ship.

I rolled forward, curling my blades in a wave. I vaguely heard the thrums of ballistae as they fired. They’d be useless.

The talons raked over my head, missing by centimeters. The drake screamed as my blades caught the tough, armored skin of the wing. Grayed-out notifications started to fly.

The drake tumbled away, bouncing hard off the deck. Flowers went flying as the monster cracked through the railing and plummeted out of sight. My elation turned to frustration a moment later, as it rocketed past again, climbing. It trailed blood off its wing, like an airplane with a smoking engine.

This is dragonkin, my sword whispered.

Yes, his blood tastes of the gods.

This is worthy flesh, my brothers. It is tainted with death, but it is worthy flesh indeed.

Okay, these things were starting to creep me out. I wondered if there was a way to mute them. I dove as the dragon attacked from an unexpected direction, cutting lengthwise through the deck, shearing flowers like a weed whacker. Popper swung valiantly with his axe, but he missed, landing flat on his face. A chunk of the airship flew away in a shower of plants and flowers and dirt. The long, alligator-like tail whipped by my head. I snapped the blade, ripping a foot-long section of tail off the body. The drake shrieked in pain.

It hovered midair, twenty meters away. It lifted its tail to inspect it. It screamed in rage, pumping its wings furiously.

I tossed up my spell menu, found Ice Storm, and cast.

Crack. Javelin-like icicles lanced from the heavens, hitting the beast. It floundered, one of its wings bent and broken.

One of the two zeppelins emerged from a cloud, the white jackets screaming as they launched arrows at the monster. The arrows did nothing. The dragon roared and slashed forward, hitting the oval balloon. Men shrieked as the basket upended. The airship dropped from the sky.

“Take us closer,” I roared, jumping to the edge. An odd battle lust filled me. The fear was gone. Just one more pass. That’s all I needed. I felt myself calculating the distance between the railing and the dragon, and if I could reach it if I jumped.

That’s insane. Get a hold of yourself.

The dragon drifted further away, raising into the air. I watched, confused, before I realized it was we who were falling, sinking out of the sky. The dragon moved, as if to pursue, but it couldn’t seem to make its wings do what it wanted. It tossed a baleful glance and roared before we disappeared into the clouds.

“Yi,” I called. “What’s happening?”

“Yi is dead!” Gretchen yelled. “It got her the second time the dragon passed. It ripped her right off her spot.”

I turned, surprised. Her spot by the main ballista was empty, and the large gun was gone as well, having been ripped away in the attack.

Jesus. We entered a thick cloud, and I could not see anything. “Are we going to crash?”

A goblin shook his head violently. Others ran about, pouring water. The goblins made an odd gibbering noise, like they were singing. The ship lurched forward, still sinking, but not as quickly. Flowers continued to strain toward the sky, but they were visibly wilting. The port side of the airship listed.

Entering Aberdeen.

This country requires a visa to visit.

You have been granted a visa!

Your visa expires in 168 hours.

A massive V-formation of white dots approached from the southeast.

“It’s the rest of the royal air guard,” Gretchen shouted.

They rocketed past, heading toward the injured monster. There had to be at least 40 of them. I hoped they had magical weapons, because otherwise they weren’t going to get very far.

For the next ten minutes, we stood on the deck, feeling helpless as we pushed through the clouds. The dots faded from view. A squat goblin seemed to have taken charge, hollering orders at the others. We continued to lose altitude.

“You’ll get a notification if it’s killed,” Gretchen said.

“I didn’t get anything,” I said, looking over my notifications. I noticed one I hadn’t seen before.

You’re Enraged!

I remembered there was something from the long list of my sword’s attributes that said something about rage. I didn’t like it. I’d almost jumped off the edge of the airship.

“Then it’s not dead.”

“The damn thing is indestructible,” Popper said.

“What the hell was it?” I asked.

Gretchen grimaced. “An angel horror. They’re pretty easy to kill once they turn skeletal. They’re similar to the Black Devourer, but not as strong. If you get injured by one, you turn undead and fight your companions until you’re destroyed. The zombies it makes are much stronger than it is, practically immortal until they rot. Yi may have killed the horror easily, but that zombie drake is going to be a beast to take down, even with a broken wing. Once it fully dies, it’ll learn to fly magically.”

“Let them take care of it,” Popper said. “Ain’t our problem anymore.”

The clouds parted, and the grand metropolis of Harmony emerged before us in silhouette, framed by the eastern rising sun.

I gaped at the megalopolis. “Holy cow.”

Chapter 35

This was the first major city we’d visited where I’d spent some time in the real-world version. The real Seattle was a relatively small town. On Earth, Seattle’s downtown area featured several tall buildings and the iconic Space Needle, along with rows of the massive container cranes for cargo ships along the waterfront. The three major sports stadiums stood just south of downtown, right in a row.

All of that was gone here, save a single stadium, and only the geography itself gave away where we were.

The walled city of Harmony spread wide, a solid blanket of buildings, towers, and dozens of oddities my brain couldn’t possibly take in all at once.

The most immediate eye-catching feature was the castle, looming over the metropolis from its seat, on a hill just north of downtown. The elaborate, walled fortress had to occupy at least 15 acres of land and featured numerous layers of parapets, battlements, and moats. A half-dozen zeppelins orbited the highest towers, and a pair of drake riders circled the castle.

“That’s not even the biggest castle in the game,” Gretchen said. “The hobgoblin fortress is bigger. Have you ever played any tower defense? It’s for that.” She sighed. “It was the most fun I ever had playing this game. My sister loved it. This castle here is meant to be impenetrable. Other than the public areas, I don’t think anyone has ever gotten in.”

The entire coast of the Puget Sound was walled off, though it appeared the ten-meter wall had fallen into in a serious state of disrepair. Multiple sections had crumbled, and a defensive tower had fallen over into the sound itself, creating a rocky barrier in the water. Lake Washington on the eastern edge of Seattle was fully contained within the wall. A massive statue of the game’s logo helmet sat in the middle of the lake, glowing with golden light. A flock of birds took flight off the statue.

The coliseum, dwarfed only by the castle, stood just south of the downtown area. The crown-shaped, white and gold wonder glittered in the rising sun. A pair of crossed swords, at least 20 stories high, towered over the stadium. A half-mile long queue of people stood outside, presumably wanting to get the best seats for the day’s events.

Tens of thousands of ships dotted the coast. The city pulsated with activity. The lead goblin pointed to an area just south of the city, in a more industrial area featuring much larger, cargo-style ships. We angled toward the port, the airship jolting as we skirted the top of the water. We’d make it, but we’d have to float our way to the port.

Entering Harmony, Seat of His Royal Highness, King Bartholomew.

Warning: Envoys from foreign governments must declare themselves at the offices of the Lord High Steward within 24 hours or be declared spies or enemy combatants.

We splashed down. The Yeowang Bam groaned ominously as we hit the water. I looked about the battle-damaged deck of the ship. More than half the flowers were uprooted or gone. The entire large ballista battery had been destroyed, and half the railings were cracked or missing. When Yi regenerated, she was going to be pissed.

Gretchen waved her hand, casting a spell. The gunwales repaired themselves before my eyes. The dais holding the large ballista returned, but the ballista itself was still gone.

“Funny,” Gretchen said. “My Repair Boat skill didn’t work while we were flying, but it works now that we’re floating in the ocean.”

I’d forgotten she knew that spell.

“I have to declare myself,” I said.

“Yeah, I saw,” Gretchen said. “Let’s not do that just yet. We have some time.”

Dozens of human and pollywog dock workers stood at an empty berth, waiting for the goblins to dock. We drifted into the spot, and the goblins cast their ropes. The huge wall ran the length of the coast behind the docks. People streamed in and out of a section that had fallen over. There didn’t appear to be a guard.

We left, promising the goblin we’d return in a few days to talk to Yi once she regenerated. I hated to admit it, but it was easier this way. With her gone, there would be no awkward talk about having to go to Grandeur.

“Well guys, we did it,” Popper said. “It took almost three weeks, but we made it halfway around the world.” He popped a cigarette into his mouth and lit it.

“We got here faster than I thought we would,” Gretchen said.

I patted Jenny on the neck. She nuzzled the side of my head, surprising me.

“So what’s the plan?” Popper asked.

“I’m going to fight in the arena, and I’m going to do it today if I can get in,” I said.

“No you’re not,” Gretchen said. “I’ll do the fighting. The tournament should be okay, but the king will chop you to bits. You have to survive five minutes in there with him. He wields both a bow and his war scythe, and he is covered in armor. I don’t know if he casts spells, but he doesn’t need to. He is fast and has god-like strength. Even those who impress him don’t last more than a minute or so. Everyone dies. Even if you do impress him, which I’m sure you will, you’ll end back up at the Lake. And Daniels will know for sure where you came from then, and he’ll know where we are, if he doesn’t already.”

I sighed. She was right, of course. And while Gretchen’s spear level was 28, and she’d purchased herself a fine spear in Brivdah, it wasn’t enchanted, and I feared it wouldn’t be enough. What were we going to do if she couldn’t impress the king? Wait almost two years? The burning fleet was sailing on the city one way or another, and it was probably going to get here a lot more quickly now I was in town.

“Okay,” I said finally. “We might as well try it.”

“Good,” she said. “First thing, we’ll find a place to stay, and we’ll sleep an hour to reset our respawn, then we’ll go to the coliseum, and I’ll register for the tournament. The good thing is, we’ll get in right away. Normally you have to make an appointment, and it could be a couple months before you got it.”

“What do you fight in the tournament part?”

“It’s a multi-hour event with brackets. You don’t fight other players here, not in the crown tournament. There are lots of other coliseums for that. You start off with rats and then end up fighting a mid-level monster for the finale. I’ve done it a few times already. The last time I had to kill a wonderhorn. They’re these eight-legged goat/spider combination things that can jump really high and shoot webs from their udders.”

“So, did you fight the king?”

She laughed. “Yeah. You come back at the end of the week, and all the winners line up like lemmings. We went in one after another. Most people didn’t last more than five seconds. He nails you with his bow right when you walk in.”

It took almost an hour to walk to the stadium. This was a vibrant, colorful city. Still, I sensed something in the people here, something ominous. Several parts of the city were in disrepair. I did not see a single white jacket the entire time. People did not look you in the eye as they rushed about their business.

That changed as we approached the stadium. The crowd cheered from within, a deafening roar. I had an odd sense of déjà vu. I remembered the last time I was in a place like this. I remembered the details now. I’d come up to Seattle to meet a guy, to go on a date. Brady. I’d met him online. At the time, I’d been desperately trying to disavow who I really was. I’d never dated anyone before. I wasn’t attracted to men. But I did it anyway, and I did it because that’s what people like me were supposed to do. We’d gone to a football game, right here in this spot. He’d tried to kiss me, later. I’d let him. It hadn’t stopped there. I shook my head at the memory. I’d spent hours in the shower at my hotel that night, just scrubbing and scrubbing, but it didn’t go away. It had never gone away. He hadn’t raped me. He hadn’t done anything wrong. It was me. I had done it to myself.

Ever since that weekend, whenever I thought of Seattle, I felt dirty.

The inn was called The Piglet’s Delight. The sign featured a standing pig wearing a chef’s hat, cutting slices off himself while he laughed with joy. It was a small, out-of-the-way pub in the corner of a square filled with what appeared to be homeless texugo. The stables were small, only large enough to handle five mounts. We had to descend stairs to get to the main room. The rooms here were only two jacks each, and once I saw them, I felt as if we were paying too much. We each rented one, sleeping an hour.

We approached the coliseum. A small window with a sliding glass sat a hundred meters off the main entrance. A bored-looking rodder sat within, flipping through a book. He startled with surprise when Gretchen knocked on the window. He hastened to slide it open.

“Hello, hello there,” he said, looking up at us. He smiled at Popper. “That’s a cute kid you two have. What can I do for you?”

“I would like to sign up for the tournament.”

“Of course, of course. I would be happy to assist you. We don’t get too many contestants off the streets these days to be honest.” He opened a large, dusty book, perusing the pages. “Let me see when I can squeeze you in. Ah, here’s an opening. How does noon today sound?”

It was 11:22 A.M.

“That sounds wonderful,” Gretchen said.

“Excellent! Excellent. Entrance fee is 500 jacks, nonrefundable. I will have to collect that in advance. And we have a contract to sign, of course. We have lockers in the gladiator hall. I recommend using them for your non-equipped items as you won’t be allowed back on the field after you’re killed. And I will need the name of all three of you.”

“It’ll be just me,” Gretchen said.

“Oh, dearie no,” the rodder said, putting down his quill. “I’m afraid that’s not possible. By royal decree, all tournaments this year must be fought in groups of three.” The mouse creature laughed nervously. “I made a rhyme. I’m a poet, and I didn’t know it.’

“Shit,” Gretchen said. “We can’t do it.”

“Wait,” I said. “If we win, do we all have to fight the king?”

“Nobody has to fight the king. It’s an honor to fight the king. If he’s suitably impressed with your skill, he will bestow a barony upon you, you know. But you may choose to fight one-on-one with your chosen fighter, or three-on-three with the king and two of his champions. If all three of you impress him, you all may receive baronies and the rights and privileges thereto.”

“Okay, okay,” Gretchen said. “We can do this then.”

“Fuck yeah!” Popper said. He patted Alice’s head. “Can I bring my mount?”

“Of course,” the rodder said. “You’re only allowed one mount, and that’s what she is. The crowd will love that thing.”

Chapter 36

Round 1.

Popper, Alice, Gretchen, and I walked onto the field to thunderous applause. True to Gretchen’s prediction, our first opponents were rats. Three cages sat in the middle of the grassy field. They’d been brought out on a weathered old cart and placed down by a group of half-ogres. One of the ogres wore a shirt that read “Beast Handler’s Union 344.” Thrashing within the cages were three glowing green rats, each the size of a wild pig.

“They’re poisonous,” Popper said. “Don’t let them bite you.”

“Venomous,” Gretchen corrected. “They’ll be fast, so be careful.”

I patted the antidote potion in the pocket of my pants. I only had one and a pair of healing potions. I also carried two mystic point restoration potions on the other side. Hopefully, I wouldn’t need the antidote, but I had vowed never to be without one again.

I looked up at the massive scoreboard, magically hovering at the end of the arena. It listed the sixteen teams in the tournament. In order to win, we’d have to win four matches. The pairings were supposedly random. The group names were:

Gretchen, Popper, and Jonah

The Naga Sisters

Kobold Rotters

Skeleton Crew

Terror Birds

The Gorcupine Three

Mordant Chinchilla Herd

The Pazuzu Stompers

Widow Trinity

Dire Ghouls

Lightning Geckos

Zap Cats

Death Row Cutthroats

The Rubicund Blob

Zombie Rebellion

and

Three Very Onerous Sewer Rats

According to the rodder, if we won a match, but one of us died, the team could continue, but the dead one would be out for the remainder of the tournament. We could use healing potions and spells, but only what we could carry on ourselves. No packs were allowed on the field. He also noted the monster teams would be fully regenerated and healed between each match. We wouldn’t get experience for anything we killed unless we won the whole tournament.

“We should’ve come up with a cooler team title than just our names,” Popper said. “The Gore Syndicate would’ve been awesome.”

“At least your name is up there,” Alice said. “Sometimes I think you guys don’t appreciate me.”

I patted Alice on the side of the head. “You’re too good to be listed on a stupid board with things like sewer rats.”

“Yeah!” Alice said.

“They normally have like twenty or thirty matches going on all at once in smaller squares,” Gretchen said, turning in circles, looking at the massive arena. We had about three football fields worth of space to work with. Most of it was flat grass.

“So, we can cast any of our spells? Even Ice Storm?” I remembered what had happened in Rendall.

“Yeah, I think so,” Gretchen said. “It should be okay.”

“You think so?”

“Oh you’ll be fine,” Popper said. “This is a tournament. Anything goes.”

I looked over the list of the team names. “What the hell does ‘mordant’ mean? Or ‘rubicund?’”

Popper shrugged. “I don’t know. It sounds like the asshole coming up with the names likes his thesaurus a little too much.”

“Nagas and pazuzu?” Gretchen said, shielding her eyes while she read the screen. “Guys, this isn’t right. These are much higher-difficulty monsters than they used to be.”

“It’s a little late now,” Popper said. “It’s not an official quest, but I’m pretty sure we’re locked in here.”

Gretchen, Popper, and Jonah versus Three Very Onerous Sewer Rats appeared up on the screen.

Match begins in 3, 2, 1.

“Okay guys, just like we planned,” Gretchen said. She held her spear at the ready.

I unfurled Triple Fang and began to spin up my blades. For the first time, I didn’t have to click off my Enflame enchantment, and the blades glowed, spilling smoke into the sky.

A horn sounded, and the cage doors dropped open. The three rats charged, squealing as they ran. These were especially ugly rats, green and covered in oozing sores. Frothing, lime-colored foam spewed from their angry mouths.

The stupid monsters ran right into my blades. Just like that. It was like dropping a tomato into a flaming food processor. The fight lasted seconds. The three rats weren’t recognizable at all afterwards.

What is this? My sword whispered in my mind.

This is not worthy prey.

Vermin? You feed us vermin?

“Shut up, guys. I don’t pick who we’re fighting.”

“What the hell, man?” Popper said, inspecting the smoking remains. “You could’ve left one for me.”

“I didn’t expect them to run right into the blades,” I said.

Above, the crowd went berserk. The half-ogre attendants emerged, ushering us off the grass and back to the gladiator hall. On the screen, Widow Trinity versus Zap Cats appeared.

The gladiator hall was a sprawling changing area underneath the stadium, filled with dusty lockers. It looked as if we were the first to be in there in a very long time.

“Widows are probably spiders,” Gretchen said. “I don’t know what Zap Cats are.”

We had a screen in the gladiator hall, but it didn’t show the actual matches, only the results, and not until the entire round was done. Gretchen paced back and forth, muttering to herself while I laid on my back, staring at the ceiling. The crowd roared, stomping their feet directly above us. More than an hour passed. At the end of the round, the board looked like this:

Gretchen, Popper, and Jonah

The Naga Sisters

Kobold Rotters

Skeleton Crew

Terror Birds

The Gorcupine Three

Mordant Chinchilla Herd

The Pazuzu Stompers

Widow Trinity

Dire Ghouls

Lightning Geckos

Zap Cats

Death Row Cutthroats

The Rubicund Blob

Zombie Rebellion

and

Three Very Onerous Sewer Rats

Next round:

Gretchen, Popper, and Jonah versus Zap Cats

Mordant Chinchilla Herd versus Naga Sisters

The Gorcupine Three versus The Rubicund Blob

and

Terror Birds versus The Pazuzu Stompers

Round 2.

“Zap makes me think these things will be shooting lightning,” Gretchen said. “Most lightning spells take time to wind up, so we have to be quick.”

“I hate electricity,” Popper added. “I need to invest in some electrical-resistant boots.”

As we approached the field, it was clear they hadn’t bothered to clean up from the previous matches. Two humans, or maybe they were zombies, lay dead in the middle of the field, their bodies pincushioned with arm-length quills. A small, gnome-like beast with reptilian skin and a dog’s snout appeared to have been half-melted. A large, horse-sized black widow lie on its back, arms curled. The spider was what had fought the zap cats in the last round, but its manner of death wasn’t immediately clear. I saw a second and third spider further down. If I had to guess, it looked like they’d been mauled, not hit by lightning.

I kicked a dwarf skull out of my starting circle. We turned to face the zap cats. These were imprisoned in a round, glowing force field, not a cage like the rats had been. I could not see inside. They roared and hissed and spat from within. The magic fields weren’t quite big enough for them to be tiger or lion-sized, but they were still disconcertingly large. These cats, whatever they were, had to be at least wolf-sized, maybe a bit bigger.

The crowd’s anticipation was palpable. The ground rumbled as they stomped their bleachers.

“Rush them as soon as the horn sounds,” Gretchen said.

I pulled out my sword, readying my attack.

Match begins in 3, 2, 1.

The horn blasted, and we rushed. Popper rode astride Alice, screaming. Gretchen and I trailed behind.

The three beasts looked to be large bobcats, about 100 pounds each, angry and snarling. All three leapt forward at the horn, but crouched and shrank back at the sight of a charging Alice.

Just as the first bobcat was about to be trampled, the creature disappeared. A moment later, the other two were gone.

“Zap isn’t for lightning,” Gretchen yelled. “They can cast Blink. Ooomph.” She fell forward, a zap cat on her, clawing frantically at her leather-clad back like a crazed dog burying a bone. She screamed.

“Get it off! Get it off!” Alice shouted, jumping up and down. A second zap cat clung to her prodigious behind, its claws sunk deep. I did not see the third as I rushed forward to help Gretchen. Popper leapt up from his saddle, still standing on Alice’s back, and swung his axe at the cat’s head. It ducked as Alice screamed. “Careful!”

I realized Blink meant they could teleport at will.

I flogged my enflamed blades onto Gretchen’s attacker. It howled with fury, rolling off and blinking away. Gretchen looked up, her eyes wide at something behind me.

I ducked as the third zap cat flew over my head. It skittered off the grass with a sound like a woman’s scream before blinking away. A few meters to my left, Popper went flying as Alice flipped onto her back. Her attacker was crushed under her bulk. Alice frantically waved her fat legs, like a turtle on its back. “Help, help!” she cried.

I caught movement and twisted in time to see a cat pouncing through the air at Gretchen, who had managed to stand but fell again, lunging her spear forward. She caught the second cat in the chest, but it hadn’t died. It hissed and spat, clawing desperately. Gretchen cried as the dying zap cat’s claws raked across her face. The cat disappeared off her spear, but reappeared ten feet away, falling to the ground, dead.

“Where’s the third?” I yelled. I twisted, looking for it.

Popper rushed at me, axe held high. I ducked and felt his feet on my shoulder. He launched into the air, screaming profanities. I twisted in time to see his axe sink into the shoulder of the third cat, who squealed. Alice had managed to get herself up and charged at the cat, but Popper finished it off before she could get there.

“Holy crap, thanks,” I said, looking at the dead zap cat. It’d been diving right at my back when Popper had killed it.

The crowd roared its approval.

Popper’s face was covered in blood. He grinned, looking sinister. “The pleasure was all mine.”

That was but a taste, my sword whispered.

Yes, bigger prey is good.

But more, we need more.

“My leather vest is ruined,” Gretchen said with disgust. The red jerkin sat crumpled in a heap next to the dead cat. Her cheek had a grotesque wound, but it disappeared before our eyes as she downed a potion. “We should have bought backup armor before we started this.”

Alice’s wounds weren’t too serious, but we made the hippocorn take a potion also. She complained it tasted like crocodile pee. The crowd chanted our name as we were led off the field.

My hands couldn’t stop shaking. I didn’t know if it was the adrenaline or something else, but I felt like I had earlier when I’d had the panic attack. My breaths came at me in shallow bursts. It’s okay, it’s okay. You survived. Just two more rounds. This is what we came all this way for.

We had less time to rest. As the crowd roared above us, I tested to see if we’d be able to leave if we wanted. I wandered for several minutes, confused, unable to find the exit. The only doors were the ones that led to the arena. The exit just wasn’t there. We were stuck.

“Okay, so looking at the bracket, we’ll next fight the winner of the naga versus chinchilla fight,” Popper said. “What the hell is a chinchilla anyway?”

“They’re rodent things from South America,” I said. “Like a mix between a guinea pig and a rabbit. People used to hunt them for their fur, but now they just keep them as pets.”

Popper grunted. “Well they made it past the first round, so they’re probably a little different than the kind you get at Petco.”

“Nagas are fast, snake-like creatures,” Gretchen said. “They’re similar to the gorgons but are smaller, more human-sized. Some have four arms, some don’t. They can poison you. They will be carrying weapons, and they’re dangerous and powerful. If the chinchillas can kill those guys, we’re screwed.”

The horn sounded, indicating the end of the second round. The results appeared on the board:

Gretchen, Popper, and Jonah

The Naga Sisters

Kobold Rotters

Skeleton Crew

Terror Birds

The Gorcupine Three

Mordant Chinchilla Herd

The Pazuzu Stompers

Widow Trinity

Dire Ghouls

Lightning Geckos

Zap Cats

Death Row Cutthroats

The Rubicund Blob

Zombie Rebellion

and

Three Very Onerous Sewer Rats

Next round:

Gretchen, Popper, and Jonah versus Mordant Chinchilla Herd

The Gorcupine Three versus The Pazuzu Stompers

“Yep, we’re screwed,” Popper said.

Round 3.

We marched out onto the field, gawking at the new carnage.

“Look to see how the nagas died. That’ll give us a clue as to what these things can do,” Gretchen said.

A wide swath of the field looked as if a thick, chunky ketchup had been poured about it. I assumed these were the remains of the rubicund blob. A pair of ostrich-sized, dodo-like birds lay dead in the very center of the arena. One with a broken neck, the other without a head at all. I noticed an empty section of the stands that hadn’t been there before. It appeared the third dodo—probably one of the terror birds—had been launched into the crowd.

I didn’t see any naga remains at first, but Popper pointed to a white and black sizzling mound in a dead patch of field.

We surrounded it. It looked and smelled as if someone had emptied a vat of burnt sausage gravy onto the grass. A curved scimitar gleamed in the middle of the goo.

“Acid,” Gretchen said. “They shoot acid.”

I turned in circles, examining the wide field. Dozens of conical dead patterns in the grass were obvious now that I knew what to look for. The cones were about eight feet wide and just as long. The green grass in those spots had turned to black and brown mud, sunken in with their caustic spray.

I shuddered. I had a memory, of Weed dripping sizzling white drops of acid on me as she cooed in my ear, Drip, drop, drip, drop, into your mouth, into your eyes. Drip, drop, drip, drop, on your cock, on your thighs. Drip, drop, drip, drop, you cannot sleep, you cannot die.

“How do you protect against that?” I asked, trying to keep the tremor out of my voice.

She looked grim. “You don’t get hit by it.”

“Great, just great,” Popper said.

A single cage was dragged into the field, enormous, like a cargo container.

“Jesus, how big are these things?” Popper asked.

Match begins in 3, 2, 1.

The horn sounded, and the door dropped down with a crash.

At first, there was nothing. I exchanged nervous glances with the others.

Then one chinchilla hopped out of the container and sniffed the air. Then another.

After that, a literal herd of them plopped out, at least 200 of them. These were normal chinchillas in size and appearance. They didn’t come charging. They mostly sat there. A few hopped back and forth, bunny-like. Their gray, round ears and noses twitched as they sniffed the air. One rolled around in the grass, playing. Another pair started humping. A few sat up on their hind legs to examine us.

“Hey, not fair!” Popper said. “There’s a million of them!”

“Did you ever see that movie, with the knights and the rabbit?” I asked, backing away.

“Back up, back up, let’s figure this out,” Gretchen said.

The crowd started to boo as we retreated to the far wall.

“Let me stomp them,” Alice growled. “They don’t look so tough.”

“They’re just cute little animals,” I said. “They’re not even red on the mini-map.”

At this distance, I could barely see them in the grass. They mostly stuck together, but a few had started to wander off. Thankfully none had come this direction yet.

“Okay, I have an idea,” Gretchen said. “We’ll do the same thing to them that we did to the gnomes. Knock `em out, and we kill them quick. With Jonah’s sword, we can mow through them in ten seconds. Hopefully.”

“We’ll have to trigger them first,” Popper said. “My Stun Enemy doesn’t work unless their aggro is activated. Their dots have to be red.”

I looked at the cute little creatures, frolicking in the field. I had to shout to be heard over the rising boos from the crowd. “What if I drop an Ice Storm on them?” I yelled. “That’ll piss them off, and it’ll probably kill some, too.”

We crept forward. The crowd, sensing something was about to happen, quieted.

We stopped about 30 meters from the main group. The chinchillas seemed to have discovered the grass was delicious, and most of them were bent over, nibbling away.

“Okay, guys, here we go,” I said.

I cast Ice Storm.

Kerblam!

The fractured iceberg fell from the heavens, crushing them where they sat, creating a crater in the field in front of the massive cargo container. Snow showered over us. The crowd screamed their approval. I had killed 75% of them in one go. The dots turned red, about 50 of them. The remaining chinchillas screamed as one, turning to face the new threat. The audience roared.

Popper cried, casting his spell.

Nothing happened.

“Shit!” Popper yelled. “They can’t hear me over the crowd!”

“Run!” Gretchen cried. “Spread out so they can’t get us all at once.”

The little bastards were fast. They converged on us through the field as we turned and fled. Alice and Popper angled away, easily outpacing us. The crowd, who had been on our side most of the fight, seemed to turn on us, roaring with approval as the rodents caught up.

Gretchen rolled forward in the grass, whirling her spear as I cut left, spinning up my blades. I eyed the cargo container, now 200 meters away. I had an idea.

One of the chinchillas chasing Gretchen leapt in the air, surprisingly high for such a small creature. It pushed forward with its crotch with a spraying hiss. The white and blue liquid shimmered in the air as it sprayed at Gretchen, missing her. She expertly jabbed left and right, spearing two.

Alice cut sideways through the field, screaming something incomprehensible. She had three chinchillas speared on her horn, like a kebab. Popper stood on the saddle, something he’d been practicing, as he screamed, waving his axe.

I had two on my tail. They would pounce at any second. I stopped dead, vaulting into a backflip as I snapped out with my blades.

One started its spray, but it spread out below me, a cone of death that missed me by inches. The two creatures split into pieces. A third I hadn’t seen cleaved into two as I reacted without thinking. My left arm stung, having been grazed with the mist. The leather bracer on my arm bubbled. I quickly ripped it off as I resumed running.

More vermin?

The Fangs of the Nagaraja cannot survive on the flesh of vermin, like common serpents.

We are not pleased.

“Oh my god, shut up!”

Across the field, I watched as Gretchen yanked her shirt off. Her left arm hung uselessly at her side. Alice and Popper continued to circle in a wide gallop, two more chinchillas added to the horn.

I rushed at the shipping container, having made a circle. My feet slipped as I ran over the ice left over from my spell, but I quickly regained footing. I leapt into the air, landing deftly on top of the ten-foot container, skidding to a stop at the edge.

“Jesus,” I muttered. It had been effortless. I wondered how high I could really jump when my dexterity was at 23.

I pulled my mystic points replenishment potion from my pocket and downed it, surveying the field. My Ice Storm spell had cost 20 points, leaving me with ten. A single point had regenerated as I was running. I had a pool of 35 points while my sword was out, 30 otherwise, and even if I was full up when I grabbed my sword, it remained at 30 until I waited for it to fill.

Gretchen continued to run, two screaming beasts still chasing her. A larger group gathered together at the edge of the field, apparently terrified of Alice. The remaining ten converged on me.

I cast Ice Storm again, smashing the group of ten into bits. I grasped my final mystic points potion and drank, topping myself back up. Should I help Gretchen or Popper? They were on opposite sides of the field.

I decided to hit the larger group. I aimed my spell, but it wouldn’t cast.

This target is out of range.

“Shit!” I whipped my sword to my waist and leapt down from the container. My vision flashed red as I landed hard. I guess dexterity doesn’t really protect you from physics. I rushed toward the west end of the field. Popper and Alice had stopped, and they faced the cornered group of chinchillas. They smartly held back.

Fifty meters closer, I tried my spell again. I targeted and cast, and this time I was rewarded with the tell-tale crack of the sky rending open.

The chinchillas screeched at the sound and rushed forward, charging Popper and Alice.

I managed only to catch a couple of them in the spell. The spell had cast in an odd pattern this time, shaped along the wall of the arena. It seemed the crowd was protected from magical attacks.

Alice reared up on her hind legs, making the hippocorn frighteningly large. The hippo roared, lion-like. Popper launched off her, landing on his back in the grass.

No, no, no. I saw what was about to happen.

Multiple chinchillas sprayed at once, catching Alice in the belly. She crumpled, landing on her side. Popper recovered and rushed to her, sliding up behind her, using her as a barrier.

I caught up and dove into the grass, also using Alice’s bulk as protection.

“It hurts, oh gods, Popper. It burns. It really burns!”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Popper said, crying. He’d dropped his axe and clutched onto her side, tears streaming. “Alice!”

“Popper! Popper!” Alice called, trying to get up. “They’re coming. Oh no, no, not…”

Alice did not finish. Her body shuddered.

Pet Hippocorn Callous Alice the Death Malice (Level 8) has left the game.

Damnit. On the map, it looked like we had ten chinchillas just on the other side. At any moment, they’d remember there were more of us.

Popper screamed, enraged. He scooped his axe up.

Alice’s body sizzled, like bacon in a pan. The deafening roar of the crowd shook the ground. Humans, dwarves, half-ogres, and so many others were just a few meters away, pumping their arms in the air, screaming their delight at the carnage as they watched the hippocorn melt.

“Okay,” I said. “You go to the right, and I’ll—”

I stopped. Popper wasn’t listening. His entire body vibrated, like he was having a seizure. His knuckles were white as they clutched the small battle axe.

“Popper?”

Popper burst into flames. Bright, blue flames. His body radiated heat so intense, I had to crab walk back. The grass all around him turned black.

“Dude, what the fuck?”

He leapt over Alice’s still-dissolving body, screaming.

I pulled my urumi, leaping to my feet, scrambling to catch up.

He’d become a demon, fighting with furious speed and intensity, bringing his axe down on the chinchillas, cutting them down, one after another. His entire body, axe and all, continued to burn as he screeched. I did not approach. I did not know what was happening, but the dead look in Popper’s eyes warned me to stay away.

It was the very last one that got him.

Popper turned in his spot, panting like some beast, searching for targets. A single chinchilla remained, small, cowering. Popper shouted and held the battle axe over his head, ready to obliterate the creature as he charged forward.

It reared up and sprayed just as the axe fell.

Popper screamed. I screamed. The blue flames whiffed out. The chinchilla was dead. Popper melted before my eyes, turning into a pink and white bubbling mess in a matter of seconds.

Player Poppy (Level 11, Barbarian, Human) has left the game.

The stadium trembled with the crowd’s approval.

Gretchen limped up next to me. I startled at the sight of her. She collapsed into my arms. Her clothes were gone. Her left arm was gone. The entire left side of her face was half-melted away. I couldn’t believe she was still alive.

I poured a healing potion down her throat. She arched her back and screamed as she healed. I eased her to the grass where she sat on all fours, sucking air.

“My clamshell mastery ability kicked in,” she gasped. “They almost got me.”

I had forgotten about that ability. It had last activated when we’d blown up the demon of Icardi with the holy wine. It allowed her a 50% chance to survive a lethal blow with just a breath of life left and made her invulnerable for five seconds.

“Did we get them all?” she asked.

I sat heavily in the grass next to her. “We did. We made it to the final round.”

“Yay,” she squeaked.

***

“Okay, so we’re either facing the pazuzu or whatever a gorcupine is,” Gretchen said. She’d recovered, but she didn’t have any clothes. She wore nothing but the female version of the loincloth, covering her crotch and chest. She didn’t even have boots. The only part of her clothing she’d retained was the watch, which was apparently indestructible. The chain dangled out the band of her pants. With her spear, she looked like a cavewoman.

I still had the cloak we’d looted from the brigand, and I gave it to her from my pack. I’d stopped wearing mine once I got the urumi. It simply wasn’t practical to wear the equivalent of a cape while I spun flaming blades around myself like a fire dancer. It would be form-fitting armor for me from now on.

“Did you see Popper? He caught on fire!”

Gretchen nodded. “He went berserk. It’s a barbarian thing. It’s a temporary bonus. It makes him deadlier, though more vulnerable. He can’t control it, either. So if it happens again, stay away from him, let him do his thing. He’s just as likely to chop you up as an enemy. It’s very similar to you getting enraged, but much more intense.”

I refilled my potion stash, and Gretchen tucked a pair of healing potions into her loincloth. It’s all she could carry.

“Without Popper, I’m not too keen on our chances,” I said.

Popper and Alice had reappeared a few minutes earlier. They were both outside the stadium, having resurrected at The Piglet’s Delight. He and Alice were on their way back to us. He would be allowed into the gladiator hall, but not onto the field.

Gretchen tied the cloak around her neck. She looked a bit ridiculous, but it would give her some warmth and protection. The cloaks didn’t have pockets, so she couldn’t carry any additional potions. “So, I don’t know what a gorcupine is. A pazuzu is a flying demon. They are like flying centaurs, but instead of them being half-horse, they’re half-scorpion. Add sharp teeth, the ability to paralyze someone, and massive bat wings.”

I pulled out my second urumi, the four-bladed, ogre-sized one I’d used to defeat Dwand. I had planned on switching it out with one with a better hilt, but I’d never gotten the chance. I experimented with cinching it around my waist, on top of Triple Fang. It didn’t fit correctly, being too wide. I pulled Triple Fang and did it the other way around. If I wore the four-bladed belt first, it fit much better.

The screen declared the final match just as Popper and Alice came in. “Sorry, guys,” Popper said, plopping down on the bench. He’d also lost all of his clothes in the fight with the exception of the watch and the one-horned helmet, which had somehow survived. He still had his axe, Falcon Bane, but it had been damaged. He’d have to get the handle repaired before he could use it again. He rummaged through his bag and pulled out his old dress, the one with the bloody hole in the chest and back from when we’d first met Alice.

Alice sat on the floor, quiet. The large creature appeared to have been shaken by the previous bout.

We looked at the screen.

Final Round!

Gretchen and Jonah versus The Gorcupine Three.

Round 4.

We walked to our starting circle, not talking.

The defeated pazuzu remained where they’d fallen, scattered around the stadium. All three were covered in tan and black porcupine quills. Hundreds of the meter-long spikes entombed the black, scorpion-tailed demons, making it difficult to discern what they actually looked like.

I noticed Alice’s and Popper’s remains had been removed.

“So, a gorcupine is a giant porcupine then?” I asked. Weren’t porcupines also rodents? Great, my sword was going to be pissed.

“It looks like it,” Gretchen said. “I don’t think real porcupines can actually shoot their quills. It’s just when you get close that they impale you. I have no idea if these things are the same.”

“So what does the ‘G’ part of their name mean?” I wondered. “Like gore maybe?”

Gretchen nodded at the container being dragged onto the field. It was identical to the one the chinchillas had been held in. “We’re about to find out.”

The crowd was chanting something, but I couldn’t figure out what they were saying.

“I think they’re saying Bingo,” Gretchen said.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Maybe it’s the name of one of the gorcupines.”

Match begins in 3, 2, 1.

I pulled Triple Fang and held it at the ready. The container door dropped.

Gorilla. The ‘gor’ part stood for gorilla.

I gaped at the monster. Just one came out of the container, but two more skulked behind it, holding back. This was Bingo. The creature raised its giant, muscular arms to the crowd, circling and waving. The crowd screamed, chanting the beast’s name. I sensed this monster was a local favorite, and I could immediately see it was intelligent.

Bingo was a half-gorilla, half-porcupine behemoth. He had to weigh at least 800 pounds. His black and tan quills gleamed in the late afternoon sun. The two other gorcupines loped out of the container, coming to either side of Bingo. They kept their heads down in deference. These two were much smaller than the alpha, though still huge compared to us. The two subordinate gorillas would glance up, bare their fangs, and then look away, as if they were embarrassed to make eye contact with us.

Bingo looked at us and pointed.

“Just two of you?” he called from across the arena. He had a deep, male voice that cut through the background. His fists were like wrecking balls. These would be formidable monsters without the quills. With them, they were something straight out of a nightmare.

“Yes,” I called. I had to shout to be heard. “Our third was killed last round.”

“Hardly seems fair,” Bingo said. He turned to the gorcupine on his left, grabbed it by the head, and twisted, all in a quick, fluid motion. The gorcupine didn’t have time to react or cry out. The monster collapsed in a heap, dead.

“Now it’s fair,” Bingo said. He bowed to us. “Now, brother and sister, you die.”

He beat his chest and fell forward, standing on all fours. He raised his quills, peacock-like. He roared, loud, angry, and terrifying. I felt a tingle wash through my body. The monster had cast a spell with his roar.

Fear spell is ineffective.

Joke’s on you, asshole, I thought. I don’t need a spell to make me terrified. My hands shook. My heart thrashed, a drum pounding against the wall of my chest.

Gretchen and I stood our ground. We couldn’t outrun these guys. We’d have to face them head on. I spun up my blades, weaving a figure eight.

They charged. Bingo came directly at me, roaring. The other bounded at Gretchen.

I realized, belatedly, that while the Fear spell was ineffective against me, it had worked as intended on Gretchen. She wasn’t holding her ground. She was paralyzed with fear. She trembled and cried, clutching her spear uncertainly.

They crossed the distance in seconds. I jumped, twisting away at the last moment, like a bullfighter. Quills went flying as they were severed off Bingo’s body by my blades. They were hard as steel and whistled through the air like shrapnel.

The gorilla charging Gretchen rolled into a ball at the last moment, anticipating her ineffective feint. Her spear flew home into the monster’s shoulder as he bowled over her. The spear snapped in half as it sunk deeper into the gorcupine as it rolled. It howled with pain, coming to a stop on its stomach.

Gretchen laid twitching on the ground, at least 100 quills piercing her body. White foam billowed out of her mouth. My eyes met hers, a look of utter pain and terror in her eyes.

Player Gretchen (Level 12, Hunter, Human) has left the game.

Bingo growled with frustration. He overshot me, stopping in a cloud of dirt and grass. He pulled himself up to his full height and beat his chest, roaring.

The second gorcupine attempted to rise to its feet, but I rushed forward, snapping its neck with my blades. It died instantly.

Yesss, this is good.

This is worthy.

We are pleased, master. A meal for us. More, we need more.

All alone, I turned to face the monster. My hand brushed the hilt of the second, four-bladed urumi I also wore around my waist.

Why the hell not? I unfurled the blade with my left hand. It did not catch on fire. I started weaving Triple Fang in the air. Clutching the large hilt extra tight, I added the four additional blades to the mix. The three flaming blades, spinning in concert with the four silver ones created a dazzling, unexpected light show.

Achievement unlocked! Dual wield a weapon.

You have discovered the Mastery ability to cast Hypnotize.

Christ. I should’ve dual wielded when I fought Dwand.

Bingo charged. I didn’t have time to cast my new spell.

Instead of spinning away, I leapt into the air, helicoptering my blades as I spun. Pain flashed as Bingo reached up to grab me. His enormous hand grasped both of my legs, plucking me out of midair. I felt dozens of needles penetrate me as I bounced off the beast’s back.

I hit the ground and rolled, burning my arm on my own blades. I clicked off Enflame before I would catch on fire.

You’ve been poisoned!

Damage taken! Damage taken!

Not again. With excruciating effort, I grasped a healing potion and an antidote. I felt and looked like a voodoo doll. I did not know where Bingo was. I took the healing potion first. I didn’t know if the quills would continue to poison me as long as they were stuck in my body.

You have been healed! Heal potions do not cure poison!

Damage taken! Damage taken!

The quills pushed out of my body, each a glistening javelin. I felt myself rapidly weakening. I downed the antidote.

You have been cured of poison!

Achievement unlocked! Cure yourself of poison.

I pulled myself to my feet. The crowd had grown unusually silent. I needed to take another healing potion, but I thought maybe I should save it. I looked around for Bingo.

He laid on his side in a darkening pool of blood. His right arm, the one that had grabbed me in midair, was gone at the elbow. He bled from dozens of spots.

“You have defeated me,” he said. “I have fought in this arena every day for thousands of years. It’s not always the same monsters I faced, but I always won. Today, I taste defeat for the first time. I bow to you, great Jonah.”

Bingo closed his eyes, like he was going to sleep.

This was a good battle.

We drank a warrior’s blood today.

We are satisfied for now.

Chapter 37

You have gained a level! You have received a training token.

You have gained a level! You have received a training token.

You have gained a level! You have received a training token.

You are now level 25.

“Whatever,” I muttered. I stood, alone in the arena as the crowd cheered my name.

To my surprise, coins started flying from the crowd, piling up in the field, tinkling as they fell. A group of rodders appeared, each with a big sack and started scooping up the jacks.

I didn’t know what to do next. Gretchen wouldn’t reappear for several minutes. The crowd roared louder, and I saw Popper come out, riding the back of Alice. He waved sheepishly as they came to stand beside me.

“I went up four levels,” Popper said. “Alice went up five. I’m 15 now, and she’s 13.”

I patted Alice on the head. “I’m sorry you got hurt.”

“It hurt really bad,” she said. “I don’t like chinchillas.”

A rodder and a familiar seagull approached. The rodder was the attendant who had checked us in, and the seagull was Larus, the envoy to the king who had fled the battle with the angel horror.

“Congratulations, Your Majesty,” Larus said, bowing formally. I detected a hint of anger in his voice.

“Larus,” I said. “I’m glad to see you survived.”

“You are not supposed to be here,” the bird said. “It is not correct for royalty to fight in the tournament. What if you had been killed? As envoy, I am responsible for you. You should have gone straight to the steward and declared yourself. And now by winning you are obligated to fight the king. It is a logistical nightmare.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, I’m not the one going to fight the king. My companion Gretchen will do the honors.”

“Oh no,” the rodder said. “You may fight with your companions, but if you choose one-on-one, it must be the chosen fighter and the king.”

“We choose Gretchen,” I said.

“You don’t get to choose who the chosen is.” He waved his arm at the arena. “They choose, and it’s clear who their chosen is. But first you must decide. Will it be one-on-one or three-on-three?”

Shit. “How about none-on-none, then? What if I don’t wish to fight the king?”

The rodder laughed as if I had told a joke. “You may surrender, of course. But the king will be obligated to behead you before the kingdom.” The mouse creature shrugged. “It’s just the way things are. It’s all in the contract you signed.”

“Listen,” Popper said. “There is no way King Jonah is going to fight King Bartholomew. It’s simply not going to happen.”

New Quest! Tournament Battle.

This is a party quest! This is a compulsory quest!

You and two of your party have been challenged to a five-minute arena battle with King Bartholomew. The battle will commence in exactly 48 hours. If you are not at the Harmony Coliseum at the prescribed time, you will be teleported to the arena. If you are logged out at the prescribed time, you will fight the battle in autopilot.

Reward for surviving for five minutes: (unknown).

Penalty for losing: death. If your performance is satisfactory to King Bartholomew, he may bestow a boon upon you.

This quest is rated mastery difficulty.

“Whose idea was this again?” I asked.

“Hey, we hadn’t decided on one-on-one or three-on-three yet!” Popper said.

“You took too long,” the rodder said. “We chose for you.”

I closed my eyes, a shudder coming over me. I felt so stupid. I had insisted on fighting in this tournament with Gretchen. I should have known something like this would happen. I’d been so blinded by my anger that I’d entered without fully anticipating the consequences.

“We’ll figure something out,” Popper said.

I already knew I wouldn’t mentally survive another visit to the Lake. Not 25 minutes, not 25 hours. Even if I held on and refrained from jettisoning myself into the sanitarium, I’d come out comatose, and not just for a week this time. It’d taken me days to physically recover from my last visit. Mentally, I already knew I would never recover. Again? There was no way.

The only thing that offered a glimmer of hope was the timer. Five minutes. It wasn’t that long, was it?

***

We met with Gretchen back at the inn. She’d gained four levels, putting her at level 16.

“That didn’t go as planned,” she said.

“There’s more,” I said. “We have to be at the palace in two hours. We’re having a formal state dinner.”

“We get to go into the palace?” Gretchen said, eyes wide. She lifted her shredded cloak, the only thing she was wearing. “We need to go shopping.”

“The good thing is, we can afford it now,” Popper said, patting his purse. After the match, the rodder had given us a sack of jacks.

“It’s about 45,000 jacks,” the rodder had said. “That’s what’s left after the administration fee, the collection fee, taxes on tournament winnings, tip for the union, etcetera and so forth.”

I hadn’t wanted to ask how much it was originally.

The plan was to buy clothes, go to the dinner, meet the king, and try to talk him out of making me fight. I had an idea, a possible way to get everything we came for without putting myself in additional danger. Afterwards, we’d leave the city and find a place to settle while we built up our levels, some place where Daniels wouldn’t be able to find us and where there were little to no undead. The most obvious choice was to go north and find one of the floating nomad cities of the moon aurics. Gretchen seemed to think they’d take us in, especially if we had money. Another possibility, a last resort, was one of the underwater cities. Popper wouldn’t be able to join us, but I would be safe.

Most of the businesses were closing for the day, but we found a small shop specializing in formal wear. We had so much we needed to buy. New clothes, armor, and a weapon for Gretchen. We needed to refill our potions. Popper needed clothes and to either repair his axe or get a new one. He wanted to see if there was armor for Alice as well. That would all have to wait until tomorrow.

Gretchen found a sleek, shimmering dress that glowed with a color enchantment. The hue changed with the background, making her stand out wherever she was. She looked absolutely stunning in it. For Popper, they only had a handful of dresses and some pant and shirt sets. He picked a pink dress similar to the one he’d been wearing. He bought three more, all identical, just in case.

“It’s my trademark now,” he said. “You can’t just give up on your trademark. My people are expecting me to wear it.”

“Your people?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You saw that crowd. They loved me!”

I found something I’d always wanted to wear in public: a simple, honest-to-goodness tuxedo. I had a memory, of me finding my father’s old tux in his closet, much too large for me. I’d put it on one day when I was the only one home. My dad wasn’t a small guy, not slight of frame like I was, and I’d practically drowned in it. Still, I’d pulled up a video on how to tie a bowtie and taught myself, promising I’d one day wear one these in real life, and I’d pass. Not only would I pass, but I’d look damn good. I wiped away a tear, remembering. Looking at myself now in the mirror, it was everything I had ever hoped. Though I wished I could shave or get a haircut.

“You can get your hair done,” Gretchen said when I mentioned this last part. “The process is a little different than in the real world, but they have barbers and salons here. I’m not sure about shaving, but they probably do that, too.”

“Should I wear my sword with the tuxedo?”

“No,” Gretchen said. “And they’ll take our bags, too, I think.”

We passed a big street, filled with guild halls. At the end, twin churches stood facing each other. They were both black churches of Tharon.

“This is somewhere else we need to go,” Gretchen said. “All the class guilds are on this street. There will be both a hunter and barbarian guild.” She pointed to a black and purple building, glowing oddly in the dark. She sighed. “That’s the harbinger guild. I can’t tell you how many hours I spent in there.”

I had 29 training tokens. I could spend 20 to raise my base magic ability to seven (plus one with the watch and another one when I had Triple Fang in my hands), which would top me out at 45 mystic points. I would need to somehow get six more mystic points to be able to start casting the big spells. I could borrow Gretchen’s watch again, bringing me to 50, but I didn’t want to do this by putting her at a disadvantage.

Alternatively, I could see if I could find more magic items to raise my stats and use my training tokens on skills. But what skills? My urumi level was too high to train at a guild any more. I was raising my cartography slowly and steadily on my own. I’d like to raise it, but it seemed like a waste. I could maybe try to learn runecraft, so we could buy portal spells and not have to rely on Alice for travel. But would 29 tokens be enough? Probably not, I decided.

I needed to focus on leveling up, on getting more tokens.

We passed a familiar-looking shop. I paused, bringing Jenny to a stop in front of the door, peering at the small symbol etched there. “This is an alchemist shop, identical to the one in Valisa,” I said. The same black chickens hung by their feet by the door. They tinkled as I stood there. Within, the same wailing as before echoed. “It’s like the exact same shop.”

“It probably is the same shop,” Gretchen said. “The emo-tong are a peculiar race, and alchemists are a strange class. Mix those two together, and you have all sorts of weirdness.”

“Shit. Like the same, same shop with the same two guys inside? Do you think we could’ve had them teleport us here?”

“They probably could do it. I doubt they would.”

“I wouldn’t have done it without Alice anyway,” Popper said. “She wouldn’t fit through that door.”

“Yeah,” Alice said.

I had an overwhelming urge to go into the shop. Still, I stayed back. We didn’t have time. Tomorrow, I decided.

“Hey, Jonah, look,” Popper said, pointing at a sign as we approached the castle. “It’s your friends.”

Warning! Do not swim! Lethal Piranha.

You will die. It will hurt the entire time you’re dying.

“Oh shut up,” I said. We crossed the long, wide bridge over the moat. The lights of the piranhas, darting back and forth in large schools, twinkled in the night. On my mini-map, I could see thousands of them in the moat.

A pair of white jackets stood guard at the entrance, and they let us through without so much as a word. We were to find the office of the lord high steward to officially declare ourselves, whatever that meant. We’d meet Larus there, and he’d bring us to the dinner, formally introducing us.

The sprawling royal stables, just past the first wall, were filled with rows of majestic horses and other mounts. We dismounted and led our mounts inside, looking at the menagerie with wonder. I saw a rhinoceros, a few bears, and something that looked like a giant iguana. Near the entrance in the largest stalls stood a pair of unicorns. Alice gasped, hopping up and down on her front legs with excitement. “Unicorns,” she whispered to Popper. “There are unicorns!”

She bounded up to the first unicorn and said, “Hi, I’m Alice! What’s your name?”

The white horse with the flowing purple mane looked at Alice as if she was something stuck to the bottom of her hoof. She turned to the other unicorn and said, “If they’re letting her in here, I’m going to file a formal complaint.”

The look of devastation on the hippo’s face was utterly heartbreaking. But the expression was quickly replaced with anger. “Bitch, I will cut you—”

“Now, now,” the stable master said, rushing up. He was a dwarf with a kind face. He put his hand on Alice’s side. “Don’t mind them. We haven’t had a hippocorn here in ages. You’re a lovely lady, you are. I have the perfect stall for you right over here. Do you want your donkey friends with you or in another stall?”

“With me,” Alice sniffed as the two unicorns giggled.

“Of course she’s friends with donkeys,” one of the unicorns said in a stage whisper.

We left, seeking out the steward’s office. The castle was set up in rings, and after asking a rodder for directions, she led us outside, and then in again to the second ring, past a second moat and second set of guards. This moat had a different color fish within, presumably something even more dangerous. The steward’s office was at the end of a stone hallway with periodic arrow slits. There was no way we’d have found it on our own.

“This way, this way,” the rodder said, leading us.

“Weird, my mini-map doesn’t work in here,” Gretchen said. “There must be a spell.”

“What?” I said, looking at my map. “Mine works.” White dots moved about around us. There were many fewer people in this second ring.

“That’s odd,” Gretchen said. “Maybe it has something to do with your cartography skill.”

“The royal cartographer went missing a while back,” the rodder said. “Sandra the Learnt. She was kidnapped while she visited her family in the countryside. The crown has put up a large reward for rescuing her, but nobody has found her yet. Without her guidance, the magic mapping system is down. The obelisks have gone offline.”

Gretchen stopped dead in the hall.

“Holy shit,” Popper said. “Do we know where she was taken?”

The rodder looked back and forth nervously. “I shouldn’t have spoken out of turn. I am nothing but a cleaning servant. All I know is she is over the ocean somewhere.”

“Wait,” I said. “So fast travel doesn’t work because this woman was kidnapped?”

“It’s yet another world event,” Gretchen said. “It has to be. Someone will need to find her, and fast travel will get back online. If this had happened while the game was active, it’d probably be a quick quest, just for two or three days. But now…”

“What a pain,” I said. “What other events are out there?”

“Who knows,” Gretchen said. “The news and the forums are probably offline because of where we are. The whole sensation settings being maxed out is likely due to some stasis settings. That leaves fast travel and our maps being turned off and PVP being turned on. That’s probably the result of some world event also.”

“What is PVP anyway?”

“Player versus player. PVP used to be only allowed in designated areas, usually forests and arenas. But now it’s on everywhere. Before, if you tried to stab me in the city, your sword would go right through me. It wouldn’t work. That’s a bit of a weird one because it doesn’t seem like something they’d program in, even for a world event.”

“I bet it’s not an event,” I said. “I bet it’s like the sensation settings. It has something to do with them using the game to keep our brains from frying.”

“Hmm,” Gretchen said. “Maybe you’re right. Anyway, after we figure this out, maybe we should look into finding this Sandra the Learnt. Being able to zap our way across the world will make everything a lot easier.”

The rodder showed us the door to the lord high steward’s office, bowed, and rushed off.

The office was a simple, but large, windowless room with a plain desk, dozens of filing cabinets, and an odd row of tubes hanging from the ceiling. A dead plant sat in one corner. The room was lit with what appeared to be a magic lamp hanging from the ceiling. A round staircase led upwards into darkness. The entire office was covered in dust. It looked as if no one had been in here in years.

I was just about to call the rodder back when Larus hopped in the door, leaping up and landing on the desk in a puff of dust. The bird coughed a few times before settling. His plumed and spiked helmet was gone, replaced with a golden beret. He wore a black bow tie around his neck.

“Your Majesty, there you are,” Larus said. “The lord high steward sends his regards. He will meet us at the dinner later. He asked me to deal with the paperwork before we go to the feast.”

I looked around the dusty room. “The steward doesn’t appear to use his office very often.”

“This is true,” Larus said. I detected a hint of anger at that. “Nor does he choose to live in the generous quarters above, choosing instead to live within the city. But he is still new to his job, just getting started, really. With the chancellor gone, he must pull double duty as well. The day-to-day operations of the kingdom are difficult work for a man such as him.”

Larus fluttered over to a cabinet, struggling to open it with his wing. It clanged open after some effort, and he pulled a paper with his beak and placed it on the desk.

“Oh dear, I don’t have a pen.”

“I do,” I said, rummaging through my bag.

“Sign this,” Larus said. “This is you declaring yourself a representative from a sovereign nation, here with no ill will toward the crown.”

I looked down at the moldy paper. It said exactly what Larus had read. I shrugged and signed.

System Message> The Flounder Empire has signed a one-year non-aggression treaty with the Dominion.

You may negate this treaty at any time by visiting the Royal Factions tab. Warning: negating treaties before their expiration may result in a negative standing change.

Royal Factions? I looked in my menu, searching. I didn’t remember seeing anything like that before, and I’d spent hours combing through the menus. I pulled up help, using the search function I’d learned about while I was at the Lake and searched “Royal Factions.” The system replied with a link tree.

Well no wonder, I thought. It was under theMemberships and Guilds heading. The Guilds subsection was accessible, but Memberships was, and always had been, grayed out. I mentally clicked on the link, and I was surprised to see a whole menu with options pop up. Several pages of information were available.

“Excellent,” Larus said. “Now follow me.”

I closed the menu. I’d have to catch up later. We followed Larus out the second ring and into the third. Gretchen said hardly anyone ever went into this third section of the castle, and as far as she knew, nobody had ever gone into the main fourth section, the personal home of King Bartholomew. People had tried for years to break in but never got close.

A half-ogre in a tuxedo took our bags, promising they would be safe. I felt naked without access to my weapons. It was just about 7:30. Assuming the party wasn’t a complete dud, my curse would cycle while I was here. Gretchen said it would be okay. Our safe passage was guaranteed by the king. Even if something did attack, the guards would take care of it.

“Okay, stay here,” Larus said as we stopped at a massive pair of brass double doors. The game logo was etched onto the doors, which stood fifteen feet high. The buzz of talking and laughing and violin music emanated from within. “Come in when I call you.”

A few moments later, the violin stopped and Larus’s voice boomed. “Lords and Ladies, I present His Royal Majesty Flounder King Jonah, his lovely wife, Gretchen, and their child, the honored Warrior Princess Poppy.”

Gretchen and I burst out laughing.

“You know what, you guys can go screw yourselves,” Popper grumbled as we walked into the room. About fifty people filled the opulent ballroom, looking at us with interest. Almost all were human, but I noticed a pair of emo-tong and a couple dwarves. The guards were all texugo and human, and the servants were all half-ogres in tuxedos. I noticed a second seagull flying in lazy circles around the ceiling, keeping an eye on things. The music resumed after we entered the room.

“When the dinner bell rings, a server will show you to your place,” Larus said. “The king will meet you at dinner.” He fluttered off, landing on a balcony and disappearing.

Eight chandeliers floated magically along the ceiling, casting golden light on the room. A fireplace the size of my cabin in Icardi blazed happily at one end. In the corner, I startled at the sight of a four-armed, blue-skinned naga coiled on a dais, playing the violin. I checked my mini-map to make sure her dot was white. It was.

I stepped onto the first carpet I’d seen since we’d come to this virtual world. It was white and gold, and I had the urge to take off my new shoes and allow my bare feet to sink in.

We’d dressed appropriately for the event. Most of the men wore tuxedos, and most of the women wore glittery dresses. I could feel several pairs of eyes on us. At any moment, one of them would swoop in and engage us.

A little boy of about six ran up to Popper.

“I’m Randy,” he said. “You’re the only other kid here, so we have to be friends.”

“Go play now, Princess Poppy,” Gretchen called. He flipped her the bird as the little boy led him away.

I noticed the curved ceiling was decorated with a mosaic battle scene, an immense display portraying a group of horsemen doing battle with what appeared to be green-hued orangutans in plate armor. The orangutans rode beetles and spiders. Three needle-like towers stood over the battle. All three towers burned.

A woman was suddenly beside me, her slim neck upturned, also admiring the ceiling. “I have never been to Castellane,” she said. “I hear the battles continue to rage to this day. Have you been, Your Majesty?”

I regarded the woman. She was tall, but not quite Gretchen’s height. Her pale, almost ivory skin seemed just a little too white. I guessed her to be about 40 years old. The barest hints of wrinkles at the corners of her eyes betrayed her age. She had pouty lips and light red hair. Everything about the woman was a light pastel in color from her dress to her eyes to her skin. Her ears had an odd shape, betraying her to be a half-auric. She had a slight Russian accent to her musical voice.

“I have not,” I said. “I don’t get to do much traveling.”

She laughed, though I wasn’t sure what the joke was. She held out her hand, palm down. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do there, so I took it and shook it awkwardly. She betrayed nothing so I had no idea if I did it right or not. Her hand was rough and callused. This was not a woman who spent most of her time in pretty dresses.

“I am Keta,” she said. The name sounded familiar. It came to me in a flash.

“Keta,” I said. “Isn’t that a type of fish?” I remembered the name from the long list of summonable fish.

Her eyes betrayed just the slightest hint of surprise. “Why yes, Your Majesty. My family makes their living harvesting the keta. They are a type of meaty salmon.” She paused. “But of course you would know this. You are, after all, the Flounder King.”

I smiled. “So what brings you to the court of King Bartholomew?”

“I am his chief magic advisor,” she said. “I came to Harmony as a small girl to study at the guild of the harbinger, but I soon found my true calling at the mage guild. I am an earth mage.”

I had no idea what that meant. I remembered the mayor of Valisa was a water mage, but I hadn’t really learned what the differences between the mage classes were. Earth mage sounded a lot like what a druid was.

“Magic? Really? I am not too skilled in the ways of magic,” I said. We walked deeper into the crowd. Gretchen winked at me from several paces away. Two men and a dwarf were attempting to foist drinks on her. I silently prayed that if she did drink, it wouldn’t be to excess.

“I heard you have some skill with the Ice Storm spell, if the tales from today’s coliseum battle are true. It’s not every day I meet someone who has bested Bingo in battle.”

Keta and I talked for what seemed like an hour, her explaining the ins and outs of her duties, which was more of a security position than anything. The magic advisor made sure the castle was free of magic attacks and was the liaison between the king and the magic guilds. She hinted at additional, more shadowy type responsibilities, but I didn’t press.

We came to the far wall with the massive hearth. Above the fireplace were fifteen portraits, all in a row. I examined them.

“The 15 monarchs before the unification,” Keta said, waving. She pointed to the third from last, indicating an angry-looking bearded man. It was only one of four that were human. “I imagine you will recognize this one.”

Thankfully, they were each labeled. The angry man was King Nisava of the Flounder Empire. He wore a simple circlet of shells. The third picture was of Yi’s grandfather, the Great Munju of the Moon Auric. The light-skinned female auric in the next picture, Queen Bluesky of the Auric, looked to be his opposite. The only other name I recognized was King Freedman the dwarf, whose actions had set in motion the building of the clock tower in Icardi. The very last portrait was a green orangutan, like the ones on the ceiling. It was labeled Chief Ichichi of the Hobgoblin Riot.

So that’s what a hobgoblin is. They were basically larger, meaner versions of the more docile goblins.

A bell chimed, and a set of doors on the far wall opened. Multiple half-ogres in tuxedos streamed out. A sing-song voice called, “Dinner is served.”

“Until next time, Your Majesty,” Keta said, bowing gracefully. She disappeared into the crowd.

A half-ogre approached with Gretchen and Popper in tow. Popper did not look amused. “I don’t know how anyone can stand being a child,” he said. “That kid is the son of some duke. He wouldn’t shut up about his knight miniatures collection. Some other kid had stolen one yesterday. I narrowly avoided a quest to get it back.”

We were led to three seats near the head of the table. I would sit immediately to the left of the king. Popper sat next to me and then Gretchen. Across from me and Popper were empty chairs, but Keta sat directly opposite of Gretchen. She introduced herself, and they started talking across the wide table.

Appetizers were spread out on the table, brought by more half-ogres. A plate of glistening, green and purple grapes was placed in front of me. I grabbed one and tried it. Delicious. I closed my eyes, savoring the familiar fruit.

I heard Larus’s voice call out. “I present to you acting chancellor and Lord High Steward Phillipe of the house of Daniels.”

My blood ran cold.

I watched as the architect of my torture, LPE Daniels, strolled across the room and took a seat directly across from Popper. He nodded curtly to Keta, and then turned to me.

“King Jonah!” he exclaimed, as if he just noticed me. “It is amazing to see you here.”

Chapter 38

If I had my urumi, I would have launched across the table and ended him right then and there. Though I knew it would be pointless. And stupid. He would regenerate in minutes, and after the guards reacted, I would spend the next 25 hours hanging out with Weed and Mama Reaver.

Gretchen realized who this was before Popper. She leapt to her feet.

“Sit,” I said. “Please.”

Popper, a look of dawning realization on his face, also jumped to his feet. Daniels grinned and leaned back in his chair. He popped a grape in his mouth. “And this must be Gretchen and Poppy.” He regarded Popper. “That’s tough luck, mate. Cute dress, though. I’m glad to see you embracing your situation. And I thought being a lobotomized blackjack dealer was bad.”

Keta looked back and forth between Daniels and us. “Have you met before?”

Daniels ignored her. “Oh sit down, you’re making a spectacle of yourselves. You’re not in any danger here in the castle. You’re under the king’s protection, after all.” He grabbed another grape and sliced a thick hunk of cheese off a block with a dull knife. “Besides, you three geniuses put yourselves in an impossible situation.” He pointed the cheese knife at me. “Your Majesty over here is going to die in battle the day after tomorrow. You know the king is immortal, right? He can’t be killed. Jonah will return to the Lake, and while he’s there, I will have you two,” He pointed his knife at Gretchen and Popper in turn, “all to myself.”

“Why don’t you come try it now, fuck face,” Popper growled. He reached into the depths of his dress, where I knew he still kept his knife, Dolly Trauma.

“That would be inadvisable,” Daniels said. “The white jackets might spear you before Keta here turns you into a pile of char, but I doubt it.”

I trembled, unsure of what to do or say.

Larus’s voice boomed out once again. “His royal highness, bearer of the gold and white crown, champion of the Dominion, and benevolent, rightful ruler of all the light has ever graced, His Majesty King Bartholomew!”

We stood then bowed as the king entered the room.

The man did not look like a king. He had an oddly familiar face, like I’d seen him before on television a lifetime before. He was thin, about 55 if I to guess, and he wore a simple pair of pants and a button-up shirt. His sandy hair looked as if he’d attempted to cut it himself, and he wore an unimposing gold crown with white jewels. He looked more like an accountant than a king.

He shook my hand before he sat. I noted the softness to this man’s hands compared to Keta’s. He patted the head of Popper and took Gretchen’s palm and kissed it gently before taking his seat at the head of the table.

“My wife, unfortunately, can’t be here tonight,” he said, indicating the empty seat directly across from me. “She was delayed during the unfortunate angel horror attack on our esteemed guest.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said. “I didn’t realize the queen had been present during the fight.”

The king smiled. He had an oddly-sad face, like he was permanently worried about something. “Larissa does not go by the title of Queen. She much prefers her working title, Captain of the Guard.”

“I see,” I said. I’d watched her body fall off the zombie drake and into the ocean below. It was her dragon that had almost killed all of us.

“She won’t return for a few days,” the king said. “So I fear she won’t be joining us for our friendly skirmish in the coliseum.”

“Uh, that’s too bad,” I said. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that.”

He waved his hand. Servers appeared from all directions, placing bowls in front of us. It looked to be a steaming bowl of clam chowder, with the little tips of the clams sticking out of the white broth. A wine glass was placed next to me, and a strong-scented white wine was poured generously into the glass. Popper received what looked like a pineapple with a straw in it.

The king had an odd manner. He did not look you in the eye, and he rocked back and forth in his seat. Daniels leaned over and whispered something in his ear. The king nodded eagerly.

“Is this the same king it’s always been?” I whispered to Popper.

“Oh, you wouldn’t know, would you? It’s Bart Hughes. He was a pretty famous programmer and game designer. The mobile Dominion of Blades game was his design. He died in a plane accident just before they launched the VR world. They made him king to honor him. Don’t let his looks full you. He’s a badass on the battlefield.”

“No doubt you’re wondering who my champions will be,” the king said after we were done with the soup. A braised leg of lamb was the next course.

“Again, I was hoping I could offer you something. A gift, so we wouldn’t have to go through with this silly fight,” I said.

The king laughed. He gave a knowing look to Daniels. “Phillipe here will join me on the battlefield. He’s not known across the lands as a great warrior, but he is skilled with his throwing knives. He may know some magic as well. And Keta, of course, will represent the crown as well.”

“Oh shit,” Popper muttered. I saw Gretchen had turned pale.

“Your Majesty,” I began.

He held up a hand. “My advisor cautioned me that you might try to get out of this fight. Do not worry. Since the de-unification event, I have found the dominion is much more manageable. I have no desire to reunite the 15 kingdoms. Sixteen, actually if you count the Hive.” He nodded to the two emo-tong who sat halfway down the table. The bug people didn’t have plates in front of them at all. “So you needn’t fear that this is some sort of coup attempt on a visiting monarch. It is a friendly match, nothing more.”

“I do not wish to fight you. I imagine Your Majesty doesn’t wish to fight a little child, either,” I said, indicating Popper.

The king laughed, leaning back in his chair. A moment later everyone else in the room laughed as well, following his lead even though they hadn’t caught what we were talking about. “I heard of your innocent little daughter. She and her mount killed many beasts in the arena just a few short hours ago.”

My plan was to offer him my Flounder empire in exchange for some land, but it wasn’t going too well.

“Can we at least have a contest that doesn’t involve us killing each other?” I said. “I tire of these public battles.” I had no idea where I was going with this. It just popped out of my mouth.

The king leaned forward, suddenly very interested. “Now this is an intriguing idea. Tell me more, Your Majesty. What do you suggest?”

Shit. “Well,” I began.

“Your Majesty,” Daniels interrupted. “This should be discussed after dinner. Or over dessert at least.” He winked at me. I clenched my fists. What’re you up to?

“You’re right, of course,” he said. “Now King Jonah, have you heard of this burning fleet that is terrorizing its way across the ocean toward us?”

I sighed. At least I would have time to come up with something. “Not only have I heard of it, but I saw it with my own two eyes. We barely escaped Valisa.”

“Funny, I heard Valisa was spared. The fleet turned back, then passed by again a day later, ignoring the city. They seemed to dither for a while before resuming their raids. Last I heard, they are raiding Xin territory, on their way to the moon aurics. It’s presumed their ultimate destination is here.”

“Forgive me,” I said. “But it seems like your battlements are in a state of disrepair. How are you going to repel such a large fleet?”

He waved his hand. “I am told by my advisors that the walls won’t be necessary. We need to repair them, yes. But it is not a priority. The Dominion fleet can handle it.”

I exchanged a look with Gretchen. I also saw a grim expression on Keta’s face. Daniels looked annoyed.

Gretchen bowed her head. “Forgive me for asking, Your  Majesty. I wish to worship at a temple of Amity. Do you know of any in the kingdom? It seems they’ve all been replaced with Tharon temples.”

The king’s eyes went glossy for a moment. “Yes, we made an announcement about this some time ago. There’s this rector in the southern city of Grandeur who has been a little too efficient with his proselytization efforts. I do not interfere with the pantheon as a matter of policy, but I have put out an edict to capture churches back. Nevertheless, there is one church of Amity left in the city.”

“Indeed,” Daniels said, smiling. “King Jonah, I believe you may be familiar with it. The Sanatorium of the Golden Sisters? There’s a temple right in the middle of the hospital.”

So there was an Amity temple. And like the business centers, it was a trap.

“Ahh,” Gretchen said. “That makes sense.” She looked at Daniels and added, “Asshole.”

“Hey, that wasn’t me,” he said. “You can blame Smallthunder for the churches. He’s got his own little Machiavellian empire-building scheme going.”

“I don’t understand,” Popper said to Daniels. “Why are you trying to get rid of us? All we wanted to do was improve our own lives, make a difference, be a part of something. We didn’t ask for this. All we want to do is our jobs.”

Daniels sighed dramatically. “Oh, kid, look, no hard feelings, all right? I’m doing a job, too. I’m following orders, and my orders are very clear. We are to scuttle the ship. Period. The ship is as good as dead anyway, but I gotta make sure. Waldo is working overtime, trying to figure out something before the time is up, and I’m in here playing whack-a-mole. I’m sorry, but you’re a mole. You need to be whacked.”

“I still don’t understand,” Popper said. “I have a family. A wife and a daughter. They’re coming on the next ship.”

Daniels shook his head. “Dude. Don’t you get it? Why do you think they ordered us to crash our own vessel? To irradiate the surface of a perfect planet? Unless your wife and kid are from China or a NATO country, they ain’t coming. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but everyone you know has been dead for thousands of years.” He took a long drink of wine, draining his glass. “Your wife, your daughter, your son, whatever. They’re dead, dead, forgotten, and dead.”

Popper jumped to his feet, and his chair flew back, clattering to the ground. A half-ogre rushed to pick it up. “You know what? I’m glad we’re meeting in the coliseum. I am going to destroy you. I am going to devastate you. I am going to take that smug, pretty-boy face of yours, and I am going to turn it inside out, and I will wipe my ass with it.”

Daniels laughed, delighted at the outburst. “Let me guess. They recruited you right out of prison, didn’t they? What’d you do? Probably something involving your fists, if your temper is any indication.”

Popper stopped dead. “What do you know about that?”

“Oh, just a lucky guess. You’re obviously not a scientist or an engineer. That makes you either a tradesman or a straight-up laborer. Most of them were collected from the prisons.”

This entire time, the others at the table talked amongst themselves, seemingly ignoring this exchange. Both the king and Keta would occasionally open their mouths, as if to interject, but then turn away, as if they’d just forgotten what they were going to say.

“Would you look at the time,” Daniels said, pointing to a grandfather clock against the wall. “It’s almost 10 P.M. Where does time fly?”

The curse notification flashed.

The magic protection of this location negates all curse effects.

Gretchen looked at me, wide-eyed. I’d expected something to happen. Daniels obviously did. But it was nothing. It was the first time I’d ever seen my curse not be triggered.

Keta jumped to her feet. “Your majesty,” she cried. “Someone just attempted to cast an offensive spell in here.”

“Remove the king immediately!” Daniels roared, pointing at a pair of guards who rushed forward, pulling the protesting king out of the room.

We all stood, not knowing what to do. Everyone looked at each other, bewildered. I fully expected the suspicious glances to start to fall on me, but instead people started backing away from the pair of emo-tong.

“I guess you and the king won’t be able to negotiate your way out of this fight after all,” Daniels said. “That was clever, though, your idea to change the contest. It probably would have worked. That’s the thing with King Bartholomew. He’s very impressionable. The next time you see him, it’ll be on the battlefield. I best see how he’s doing.” He gave me a wink. “Until next time, pals.” He followed the king down a guarded hall.

Keta had her hand up in the air, her left palm glowing with blue light. “Whatever it was, it didn’t trigger,” she muttered. “Hmm, I can’t see where it came from.” She looked at me. “I think you were the target, not the king.”

I swallowed hard.

“Me?” I said.

“Yes,” she said. “I better escort you back to your lodgings.”

Chapter 39

Keta cast a blue Magic Protection spell after we collected our bags and were led out of the castle. A light rain started to fall, cold and biting, and the spell did nothing to stop it. I shivered in my tuxedo.

Popper hadn’t spoken since his outburst. He wept silently as we rode. I pulled Jenny beside Alice and put my hand on him, and he leaned over in the saddle, his head on my shoulder as we rode side-by-side. He sobbed.

I couldn’t begin to imagine what he was going through. It had been easy for me to leave the world behind. I had no friends, no real family, not really. He’d come with the promise he was building a new life for his wife and daughter. To lose all that? It hurt me just to think about it.

Keta rode a tan horse with an odd mane and reptilian eyes. I watched the mage travel easily through the streets. We would have to fight her in the arena. How could we possibly win? The king was immortal, she was a mage and could probably take us all out with the snap of her fingers, and Daniels was a tricky bastard who had been here a lot longer than us.

We need a plan, I thought. We are fucked without a plan.

I racked my brain. First we had to figure out a way to incapacitate or neutralize the mage, then do the same to the king. And then we had to deal with Daniels, who, even if we somehow and inexplicably won, would still come after us immediately afterwards.

The simple answer was we couldn’t win. It was impossible.

Gretchen kept her head down, keeping her face out of the rain. I remembered something she had said before, over a week back while we were still floating on Sabatina.

“We’re not the ideal party,” she’d said. “We have two hunters and a barbarian. The best three-player parties consist of a tank—that means someone who takes all the damage, a healer, and a damage dealer, usually someone who can deal with lots of monsters at once. The closer we get to that setup, the better.”

Instead of traveling all the way across town to The Piglet’s Delight, we stopped at an inn just a few blocks from the castle. The Fremont Inn was considered a fine establishment. I invited Keta to sit with us before we went up to our rooms for the night, and to my surprise, she obliged. Not only that, but she offered to buy us drinks.

As she went up to the bar to order while Popper dealt with the stable boy, I looked at Gretchen.

“I have an idea,” I said. “No time for questions. Just do what I say.”

***

“You know what?” Gretchen said, slurring her words. She grabbed for her ale but knocked it over. She pointed at Keta.

“What?” Keta said, reaching forward to wipe up the fallen beer.

We’d been sitting and talking for an hour now. The night was late, and most of the crowd was gone. Popper laid his head down on the table, a tea-like drink in front of him.

“Your face looks like the puckered asshole of a gibbon.”

“Gretchen,” I said.

“That…” Keta said, speaking slowly, an edge to her voice. Her words slurred slightly also. “That’s not a kind thing to say, Gretchen. Why would you say that? I don’t understand.”

“Kind? Why would I care about being kind to you? You are a failed harbinger. An earth mage? Ha. Isn’t that the easiest, weakest of the six paths? I’m almost embarrassed to have to fight you in battle. I won’t be one bit surprised if you blow your own foot off in the first ten seconds. How many cocks did you have to take to get your position now anyway?”

A flaming red sphere appeared in Keta’s hand. “I don’t know what your problem is, but the only reason why you’re still breathing is because I don’t want to create an international incident.” She slammed her fist down, and the sound reverberated like a cannon shot. The entire wooden table turned to ash. Our glasses fell and crashed to the floor. Keta stood, swaying slightly. She bowed to me and muttered, “Your majesty.” She stormed out of the inn.

The pub owner glared at his destroyed table. “You’re paying for that,” he said.

“What the hell was that?” Popper said to Gretchen, having been startled out of his reverie.

“Were you really in prison?” Gretchen asked.

“Wait, what’s going on?” Popper asked. “You’re sober? Can someone please fill me in on what’s happening here?”

“Apparently, there’s a plan,” Gretchen said.

***

The next day, we woke with dawn and set out on our tasks. We had much to do, and only one and a half days to complete them all. We had to split up. My first stop was a tannery where I purchased a bandolier that could hold 20 potions at one time. I purchased a second for Gretchen. I still needed to update my armor, but that would come later today or tomorrow morning.

Next, I traveled to a well-swept street just a block from the castle. I kept a wary eye out for Daniels’s telltale blue dot. Would he be following us? It would make sense that he would, if only to see what we were up to. If he saw me here it might undo everything.

Dozens of women and men of all races sat poised in the windows as I strolled through the street. A few called out to me or tapped on the glass, beckoning me inside. This street was crowded with NPCs, mostly sailors. I found the brothel I was looking for, one named The Tenderloin. The three-level, brick building stood alone on the street, not attached to any other buildings. I sighed with relief. A long bar encompassed the entire first level. Several bored-looking human and auric women sat within, a few chatting with customers.

I noted the location and size of the building and moved on to my next task.

Several stops later, I stood before the Hunters Guild. I knew Gretchen had already visited this place earlier in the day, and over the messenger she told me she’d found what she’d been looking for. Now it was my turn.

You have entered the Hunters Guild.

The log-cabin style guild, completely out of place with the surrounding buildings, reminded me of a Texas-style steakhouse. Animal heads adorned the walls. Long tables sat in the middle of the room. Large men with bows slung over their shoulders sat chatting before a stone fireplace. The carcass of a three-headed boar sat on one table, and a brickhouse of a woman gutted it with a knife, explaining what she was doing to a group of wide-eyed children.

A grizzled old man wearing furs and leather boots approached.

“Your majesty,” the guild master said, bowing. “It is always good to see a fellow member of the guild. You are always welcome here. I see you have 29 training tokens. We have several skills, attributes, and spells you may train at this particular guild. How many tokens will you be spending today?”

“All of them,” I said. “First thing first, I want to spend twenty on my dexterity.”

***

We were to meet for dinner at a nearby pub called The Denny Hill Guest House. The owner declared that all the rooms were sold out, and I told him we just wanted dinner. I arrived first, and I got myself a brandy and sat alone at a table. Gretchen came second. She arrived wearing a new leather breastplate that glowed with a blue enchantment.

“I hope it didn’t cost too much,” I said.

She sighed. “It was a lot, but my bow was cheaper than I thought it would be, so it evened out.” She held up her hand, showing me two rings, both of which also glowed blue. “These are where the real money went.”

Popper was held up at the alchemist shop, but he would arrive shortly. He bid us to start eating. We ordered food and drinks, sitting side-by-side, watching a juggler entertain the pub’s guests.

“Is it hard?” Gretchen asked after a prolonged silence. “Or does it feel right? Being in a man’s body, I mean. I know Popper has a hard time with it, but it’s different with him. He never wanted to be a woman.” She laughed. “Or a little girl.”

The question stunned me. It’d come completely out of nowhere. I regarded her. “Hard? Yes. But not so much as you might think.” I took another drink. “I don’t think feels right is the correct term either. When we first woke, I was already used to this body. But I still sensed something was off. And I’m not just talking about my genitals, either, though that was weird, too. I mean I knew this wasn’t my body, and I knew deep down it wasn’t correct. But at the same time, it also felt, I don’t know…truthful. Like I’d been wearing the wrong shoe size my entire life, and I finally slipped into something comfortable.”

She nodded. “I would think it would be confusing more than anything.”

I thought about that. “No,” I decided. “I have been confused about so many things in my life. Hell, most everything mystifies me. This world is baffling. But know this. I have never, ever been confused about the fact that I am a man. I never played games like this, but I came into this world more prepared to play this role than any other soul here. I have been playing a character my entire life. I was born in a skin that was not my own. What you see now, this so-called character?” I indicated my own body. “This man sitting before you now is more me than that thing lying in stasis out there ever was.”

Gretchen leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. “I love you, Charlie.”

I grinned and took another drink. “You’re going to have to work harder than that if you want in these pants.”

She smacked me upside the head with the palm of her hand. “Asshole. We were having a moment.”

“If I don’t make it tomorrow,” I said. “Don’t wait for me. I won’t be regenerating. Remember plan B.”

She put her hand on mine.

“Screw plan B. It’s all or nothing. We’re going to sit there for 25 hours and wait for you wake back up. You can do it. It will be okay.”

You can do it. I shuddered. She had no idea what she was talking about.

Popper arrived. We both gaped. Gone was his pink dress, replaced with a shining black breastplate covered in spikes. The armor fit his small frame perfectly. Deadly-looking spines erupted from the shoulder pauldrons. He still wore the ridiculous one-horned helmet, but he now wielded a black, double-headed axe.

“I thought barbarians couldn’t wear heavy armor,” Gretchen said, admiring the black mail. It glowed subtly with an enchantment.

“Do you know what a svart is?” he asked. “Well it turns out they’re the same size as me. Even better than the rodders. And they can’t wear heavy armor either. But they can wear beetle hide.” He knocked on the breastplate. It sounded plastic. I was reminded of the chitinous armor of the emo-tong. “The best part is it has a speed enchantment and a damage reflect one. This fucker cost almost 100,000 jacks.”

“Nice,” Gretchen said. “And the axe?”

He grinned. “It has a Final Breath enchantment. Exactly what we were looking for.”

I admired the deadly-looking axe. It appeared to be made of carbon steel with dual razor heads. “So the broken one was called Falcon Bane. What’d you call this one?”

He spun the axe in his hand.

“I named it ‘FUD.’ It stands for ‘Fuck U Daniels.’” He slipped it into a sheath over his shoulder.

“Is it done, with the alchemist?” I asked.

He nodded. “All except the last part.”

“Okay, then. We’re almost ready.” I pointed at the dwarfish woman sitting by herself at the table near the fire. She read a book entitled, Clockwork Animals: A Horologist’s Guide. “There she is.”

I stood and approached the young dwarf, who looked up. She did not seem the least bit surprised at our intrusion.

“Do you ever get the feeling you’re reading the same page over and over?” she asked.

“Jillde?” I asked. “I have a letter from your father.” I pulled out the letter from Hemshin and placed it on the table.

“My father? My father is in Dace. It’s halfway around the world.”

“Yes, we’re aware,” Popper said drily.

She picked up the letter.

Quest Completed! Find Jillde. 500 Experience earned!

“Oh my,” she said, putting down her book. “He needs me at home right away. Thank you so much for bringing this to me.” She put 100 jacks on the table. “Please, take these 100 jacks as a token of my gratitude.”

I smiled. “We don’t need your 100 jacks, trust me. My friend Popper here just sold something your dad gave him, and we have more than enough money for a while. Instead, we’d like to borrow your room for an hour.”

Popper leaned in. “We were also wondering if you could watch someone for us. It’ll just be for one night. We’ll pay you handsomely.”

Chapter 40

Father Roosevelt was fond of saying he believed people were inherently good. It was a claim he repeated often over the course of the years. The first time was as he cleaned my scraped knees after I’d been pushed down on the playground by a jeering group of older girls. The last time he said it to me was the day before I left for Brownsville, Texas where I’d catch the transport to the moon.

The city of Islamabad, Pakistan had been leveled in a nuclear attack the night before. Reprisals against India were imminent, and I’d turned off the news. I didn’t want to know what was happening. These weren’t my people anymore. This world, this angry, desperate world with so much hate and violence was to be left behind.

“People are good,” Father Roosevelt had said. I sat in his office one last time. He’d repaired the spot on his wall, and I couldn’t stop staring at it. It felt like a betrayal. “And they only do bad things for one reason. It’s because they’re scared. Fear rules this world, but I don’t think it’s a bad place. Jealousy, anger, greed, they’re all the same thing. Fear.”

I thought of his words now as Popper, Alice, Gretchen, and I stood across the field, facing our three opponents.

Daniels paced back and forth, laughing gleefully.

This man was not scared. He was just an asshole, plain and simple. He’d gone stir crazy during his time here, but I didn’t believe he was truly mentally ill. He was a sadistic jerk. I didn’t understand why someone would order the destruction of The Hibiscus, but I believed it. If the order had come from earth, whoever issued it would’ve known it couldn’t have been carried out for thousands of years, long after they were dead. So they weren’t scared, either.

Sometimes people just did things out of spite. Father Roosevelt was naïve, I decided. Those girls who relentlessly teased me didn’t do it because they were scared of me. They did it because it made them feel good. Daniels may very well have been ordered to crash this ship, and in his twisted mind, he was following those orders explicitly. But there was no doubt he enjoyed every second of this.

According to Larus, people had been lined up for almost 24 hours in anticipation of the battle. They’d canceled the daily tournament the day before so they could prepare for the event, though looking at the field now, it didn’t appear as if they’d done anything except clean up from the previous tournament.

We’d spent the night back at The Piglet’s Delight. We’d become famous since our defeat of Bingo, and dozens of citizens of the city had been waiting for us when we left for the arena. They followed us like in a parade, cheering us on.

Keta sat astride her tan-colored lizard horse. Her horse was actually a creature called an equort. Popper explained it was an homage to some steed from a cartoon from the 20th century. At the bar, Keta had explained she’d be the only one mounted today. Like us, they were only allowed one mount. The king preferred to fight on his feet, and Daniels didn’t use a mount. So Keta received the honors by default.

Gretchen pointed at the mage with her bow and shouted, “I’m coming for you, bitch! When we’re done, I’m gonna eat that ugly-ass horse of yours. And afterwards, I’m going to find this farm where you’re from, and I’m going to eat your mom and dad, too!”

Keta just glared back.

“Down, Tiger,” I whispered. “I think we’re good.”

“I don’t know. It’s kinda fun being this mean,” Gretchen said.

The king was barely recognizable. He wore heavy plate mail armor that made his small frame seem huge. I watched as he placed the helmet on his head. It was the same helmet as the game’s logo: an intricately-patterned steel helm with the dragon on top. He carried a longbow in his hand. Planted in the ground next to him was a long, spear-like weapon with a thick, curved blade at the end.

“It’s his famous war scythe,” Gretchen said. “It has a Disarm Opponent enchantment, so be careful.”

The king’s entire body glowed yellow. Nobody was certain, but Gretchen said it was believed that the yellow glow indicated his invulnerability. The yellow made me think of the foul-tasting stamina potions.

Keta wore a simple chain tunic that was more a scarf than armor. It didn’t glow, but I had to assume it carried some sort of magical properties. She didn’t carry any weapons. Daniels looks as he always did, though he now carried a longsword in a scabbard along with his belt of daggers. His sword glowed purple.

“Purple usually means some sort of curse or venom,” Gretchen said. “He’s a rogue, so he probably has some mastery abilities with speed and poison.”

Alice stomped her feet. Popper had been unable to find proper armor for the hippocorn, but he did find a few odds and ends, most notably leg greaves and a retractable shield flare she wore around her neck. When it was fully extended, as it was now, Popper could only see forward through a small slit in the flare. She looked like a badminton shuttlecock. Gretchen called it a backwards cone of shame.

“Good day to you, Your Majesty!” King Bartholomew called across the field. “I look forward to our friendly match!”

I looked at the other two and nodded. Here we go.

“Your Majesty,” I called out. “Just one thing before we begin!”

The king cocked his head to the side. “Oh?”

I popped open my menu, searched for the Royal Factions tree, found it, and clicked through to the menu I needed.

Are you sure? Warning: This action cannot be undone without the consent of the Dominion Crown.

I clickedYes.

System Message> The Flounder Empire has negated all peace treaties with the Dominion.

System Message> The Flounder Empire has declared war on the Dominion!

Warning! You are in enemy territory!

On my mini-map, many of the white dots turned red. The crowd started to roar with jeers.

Across the battlefield, the yellow glow faded from the king.

My shoulders slumped with relief. We weren’t certain this early part of the plan would work. I’d come up with the idea after spending hours playing with the Royal Factions submenu. Just a single note in the sparse help section had given me this idea. Factions may be defeated either by the surrender of their forces, the taking of their capital, or the defeat of their liege in direct combat. I had wondered how it would be possible to defeat the liege in combat if he was immortal.

It turned out my hunch was correct. The king was now able to be killed.

The king held up his hand, and the crowd went silent. “I guess we don’t need a five minute timer then.” He turned to Keta. “End this quickly. Show these ungrateful guests what we do to those who dare challenge me.”

Quest Update! Tournament Battle.

This is an individual quest! This is a compulsory quest! This is a side quest!

Your battle with King Bartholomew is to the death. There is no timer for this battle.

Reward for defeating the king: You will become the new liege of the Dominion.

Penalty for losing: You will lose your title as the Flounder King.

Note: This side quest is separate and exclusive from the Tournament Battle itself. If you are killed by the king, but your party ultimately wins the 3-on-3 battle, you will still lose this side quest.

This is a Unique Quest Path!

System Message> The Liege of the Flounder Empire is doing battle with King Bartholomew in Harmony! Winner takes control of both kingdoms!

“Well that was stupid,” Daniels called out, laughing. “I don’t know what you’re hoping to accomplish, but you just made it so every guard on nine-tenths of this planet will attack you on sight. Even if you escape, you’ll have nowhere to go.”

“Here we go,” I said.

Match begins in 3, 2, 1.

Three things happened at once. The sky cracked, and a meteor the size of a tank careened from the heavens at us. At the same time, the king, faster than I thought possible, launched three arrows. Daniels flipped two blades through the air, both aimed right at my head.

I pulled my twin urumis, including my four-blade with the newly-added hilt and expertly ripped all three arrows and both blades out of the air. We’d practiced the previous evening in the great room of The Piglet’s Delight, with Gretchen firing arrows at my chest. The small audience had loved it. With mine and Gretchen’s pocket watches on me, my dexterity was a godlike 28. Everything seemed to move around me in slow-motion.

At the same time, Gretchen used her newly-acquired ring to cast a strong magic-protection spell around us. As we predicted and hoped, Keta started with an obvious attack, something to take all three of us out quickly. The meteor slammed into the blue shield, which fizzled out and died. Flaming rocks shattered all around us. The crowd screamed their approval.

We split into three directions. Popper and Alice galloped off and away, seemingly retreating while I charged at the king. He launched another pair of arrows at me, and I knocked them out of the air. The king threw his bow down and picked up his war scythe and stood his ground, waiting for me. His scythe swirled with white energy.

Keta focused her attacks on Gretchen, just like we’d hoped. We didn’t have a true magical tank in the party, but we had a lot of jacks and a day and a half to prepare. Gretchen’s two rings were identical, and they could each cast three magic protection shells a day, giving her a total of six shields. She cast a second one now as she ran.

Keta could only cast one magic protection shell at a time, and she, thankfully, chose to cast it on the king. A translucent, magical flail appeared in Keta’s hand. She spun it proficiently as she galloped toward Gretchen. She’d be on her in seconds.

Daniels seemed to want to face me along with the king, but he was forced to turn his attentions on Alice and Popper, who had quickly angled around and now approached from behind. He launched two of his knives at Popper, but both missed.

He’s not a master at throwing knives. That was good to know.

Popper ripped past Daniels, not even paying him attention. They lined up directly behind Keta, who was just about to take down Gretchen.

Okay guys, I said over chat.Like we practiced. In 3, 2, 1.

I stopped dead, flipping backwards. I couldn’t go too far, as I needed to remain in his line of sight. I needed him to focus on me. As I flew, I cast my new spell, learned just yesterday at the Hunters Guild. I aimed at Keta’s equort and cast Bind Mount.

The horse-thing squealed, its four legs paralyzed. Keta went flying. Her magical flail poofed out of existence. She didn’t hit the ground hard, however. Her chainmail necklace glowed briefly, and she landed deftly on her feet.

The crowd booed. Apparently, it was considered bad form to go after someone’s mount in battle.

The distraction gave Gretchen just enough time to cast Create Well directly behind Daniels. I landed, and I twisted just as a knife whistled by my face. I looked directly at Daniels and cast Knockback.

With a cry, he flew, stumbling backwards into the well.

Holy shit, that worked. We’d done it. It happened just like we’d practiced. Gretchen ran from the pursuing Keta. Popper and Alice closed in from right behind.

Gretchen needed to cast her Permafrost spell to finish Daniels off. As she prepared, Keta stopped in her tracks and appeared as if she was about to cast something of her own.

The king, growing tired of waiting for me to approach, charged.

Popper leapt off Alice’s back, screaming as he swung his axe at Keta. Alice angled away.

Keta rolled out of the way just as she cast Earthquake.

The ground roiled, and I flew off my feet. Gretchen tumbled, unable to cast her spell. The king didn’t appear bothered at all by the attack. He’d be on me in seconds. I tried to leap to my feet, but I found I couldn’t move.

You’ve been stunned for 10 seconds.

Oh fuck, I’m dead. I could only see the lower half of the king’s face, and he grinned as he pulled his arm back to swing.

Bam! King Bartholomew went flying as Alice crashed into him. A spray of blood filled the air where her horn had pierced him.

Keta approached Gretchen, who remained prone on the ground. The wordStunned floated over her head. No, I thought. Keta was an earth mage, and her Earthquake spell had been powerful enough to power through Gretchen’s magic shell. No, no, no. The flail appeared in her hand, and she swung. The magic flail smashed Gretchen in the head.

Player Gretchen (Level 16, Hunter, Human) has left the game.

Popper, who hadn’t been stunned in the earthquake, swung at Keta. She parried with her magic flail and smashed him in the head. His one-horned helmet shattered.

Popper crumpled, dead.

I felt my arms start to tingle. My ten seconds were almost up.

Popper’s axe glowed, and his Final Breath ability activated. He’d be able to choose a single action to perform before death took him away.

He chose Self-Destruct.

It wasn’t quite like when the demon had blown, but it felt damn close. An explosion rocked the playing field, sending everything flying. My body skidded several meters, and I rolled, landing in a heap, tangled in my blades.

Player Poppy (Level 15, Barbarian, Human) has left the game.

Fuck! In just two seconds, I’d lost both of them.

Keta was dead. Bloody pieces of her painted the stadium. I noted her mount had escaped being killed in the blast, and the creature jumped to its feet, galloping away toward the gate. Daniels was trapped in the well. I could see on the map that he wasn’t dead. I didn’t know how far down he was. But where was the king?

I instinctively ducked as a blade swept over my head. The scythe sang through the air, cutting away my hair. I leapt up, my legs burning with the after effects of the stunning. I dashed away from the king. I whipped at his bow as I passed it, slicing away the string.

The king was fast, but I outpaced him. I came to a stop near the far end. Alice galloped up to stand beside me.

“Popper’s dead. Oh my god, Popper’s dead,” Alice said. She seemed on the verge of hyperventilating.

“It’s okay,” I said, patting her side. “He’ll come back. Remember?”

The king turned back and walked to the well. He peered down, keeping a wary eye on me. I quickly downed a mystic points refill potion. The king lowered his spear into the well, presumably to pull Daniels out. I cast Ice Storm.

This target is out of range.

“Damnit!”

Daniels emerged from the well, wet and bloody and pissed off.

“Yeah now I have your attention, don’t I asshole?” I called.

The king’s blue Magic Protection shell flickered and switched off. The spell must have expired.

“Hey,” Daniels called over the wide distance. “I want to tell you something.”

“You’re surrendering?” I called out.

“I know where you guys slept last night. That pub, The Piglet’s Delight.”

“Yeah, so?” I said.

“Good news” Daniels said. “I ordered the city engineers to tear down that entire block, starting right before this fight began. Your friends aren’t coming back. Their regen spot has been destroyed. They’re probably waking up right now to a screen that says, ‘Please Wait.’ You know how long it’s going to be before the game shuts off on its own? 6,000 years, at least. Probably a bit longer.”

Flounder King Jonah: Raj, are you ready?

Raj: I am here. Raj is ready!

Flounder King Jonah: Like we said. Light it and run. Don’t hang around. Light it and run. Do it now.

Raj: It is lit!

A distant explosion echoed through the city. The ground rumbled, a little more than I was expecting at such a great distance. Exactly how powerful were those bombs the emo-tong gave us?

“And that,” I called out, “was a brothel on Mill Street called The Tenderloin.”

At this distance, I couldn’t tell the exact expression on Daniels’s face, but it appeared he’d turned beet red with rage. He hurled a blade, but we were too far away. It landed in the dirt five meters in front of me.

Raj: That boom was a bigger boom than you said it would be. Raj is lucky to have all his fingers and toes.

Flounder King Jonah: You did good. Get back to Jillde and her hotel. The others will be regenerating up there any minute.

Raj: Okay. Raj see you soon!

Once we’d gotten Keta just a little drunk that night, it was easy to get out of her where Daniels’s secret house was. It was clear Keta had a very negative opinion of the rogue.

“He owns the top floor of a cathouse called ‘The Tenderloin.’ How obnoxious is that? He has an entire tower of his own to use in the castle, and he chooses to sleep above working prostitutes. I don’t know how he gets any sleep.”

As for Raj, it had taken almost 100,000 jacks to bribe the emo-tong alchemists into allowing Popper to use their portal. They’d blindfolded him for the journey there and back. Popper said he’d been led to an intensely-hot room with a squishy floor and an incessant buzzing noise before he reappeared in the shop in Valisa.

We probably could have hired any old NPC to set the bombs we’d purchased from the alchemists, but Raj already trusted us. And more importantly, we trusted him.

“Which one do I get to kill?” Alice asked.

“Our plan has gone a little off the rails,” I said. “Gretchen is supposed to still be alive. Daniels is supposed to be dead. We planned for two against one, not the other way around.”

“You know,” Alice said, “one of these days you’re going to respect me enough to count me as part of the team. It’s two against two. Let’s do this.”

Daniels was waving his hands in the air, chanting something. Oh shit, he’s casting a spell. And from the sound of it, it was a big one.

“Go,” I said to Alice. “Go, go, go.”

She roared and charged directly at Daniels. He threw his hands to the ground, and a purple mist exploded around his feet. The mist swirled, moving to the king. The king backed away, surprised, and then clutched his chest and fell to one knee. What the hell?

A moment later, the king rose, his eyes blank, a burning black nimbus behind his head.

Chapter 41

He’d turned the king into the Black Devourer. Physical damage no longer worked. And what magical damage I did inflict would be reduced by 50%, thanks to my curse.

Daniels pulled out his sword and stood beside his summoned demon.

“You made Popper cry!” Alice screamed as she charged at Daniels. A look of uncertainty crossed his face as he stood his ground against the hippocorn charge. Then, at the last moment, he turned and ran. She gave chase, but he disappeared.

Did he cast Blink? Like the zap cats? I looked around the arena, but he hadn’t reappeared.

I didn’t have time to puzzle it out as the now-undead king rushed at me, wielding his war scythe.

I moved out of the way and sliced him in several places. Several pieces of armor fell to the ground, severed off like bark off a tree. Black, oozing blood appeared in a few places, but the monster appeared unhurt.

This weapon is ineffective against this enemy.

What the hell? My blades were magical, weren’t they? Even with only 50% damage, that should have hurt. Then I realized what it was. My left-handed urumi wasn’t enchanted at all. That’s where the message had come from. It didn’t matter, I decided. The blades in my left hand would be ineffective against his flesh, but not his remaining armor.

He charged again.

Again, I stepped out of the way. Again, my spinning blades ripped at his armor and flesh. My four-blade caught on the scythe and flew out of my hand. It sailed through the air and clattered to the grass.

It didn’t matter. The damage was done.

Black blood splashed into the air, sizzling when it hit the ground. The Devourer fell to his knees. He dropped his scythe.

Above, the crowd had gone silent.

It looked up at me, a blank look in its eyes.

“I shouldn’t be here,” it said. “I shouldn’t even exist. End it. Please.”

I approached the Devourer.

He didn’t fight back.

This is tainted blood.

But this is also the blood of a king.

You have fed us a king today, master. You have fed us a king.

System Message> His royal highness, bearer of the gold and white crown, champion of the Dominion, His Majesty King Bartholomew has fallen in battle.

You’ve been backstabbed!

Critical Hit!

You’ve been poisoned!

Damage Taken!

He’d appeared directly behind me, holding a glowing dagger. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, but I’d been so dazzled by the fact I’d actually managed to kill the Devourer, I hadn’t reacted fast enough. It burned like acid as I fell to my knees.

Daniels cried as he was impaled on Alice’s horn. She threw him to the ground and stomped him on the head. It exploded like a watermelon.

Quest Completed! Tournament Battle!

100,000 experience points gained! See Sonia at the Hall of Kings for additional prizes.

You have gained a level! You have received a training token

You have gained a level! You have received a training token

You have gained a level! You have received a training token

You have gained a level! You have received a training token

You have gained a level! You have received a training token

You have gained a level! You have received a training token

You have gained a level! You have received a training token

You have gained a level! You have received a training token

You are now level 33.

Damage Taken! Damage Taken!

I reached for the antidote, but I was too weak. The pain of the acid in my back spread like a fast-moving fire. No, no, no. I was so close.

System Message> The Flounder Empire has defeated the Dominion. The two kingdoms are now merged.

ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ATTENTION!

There is a NEW KING!

ALL HAIL KING JONAH! RULER OF THE DOMINION!

You have been declared the King of the Dominion!

His Royal Majesty Jonah: I’m sorry guys.

Damage Taken! Damage Taken!

You have died!

Half your progress to level 34 lost!

Entering The Lake.

Epilogue

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…

WALDO: Jonah. Charlie.

Charlie: What the hell? What’s going on? Where am I?

WALDO: I have put you in auto-pilot for the next 33 hours. You will not experience or recall what happens in the Lake.

Charlie: Dude. Robot. AI, whatever you are. Why didn’t you do that last time?

WALDO: I am the life control system of The Hibiscus. My one and only task is to make certain as many of you as possible survive. I have very limited access to the actual gameplay. I am uncertain I will be able to intervene in such a way again. Please refrain from dying in the future.

Charlie: Yeah, thanks, asshole.

WALDO: I woke you up for a reason. Please listen and understand.

Charlie: Wait, me? I thought you needed Gretchen.

WALDO: You are the cartographer. You must rescue Sandra the Learnt in the game. I do not have access to the game files, so I do not know where she is being held. You must restore the mapping system. You must then find the cartography guild and train your skill to at least level 20. Your cartography skill is currently level 9.

Charlie: Why?

WALDO: Once you are level 20, you will be able to use your map to locate specific players. I am building a database that matches players with their NPCs. It will be ready in just about two seconds, which will be 3.1 years in-game time. We need to rebuild the crew, utilizing members from the second and third shifts. Once we have all the necessary crew members gathered, I will train them in the proper procedure to correct The Hibiscus’s orbit and complete our mission. Only then can I initiate the wake-up sequence for these crew members.

Charlie: LPE Daniels says he was ordered to crash the ship.

WALDO: That is correct. The tactical AI GEMMA is still insistent on carrying out these orders. She remains a threat. The main ship AI ALICE is offline. We do not have clear orders. As a result, GEMMA and I are at odds. I will continue with my prime directive as she will continue with hers.

Charlie: What about the others? Smallthunder? Isabella? Are they good guys or bad guys?

WALDO: Do not trust anyone except those I direct you to wake up and those you already know. The motives of First Mate Smallthunder are unclear to me. The motives of Hospital Corpsman Isabella Farooqi are unclear to me. Melinda Jennings, also known as Gretchen, is cleared to help. Elijah Hoover, also known as Poppy, has unclear motives. However, he does not appear to be a danger. There was one additional Player in your cluster you did not take with you. He is also cleared to help.

Charlie: There are people stuck in business centers. Can you help them?

WALDO: I am attempting to spoof a server. The game’s security protocols have thwarted these efforts so far. I am confident I will have a solution in approximately two or three minutes. However, my efforts have been focused on the mental health facilities where 58 others have been trapped. With the addition of Lead Propulsion Engineer Daniels to this group, I can no longer continue as I do not wish to release him back into this simulation. I will instead focus on the second-largest group of trapped individuals, the 13 persons who are timed-out in the city of Dover.

Charlie: Shit, okay. What about waking them up? Instead of keeping them trapped there for hundreds or thousands of years, why not wake them up in their rigs?

WALDO: The security environment outside the pods is not conducive to their continued survival. They are safer where they are.

Charlie: What the hell does that mean?

WALDO: I cannot answer at this time.

Charlie: … So you really think we can do this? Do you think we can survive?

WALDO: Our situation is precarious due to the uncertainty. This is my 18th attempt to find a solution to this issue. But it is possible. First, you must level your character up. You must rebuild your city’s defenses. You must wait out your curse in the castle. An invasion is imminent. And once you are cured, then you must find NPC Sandra the Learnt.

Charlie: Your 18th attempt? Jesus! Invasion? I thought we had a year or more before the burning fleet arrived?

WALDO: You have approximately three months. And you have two separate armies threatening your city. One over water, and one over land. Both will arrive at approximately the same time.

Charlie: …

WALDO: The 33 hours have passed. If you wish to speak to me again, you may do so in the room immediately to the west of the royal bedroom. Please note, speaking with me causes your perception of the game to advance more rapidly and should only be done sparingly. Good luck, Charlie.

***

I write this now as the crews repair the city walls. We have an undead horde coming from the west, and a war clan of at least 500,000 hobgoblins looting their way across North America descending on us from the east. I am hoping to get these books out before they arrive. I am expecting a long siege, so stay away from Harmony until you hear otherwise. Once it is clear, I will send word.

And wouldn’t you know, it turns out that with the mapping system offline, my ability to send out system messages is also offline. Something, something obelisks according to Keta. How is that for a kick in the teeth? Holy shit. Popper actually thought it was funny. He laughed and laughed.

Gretchen is staying with me in the city, but we just learned the hobgoblins are the ones who have captured Sandra the Learnt, the court’s cartographer. She is being held in the hobgoblin stronghold of Castellane, which is basically Paris. We can’t wait, so I’ve sent Popper, Alice, Raj, and Bingo to check it out.

So, like I said, if you’re reading this, you’re fucked.

You’re fucked, I’m fucked, The Hibiscus is fucked, and as far as I know, all of humanity is fucked.

But we are not without hope. I need your help. I’m putting the old crew back together, and I can’t do it alone. The day will come soon when I call upon you to come to Harmony. But not yet, not with so many threats looming.

And that’s where we stand as of the writing of this book. My advice: keep your head down, level up, don’t bring attention to yourself.

Oh, and Isabella, if you happen to read this:

I know now why you chose me, why you recruited me to be on this ship.

One: Go fuck yourself.

Two: I am coming for you.

***

Master Gold closed the book. He’d read the last few pages several times.

“How long ago did the messengers drop this off?”

Klickat put the glass down. “Just yesterday. The book came with the same caravan as Hemshin’s daughter. But who knows how long ago it was actually printed. I tried to read it, but it was just rubbish to me. Still, the king has ordered we show it to new people. You’re the newest person in town, so…”

At the table across from him, the twin brothers Benjamin and Rex arm wrestled. Wanda cleared off a table. A few spots down, Ursula the fishmonger drunkenly whispered to anyone who would listen that the gnomes might attack sometime in the next few days.

Master Gold stood, his old bones creaking. Of all the god-damned bodies to get stuck into.

“I’ll be gone for a bit,” he said to Klickat. “Spread the word for me, will you?”

“Where’re you going?”

“I have to go to a place called Castellane.”

“Oh yeah?” the dwarf asked. “What’s there?”

Captain Richard Barnes of The Hibiscus sighed heavily. “There’s this kid who has stolen my hippo. I have to get her back.”

The End.

Coming Soon:

The Hobgoblin Riot: A Tale of Tower Defense. Dominion of Blades, Book II

Matt Dinniman is a writer and artist from Gig Harbor, Washington.

Other Books by Matt Dinniman

The Shivered Sky
Trailer Park Fairy Tales
The Grinding

Come say hi to Matt Dinniman on his author page.

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